“What’s it like, having someone else’s memories in your head?”

Naomi peered sidelong at Kaya. “Are you admitting you don’t have recall?”

The smaller girl scowled, then shrugged. “I don’t think it matters much.”

“True enough,” Naomi said.

Kaya waited, but Naomi kept silent.

They’d left the bunker behind some hours ago, having taken what little there was still of use and slowly picking their way through the forest. Kaya had watched as Wynn had halfheartedly attempted to recover the chits of the fallen. The bodies had been… pulped was the word that Tyver used. The fibrous knots of data had been too damaged to answer whatever signal the recall led them to expect. Kaya wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

Some of the more popular stories she’d heard when she was little were of mad killers, haunted by the memories of the dead, who stalked the shadows between the stars and hunted threats to the Nineteen. Rationally she’d always known they were just stories, but… but when the caretaker had come, she’d been desperate to escape the fate it promised.

Then she’d awoken planetside, mind free of ghosts. Her fellow prospects were children like her, enhancements be damned, and if they were crazy it’d been only the sort that all teenagers suffered. Still, she’d kept her distance. Perhaps if she hadn’t…

“I’m not ignoring you,” Naomi said. “It’s just hard to describe.”

Jolted from her train of thought, Kaya almost smiled. “Take your time. Your thief says it’s more than a day’s walk to Ezek’s camp.”

“He’s not my thief, and it’s likely they’ve moved closer. They were planning on raiding your bunker, after all.”

“They can have it,” Kaya said. “It’s just a hole with lights at this point. Honestly, if they’re as bad as Tyver seems to think I can’t help wondering why we’re warning them about the apes.”

“It’s the right thing to do,” Naomi said. “Gael’s not wrong about that. But you’re not wrong to wonder, either. I am too.”

“Been doing a lot of wondering, lately.” Kaya said.

Naomi eyed her again, then shrugged. “The recall is… it’s like looking out a window. You can see what’s outside clearly but in the right light you can also see what’s inside too, reflected on the glass. Your own impressions are there first, but there’s… commentary, like you’ve seen it before.” She shook her head. “I’m not good at this.”

“It sounds a little like deja vu.”

“That’s…” Naomi scowled. “That’s exactly what it’s like. When you’ve uploaded a chit or two, maybe you can do a better job when somebody asks you.”

Kaya grimaced. “I don’t want someone else's thoughts in my head. It sounds scary.” She blushed, glancing at Naomi. “I guess that sounds silly to you.”

“No, you’re right!” Naomi said earnestly, then blushed herself. Astonished, Kaya almost laughed to see it.

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“You’re right,” Naomi said again. “When I was in the creche I thought it was scary too, all of us did, and I imagine we knew much more about it than you did. We had all sorts of crazy ideas about what it’d be like, and it’s… it’s almost nothing.”

“Almost?”

“Mostly it’s just… just data.” Naomi said. “It’s reflexes and facts and images. When we fought the ape I had all these memories of fights in my head, all the different ways that the same thing happened to someone else.”

“What, fighting a giant crab?” Kaya teased.

“Braining someone with a hammer,” Naomi said tonelessly.

Kaya stopped walking for a moment, then hurried to catch up. Naomi hadn’t stopped, had kept speaking as if she hadn’t noticed her audience falling back.

“…It was eerie, Kaya. I saw different hands holding different hammers, all swinging them the way I wanted. I’d never even held one before but my hand knew how to hold it the right way, how to swing it and tag that ugly thing’s face. I saw the ape in front of me, but in the corners of my mind I saw… I saw so much more.”

“That sounds like a lot to deal with.”

“Yes… and no.” Naomi said slowly. “We were told that the recall didn’t contain feelings, only the raw information. As far as I can tell, that’s not entirely true. We do get the feelings, flashes of them, but it’s at a distance. Maybe it’s us putting our own… our own spin on it, I don’t know.” She smiled grimly. “I’m so, so glad it’s not… not everything, you know? Carrying around the emotions of several hundred people all the time would make anyone crazy.” She shook herself. “Why are you asking me?”

“I figured you’d give the simplest answer,” Kaya said.

Naomi blinked, then laughed. “You’re right.” She eyed the others, all further ahead. Gael peered back, met her eye, and smiled before turning away. “I got almost poetic, so I can’t imagine what Wynn would have told you.” She reached out and gently took Kaya’s hand. “None of us will make you take one, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Kaya smiled back. “I didn’t think you would. I… do you see how they died?”

“What?”

“The martyrs before you, the ones whose memories you were given. Do you know how they died? Can you see it?”

Naomi frowned. “We were told that the last minute is always ‘cropped.’ The first chits didn’t do that, but experiencing another’s death was traumatic enough that they made the change fairly quickly.”

Kaya’s hand tightened around Naomi’s. “Can you check?”

Naomi stopped and closed her eyes for a moment, her brow creased with focus as she searched the recall. “No,” she said slowly. “There’s nothing. I can see moments that… that lead to it, but there’s no actual memory of dying.” She opened her eyes and took Kaya’s shoulder in her other hand. “That’s what you were worried about, wasn’t it? What you saw once, going through it again.”

Kaya nodded, tears standing in her eyes. “I don’t want… that. Not that. When Wynn was talking about taking their chits, I was so scared, Naomi. Wynn guessed about the recall, I’m sure of it, and… I didn’t want it. Not if it meant reliving that. I was so relieved, I felt so-”

Naomi hugged her, hard. "We’ll handle the memory stuff, Kaya. You can take it in when you’re ready, not before. I promise.”

“Thanks, Naomi.” Kaya sniffed, returning the hug with as much force as the bigger girl. At least, she tried. Then she coughed and loosened her grip, pushing against her friend. “I’d like to breathe now, please.”

The girls parted, sharing a smile, and turned to head up the path. Tyver was leaning against a tree only feet away, grinning fit to split his face. “Get a hug, I?” he said, holding his arms out to both of them.

“Piss off thief.” Naomi said, just as Kaya said “Get lost, Tyver.”

Tyver only chuckled and crooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Gael n’ Wynn waitin’ us. Should talk, should train. Kaya needs t’ learn t’knife, eh?”

Kaya cocked an eyebrow. “What did he say?”

Naomi clapped Naomi’s back hard enough to make the smaller girl wince. “He said it’s time you learned to fight, kid.”

“Oh,” Kaya said, grinning as she rubbed her shoulder. “Oh, great.”