By the time Lexus finished his programming homework, it was already 10pm. Lexus hurriedly unplugged his phone from the charging cable and made a phone call to his mum. It was already late, and Lexus didn’t want to make his parents wait any longer for his call.
“Ring, ring, ri-”
“Lexus!” A puffy voice came from the other side of the line. By now, Lexus knew his mother’s evening schedule well enough to understand what was going on. She was probably sat on the living room sofa knitting and chatting with his father as she heard the phone ring, and rushed over to the dinner table where she left her phone, in order to answer Lexus’ call.
“Hi, mum. Is dad around?” Lexus asked.
“Oh yes, yes. Honey, your son is looking for you! Hold on, let me put this on speaker mode…” There were sounds of rushed footsteps as Lexus’ mum rushed back to the sofa where his dad was.
“Hey, dad. How are you both doing?” Lexus started.
His dad replied, “We’re both doing fine. Your mum just finished up the scarf. I don’t really know why she’s knitting a scarf for you now given the next time you’ll be back is Easter, but-”
“Hey!” His mum interrupted. “It’s the heart that matters. And, I’m simply preparing a year early.” Both Lexus and his dad knew not to rebut that one. “Lexus, how are you doing? Are you doing okay? Enjoying your time at Cambridge? I heard that the workload gets very heavy around this time of the year. Don’t stress and remember to take care of yourself. Our son is the smartest, he can do it!”
Lexus spoke before his mother could continue. “Everything’s fine on my end, mum. I’m really enjoying the lessons, and I’m learning a lot every day.”
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“Good, good!” Lexus could hear her smile through the phone. “Your father and I believe in you. You’ll definitely fulfil your dreams of being a fantastic scientist, just make sure to take some breaks and don’t let yourself get to stressed,” she continued.
Lexus smiled and replied, “I’ll make sure to take care of myself so don’t worry, mum!” The conversation lasted for a bit longer before ending.
After hanging up, Lexus’ smile faded as he slumped back in his chair.
He didn’t want his mother to know that he was struggling.
From the corner of his eye, Lexus could see his laptop screen, where the website showed a list of his scores for the programming exercises: 4/10, 5/10, 5/10, 4/10. Not great at all.
His progress in math and computer science theory wasn’t any better. Every time a problem sheet was set, Lexus would start working on it the first day. Not because he was particularly hard working, but because he needed all the time he could get. He would spend thrice the amount of time compared to what others would spend on the same problem sheet, only to end up with many wrong methods and answers. His supervisor would ask if he had understood the material and he would say yes, then proceed to spend hours going over the problem sheet by himself all over again.
“Was it a mistake? Was I not meant to study here?” The doubts started growing inside his brain.
He looked up towards the shelf of books that was perched above the study desk. There were math and computer science textbooks, but also biographies of famous scientists: Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Alan Turing.
Maybe I’m just too stupid. Maybe there’s just no way that I’ll be able to change the world like they have.
Lexus sat for a while more, before deciding that instead of brooding over his lack of intelligence, it was more productive to finish the discrete maths problem set that was due in a few days. He grabbed his problem sheet, some paper and a pen, and made his way over to Arthur’s room, which was down the corridor.
Knock. Knock knock.
“Come in!” A muffled voice sounded through the door.
Lexus opened the door and asked, “Arthur, wanna go to the library?”