It was summer vacations. I had gone to kullu manali with my family to enjoy the cold and the snow. We were on our way back and had stopped at a highway dhaba to stretch our muscles and eat something for dinner. I was walking around the area, seeing the happenings around me.

I had noticed it some years back, but my dreams weren’t like the dreams of the normal people. For one, I could stay conscious inside my dreams and perfectly remember everything that I did there. Then, once there, I could set up any kind of system I want, configure the forces and whatever else I want to work, and let the system go off, then note down the results. It was a really big help in understanding all the theoretical physics and chemistry.

Then I got bored of that, so I decided to follow my dream (not the one that comes when sleeping but the ‘aim’ type). I wanted to become an author. But it was difficult to create a world in my imagination and fit every minor and major character perfectly. But I didn’t need to do this. I had my own cheat.

Ever since then, I had been, slowly but surely, making up a world in my dreamscape (that is what I have decided to call my ability). It was a massive world with a very detailed history. The only thing left now, was to actually start it. I just needed that inspiration, that spark, that something which will start the story and get it rolling.

Then I saw it.

I was walking around absent-mindedly when I saw a child playing on the road and no one watching after him. On the horizon I saw a truck coming this way and thought -’Isn’t this child a bit too young to become truck-kun’s victim? Should I make him the MC? No, he is too young. Then would jump to save him and die in the process? Maybe that person will do?’

While I was thinking about such things, I saw a person jump onto the road to push the child away. But it seems that his calculations were wrong (or maybe right?) as the child was pushed before the wheels on the other side and the person himself got a flattened head by the tyres on his side. Both of them died on the spot. I am no doctor but I don’t think they have any chance of living without a head with our current level of medical technology. A lot of brain matter mixed with blood and bone was littered around the scene, and it painted a rather beautiful scenery, in my honest opinion. I also want to vomit, maybe scream a bit too, like the others but that isn’t me. The picture is just so… so philosophical. It perfectly demonstrates the mortality of living beings (I am really confused as to what it is that make the living beings, living beings and cannot be achieved by technology of sufficient level).

So, I took some photos for the future.

After almost half an hour, we finally left the dhaba and started making our way home. Right now, everyone, save the driver and I, is asleep. The driver is, well, driving and I am thinking. I can't help but remember that scene from the accident again and again.

Ughhh! I feel so gross now. It seemed so beautiful at that time. But now... ughhh. This is the 5th time that I have vomited by now. Even my parents got tired of worrying for me and are now fast asleep. It was so difficult for me to delete those photos that I took. I think I eye-raped myself with those. Is that even a thing? Moreover, does it count if I am the victim as well as the criminal?

By the way, I have decided on my MC. No, not the kid. The other person, who jumped on the kid and got himself killed.

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My name is Akshay. I am 26 this year. In school, I always came first in class. Well, not always, but I did come first from class 1 to class 5. After that, well, I found some people whom I could call friends. They weren’t good in studies and I somehow got pulled down to their level. After that, I could never come back up again. Not that I tried hard enough anyways. Even though they were the ones who pulled me down, it wasn’t them who kept me down. I got addicted… to drugs. Na! Just kidding, I don’t have money for that. I would rather save it to buy some gems in COC and then forget about buying them and leave it in my bank account where it would accumulate interest and help me when I am looking for a job.

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No, I got addicted to something much worse. NOVELS!! The thing that makes it worse, is that everyone actually encourages you to read more. And there aren’t any direct relations between bad health (physical/mental/academic/whatever) and them, so there aren’t any warnings about over-reading.

At first, it was just a small novel that my sister got for me from one of her friends. Who knew I would get so addicted to novels that I started reading them everyday. I would download a pdf file on my phone or computer and read whenever I could get a chance. I lost my sleep just so that I could read a chapter more. I started cutting on my study time to read more novels. And I always justified myself by saying that I am not wasting time by playing games or chatting with friends and that reading will improve my vocabulary and grammar. Whenever someone asked me what I was doing, I would say I am reading/studying (both have the same word in hindi) and then no one would disturb me. I always somehow maintained my above average marks. So no one bothered me.

I never really had any friends. The ones I did, I lost them to novels. But, it wasn’t as bad. I could still live. But then one day, I couldn’t find anything more to read and started thinking. That day was the day that ruined my life. I started thinking of the flaws in our education system. And there were just too many of them. Whenever I told someone my thoughts, they would say, that it has always been like that and that I should accept it. My mother always said that I should just shut up and study and get a good job. My father would ask what purpose would thinking of a better education system serve to me? My friends would just ignore me. I got isolated. Then I started thinking of suicide. But then I was a coward. I couldn’t even write a letter to a newspaper editor which my school had taught me my whole life how to do as if paper-letters were the new fab. Then I started thinking of those isekai novels and thus began my lookout for potential truck-kuns. But whenever I was just about to jump in front of them, I wouldn’t be able to. I was such a coward.

After college, I somehow got a job in a company as a software developer. My team had planned a trip to Kullu Manali for this summer. Everything was like always. Everyone was chatting with each other, while I was sitting in a corner and thinking of what to do with my life. We were currently in a dhaba on the way. I suddenly saw a child from the corner of my eyes. A truck was coming this way and the child was totally oblivious to it. I immediately jumped from my seat and ran to save him. Of course, my real motivation was that I would finally be able to force myself in Truck-kun’s path. ‘Maybe I can finally die and be reborn in a fantasy world where I will be able to live a fulfilling life filled with adventures and a harem?’

After I pushed the child out of the harm’s way, I thought, maybe I will remembered as a hero by the boy? It would certainly feel good. It might also the god/goddess, who governs reincarnation, more sympathetic towards me. But I couldn’t think a lot before I was pushed into the a black blacker than Vantablack. How do I know? No idea, I am just guessing about its blackness here.

After spending an infinite number of eternities, I finally came to myself and saw a light at the edges of my perception. I forced myself to wake up and see what was around me. At first, it was only a faint light at just the edges, then it started to engulf me.

When I was fully enveloped, the light all came towards me. I don’t know how I know that, but i felt like a black hole, eating, absorbing all the energy around me, never stopping till there wasn’t anything left. But I could feel that the light wasn’t actually being absorbed but concentrated.

Then, it exploded.

My consciousness expanded till I felt like I reached the walls of this infinite plane. It wasn’t like a metaphorical expansion or a likable one. It was the explosion expansion. It was only with sheer determination, that I could keep myself together.

I could feel myself tearing apart. I knew I couldn’t hold on for much longer.

But I didn’t need to. As suddenly as I had exploded, I, kind of, imploded and came back back to be a small point.

Then I saw it. A door of light in front of me. I willed myself to reach it, and finally, after another infinite number of eternities, I motherf***ing reached it!