So I'm dead, I guess.

I kind of assumed my thoughts would have ceased by now. Since I'm dead. Plus, I have a horrible headache. It feels like a massive amount of energy has been sucked out of me. The sensation is oddly concentrated in my stomach area. There also seems to be some oddly soft pressure weighing down on me.

Oh. With all these physical sensations, maybe I'm not dead then? That's pretty cool. So I somehow managed to cheat death. Clearly, living positively is the key to success.

Let's try opening my eyes.

Ugh. It's bright. The light, it hurts so bad. Wasn't it just night? Why is it suddenly daytime?

I give up. I close my eyes again. It won't actually help to blind myself.

Strangely, I notice that the feeling of energy exiting my body is actually continuing. Whatever caused this situation is clearly continuing.

Alright. I summon my will and raise my head, and peek down at my lower body.

It appears my amazing, chiseled body is completely nude from the waist up. OK, that's fine. We'll examine that issue a little later. I am in fact not ashamed of my amazing, chiseled body. However, there's something a bit more pressing than that going on than my amazing, chiseled body. And that something is pressing down on me.

A rather well endowed woman that appears to be in her mid-twenties is currently draped over my lower body like an octopus. She seems to be wearing... curved horns. Like a ram. They look very real for a costume. They match her black clothes very well. Is she supposed to be a demon or something? I'll say it again, it's a good costume. Very convincing.

Her lips are securely fastened around my navel. Her mouth makes quiet sucking noises. She seems pretty absorbed, she even has her eyes closed. I think I can hear a low moan every once in a while.

I'm going to let this continue for now. Yep. No need to question it for now. She seems busy, no need to interrupt. That would be rude.

Looking around, the next thing I notice is that my arms and legs happen to be shackled to the ground with sturdy looking iron manacles. There is some sort of occult symbol drawn within a circle on the stone floor underneath me. It's drawn with red paint. It's probably paint. I choose to believe it's paint.

It's definitely not glowing. That would have to be an optical illusion.

I'm getting slightly concerned now.

Looking for an escape route, I note that the area around the circle is densely packed jungle.

It's getting a bit more difficult to assert that I'm still in New York.

"Excuse me," I say, deciding the situation demands that I get the woman's attention. It's always been my policy to be polite when naked and chained to the ground.

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Unfortunately, I must have been too quiet, as she continued sucking on my navel. I think I feel her tongue in there now. It's really a shame that I have to keep my mind focused on practical issues concerning my well-being. I really can't enjoy this much as I'd like to.

"EXCUSE ME!" I yell, shaking the manacles for good measure. She finally stops, and turns her head toward me. It seems she doesn't see a need to adjust her position lying on top of me.

Probably for a completely unrelated reason, I don't feel like my energy level is declining for the moment.

Looking closely at her face, she is actually extremely beautiful, to the extent that it's almost as blinding as the sun. Her features are perfectly smooth, as though carved from a single block of marble, framed by fine pitch black hair falling over her shoulders.

The utterly predatory look in her red eyes kind of spoils the effect though. Um, those are nice contacts. You shouldn't wear them outside of Halloween, though, it just creeps people out. And her teeth - she's clearly got way too many. I'm not sure how you can use makeup to increase the number of teeth, but it's very realistic.

" एका जागी स्थिर बसू ", she responded with a smile. She has a nice musical voice, but it was unfortunately nonsense.

Uh, that's not helpful at all. Even if you are messing with me, you shouldn't just make random sounds as if it's words. It's insulting.

"May I ask what is currently happening?" I ask, pleasantly. "If I could first introduce myself, my name is Jonatha-blurglegurgle!"

She smiles again, but this time doesn't respond. Instead, the tail attached to her costume jams itself into my mouth. What an advanced costume.

Seemingly losing interest, she returns to intently sucking on my navel. I can feel my strength leaving my body again. What a coincidence.

Alright, fine. The demon horns and tail are real, she seems to be sucking out my energy or something, and I'm probably not on Earth anymore. Just a day ago, I was looking forward to a big check from my friend in Nigeria. And now I'm chained to a glowing red circle, and I have a demon tail stuffed in my mouth. Incidentally, it doesn't actually taste bad at all, but that's not really relevant right now. Dad, if only I'd followed your advice and kicked that knife asshole in the face...

...Is she ever going to stop?! I don't feel so good.