Dartanion's eyes fluttered open, taking in the dream-like scene around him. He lay on a sea of clouds, with nothing but the sky, sun, and moon above him.

"Ah, I see you're awake," came a pleasant, masculine voice. "Welcome to Saga. It is a world rather different from your own Earth, but you will get used to it in time."

He sat up, facing the source of the voice. Immediately, he was disgusted. Before him stood a man much more beautiful than many women he'd seen. He had long white hair the same color as his teeth, and was fully clad in black-and-red armor. 

Dartanion had great contempt for any man better-looking than himself. He told himself that he was extremely handsome, but the truth was, he was only average at best. It was an insecurity of his that he'd never acknowledged. 

"...I see. It seems like you don't like my appearance." The man cocked his head. "What exactly is a 'normie'?" 

Dartanion's eyes shot open, and his face flushed red. "W-what? How can you tell what I'm thinking? Who are you, anyway?" 

The beautiful person chucked. "Ah, how rude of me. I have yet to introduce myself. My name is Phinset, God of Misfortune. To answer your question, Gods like myself can easily read the thoughts of lesser mortal souls like yourself." 

"W-what did you say? I am not a lesser being." Dartanion stood up to his full height. "I am surely anything but a normal human."

"Well, you aren't wrong. You're the first Earthling to be sent here by Earth's God of Evil." 

God of Evil...? Ah, he must mean the Devil. 

Of course he wasn't wrong. He was far too intelligent to be mistaken about something so obvious. "Then, I'm not the only one being sent here?" 

"Goodness, no. You're the... let me see..." Phinset looked up for a moment before returning a number. "Eight hundred and ninety-seventh person to be reincarnated to Saga. All of them had been sent by the other God of your world, though. It seems that vastly more people from your world move to Heaven rather than Hell after death." 

Dartanion's heart sank, flaring with a little bit of fear. He thought he was going to be special. 

"But worry not. The God who sent you here has sent you with a very powerful Unique Skill. It's a Passive, too, which is really rare."

He felt a surge of excitement. Perhaps he'd end up being special after all. 

"But, as these skills tend to go, the more powerful the skill, the more unpleasant the penalty..." 

"What do you mean?" Dartanion inquired.

"Each person being sent to another world acquires a Unique Skill given to them by the God who sends them. However, great power can only be given at a great cost to the recipient, which usually involves taking away something very important to them..." 

Suddenly, the world around them shook like there was an earthquake. A deafening rumbling filled the air, lasting for a few seconds before dying down. The shaking of the ground beneath them, though, did not stop.

"Ugh, I knew this would happen sooner or later," the god groaned. "Just part of being the God of Misfortune, I guess. You're my first reincarnee, so I'm new to all of this. We're running out of time, now, so I have to send you down."

"Wait! What about my ability?" Dartanion asked frantically. He was really curious to know what exactly it was.

"We were supposed to have more time... Just don't worry about it. You'll figure it out eventually. Oh, and you can look up your stats by chanting 'Status' or just focusing on wanting to see it in your mind. That should be... pretty much all you need to know. Probably."

"Tell me what my ability is. Just... please?" 

Though his persuasive ability was clearly quite keen, the God still didn't listen. "Sorry! No can do, kiddo. Gotta beam you down before the Light gods find out there's a Dark reincarnee out there." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "They'll kill me if they see you, and I only just achieved godhood, so..."

"Wait!" 

"See ya." said Phinset, and Dartanion's surroundings changed with a wave of his hand. 

The vast expanse of cloud and sky vanished, and was replaced by a charming-looking medieval city. The streets were cobbled, and horse-drawn wagons and carriages went up and down them. People dressed in clothes made out of leather and cotton dominated the area, and the buildings were made of either wood or stone. From where he stood, the street stretched forward and led up a hill that held an absolutely massive palace at its peak. 

He was in a real fantasy world, one like the ones he'd read about in all of those stories on Royal Road. He would create his own story, one without a stupid main character. His immeasurable intelligence would lead him to become the most powerful reincarnee, he was sure of it. 

That said, what to do first? He looked back and forth, and found that nearly every man and woman on the street was drastically more attractive than those from Earth tended to be. He felt his own face, but it was the same. Complete with his glasses, neckbeard, and vintage fedora. He removed said hat for a moment, examining it to make sure no damage had been done. 

Just like that, a window popped up in his vision. 

Nice Guy's Fedora of the Arch-Sage (Soulbound)

Effects:

+100 Intelligence

+200 Wisdom

Bonus: +10 to all stats each time the wearer levels up.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

This fedora is a stylish piece of equipment vital to the arsenal of any intellectual. Some say that this type of hat will be the crowns future kings wear as a symbol of status and intelligence.

He nearly dropped the hat from surprise. How overpowered was this hat? Maybe it had given him the same stats in real life, he always seemed to win arguments in the YouTube comments section when he wore it... No, that couldn't be true, because such a stylish fedora would certainly give him a charisma boost as well.

Maybe the other articles of his clothing had similar effects. He tried to examine his T-shirt, the one that read 'Will Trade Sister for Video Games' in the same way, followed by his coat and khakis.

Cursed T-Shirt of the Gamer (Soulbound)

+50 Intelligence

+50 Wisdom

+50 Armor

Passive: Stench (Enemies are 20% less likely to attack you)

Cannot be taken off. Loses all bonuses if washed.

This legendary shirt is said to not have been washed since the eighth grade. It was the armor that protected one man from the eyes of countless women. 

Gentleman's Coat of Charm (Soulbound)

+200 Dexterity

+200 Armor

+100 Wisdom

+20 Charisma

This item' stats permanently increase by a factor of 1.1 every time someone sarcastically compliments the coat. Increases to 1.5 if you're gullible enough to believe them.

Some articles of clothing are so powerfully imbued with a gentleman's soul that they become legendary artifacts in their own right.

Blood-Stained Khakis of +1 Chicken Tenders (Soulbound)

+200 Agility

+100 Dexterity

User can never do manual jobs such as crafting or cooking.

Come on, that's clearly ketchup, not blood!

Wow! These were some crazy bonuses. Though it seemed like they were making fun of him, he quickly dismissed the idea. But how did this game know it hadn't been washed since the eighth grade? Very odd.

Dartanion deduced that perhaps if these all gave stat bonuses, maybe the rest of his clothing would too. And he was right, his Sketchers gave a huge bonus to agility and dexterity, as did his socks. The sneakers were a special item that could be morphed into a pair of Crocs that would allow him to walk on water (so long as the socks stayed)

All of his clothes gave him monstrous stats, but none of them affected his strength whatsoever. It sat at a measly six, while the average human's was 10. He was starting to attract looks from the townspeople, just standing there staring at nothing dressed in such strange- er, stylish clothing.

It was time to move. He hightailed it down the street before suddenly realizing something. 

That wasn't all of his clothing. Could it be possible that his underwear...?

He quickly ducked into an alleyway and, making sure nobody was nearby, examined his underpants. Sure enough...

Virgin's Underpants of the Wizard (Soulbound)

+500 Intelligence

+500 Wisdom

-200 Charisma

-100 Luck

Effect: Starting when the wearer's age reaches 25, if the wearer is still a virgin, the bonuses given are multiplied by the wearer's age. 

It's said that when someone reaches a certain age and remains a virgin, they gain the powers of a wizard. Here you are, proving them right!

Now he felt kind of insecure. But surely this would not turn into a problem. He was still at the ripe age of nineteen, and had incredible stats. He could surely manage to find a girl that fit his extremely specific tastes. After all, a nice guy like him with the powers of a magician would certainly lead him to become a hero that all the women wanted.

Just then...

"Hey, you!" called a voice. "What do you think you're doing in public?" 

From a bystander's point of view, Dartanion was standing in an alleyway, staring down into his pants. He jumped a bit and turned toward the source, panicking. 

A woman stood there, clad in armor with her hands on her hips. She was incredibly beautiful, with long, flowing golden hair the same color as her piercing eyes. 

"E-excuse me, m'lady," stammered Dartanion. "It's not what it seems like. A gentleman like myself would never-" 

"Would never what? Stare at themselves in public? Gross. If you're going to do that, at least make it somewhere private." She turned and stalked off, leaving him feeling misunderstood and dejected. 

But not for long. He zipped up his pants and ran down the alleyway toward where she had been. "Wait!" 

Unfortunately, he had not yet adjusted to his incredibly high Agility stat, and ended up running - at breakneck speed - straight out of the alley, out into the street, and right into someone's carriage, immediately knocking him out cold.

The carriage stopped, and its five passengers jumped from the sudden lurching. 

"What was that?!" demanded Lance, the handsome captain of the adventuring party inside. 

"Something just hit the side of the carriage." responded the kind-looking, mustached driver. "It should be fine. Just gonna go check on it." He got out of his usual seat in the front to inspect the damage. 

"Seriously? I wanna see!" said Trevor, the team's assassin. He leapt out of the carriage to see an unconscious Dartanion. "Whoa... Is this for real? He looks like those guys from the memes!" He got no response from his party members. "You know, the fedora guys. The ones who buy katanas and stuff. Don't tell me you guys never looked at memes back on Earth." 

That's right, this party was made up entirely of people from Earth who had reincarnated, each with their own special ability. But it was pretty clear none of them wanted to talk about memes. Because, who the hell talks about memes in person? 

"Yeah, sure, Trev, whatever you say," replied his big sister, Gloria. She was a pretty brunette who functioned as the team's mage. And, like the other two members of the party (who were also women), had a huge crush on Lance. It was a good thing that Dartanion was not awake to see this situation. 

"What should we do with him?" wondered the driver, scratching his head. "I'd feel bad just leaving him here..." 

"Well, why don't we let him come with us?" asked Trevor. "He looks funny!" 

None of the other party members could see him, but they all could tell he was from Earth based on the description given by Trevor. "Well... I don't really know about that." said Lance. 

"That won't be necessary," came a deep voice from outside the carriage. It came from a huge man clad in fully black armor, glowing red eyes the only discernable feature of his face through his helmet. "He is with us." 

"Then, by all means, take him," replied the driver, twirling his mustache. "After a hit like that, he might be in need of some serious medical attention." 

One might be curious as to why nobody was fazed at the sight of such an intimidating figure. Plot convenience aside, here in the capital city, people from all levels of power and all walks of life showed up for various reasons. It was a diverse place, although mostly inhabited by normal commoner-level humans.

"Understood. I will see to it that he is properly treated." said the man robotically, and lifted Dartanion over his shoulder, turning and walking away. 

"Aww... That guy would have been a lot of fun to have on our team." Trevor pouted as he watched the two of them go. 

"Why? He sounds like kind of a loser." Gloria scoffed. 

"I don't want to be the weakest on the team anymore..." said Trevor. "I wanted someone to pick on, cause you guys are jerks and always do it to me." He was the little brother you couldn't help but love, but he was also kind of a brat.

Meanwhile, the armored man was already very far away, on the outskirts of the city. He used his spell 'Mind Message' to report back to his leader. 

"Leader, I have successfully captured an Earthling. I am moving back to base as we speak." 

The man on the other side of the 'Mind Message' replied with a message of his own. 

"Nice!! OwO. get back here ASAP!! With this sacrifice, I'll gain enough power to rival an Arch-Mage! xD"

The armored man sighed. Why was his leader always like this...?