Chapter 6 – Why?

When Michael had awakened, he felt utterly powerless. It wasn't just the overwhelming exhaustion, but he'd lost all feeling. As if he had been placed inside a different body that was not meant to be capable of movement. The expected coughing also didn't reoccur; instead, a flow of air had traveled freely through his lungs. It was a surreal and strange feeling like someone else was doing the breathing for him. Gradually he took back control over his own body, familiarizing himself with it once again and looked at his surroundings. In front of him stood a tall horse on which a man was intently studying him. The man's gaze alone filled him with immense dread, that rid Michael of any movements as if his body was rooted in the ground. The instincts within his body screamed that wherever that man was, danger would follow. This was a new experience for him. For a single person to fill him with such terror... Michael didn't think a man like that existed, but here he was, standing before one.

The man had asked, and Michael had dutifully answered. He had made clear that were wasn't any other option for Michael but, to tell the truth. At one point, another man had joined them, informing the dreadful man of their success. Confused, Michael took a closer look at his surroundings and realized in what situation he had gotten himself in.

An entire village was burning, lit up in bright flames that engulfed everything in their surroundings. The agonizing screams of people being burned alive were the only other sound besides the cracking of the blazing flames. The mixed scent of charred humans and the stench of blood filled his nostrils, causing his face to turn as white as a sheet and he was barely able to hold back the nausea assaulting him. The man watched him contentedly, enjoying the distraught expression Michael displayed at the realization of his situation.

“W-What are y-you going to do with m-me?” Michael stuttered fearfully, barely able to form the right words.

The man had answered him with an ultimatum.

After everything he had been through, there was no way he could accept dying now. No, that was unthinkable. But join him? This mass-murderer that found delight in human suffering? Where would that bring him?

He knew this was the wrong decision. But there was no other choice for Michael. Hoping to find a solution to his predicament later down the road, he reluctantly agreed to join the bandits led by the Tyrant Lord Karzek.

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Michael had soon found out that Karzek had taken an interest in him because of the uniform he was wearing. Apparently, Karzek had some sort of relationship with the Slave camps (as he called them) of the Empire.

“The Boss is incredible. You should feel lucky he took pity on you and full-heartedly obey his orders.”

Michael was riding along on one of the horses of Karzek's underlings. His name was Erwin, and after joining Karzek, his entire life had changed. Previously he had suffered in poverty, at the mercy of food donations from the church and other citizens. Sick of this life, he had decided to take a risk and join this bandit group. That was back then when Karzek had just begun forming it.

“The Boss is a magus! Can you believe it? He bends the elements and humans to his own will, leaving no room for disobedience! He even brought you back from the dead! Everything...”

Michael decided that enough was enough and stopped listening to Erwin's unceasing praise. The man clearly had his own little fan club going on and most of the information was too redundant. He had already learned what he needed the most right now.

To put it bluntly, he was in deep shit right now. Out of the frying pan into the fire so to say.

No matter how much his minions worshiped him, there was no doubt the man was an absolute lunatic.

You had something he wants? - You died!

The slightest sign of disobedience? - You died!

Bad mood? (Congratulations)You guessed right - You died!

It didn't make it better that the man was prone to massacre. It was a wonder he didn't just randomly went around to kill people. Instead, he would look for the smallest reason to 'justify' his outrage while his minions would obediently follow him in the wake of his success and prosperity. Michael had hoped there was some misunderstanding and that the man had at least some justifications. After all, he was the one who had rescued his life. But no matter how much he looked for the reasons for his actions, there just weren't any.

On top of that, who knew how long it would take until the man got bored with him? What would happen to him then?

And all of that was ignoring the biggest problem Michael was concerned with. He just became part of a bandit group for Amir's sake! A group that went around to murder and pillage innocent villagers! Soon the same would be expected of him and Michael had no idea how he'd react in such a situation. He obviously couldn't prevent Karzek from doing so, but that didn't justify just following his orders. After losing himself in his thoughts, he realized that he wasn't getting anywhere. Whatever was about to happen was not for him to decide.

Yet again, he was at the mercy of someone else.

Drowsiness overwhelmed him and his body had remembered that it hadn't fully recovered from his escapades. Slowly, he descended into a light slumber but before he fell asleep, a thought he'd kept at the bottom of his heart for a long time began unraveling itself.

Why was this happening to him?

Again. 

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It took some time for Michael to recover from the shock when he stood in front of the village. He didn't know how a regular bandit hideout should look like, but he most definitely didn't expect this.

An entire village several times the size of the one they had burned down a day ago unveiled itself before him. If one hadn't told him anything, he'd believe that this was just a regular village - a very prosperous one as well that had to be close to some major city. Michael estimated that there were enough lodgings for at least a thousand people. In fact, those wooden buildings were clearly built by people with much expertise. Stable enough to weather even the wildest storms in this area. To the side of the dirt roads, various shops opened for business. From medicine to smithing, everything you would need you could find in this village inhabited by seemingly barbarian bandits. Michael wondered whether there was even any point to pillage other villages when their own was likely the most prosperous in this region.

It was now that Michael realized that Erwin hadn't been exaggerating with his admiration. He had to admit that this was very impressive for a single bandit to build from scratch.

Soon after arriving, Michael was given his own room, close to Karzek's mansion. Compared to all of his previous living conditions, this was a difference like heaven and earth. A comfortable bed, a fireplace not many had, and even a wardrobe filled with dark clothing of all sizes. But, before he could get accustomed to his new living standards, a man ordered to follow him to see his new Boss.

Nervousness filled Michael anew as he followed the man across the roads to the biggest mansion in the village, the only one made of stone and bricks. Entering the mansion, he'd expected it to be lavishly decorated with either the body of their enemies (fitting the impression he got of the man) or numerous luxuries from his raids.

Contrarily to his expectations, the hall, that was spacious enough to fit the entire populace of the village, was almost entirely empty. A small set of stairs led to a platform on which the only chair of the building stood. To be more precise, it was a large throne filled with empty sockets where the jewelry should be. Anything valuable was missing from the throne, lessening its impact, but the man sitting on it was as intimidating as always.

Slowly, the man stood up, confronting the two scrawny men below him. With a quick glance, he ordered the escort to leave, leaving Michael to face the man alone. Silence filled the entire hall, increasing the pressure on Michael who didn't know why he was called here. The fear peaked inside him as any inappropriate attitude from him could end the man's patience, resulting in his death. Thus, he patiently endured, waiting for the man to speak up while praying to the Gods for their protection.

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Then, instead of speaking, Karzek roared with laughter that shook Michael down to the depths of his soul. It echoed throughout the entire hall and Michael could swear he felt the whole building shake from the man's laughter alone.

“No need to be so afraid, pup,” Karzek said, reclining back into his chair.

“Remember well why I took pity on your miserable life.” The man continued. “This is nothing but a whim of mine. Deem yourself useful, and everything is fine. But If you're worthless...”

Michael gulped down the terror within him and hastily nodded in agreement to the satisfaction of Karzek.

“Good. You will join us on our next raid to prove yourself. Consider it... a rite of passing.” Karzek cackled loudly once more and Michael felt his ears ringing in pain. He wondered whether the man wasn't a human but rather a vicious beast in disguise.

Michael correctly took the man's gaze as his cue to leave and returned to his own room. He fell onto the bed, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Prove himself? He had neither Magic, nor was he particularly strong. His measly knowledge regarding plants or anything else would never be enough to impress the man. No matter how he racked his brain, he couldn't find a solution to his predicament and could only pray that Karzek wasn't expecting too much from him.

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He only got a night's rest before they began traveling again. This time Michael was stored inside a carriage filled with barrels of... something. Despite the rough roads, the barrels didn't topple over as they stood upwards without anything tying them down. Whatever was inside, was at least as weighty as Michael himself if not heavier. The journey went on for days, and not a single day went by that Michael wasn't struggling with the panic inside him. He was unable to get any decent sleep and had played with the thought of escape more than once. But he knew it would undoubtedly end miserably. He could vividly imagine a furious Karzek who dealt with any form of betrayal the same way.

Helpless, he'd tucked his knees in with all of his might as if he was afraid they'd come off otherwise, forcing himself to calm down. A constant conflict waged within his own thoughts that were still split between his instincts shouting at him to run while his reasoning had to calm them down to not get himself killed.

Suddenly, the carriage stopped when it shouldn't have been the time for yet another break. Fidgeting with his hands, Michael took a look outside but he neither knew where they were nor could he see their destination. When he peeked out of the carriage, he felt the warm sun rays blinding him through the gaps in the sea of leaves above him. The weather was neither too hot nor too cold, as a comfortable summer wind fluttered through his long, disordered hair. The distant fields of tall grass and trees joyfully swayed in the same refreshing breeze, dancing to the tune of nature.

If it wasn't for his predicament, it'd make a beautiful scenery for an enjoyable day.

Íf it wasn't for his fear always occupying his thoughts...

If it wasn't for his bad luck that resulted in his present circumstances...

If it wasn't for his lack of magical talent...

Only if it wasn't for...

But no matter how often he closed his eyes (as he had done far too often in this new life of his) nothing changed. He'd hoped for all of this to be some long and tedious nightmare; making him almost wish to wake up back in the mines he left behind a lifetime ago. 

Instead, the sounds of reality came closer in the form of escorts that were told to get him. Michael dragged his feet off the carriage and followed them apprehensively. Not much later, he saw the scene unfolding behind the hill that had earlier blocked his view. The previous serene picture of dancing trees and grass was quickly replaced by the bloody hell in front of him.

Dozens of unmoving men sprayed across the ground like crushed ants. Arms lay where the legs should be and headless corpses leaned against the two carriages, the only things unfazed by this bloody carnage.

Michael froze on the spot as he felt something hitting against his feet. He looked down to see the severed head of a man meeting his gaze. Tears had stained its face, paired with an expression of disbelief and fear that was ingrained into its face for all eternity. His lips remained unmoving, as a severed head should, but Michael seemed to hear the unknown man's screams of despair as he'd begged for mercy. For his own life or maybe for his family and fond friends. But it had fallen on deaf ears. No pleading, begging, and praying was able to save him from this fate. Michael stared unmoving at the severed head, his mind too chaotic to lose his composure. For a second, all of the surrounding carnage disappeared from his vision, leaving only the severed head behind. He couldn't help but wonder if one day, that would be him. Powerless. Weak.

Dead.

Someone urged him to move on and he returned to his senses. They walked across the bloody sea beneath them and closed in one the sole noise that overshadowed the sounds of nature.

Seconds that felt like an eternity, later, Michael arrived in front of Karzek. Next to the man, a middle-aged man knelt on the ground while screaming in pain at the top of his lungs. There wasn't any indication he was injured or bound yet the man couldn't flee. He was too busy writhing in the pain that emerged from the inside of his upper body. When Karzek noticed Michael arriving, the man's agonizing screams finally stopped to Michael's relief. But this wouldn't last long.

“Kill him.” Karzek's far too calm voice sounded like the decree of a devil to him. Without a doubt, this was an ultimatum. This was his rite of passage. Either the nameless man was killed by him, or he'd be killed by Karzek.

Without realizing when it had appeared, Michael looked down at the knife that was placed in his hand. A similar short blade he had used to threaten Arthus.

If back then he'd...

Michael quickly shook the thoughts out of his head. What was he supposed to do now!? His prayers had fallen on deaf ears. His only way of survival lay in his hands. But...

“P-Please, d-don't!” The man on his knees shouted in despair as he looked at Michael, who flinched in response. The look of desperation on the man's face was something he was all too familiar with. Something he had seen more than enough of. Something he was sick of seeing.

“I-I have a daughter! A family!” The man begged, and each word he stuttered out caused more and more hesitation to surface within Michael. On the other hand, Karzek looked at the scene unfolding before him in delight. For him, all of this was just a little bit of entertainment. Whether he killed Michael or not didn't matter much to him. He had more than enough minions who would follow his orders. One less wouldn't make a difference, even if he favored this one a little more.

“I'm a doctor!” The nameless man continued, a slight slimmer of hope appearing in his eyes. He could sense the hesitation in the man who was ordered to kill him. He didn't know if there was any chance of his survival at all, but he had nothing to lose as he pleaded at the humanity within Michael.

“Both my daughter, Aira and my wife Sera are terminally ill! I've traveled knowingly to this dangerous region to obtain the herbs necessary for their treatment! If I don't get back...” The man trailed on even when Michael had put up his hands to close his ears. This only caused the hope within the pleading man to flare up as he shouted the story of his life with all of his might.

Michael wanted the man to stop. He didn't want to learn more about him. How was he supposed to kill him when he recognized him as a human - An innocent man, who had a family waiting for him?

“Please... stop...” Michael stammered, and tears began welling in his eyes. What had he done to deserve this? Why would the Gods lay upon him this cruel fate?

Karzek glared threateningly at him, indicating that his patience began reaching a limit. If Michael didn't make his decision soon then...

With trembling limbs, Michael closed in on the man; the knife in his hand grabbed with all of his might, almost shattering its shaft. He could no longer close his ears and was forced to listen to the man's unceasing begging as he raised the trembling arm holding the long knife.

Michael looked at the man who had a daughter.

A loving wife and a caring mother.

What right did he have to end this man's life only for the sake of his own?

...

......

.........

That's when he understood everything.

The life he had lived. The future he was bound to face if nothing changed.

Time stood still.

As if the world had lost its luster, a lid that had blocked his view fell off and revealed the truth.

It was so simple - The answer was obvious.

How had he not realized it before?

In his eyes, the short hair of the pleading man slowly became jet black in color. His surroundings faded away as Michael focused all of his attention on the man in front of him, whose features had begun morphing into a very familiar face. He looked at the new face and a slight smile crept onto Michael's previously quivering lips. A small chuckle he couldn't recognize escaped his mouth, as he looked at the appearance of the man in front of him.

He saw himself pleading for his life while at the mercy of others.

He saw himself praying and hoping for a miracle.

What he saw was his pitiful self. He had never noticed how ugly his struggle had been. How weak he had been.

It was at that moment when he realized the origin of his suffering.

The features transformed once more. The hair grew longer and gradually, a full beard covered the man's entire face. The Mentor had never known before, but he was certain that this was how he must have looked like. Frail and weak. At the mercy of those above him. Those stronger than him.

A second lid within Michael fell off.

Something that he had bottled up deep within him, too ugly for the world to see and far too sinful for him to accept, was unleashed.

He had endured and refused to accept it while lying to himself, denying its existence.

But no more. He was tired of restraining himself.

No longer was his hatred bound by his conscience or ideals. Like a match that was lit and thrown into his heart made of gasoline, a devastating fire of hatred erupted within him.

There was nothing that could compare to its might. Too many he had known were deserving of this hatred. Even more, he had never met should be the recipient of his vengeance.

With no target, it raged aimlessly, engulfing everything and anything in its way.

Thus, it was directed at the world.

The trembling in his arm that held the knife ceased. Without any more quivering or hesitation, the blade rushed down at the pleading man. In a swift and smooth motion, far too perfect to be executed by an amateur, the knife slid through the man's throat. Just like that, with the ease of action, a child was capable of, he had ended the man's pitiful existence.

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He had known of the man's daughter Aira

The man's wife Sera and his mother Elene

Yet he didn't know the name of the first man he'd killed

And he couldn't care less about it

The man was dead – Nothing would change that

And so was the weakness that was once called Michael

And so was the kindness that was once called Mentor

The only thing left, was the unyielding hatred within

Aien.