Well, first time ever writing a story. Not much to say but I would really appreciate some constructive criticism. I know it's just one chapter but I'd like to know about the language that I used and how you felt the flow of the chapter was like.
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Right now, the entire world of Faylan has fallen into complete panic. An unknown energy was currently sweeping across the world, altering the properties of everything in the world. But this altercation was not for the worse, in fact, it seemed to be filling in a missing gap in the world that had somehow gone unnoticed. Across the world countless colourful streaks could be seen soaring through the skies, painting the sky in a show of lights. In other places, immensely powerful awarenesses blanketed Faylan, everywhere they swept across the creatures and beings there would tremble in fear. All of their goals, is to find the source of this energy. Everyone knew that if someone is able to gain control of this power, they would become the indisputable ruler of Faylan, nobody would be able to stop them. Even the most powerful beings on Faylan would simply be an ant in front of such a person. The problem is, the unknown energy completely permeated the air of Faylan, it is simply to chaotic to track the source of the energy. One moment you think you’re heading in the right direction, the next moment you’re bumping into a massive tree. As for the source of all this commotion, it can be found in a little forest at the very east of the Barox continent located in the north eastern hemisphere of Faylan, right beside the Sea of Agneas. As the people of the world continued to jump like ants in a hot pot, the stars in the night sky continued to shine, unaffected by the world-changing event occurring on Faylan, each one representing a potential world, a potential home.
He stared at the twinkling stars in the night sky, a full moon hanging in the sky. It cast a harmonious glow over the world illuminating everything in a silver glow. Tonight, is the brightest the moon has ever shone in the history of Faylan. As the moon cast its light onto his surroundings, it failed to envelop him in its light.
Looking at himself he couldn’t help but give a helpless laugh. Watching the moonlight pass through him and reflecting on the rapidly growing grass, he thought that he had a pretty good future as a ghost. Around him everything was growing like crazy. He stood in the middle of the forest, in front of him floated a rainbow coloured portal. The portal was only a few meters taller and wider than him, and yet, from the portal flowed out a monstrous amount of elemental energy. The elemental energy flooded the entire forest, the density of the elemental energy in the forest was so thick that it was hard to even move. The fading figure was thankful for his current situation, if not he feels like he would currently be suffocating on the air. From the forest, the elemental energy spread across the entire world, seeping into every being, every plant, and once more becoming a part of the natural world.
He looked to a tree beside him that had already grown to 200 meters of height and was still continuing to grow. At the base of the tree, a small fox lay there twitching in pain. Its originally red-orange fur was gradually turning into a luscious snow-white coat. At its back, two tails could be seen with a third one on its way. Towards the creatures in this forest, the over abundant elemental energy was a blessing and a curse. The energy will enter into their bodies and alter it, forcibly breaking it down and then reforming it with elemental energy. The pain from this process is enough to completely destroy their minds. But if they are able to bear through the process, they will be reborn into legendary creatures of immense power that will inspire fear and awe from the entire world. Although with the amount of pain that must first be endured, it has already been determined that such a creature will be very few in number.
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Floating over and hovering his hand above its head, he spoke to it with a sigh, “Hey little guy, sorry about this. I didn’t have much of a choice in this either. If it’s any reconciliation, believe it or not, I actually know what kind of pain you’re going through right now. As I am right now, all I can do is use the last of my energy to teach you how to deal with the energy in your body. Whether you succeed or not is up to you.”
The two tailed fox moving onto three did not show any kind of response, continuing to lay there twitching in pain, only a pair of glowing red eyes shifting towards him. A weak silver glow appeared over the ghostly figures hovering hand, he used the last drops of his energy to circulate it within the fox’s body, carrying the elemental energy with it and gradually converting it into the fox’s own energy. If the fox is able to grasp the technique, its chances of surviving will increase by at least 10%. Do not look down on this 10%, after all, the amount of elemental energy in the fox’s body is simply too great and the energy that the fading figure put into its body is only the very last drops of his energy.
“I've really become pathetically weak. If this was before, I could deal with the energy in this fox’s body in a second and then gain a really cool nine tailed fox pet, err, let’s just assume that it’ll turn into a nine tailed fox. Well, not like it matters anymore.” Staring at his almost imperceptible hand, he let out another sigh.
With his last drop of energy gone, he could no longer sustain even this ghostly form. Soon, he would completely disappear from this world. His body and face became incredibly blurry, if a person were to come right now, they would only be able to see a hazy blur, and a pair yin-yang eyes. Each eye seemed to represent a universe, in the depths of his eyes it was almost like you could see the birth and destruction of countless stars and worlds.
There was no sadness, no regret, no anger, only remembrance. Remembrance of the people that he cared for, the choices that he made, and the days that had gone by. He did not regret any of his choices, because he believed that there is no such thing as the wrong choice, only that once you have chosen a path, you should have been prepared to deal with all of the potential and unknown consequences whether they be good or bad. The moment that he chose to walk this path, he was already prepared to face the sadness, the departures, and today.
Taking one last look at the portal that he had sacrificed his life to open, he saw that one of them had already stepped through. He could no longer see clearly with his fading vision. He could only vaguely make out the figure of a woman, and a wave of deep-aqua blue hair blowing in the wind. Even though he couldn't see her face, he was certain that this was a woman with an unrivaled beauty.
Before the last of his consciousness disappeared, the figure of the blue-haired maiden approached him, embracing him in her chest. Even though he could not feel anything, he could sense the gentle warmth and deep kindness from the woman.
He smiled peacefully, this was a pretty nice way to go. In the warm embrace of a beautiful woman. Too bad I can’t feel anything, I’m sure her breasts feel really soft.
And with that as his final thoughts, the last of his consciousness slipped away from his grasps.