Rae walked, a cloth bundle slung across a shoulder. It was pitifully empty- he could've stuffed the 5 biscuits in his pockets and not bothered with carrying the fabric parcel, but he didn't want to give up his only covering against the. He'd stuck to walking along the beach, where there was no cover from the head. As the morning progressed and the Mother showed herself in full force, magnificent rays cast from the sky to scorch all they came into contact with. Rae fashioned the cloth into a hat-headscarf hybrid that barely offered enough shade to cover his eyes, keeping the biscuits inside - safer than his pockets, lest he eat them. It was pitiful. But it was better than nothing.
The sun tracked his progress, keeping him company as he put one foot in front of another, in tempo with the sea's rolling waves. The water spray felt delightfully cool. Rae took his boots off, tied them together, slung them over a shoulder, and enjoyed the feel of the fine sand under his feet.
Morning passed and the sun reached its zenith. The sand became unpleasantly hot to touch and Rae put his boots back on, before deciding to stray away from the beach and onto the grass. He pulled out a biscuit from his hat, biting into it while he walked. It was harder than the day before, not as damp; it had dried up, but the taste was just as salty.
He finished eating his meal and strayed even farther away from the sea, climbing up and down hills until he could barely make out the shoreline from the ridge he currently stood on. There was nothing in sight that he could use as a landmark; the forest he and Hirai had stumbled over nearly a dream, and the berries they'd eaten a long-forgotten fantasy. How he longed for the berries right now, to taste their juicy sweetness once more. Instead of fruits, regret sat heavy in his stomach. The biscuits were the longer lasting option, the more logical decision, but he still regretted leaving the berries behind with Burti and Hirtai. With no water to drink, however, and no river or rain in sight, it became harder and harder to convince himself that the biscuits were the smarter choice.
Rae had also left behind the nearly-empty canteens of water that they’d brought with them when they went scouting. Taking the biscuits had already made him feel guilty enough, even if taking everything else would’ve been a breeze. The quartermaster had slept like a log, and had continued to sleep when Rae carefully picked up the bundle from his lap. His hand had shifted, and Rae’s heart stopped beating, frozen with fear as he tried - and failed - to think of a good excuse for why he needed their supplies in the middle of the night. There probably would’ve not been any excuse good enough for Birtu to forgive him, had he woken up. Luckily, the man stayed asleep. After gathering his courage, Rae had even gone as far as to struggle to make a fire with the wood he and Hirai had gathered, as a sort of apology for stealing their supplies. That was foolish of him - but at least the night was cold enough that he could use that as a justification.
Rae left the berries next to the canteens, besides a barely legible “sorry” he’d drawn across the sand, taking the stick he used to write the apology with with him. Fashioning it into a makeshift torch by tearing off a strip from his shirt, he dipped it into the fire, then set off alone into the night. The fire didn’t last long - he should have wetted the cloth before setting it on fire - but the light had been useful; he liked to believe that it had helped him trap far less than he otherwise would have. The torch, too, was gone now, abandoned in the sand, and the strip of cloth was making itself missed as the sun mercilessly burnt his midriff. Just one more thing that Rae regretted. He mentally berated himself for throwing away the torch once its fire went out. Maybe he could've tried to start another fire. Maybe the remaining pieces of wrapped cloth could've fuelled a new flame for at least a bit of time. Maybe-
Stumbling, the line of thought was forgotten as he tripped over his feet, rolling down a hill. It wasn’t that long a distance, but he still felt bruised all over once he came to a standstill. Getting up, he checked that nothing was broken - only his dignity - before walking over to where his hat had fallen off. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that the biscuits - albeit more crumbled than before - were still inside.
He groaned, rubbing at his back and stretching. A proper night's sleep is what he needed. A bed with a mattress, blankets, and pillows. Something other than a ship's cot, or the ground. Sand was preferable to sleeping on the earth, but it wasn't a big step up by any means. If only there were an inn around here. 'Everything would be so much easier,' Rae thought as he finished stretching and went back at it, only to stop again, astonished.
A stream lay in front of him and Rae rubbed his eyes, just staring at the water flowing past him. It couldn't be... could it? He'd heard and read about people seeing things - mirages - when they went out of water or food for prolonged periods of time. The last proper meal he'd had hadn't been that long. 'Wills, am I already hallucinating?' he thought, staring at the stream, analysing it. He should be ecstatic, whooping with joy- he could barely bring himself to walk forward and stretch an arm out. Rae wasn't fully sure if he wanted to know if he was imagining the water or not. What if he was? What would happen to his great adventure then?
Composing himself, Rae walked onto the bank, rocks crunching underneath his boots. Sights he could convince himself that he was seeing them, but touch and sounds too? He wasn’t that far gone. Was he? He shucked off a boot and sock then stretched, dipping his toes in.
“Oh, Wills, I didn’t expect it to be this cool,” he exclaimed. Surely he hadn’t imagined that, when all he could remember was the heat pressing down upon him. Still uncertain as to the stream’s reality - or lack thereof - he pulled his foot back. Rae took a deep breath, closing his eyes. It took a lifetime for his mind to focus and to stretch. He could sense the stream just in front of him, and he let his awareness fit to it, trying to cover it up. It stretched in both directions, seemingly forever, but he pushed himself, trying to sense all of it. He couldn’t.
The headache that came on was as sharp as it was sudden, and Rae finally let out a cry of joy, rushing forward and cupping his hands underneath the river. Cold, with a slight earthy tang, it tasted miraculously refreshing after two days and a half without anything to drink, and he felt the headache retreat. He greedily gulped down the water, heedless of the spilling running down the front of his shirt and onto his boots.
Kneeling at the edge of the bank, Rae looked like a priest praying before the Mother's holiest temple, drinking like he was fervently praying on the eve of Vahrdar. Thirst now under control, he quickly took off the other boot and sock, rolled up his pants to his knees, and waded in. He needn't have bothered. The water just barely went past his ankles in the middle of the stream - if it even had a middle: it only measured a couple handspans across the two banks. If only it would've been deeper and wider, he could've washed himself.
Rae hadn't noticed this - or if he has, he’d Willed it out of his mind - but he was covered in grime. From his brief and frantic foray into the sea where he'd been forced to swim through a storm, to then walking and sleeping onto a beach for two days, the sand stuck to his clothes and skin, chafing him at every small movement. Now that it was at the forefront of his mind, Rae shuddered. Paying no attention to the depth of the stream, he threw his ‘hat’ next to his boots then promptly sat down in the water, scrubbing at his legs as if that would remove all traces of the past days. Even with a long pair of socks coupled with his travelling boots, the sand had still found a way to get in between his toes. As Rae rinsed himself in the stream, flashes of the wreck popped up in mind.
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Storming: imposing waves breaking across the sides of the ship, worried commands tightly chained with a dripping layer of composure, the flickering of lightning. The captain's voice as she let all pretence fall off and screamed at her crew to tighten the ropes, strap down their valuables, and who let the Whimsstreaked diplomat back on the deck?!
Her face was frozen in Rae's mind. Drenched hair billowing about her, framing her terrified yet determined face against a backdrop of lightning-illuminated blue, unaware of what was to happen, what shouldn't have happened. Unaware of-
"No!" he yelled suddenly, striking the surface of the stream with a fist and splashing water. Rae stood up, breathing hard, trembling, struggling to contain his emotions. Tears threatened to spill out at the corner of his eyes. The rest of the diplomats... his mentors, his friends. And the sailors that hadn't made it - or those that had, just to slowly fade away from hunger and thirst on the beach while they waited for aid. What else could they do? What else could he have done?
It seemed like there was no hope of salvaging the situation. How could you make the best of something when that very thing was soaked full of misfortune, imbibed with misery?
Rae stood up. Was it just him, or did the stream seem to pick up speed, the currents threatening to pull him under and drown him in the shallow water? The barren hilly landscape turned menacing before his eyes, gentle slopes turned savage, bare fields now desolate. Tiny rocks dug into his bare feet, lithe colourful fish flowing past and away from him, seeming to take no notice that they were going the wrong way, swimming just easily as if they were flowing downstream, with the currents instead of against them. How had he not noticed these before? It was impossible. Certainly like nothing he'd even seen before. Colourful like a rainbow, the fish resembled undulating strips of ribbons, defying all reason. Every now and then one hit too strong a current and was turned around, pushed back. Perhaps they were incapable of turning and would just swim in whichever direction they were facing; maybe there was a vortex at the end of the stream, turning the fish around? But no, the vibrant green streak had turned around and pushed back uphill. Rae couldn’t believe it.
These were no cartographed seas; the waters unknown, and the wind trying to blow them off, no ship to try to stabilise while the seas pummelled its hull, wave after wave. That, Rae could deal with- he could learn. He'd wanted adventure, something to make his heart race. The Whims had given him what it had seen fit, listening to his late-night pleas for something to sate his wanderlust, and now he just wanted to throw this back into their face. You couldn't turn away the Whims' burdens, just like you couldn't turn away the Wills' gifts. The realisation that the Whims couldn't have touched him unless he opened himself up to them felt like a slap to the face. It wasn’t an unexpected curse- Rae had asked for this.
"It's my fault," he whispered.
It was all his fault.
His legs gave way and he sat back down, letting the water trail through his fingers, the current trying to get a hold of him, playfully pushing him to flow with it. The tears came freely now, mingling with sand and water, and his shoulders bowed down, but Rae found that he could breathe more easily, think more clearly. As if admitting it out loud had solved everything. It hadn't. It wouldn't. But it was a starting point.
Rae sat in the little stream, hands limp at his side and head tucked into his chest, letting the last of the memories of the crash flow over him. Invisible water submerged him, violent and overwhelming. Rae didn't fight the currents, real or of memory, letting them drown him, cleanse him. Almost at once, Rae felt like they were already settling down, as if the Mother's Son had tried His hardest to break away his defenses, and only managing to wash out the broken debris, had retreated with a grudging nod, with a shadowing of a gurgling whisper saying, "You'll do."
Time stretched by. The sun continued on its journey while Rae sat with his eyes closed, just thinking. He kept his mind firmly to himself, not needing another Will-caused headache to jolt him to reality; he simply waited, just being. Wills knowing, he'd let a lot of people down already; he'd let himself down countless more times. But… What would one more try hurt? He had to get up. He had to help the sailors he’d left behind. If not, sneaking off from Birtu and Hirai would go to waste.
Decision made, Rae set about it reluctantly. He lethargically stripped off his clothes, then started washing himself. Despite welcoming the sense of civilisation and order it brought to him - ‘Wills, this is so nice’ - he didn't move any faster, as if by putting off getting out of the water he was saving time instead of wasting it. He might’ve decided upon his course and set a goal, but the fear that had nearly overwhelmed him still coursed through him.
Finally finished, Rae put his clothes back on - nowhere near dry, but it'd do - fetched his socks and boots and his 'hat', then crossed to the other side of the stream and started walking. He hadn't yet wholly embraced the new sense of purpose, merely just held hands with it, but his steps were already more weighed, more purposeful as he went deeper into the unknown.
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Grassland stretched out all around him, a soft carpet of greenery as far as the eye could see. The sun had long gone down, reluctantly - there were traces of the Mother's presence in the shadows that didn't meld with the covering of darkness. The colouring on the horizon wes still fading, holding onto the blue canvas with everything they had, trying to stay in the sky for just a bit longer. Rae blinked. It was strangely reminiscent of home. He shook his head, clearing those thoughts. 'What did I expect? A completely new land?' he thought. He didn't bother to answer himself.
Crossing through the grass, Rae ignored the sense of uneasiness that settled over him. It prompted him to keep walking, to rest later. He wasn't fully certain that he should be ignoring that feeling. He'd eaten two more of the biscuits, ravenously hungry after wolfing down the first then, feeling guilty afterwards, even if there was no-one else to share the food with anyways. The stark reality was that before long he would have no more food to run out of. Rae decided to keep going, setting out in the night, once again berating himself for throwing away the makeshift torch. Perhaps he would find some trees ahead, and have the opportunity to make another fire. Or there would be nothing, like in the rest of this Willsforsaken land.
The night dragged on, mimicking the way Rae dragged his feet as he walked. Yawning just reminded him of how dry his mouth was. His eyes kept closing, legs slowing, head nodding off- he startled, stepped high and nearly tripped over his own feet, shook himself to try to become more aware, then continued on his way. There was no denying it: he needed sleep.
Giving in to his exhaustion, Rae sat down in a ditch he narrowly avoided falling into, closing his eyes. Sleep did not come easily. The night's silence was too quiet, the sounds all wrong, and the erratic breeze... Rae shifted, drawing his knees to his chest, and imagined he was exploring some wondrous caverns, rumoured to be filled with countless riches - that explained the silence, one of course had to be careful when travelling through the caves with intent to rob the place. The breeze became the beating of wings, bats like he'd never seen before flying in front of him, trying to blow him back with gusts of wind.
Rae woke up suddenly, whole body tense and prepared to run. Where was he? Right- scouting ahead without Hinai and Birtu. Shaking off remnants of sleep, he got up, looking around. Where had he gotten to? The flat surroundings he'd marked before the sun had gone down were replaced with the rolling hills that he now recognised as common in the area. In his exhaustion the night before Rae hadn't noticed when he crossed out of the plains- what he thought was a ditch was actually a shallow valley.
Rae hurried to the top of the hill, looking around himself. No sea or beach in sight. 'That's a relief,' he thought, sighing. At least he didn't turn around during the night and retrace his steps back towards the coast.
The very coast he had no idea in which direction it lay.
"Great," Rae said, looking around one more time, trying to discern something, anything, familiar. Nothing.
He was so, so lost.