Bard’s Introduction
Listen close and listen well my friends. For today, you will learn a small fraction of the harrowing tales of Magnus the Magnificent! These tales takes place “Once Upon a Time” but listen well for it is not so distant a time gone by, and the place is much closer than you think.
Magnus’s world is our world, but through a rare, harmonious blend of prescription medication; he has learned to see the true world about him. What we would consider to be a trip to the drugstore, to Magnus, is an adventure of epic proportions!
So come with me on this journey my friends! We will examine the world through an old man’s eyes; eyes that have learned how to see the vast hidden wonders of the world around them.
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Magus woke with a start. The purring of the Fairy King hummed melodically in his ear. At one time, Magnus had thought the Fairy King, Shale, to be a simple house cat, but that was before he had gained his magic.
Shale stared at Magnus with wise, calculating eyes. “Magnus, the world is in trouble, magic is fading.” the Fairy King paused, letting the gravity of the situation sink in, “the spring begins to run dry!”
The spring was Magnus’s connection to the real world, magical mixtures of various medical reagents had allowed him to see true. The spring running dry was a dire circumstance. As a mighty wizard, it was his responsibility to ensure that this would never happen.
Magnus put on his wizard robes, to the ordinary eye the robes seemed to be an old, raggedy, jumble of fabric that held a somewhat bluish tint, to Magnus the robes appeared to be a cacophony of blending, swirling colors. This was the only attire suitable to one such as him.
He hurried to the well on his counter, peering in; he saw that the Fairy King was right! One not versed in wizardly concoctions may ask how a well may be equated with pills. To state it simply, Magnus had always hated taking pills, so every month he would boil his medication into a watery substance. This was the precise reason he was now magic!
Magnus hurried to his telephone, one of the few illusionary things he would allow into his wizards sanctuary. He dialed the number of the royal herbalist.
The phone rang.
“Doc’s Pharmacy, how may I help you? A disembodied voice asked.
“Goblin,” Magnus replied, “I am of need of my reagents, and you will provide them unless you wish to incur the wrath of Wizard Magnus!”
There was a pause.
“Mr. McClain? The disembodied voice sounded shaken.
“That’s Wizard Magnus to you, you thieving goblin, have my reagents prepared for when I shall arrive.”
Magnus hung up the phone, the voice was saying something about a restraining order, but Magnus knew how trivial goblins were, their strange customs would have no bearing on his noble quest. Magnus quickly grabbed his bag full of golf balls and tied it to the belt at his waist. These golf balls, Magnus had learned, were only golf balls in the imaginary world. In the real world, his world; they were implements that enable him to cast mighty spells of destruction!
Magnus stared back at Shale, and with a solemn nod said, “I’m off.”
“Don’t forget to feed me,” the Fairy King replied.
“Oh yes,” Magnus reached into his cupboard and pulled out some cat food. Fairy Kings were very finicky eaters and would accept nothing less.
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Magnus hurried to the bus stop. He didn’t quite have a full dose of his concoction so he worried that unless he could get more soon then he would begin to lose his magic. At the bus stop he saw his good friend, Cecil. Cecil was an old man, not much older than Magnus, but old all the same. His back was decidedly bent, and Cecil was decidedly grumpy.
“Well met Cecil the Concave!” Magnus said with a huff.
“I told you that I don’t like being called concave Magnus”
“Ahh, Yes, I’m sorry my good friend, I had almost forgotten you wishes.” After a stretch of silence Magnus asked, “So what has you waiting for the iron dragon my friend?
Cecil stared dejectedly at Magnus, “You need to stop mixing your pills.”
“That’s what the goblins tell me,’ Magnus replied, “but they have tongues of a quicksilver snake, you mustn’t ever listen to their insidious lies.”
Cecil stared at Magnus for a long while, “Your going back the to the drugstore aren’t you?”
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“The goblins den? Yes, as I matter of fact I am.”
Cecil’s chin rose with determination, “I’m going to the drugstore now, to make sure they don’t give you any more of those damn pills.”
Feeling the hot flash of anger cut through him, Magnus blinked in surprise.
“You, my dearest friend, would betray me?”
Cecil, rising up from the bus bench stood resolute. “You’re losing your damned mind Magnus.”
With a spark of recognition, Magnus had figured out what had happened. The goblins must have spelled him!
The iron dragon could be seen advancing in the distance. Magnus had to react to the situation quickly. Grabbing at a golf ball in his bag he imbued the ball with a great power to erase Cecil’s memory of the goblins. With a resounding thunk the golf ball bounced off of Cecil’s head. Cecil fell back on to the bench, knocked out cold, and decidedly convex now.
Magnus nodded with a grin at a job well done. His friend would be well when the spell allowed him to wake once again.
Once in the iron dragon, Magnus chose a seat near the rear of the beast. People stared at Magnus in wonder and astonishment. It was not every day that people saw a grand wizard, Magnus thought to himself.
The warm dragonhide seat felt cozy under Magnus’s bum, and soon he was off to a deep meditation.
With a jolt, he sat upright. Magnus stared out of the bus window, and seeing that he wasn’t yet to his destination he let the cozy seat relax his troubled mind. Breathing in deep he caught something faint in the air. It was a sickeningly sweet smell drifting through the air to appeal to his senses. Once he realized what it was he smelled he almost jumped out of his seat, it could be nothing other than a witch!
After a quick scan of the near vicinity he spotted the foul creature. Her face looked fixed in a snarl that, Magnus imagined, never left her face. Her hair was done up in waves of white curls, she looked to be about fifty, but witches were deceptive, she was probably closer to a thousand years old. A black hat perched precariously on her mountains of curls.
Magnus waited quietly, hoping to not draw her attention. His stop was the next stop of the iron dragon, so he just had to remain invisible for only a few moments longer. He held his breath as she peered around, no doubt looking for her next victim.
The iron dragon came to a halt. Magnus slowly stood up, in a wicked dash he ran through the belly of the dragon, grabbing the witches hat on the way. As the witch started to scream in protest he was off of the dragon and quickly fading into the mass of the people on the busy city streets.
He now had a piece of the witches clothing, he stopped running and took a deep breath. Everyone knows that a witch cannot cast her spells on you if you have something that belongs to them. Magnus was truly relieved that she had not spotted him first!
Not long after, Magnus stood in front of Doc’s Pharmacy, the goblins den. With a stone solid determination he stepped through the glass portal.
The unnerving smell of sanitation made Magnus’s back become rigid. He stared down at the dimly lit isles of evil goblin concoctions. He kept a steady pace; to stop in this place was inviting certain doom. The goblin stood staring at him from behind his goblins counter.
The squat goblin looked a lot like a normal human, but his ears and nose were quite large. Magnus also thought that he had a demeanor that certainly was not human.
Magnus boldly shouted at the creature, “Do you have my reagents goblin?”
The little man smirked. “The cops are on their way Me. McClain.”
“It’s Wizard Magnus to you goblin!”
Magnus reached into the bag at his belt, “And I told you it would be trouble if you crossed me.”
With a mighty effort, Magnus hurled a magnificent spell at the goblin, the goblin, however, was well schooled in Magnus’s attacks and ducked as the spell flew by.
Magnus had to think of something different, he knew that the goblin would simply hide behind his goblin barricade.
“I’m not getting hit with another golf ball, you crazy old codger!” the goblin shouted.
The glass portal flew open, admitting the goblin’s thugs. Magnus knew his time had come; the guards would spell out certain doom for him. The goblin stood up from behind his barricade.
“Enjoy jail, old man!” The goblin cackled to him, satisfied with the scene.
With a last, desperate hurl, Magnus threw his last magically charged golf ball. With a loud THUNK, the ball had hit home. The den took on a mute silence as the goblin fell over; the loud thump broke the silence.
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Magnus was sitting in the dungeon not long after. Even though the goblin had been defeated, Magnus had still been caught. With a sad realization; Magnus knew he had failed his quest, the bright colors of his robe had begun to revert back to their normal state, and the magic was fading. Magnus the Magnificent had failed his quest. Lying down on the hard dungeon bench, he wept.
Magnus awoke to the sound of grating metal. He found the eyes of his son staring back at him.
“Gawain, the Gallant, can it really be you?” Magnus dared to ask.
“Yes dad,” Gawain said with a smile, “You’ve had a long day, let’s get you home.”
They left the goblin dungeon; Magnus noted that the dungeon looked a lot like a jail now, and as they traveled to his home, Magnus noted that it looked less like a wizard’s sanctuary, and more like an old apartment building.
With a sign, Magnus stepped through his door to see his cat, which was now a cat and no longer a fairy king, look forlornly his way.
“I failed,” Magnus said with a heavy sigh as he looked toward his son.
“What did you fail dad? Gawain asked quizzically.
“I didn’t get my medicine today.”
With a sigh, Gawain pulled out a crinkled white bag from his coat pocket.
“Dad, I think these pills are making you crazy.”
With a nod, Magnus quickly pulled the bag from his son. “I don’t think so son, the problem is that everyone else is crazy, and I need to protect them!” Magnus said with righteous zeal.
With a quick hug, and a small shove, Magnus had the protesting Gawain out the door. He told his son that he loved him through the door and quickly went to work.
Not an hour later the magic well had been once again filled; magic had been saved! Magnus and the Fairy King celebrated with the finest, most delicious cat food they could find. Magnus could only chuckle when he thought of what his son had said. They were the crazy ones.