“Fuck me, this is a mess.” Shepard cursed as she looked over the report EDI gave her.
When the ground team made it back to the Normandy she had been expecting things to be bad. The crew left behind were security personnel at best. None of them were trained or equipped to repel a serious boarding attempt by Collector forces, so the Commander was fully expecting some losses before the crew wrestled back the ship and managed to jump to FTL.
She hadn’t even considered that, besides Joker, not a single member of the crew had escaped the ambush. That they were captured instead of just killed wasn’t much comfort either since no one had any idea what the Collectors were actually doing with the people they abducted.
No one had been expecting a virus in the IFF, they had scrubbed the thing with everything they had and found nothing. And all the technical issues had been explained away as trying to integrate wildly incompatible systems between Human and Reaper tech.
Thankfully, the Normandy was in pretty good shape despite the attack. Several bulkheads were damaged or destroyed, there were bullet holes all over the place from both the crew and Collectors, and everything not tied down or in a box had been thrown around thanks to EDI venting the airlocks, but none of the underlying components or critical systems had been damaged as far as anyone could tell. Tali, Mordin, Garrus, and Revan were all checking anyway while Miranda, Kasumi, and Thane were making sure no additional surprises had been left behind.
Speaking of, Miranda was due to report–
“Everyone? You lost everyone – and damn near lost the ship, too?”
–any second now.
“I know, all right? I was here!” Joker snarked back, bitter and sarcastic. Shepard didn’t need to have Revan’s mind reading powers to know survivor’s guilt was eating him up.
“It’s not his fault, Miranda.” Jacob spoke up from the back of the room. “None of us caught it.”
EDI’s avatar appeared over the table and Shepard had to push down her nervousness at the sight of the unshackled AI. Logically she knew if EDI was still the same helpful entity she had always been, now she could just choose to help them on her own free will. But she had literally just finished fighting another unshackled AI that had tried to kill them all less than five hours ago!
“Mr Taylor is correct. The harmful data in the Reaper IFF was even more sophisticated than the ‘black box’ Reaper viruses I was given.” The AI reported.
Shepard closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead. EDI had Reaper viruses? That was–
No, that wasn’t fair. She was still fine around Legion and she hadn’t blamed Garrus for anything Saren did. EDI deserved the same respect as them, to be either friend or foe. And considering she was still helping them after being released from an almost literal cage, Shepard was leaning towards the former.
Minor moral quandary resolved for now, Shepard moved on to more important things.
“It looks like it was a rough ride. How you holding up?”
Joker’s shoulders untensed but the guilt in his eyes remained. “There’s a lot of empty chairs in here.”
“We did everything we could, Jeff.” EDI comforted.
“Yeah, thanks, Mom.”
“Okay, what about the virus? Is the ship clean now? We can’t risk this happening again.” Shepard changed the subject.
“EDI and I purged the systems. The Reaper IFF is online. We can go through the Omega 4 relay whenever you want.”
“Don’t even get me started about unshackling a damned AI.” Miranda snipped, clearly just as unhappy as Shepard had been about dealing with one unshackled Artificial Intelligence just to run into another almost immediately.
“What could I do against Collectors, break my arm at them?” Joker argued. “EDI cleared the ship. She’s alright.”
“I assure you, I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crewmates.”
If Shepard hadn’t been inclined to trust EDI before, that line certainly would have done it. It was official, their little AI was part of the team.
“Glad to hear it, EDI. Okay team, what are our next steps?”
“We’ve checked everything we could. The Collectors didn’t leave anything behind and none of the major systems are damaged.” Miranda reported. “We’re ready to take the fight to them whenever you’re ready, Commander.”
Shepard nodded at the news. “I called in a favor from Admiral Hackett. An Alliance shuttle is heading our way to pick up David and take him to Grissom Academy. Once that’s done we’ll head out. If any of you have something you need to do before we take the plunge – do it now.”
-o-
The first thing Shepard did was retreat to her quarters and take a nice hot shower. She definitely needed it after spending so much time in her armor, and slipping into a fresh pair of workout pants and a sweatshirt felt heavenly, but since they were finally heading to the Omega 4 relay she still needed to talk to her people.
A Commander’s work was never done.
With that in mind, Shepard made her way to the front of the ship where Joker spun around to face her.
“Hey, Commander.”
“Joker.” Shepard nodded at him. “You sure you’re okay for this? If you need some time…”
“Aw jeez, don’t get like that. I know I got lucky, I don’t need you getting all touchy feely.”
“Shepard is right to be concerned, Jeff.” EDI interrupted from her holo terminal. “You may have suffered a number of stress fractures.”
“That’s what the pills are for, EDI.” Joker rolled his eyes back to Shepard. “She’s so my mom.”
Shepard smiled at the pair. “You two seem to be getting along better. You’re calling EDI ‘her’ and ‘she’ now.”
“Huh. I hadn’t really noticed that. EDI, should I have noticed that?”
“No, Jeff, it is not worth noting.”
Shepard gave Joker a look. Really? What, were they dating now? “I think you’re taking the human-machine interface a little far.”
“We’re just having a little fun with you. Commander. No need to get all ‘unnatural’ on me.”
“What Jeff and I are exhibiting is more a platonic symbiosis than hormonally induced courtship behavior.”
Joker grimaced. “Okay, yeah, that was a little creepy.”
Shepard snorted but decided to ignore all that. “Still, you sure about piloting? EDI is filling in for the rest of the crew. We can have her take over if you need a break.”
Joker was shaking his head before the Spectre could finish. “Don’t get me wrong, Commander, EDI is amazing, but there’s something off about how she handles the Normandy. We ran simulations and it’s better when we both have the helm.”
“Calculating an optimum course of action is simple. If two AI weapons are pitted against each other, the one with superior hardware will always win.” EDI explained. “Human misjudgements defy predictive models.”
“License to screw up, Commander.” Joker joked. “You heard it straight from the ship.”
Well, at least he was feeling better.
“Great, you two need me for anything?”
“I’m good.”
“Negative. Legion is undergoing several repairs and upgrades to their frame. I am communicating with them in the meantime.”
“Alright, then I should go talk with the others.”
-o-
Like the other times Shepard dropped by, Thane didn’t react to her entering the life support room beyond a brief incline of his head acknowledging her presence.
“Do you need something?”
“Just checking in with everyone. You have a few minutes to talk?” Shepard replied.
“Of course.”
Talking with Thane was always a weird experience for Shepard. The Drell was thoughtful and introspective, but he always spoke like his mind and body were two separate beings. Something not uncommon with Drell that just made it hard for the Human Commander to really connect with him.
“So, the big mission is right around the corner. Everything we’ve been preparing for comes down to this, and all of us might not make it back. Are you ready for it?”
“Last time we talked I explained after the death of my wife, my mind returned to my battle sleep.” Thane said instead. Shepard just waited. Thane always seemed to give roundabout answers when he wasn’t being direct. “When I married Irikah, the Hanar let me leave their service to raise a family. But I had no other skills outside of being an assassin, so I freelanced. When Irikah was killed, I pursued those responsible. Once I had eliminated them, I had no purpose. No goal. In the end I accepted the Dantius commission despite the danger because I did not know what else to do.”
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Right, Shepard remembered Revan had to basically hunt Thane through a skyscraper because he was after a corrupt Asari businesswoman while Shepard was recruiting Samara.
“Sounds like it was lucky Revan stopped by when she did.”
“It was an intervention by the gods. I would have died in that penthouse.” Thane replied seriously. “I would have fulfilled my contract. If Nassanna’s guards had caught me afterwards – it would have been a good death.”
Shepard’s eyes widened at the near admission Thane would have accepted what amounted to assisted suicide on his last solo mission. She had realized that Thane was deeply depressed after the death of his wife, but he had never indicated it was that bad.
“You never mentioned that before. What changed?”
“Someone else was there before me. Pushing to reach the target. Forcing me to move faster. Challenging me. I had to reach her first.”
Yeah, that sounded like Revan. Managing to push people – usually people’s buttons – without ever saying a word to them. But that didn’t match up to what Thane was just saying.
“Because you planned to die there?”
“It wasn’t a plan.” The assassin denied. “My body had accepted its death. My mind had been dead a long time. But I met another siha. Few are privileged to meet even one, yet I have met three.”
“Sorry, that didn’t translate. What’s a siha?”
“One of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu.” Thane said with a slight smile. “Fierce in wrath. A tenacious protector. It once again woke me from my sleep.”
Shepard could see that…kinda. Though she wasn’t sure she would share this conversation with the Sith. She already made the jump to Empress recently, Shepherd didn’t want her to consider adding Angel to her list of titles, even if it fit. “Well, I’m glad you found a reason to live again. But I should go talk to the others too.” She smiled and stood up.
“One last question though. You mentioned meeting three siha, who was the third?”
Thane’s face kept that slight smile as he turned to look directly at her.
“You, of course.”
-o-
Shepard’s next two conversations were much less emotionally rattling than finding out one of the more stoic members of her crew was suicidal and then being called an angel on the way out the door.
Grunt didn’t care that they were going through the relay definitely outnumbered and probably horrifically outgunned. He was just eager to face the challenge and prove the strength of his krant to the Collectors. There was no question of if they would make it out alive or not, the young Krogan didn’t care if all of them died, just as long as the Collectors remembered the attack for eternity.
Mordin proved to be similarly uncomplicated. The Salarian scientist explained that he had reached out to a nephew of his, just to remind himself what he was fighting for. According to him, the galaxy was too big, too nebulous a thing to fight for. But a favorite nephew that just earned his tenure? That he could focus on.
It was nice, Shepard reflected as she walked into the main battery room, nice knowing that her crew was ready to face the coming challenge.
And given that Garrus was calmly working on his rifle instead of frantically checking over the Thanix cannons it seemed this would be a similar conversation.
“Hey Garrus, having fun?”
“Shepard, give me a moment.” The Turian greeted back before methodically reassembling the gun and straightening up his tools.
“What brings you by?” He asked once he was done.
“Big mission right around the corner, just checking in with everyone. Seeing how they’re holding up.”
“Like right before Ilos.” Garrus nodded.
“Yep. I figured –” Shepard was cut off by the door hissing open again and a certain Quarian stepping through.
“Garrus, do you – Oh! Hello, Shepard, I didn’t…um, I’ll just come back later?” Tali stammered.
“You’re welcome to join us. Did you need to talk to Garrus about something?”
“Ah, no…it’s just…I wanted…you know what, I can come back later.”
Shepard looked at the fidgeting Quarian, the almost furtive glances at Garrus, and the refusal to discuss what she wanted to talk to the Turian about and her eyebrows shot up as she guessed at the reason.
“No, it's fine, I was just checking in.” She immediately denied and pushed Tali further into the room. “It sounds like you actually need something. Have fun you two.” She teased as she walked away.
“...okay? We’ll talk later then, Shepard.” Garrus said confusedly while Tali squeaked adorably.
Poor guy, he didn’t have a clue, did he? Well it was up to Tali to change that. Shepard was looking forward to teasing out the full story about her interest in the Turian marksman later.
-o-
Revan stood silently staring out into space as she waited for her presence to be acknowledged.
It wasn’t like her target was ignoring her, Revan had just entered while the other was meditating. The Sith could afford to be polite in order to not make this conversation more difficult than it needed to be.
Eventually the blue glow of biotics faded away and the Asari Justicar turned to face her.
“Darth Revan.” Samara said simply. Neither one was going to be friends with the other anytime soon. There was no reason to pretend otherwise.
“Samara. I’ve come to discuss this final mission of ours.” Revan returned.
“What is there to discuss? We will complete the mission and unless one of us falls I will deal with you afterwards.” Samara said placidly. “Unless you fear I will act against you in the middle of battle?”
Revan shook her head. “No, I know your type well enough that you will not do anything to harm or hinder me while under oath. The problem is you will not act to aid me either.”
“And should I?”
“Yes.” Revan replied, equally blunt and unemotional as her conversation partner. “Whatever you think you know about the Sith does not compare to the threat of the Reapers. We cannot afford to fail here. So until the mission is over, the both of us will need to put aside everything else.”
The barest shadow of a smile ghosted over Samara’s face. “A Sith asking for trust? As one of the few beings in this galaxy that truly knows your kind, you must understand how ridiculous that sounds.”
For a second Revan was tempted to point out that Samara knew nothing about what it meant to be Sith. Because if she did she would know Revan wasn’t really one of them. But she saw that would just cause an argument and remained silent on that topic.
“I’m not suggesting we sacrifice our lives for the other.” She said instead. “But I don’t want either of us looking over our shoulders because we cannot trust the other to deal with an enemy in a compromising position.”
“A Justicar would never violate their oaths like that. I am sworn to support Shepard’s cause as best I am able until I am released from it.” Samara protested.
Maybe not consciously, Revan mused internally. But considering she sensed a shadow of danger disappearing in the Force, at least talking about the possibility removed it from Samara’s potential actions.
“Then take this as my declaration that I will not intentionally cause you or the others harm by action or inaction.” The Empress said, moving towards the door. “For whatever you believe that is worth.”
-o-
The Sith didn’t waste time before moving to her next person of interest. While she could sense Shepard doing something similar with the handful of remaining sentients on the Normandy, this one couldn’t wait.
“What do you want?” Her pseudo-apprentice growled as Revan entered the engineering space Jack had claimed for herself.
“Do I need a reason, Jack?” Revan replied and clasped her hands behind her back. “But if you insist on one, did I not teach you to control your anger? Channel it rather than let it fester within you? And here you are, so full of anger and fear I barely need to look to sense you.”
“Yeah, well maybe I want to feel this way, did you think of that Ice Queen?” Jack snarled. “Wasn’t that part of your bullshit, too? Letting myself feel things when I want to?”
It was, but in the context of acknowledging certain emotions when they flared and either safely releasing them or controlling Jack’s own actions when her emotions ran high, because unlike what many members of the Jedi Council liked to believe, most sentients could not just stuff their emotions in a box to address them later in a reasonable manner.
They also didn’t like to admit people like Jack existed, people that just naturally felt one emotion nearly all the time. In Jack’s case it was anger. That was why Revan didn’t bother teaching the tattooed human how to let go of her anger. It would just create a self-destructive cycle where Jack would attempt to rid herself of the emotion, fail, and get angry at her failure.
It was the fear that was the issue.
“Are you worried about the Collectors?”
Revan didn’t think Jack was the kind of person to get nervous before a fight. Not with how she reacted before every mission since Shepard picked her up. But there was a difference between a fight and a mission you weren’t expecting everyone to make it back from.
The Sith Empress had seen many steadfast veterans lose their composure in similar situations. She included herself in that count a couple times.
Considering the way Jack scoffed though, she was wrong about that.
“I don’t give a fuck about the Collectors.” She snapped. “We’ve been killing them everywhere we run into the creepy bastards. I’ll be fine, they’re not gonna stop me now.”
“Then why are you hiding down here afraid rather than preparing to meet them? Why the sudden distance with your shipmates?” Revan challenged.
For a while Jack remained silent. Revan watched as the woman’s emotions went into turmoil before eventually settling into a fearful determination.
“There was a guy. Murtock. Used me like the rest – for sex, for biotics. It was fun. And he ruined everything.” Jack began with her normal bluntness. “We tagged a weapons frigate with a Batarian escort and got separated. He had a choice: leave with the guns, or come back for me.”
If this was like Jack’s normal stories, Revan expected the man to immediately leave her behind. The human had a terribly unlucky streak of finding people that would use her as much as possible before abandoning her or overreaching. Interestingly though, there was a smattering of guilt leaking into the emotional cocktail Jack was feeling, something that suggested this story was different from the others.
Jack continued and quickly confirmed Revan’s thoughts. “Idiot dumped the score and waded into the squints. I made it to the shuttle, but no way was he getting out. I fly for a day or so and then the shuttle kicks out this recording. He set it to play if he hadn’t checked in. He figured that would mean he was dead.”
“Talked about the future we were supposed to have. How he planned to set us up a home. How he –” Jack faltered briefly. “How he loved me and he was sorry it wasn’t going to happen.”
“You feel responsible?” Revan was starting to understand.
“Fuck no! You feel, you get sloppy. It’s that damn simple. He found out, and you found out, Shepard’ll–” “Enough.”
Jack’s building rant cut off as her teeth clicked together. Revan heard enough to make a guess why the other woman was afraid.
When most people saw Jack, they saw the violent criminal. The powerful biotic that was in it for the thrills, whether that was violence, drugs, or something else. And from a certain point of view they weren’t wrong. That’s all Jack lets them see because to do anything else would make her vulnerable.
This was not something that could be solved with a few conversations.
And yet here they were, with Jack indirectly panicking because she had grown attached to the crew and the only one she was close enough to open up a little to was Revan. And the Sith Empress was self-aware enough to know that she was not the most emotionally open person around.
“So you’re afraid of the others sacrificing for you.” Revan said. “That one of them might die for you.”
“I’m not afraid.” Jack said mulishly. “I don’t run and I don’t flinch. Death is fucking easy. Fucking on/off switch.” She got up and started pacing. “But this, it just burrows in. Like those husks, you end up with nothing inside. I’m supposed to take that and say ‘Thanks, dead guy?’”
“Yes.” Revan said bluntly, making Jack flinch. “Remember our conversations on the Force, Jack. Death is not the end. It is not the continuation that many desire, but do not dismiss someone’s passing because it troubles you.”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do about it then?!”
“If you don’t want someone to die, protect them. If you don’t want them to sacrifice for you, protect yourself. And if someone joins the Force anyway? Remember them, because they haven’t really left you.”
Jack groaned. “Not more mystic bullshit.”
“It’s a way of thinking that takes years to fully internalize.” Revan agreed. “But if you need something simpler for the immediate future…if you’re worried about your teammates, just kill every Collector you come across and trust us to do the same.”
“Please, I’m not worried about any of you assholes.” Jack scoffed, but her emotions calmed significantly. Enough so that Revan simply nodded and headed for the door.
She had some preparations to get through before they reached the Omega 4 relay and one more conversation she needed to have. With some luck she would be able to finish–
“Hey, Revan.” Jack’s voice stopped her just before she left the room. “Thanks. For the talk.”
The Sith Empress smiled a little under her mask and nodded back to the human before walking towards the elevator.
-o-
Shepard looked up from a data-tablet in surprise when she heard the doors to her personal quarters opening. While it was true that anyone with authorization could enter unless she set security to privacy mode, only one person had actually ever entered unannounced before.
So she was unsurprised to see that it was Revan sauntering into the room and not someone else.
The fact the elven woman was dressed in nothing but loose fitting sweatpants and a tight tank top almost gave her a heart attack though.
Whatever greeting Shepard was going to give was forgotten as she promptly choked on her own saliva.
“I didn’t think the sight of me out of armor was that surprising, Shepard.” Revan commented with clear amusement. “You’ve seen me like this before.”
“Li-*cough*-like twice!” Shepard forced out. “Seeing you without armor is like seeing Tali without her suit!”
Revan very obviously rolled her eyes and Shepard once again had to wonder if the Sith was always so expressive under her armor or if this was an intentional display. “I’ve never worn armor to any of the healing sessions you’ve attended or in my own quarters. Besides, it’s hard to run a full maintenance cycle while wearing it.”
“If you say so. What brings you by?” Shepard asked, pushing past any residual embarrassment.
“You’ve gone around checking one the rest of the ground team, is it really a surprise I would stop by?”
“You wanted a pep-talk?!” Shepard couldn’t hide her surprise. Out of everyone on the ship Revan was the last – oh, going by the flat look in Revan’s amethyst eyes that wasn’t why she was here.
“No, Jane, I thought that you might appreciate someone to vent to, one leader to another.” Revan said, shocking the Spectre with a rare use of her first name. “It’s something I appreciated back home before I had an important mission.”
“Right, that makes more sense.”
Way more sense than the other thing, and honestly? Shepard appreciated it.
The Normandy seemed bigger and colder with the rest of the crew missing and despite Shepard knowing otherwise, a small part of her blamed herself for their capture even though the Collectors would have surely destroyed the ship if all of them had been present during the attack.
Talking to the Ground Team helped but…
“Do you think we could have stopped them?” She couldn’t help but ask.
“The Collectors?”
“Yeah…” Shepard wandered over to the couch and collapsed into it, offering a seat to Revan at the same time. “I know we needed to treat the VI outbreak on Aite as seriously as possible, but would it have made a difference if I had left some people behind?”
“No, if anything we got lucky that no one capable of fighting back was on the Normandy.” Revan said, sinking into her own seat. “If there was, something critical could have been damaged with heavier resistance. Or the Collectors might have just attacked the ship directly.”
Shepard sighed at the answer. Partly because she was relieved someone else had come to the same conclusion as she did and partly because she was disappointed there was no hidden option that would have made everything turn out perfectly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought too.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself, Jane. We’ll make sure they are avenged.”
“I’d rather we managed to save them.” She retorted. “But I want to ask, do you think we actually stand a chance?”
“You’ve managed to assemble an incredible team.” Revan said and Shepard watched with a raised eyebrow as the Empress telekinetically raided her liquor store and passed her a glass as well. “Specialists that would be a match for my own companions in my galaxy. What do you think our chances are?”
Shepard seriously thought about it while nursing the scotch she was given. “Honestly? As long as we can insert hard and fast enough that the Collectors have to come to us instead of hitting us with ship-based weapons, I think we have a good chance short term. It’s what happens after that that scares me.”
Revan nodded. “True, we don’t have enough people for a long operation but I think the Collector’s nature will help us there.”
“That they used to be Protheans or because they’re insect-like?”
“The fact the Collectors seem to behave like many insectile races I’ve encountered may help us, but I meant the fact they are a heavily augmented slave race.” And Shepard had to hide her wince at the blunt assessment of what had happened to the most advanced race in their galaxy. “There is unlikely to be widespread infrastructure outside what is needed to support military operations so if we wind up facing a planet, major targets should be fairly obvious.”
Inspired by Revan’s previous performance, Shepard used a Pull field to snag a fresh tablet off her desk and pulled up what they knew about Collector and Prothean design philosophy.
“That’s good news at least. Wouldn’t want to spend hours breaking into a shopping center. But that does mean that most targets will be at least somewhat defended.”
“That is an issue but we can plan around that.” Revan shifted so she could look over Shepards shoulder. Something the Commander was unusually aware about. “And if our tech specialists can infiltrate their systems, that may work to our advantage.”
Shepard did her best to focus on the task at hand and the two of them quickly fell into a back and forth conversation on how to plan and react to different scenarios they might come across. And despite the knowledge that they might not be coming back from this jump, or that if they failed the Reapers would go practically unopposed in whatever plan they were hatching with the Collectors, Shepard felt a lot of the nerves she had been feeling since the Normandy was attacked begin to settle.
They were ready for this.