Toe-high water swished around my shoes as I walked through darkness, heading to the black and violet pillar of lightning thorns. The sound of swishing water and humming energy was oddly calming, and the reflected purple light felt… welcoming. I made my way to the pillar, an odd sense of nostalgia mingled with comfort washing over me. There was something else under it though, a sharp, pining feeling of… shame? Guilt? Fear? A mixture of the emotions, maybe, honed into a knife stuck inside the depths of my heart.
I swallowed, trying to ignore the feeling as I reached the thorns, marveling once again at the unnatural darkness that made up the core of the lightning, its violet outline glowing in a beautiful accent. A gentle hum emanated from the electricity, soothing the needles of anxiety in my lungs.
Once I reached within touching distance, the thorns crackled, shifting to open up a window, revealing a familiar looking girl covered only by stray strands of the dark and amethyst thorns. She looked up at me, scarlet and azure eyes peering at me with a pleading expression.
“Why?” she whispered, her voice soft with an undercurrent of regret.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking away. I wasn’t sure how, just that for some reason, I knew I’d done something bad. Something I shouldn’t have. The answer to what she was asking tickled at the back of my mind, teasing me with answers that I couldn’t quite grasp.
“I don’t understand,” I finally told her, and she gave me a sad smile.
“Why?” she repeated. “Why didn’t you wait?”
Memories flashed through my mind in a whirlwind of razor blades. Vines, a bloodshot eyeball, the pain. I recoiled, jerking my gaze to my left arm only to find it gone starting just above my elbow. A panicked cry escaped me as I went to grab my stump, stopping short as I tried to process, to understand. My hand began trembling as I felt myself begin to hyperventilate.
My arm.
It was gone.
I cut it off.
It had looked so odd, detached and lying on the ground.
It was part of me.
Now it wasn’t.
I… I-
“Shh,” the girl shushed me in a soothing, empathetic voice. “It’s going to be alright. Like Selene said, it isn’t permanent, so just… breathe.”
Her words wrapped around me like a blanket, and suddenly the panic didn’t seem important anymore. It was still there, but it wasn’t overwhelming, its talons no longer clawing into my heart. The horror and panic became far away things, something I could still think through. I took the opportunity, falling into my familiar method of calming down.
I focused on my heart first, willing it to slow down to a normal pace. I let my racing thoughts melt away, imagining the still water of a pond.
Slowly, I began to feel myself relax, my muscles unclenching as my breathing returned to a normal rhythm.
“Good. Just like we’ve done a thousand times before… But I still need to know… Why didn’t you wait?”
I looked back into her eyes and felt them bore into me. It felt like she already knew, that this wasn’t really a question, but I knew that only meant answering her correctly was that much more important. It always was when the person wasn’t really asking.
“I…” I swallowed. “I thought it would be safe. That it was smart.”
“But why?” she asked, voice trembling. “Why did you think it would be safe?”
“Error Machina told me it would be. Selene agreed with him.”
“You trusted them,” she said with a sad smile, pausing for a moment to tilt her head. “Why?”
I opened my mouth to answer, only to find myself without words.
Why wouldn’t I have trusted them? They had no reason to betray me, and Selene had always been right before.
But I’d still gotten hurt, and that was her point, wasn’t it? They had seemed so sure I would be safe on the way back that I’d just… trusted them to be right.
I assumed and trusted, and now I was missing my arm.
“You understand, don’t you?” the girl closed her eyes. “Sometimes, it isn’t about betrayal. Sometimes, being wrong is enough. But you know this very well already. You just forgot, didn’t you?”
My mouth felt dry, and I settled for just nodding in response.
“There’s more, though, isn’t there?” she asked, giving me another searching look. “There has to be. Why else didn’t you wait?”
As I thought about it, I found myself slowly clenching my teeth, embarrassment and anger burning at my cheeks.
“I was overconfident,” I whispered. “Everything was going so well, and all this Magical Girl stuff, points and stats, it’s like a game. I… stopped thinking about this like real life. I stopped thinking about what losing would actually mean.”
“Overconfidence…,” the girl murmured. “Perhaps. Waiting to manifest Selene would have prevented this, but at the risk of others endangering themselves. Spending your points to renew your mana faster would have fixed things, but at the cost of your future. All for a safety net you shouldn’t have needed.”
“I still shouldn’t have treated this like a game,” I said through clenched teeth. “It was stupid.”
“On the contrary, it was right.”
I looked up in surprise only to see her looking back at me with big eyes. There was still pain and sadness in them, but beneath it all was something desperate.
“You don’t understand yet, but you will. Soon, I think. You should have been right. Safe. You never should have lost that arm. Caught, but not mutilated. Embarrassed, not sundered.”
I stared at the girl, her words pulling at something at the back of my mind, but whenever I tried to catch the stray thought, it retreated further away.
“I don’t understand,” I finally shook my head.
“You do, just not yet. All the pieces, but no frame to put them in. It’s okay. You made assumptions on fragments, thinking they were the whole picture. You’ll see. The missing links are all there. Life has just been a little too busy for you to think about it, that’s all.”
The desperate intensity began to drain from her expression, her eyelids drooping as she resumed her sad, almost sleepy expression. She tilted her head, and her smile suddenly became strained.
“And what’s the final reason you rushed into it?” her voice cracked as she asked. “The important one you told Selene, the lie that has the painful truth hiding behind it?”
Her words hit me like a hammer, a wave of pain pulsing through my chest. I didn’t want to say the words, to admit it aloud. Yet, somehow, I felt like I owed it to her.
“I wanted to save Lily… and everyone else in the shelter. I just… wanted everyone to be safe, and if we waited and the officers came looking for me… they might have gotten hurt. I couldn’t risk that. It didn’t matter if…”
“If you were safe,” she finished for me. “If you got hurt. If you died. You never even stopped to really consider those things. Because it didn’t matter. It never does.”
I bit down on the inside of my lip, my hand clenching into a fist. I knew she was right, but she didn’t know, didn’t understand. There was more, so much more to everything than just some stupidly simplistic reason. She didn’t know me.
“Shh, it’s okay,” she hushed me, her voice growing more tired. “I just wanted to make sure you understand, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with putting others first, even to that extent, not so long as that’s what you really want. What does it matter, getting hurt, if it’s the path to your happiness? So long as you understand, we can bear it, just like we always have.”
I looked up at her in confusion. Her eyes were drooping lower, words coming out even more slowly as she seemed to draw closer to falling asleep. Her body sagged against her bonds, the thorns giving an electric crackle as they pulled tightly against her body.
“It’s almost time for you to wake up,” she whispered, and I blinked.
Wake up?
I looked around, suddenly aware of where I was.
Or, more accurately, that I had no idea where I was, or why I was talking to a girl that looked just like me. A girl who was held by solidified lightning in impossible colors. A girl who seemed to know things about me that nobody could.
“What are you?” I asked, my heartbeat picking up as a sense of wrongness swept through me.
The girl’s eyes fluttered open, locking onto me with renewed vigor. A gentle, regretful smile stretched across her lips, and her next words reverberated through my bones with power.
“I’m the painful truths you don’t want to accept, bound by the lies we spin together to keep you safe. I’m the ever present thorns imprisoning your heart and the shelter from all the pains you can’t bear. I’m the reflection of something shattered and beautiful, something perfect in its brokenness. So breathe, Mai, and let me shoulder a share of your burdens, just like I always have. Let me help, and forget, because it’s not over yet, and you’re running out of time.”
Before I could ask what she was talking about, the world blurred as a sound filled the space and pushed me out.
[Mai?]
I opened my eyes and gasped, lifting myself up as information overloaded me. It was bright, and I was lying down somewhere. As I tried to push myself up into a sitting position, my left arm failed to find purchase, and I fell back onto my back.
[Easy, Mai, easy!] Selene’s voice washed over me. [You’re safe! You’ve been asleep for a little less than two hours, but you are still far from recovered. Take your time waking up.]
I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I looked around. I was in the shelter’s infirmary, on one of the beds. An IV was stuck into my right arm, a red liquid flowing through it. The sight sent a flash of memories through my head, and my eyes widened as I whipped my head to look at my left arm.
It was a stump, ending just above my elbow.
I swallowed, a jittery hysteria bubbling up inside me. I took a deep breath, looking around widely only to find Selene sitting on a table next to me. I mentally latched onto her comforting, plushie-like appearance, and I felt myself calming down as I took her in. Her tails were raised but drooped at the ends, her head bowed towards me. She looked worried, and maybe… guilty?
“My arm…” I whispered hoarsely, coughing at the dryness in my throat.
[How much do you remember?] Selene asked.
Images flashed through my head, and I felt the horror in my chest try to boil over. To my surprise, it didn’t. The emotion felt oddly distant, like I was remembering a nightmare I’d already had time to distance myself from.
Or, more accurately, it was like one of the bad memories that I’d had time to push so far away that it took effort to make myself think about it. What I felt was just an echo of the true emotions the experience contained, as if time had blunted its edges. It still hurt, but it was a bitter wave instead of the sharp knife I would have expected.
I wasn’t sure why the fact I’d just lost my arm felt so watered down. Was it because I lost it fighting the Anathema, trying to do the right thing? Had I really subconsciously understood that being maimed as a Magical Girl was a possibility? Or had I finally reached the point where this was just another drop in the ocean, another bad memory that barely made a ripple in how numb I’d become?
Or maybe it was some other reason…
Besides, Selene said it isn’t permanent, so just… breathe.
The thought felt oddly out of place, and yet I still found myself calming down with a deep, shuddering breath. That was right. Selene had said that. I was a Magical Girl, a fighter on the frontline of humanity’s endless war. I was already acutely aware that healing magic and magitech were things, and it was hard to imagine I wouldn’t be able to reattach my limb with both at my disposal.
If only that healing technology wasn’t so rare…
A deeper pang of guilt, shame, and loneliness pulsed through me, and I quickly worked to answer Selene’s question before I could fall into that particular line of thought.
“I remember,” I rasped, accepting a cup of water that Selene handed to me with her tails before I continued. “It’s… blurry, but I remember getting back to the shelter and then passing out.”
[Good,] Selene nodded, her body relaxing. [Though it seems you don’t quite remember everything. The officers were unsure what aid to render, and you woke briefly to tell them to just give you a bed and leave you alone. You were fairly out of it at that point, and were only really repeating what I was telling you. When you had enough mana, I manifested and instructed them to give you a blood transfusion to aid in your recovery. I also informed them of everything that happened.]
“Oh,” I said, looking away from Selene. “I see.”
Silence stretched between us as I stared at nothing in particular.
[Mai…] I heard Selene shift around nervously. [What happened-]
“Was my fault,” I interrupted her. “I was careless. Everything had been going so well, and I just… stopped being careful. I should have just spent my points.”
[Maybe… but at the time, I even agreed with your decision. It was a mistake, Mai, but it was not yours alone. None of this should ever have happened.]
I shrugged, the motion making me acutely aware of the weight now missing from my left shoulder. The sensation sent a shiver through me, and my throat tightened.
“Is, um… is my arm…”
[What I said was not merely meant to calm you down,] Selene answered, and I turned to face her. [Losing your arm is not permanent. Fighting the Anathema is dangerous, and losing limbs happens. Thankfully, there are a few answers. Anything from buying a lifelike prosthetic from a Vault to using high level healing magic to regrow the appendage is possible. None of that will be required for you, however, as we were able to safely retain your arm. Even a relatively low level Magical Girl will be able to assist you in reattaching it. Honestly, even a normal surgeon with the aid of some Zenith technology would be able to do the procedure.]
I felt myself relaxing more at Selene’s words. Shock and fear still clawed at the insides of my chest, but some of the edge disappeared.
“The container I bought cost zero points,” I noted almost absently, glancing at my stump before looking away.
[The bio-safe, yes. There are some items the Zenith deemed too important to the survival or well-being of Magical Girls to put a price on. One of those is a bio-safe capable of keeping any lost appendages in perfect condition. The case is enchanted with a spell of Gentle Repose, preventing any degradation or decay. It can last for three days unpowered, has a tracker inside it, and can be plugged into any electrical outlet to extend its running life. The case is also armored to keep Anathema from opening or destroying it. With your arm being kept in pristine condition while inside, the effort needed to reattach and fix it will be greatly reduced.]
I shivered, a tingling feeling washing over me as Selene said “Gentle Repose.” I wasn’t sure how, but I could tell those words held power in them. It raised new questions, but none felt really appropriate for the moment, so I filed it away for later.
“Okay,” I said, more to reorient myself than anything else. “So… what happened? Why was that Anathema there, and why did the lights come back on?”
Selene shifted uneasily, tails twitching.
[The full explanation is best given in the control room, perhaps while talking to Error Machina. I woke you up because there are some time-sensitive complications we need to discuss with him. Before we leave to do so, I want to ask… did you happen to have a dream while you were asleep?]
“A dream?” I asked frowning. “I don’t think-”
Black and violet lightning shaped like thorns.
Water tickling against my toes.
A familiar looking girl with a sad smile.
Scarlet and azure eyes.
Images burst through my skull like an ice pick stabbing into my brain. I winced, raising my hand to my head. What… Did I have a dream? It felt like I did, but trying to latch onto the memories only sent them retreating further away.
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“I… maybe?” I said. “I think so, but I don’t remember it… why?”
[Not quite yet, then,] Selene gave a relieved sigh, her tails relaxing. [You just seemed restless as you slept. Anyway, the reason I woke you up… Well, Ji-woo wanted you to get as much rest as reasonably possible before we talked, something I agreed with. I can go get Ji-woo now so we can have a discussion, but perhaps you would like to take a shower before you leave. Ji-woo laid out some extra clothes on the nearby bed for you.]
It only then really hit me I was still in my sweaty clothes, my jeans soaked with blood. I stifled the disgust that rolled through me, forcing myself to shake my head.
“No… I want answers first. I’ll change my clothes, but the shower can wait.”
[Very well,] Selene gave me a nod. [I will go get Ji-woo while you change. Allow me to remove your IV for you first.]
I nodded, and Selene’s tails quickly wrapped around the line before removing it with a quick pull. It was more of a weird feeling than a painful one, a sharp pressure disappearing from beneath my skin I hadn’t registered before. I got to my feet slowly, heading over to the pile of clothes even as Selene hopped away. Closing the dividing curtains around the bed, I went to work.
My eyepatch was resting on top of the pile even though my backpack was nowhere in sight, and I quickly pulled it on. Changing the rest of my clothes with one hand was… difficult. I ignored the clenching feeling in my chest as I focused on my task. With a little creativity, I was able to finish dressing in the gray sweats just as the door to the medical room opened. The last thing I did was roll up my left sleeve so it bunched up at the point where my arm ended. Then I quickly threw my other clothes into a semi-respectable pile before I opened the curtains and stepped out.
Ji-woo stood before me, her eyes slightly sunken. She gave me a ghost of a smile, her eyes flicking down to my stump before returning to my face.
“Hey there…” she said softly, her voice soft. “How are you doing?”
Unease washed through me, and I shifted uncomfortably.
“Okay,” I responded. “I, um… It’s not as bad as it looks.”
Ji-woo flinched at that but quickly nodded.
“No, no, of course not,” she agreed. “I mean, with healing magic you should be right as rain. Still… it must have been… hard. You should really talk to someone about it when this is all over. Get things sorted. I know a few therapists or even groups if you ever need anything. Just let me know, okay?”
I nodded at her, but the thought of talking to someone about what happened practically made me want to vomit. I didn’t want to think about it, let alone relive it. It was better staying buried, and I had plenty of practice in doing just that.
I cleared my throat. “Selene said there was something we needed to talk about?”
The fake smile melted from Ji-woo’s face, and she gave me a nod, gesturing for me to follow. I did, and we quickly made our way through the halls of the shelter straight to the control room. Sergeant O’Malley was in there, and he looked up at me as the door closed behind us. My backpack and gun were on the conference table, looking untouched except for the conspicuous lack of the bio-safe that I’d stuck into my bag. Selene jumped up next to the items as Sergeant O’Malley gave me a deep, respectful nod.
“How are you doing?” he asked, his voice subdued.
“Okay…” I responded. Looking between the two officers, a thought hit me, and a surge of guilt washed through me as I realized why the two seemed so hurt.
“I-I’m sorry,” I quickly said, looking down. “The other officers who went before me… I’m sorry I couldn’t…”
“Mai,” Ji-woo hurriedly said, sounding shocked. “You have nothing to be sorry about! There was nothing you could have done for them. From what Selene said, they were long gone before you could have even gotten to them.”
“But…” I struggled. “You must have known them and-”
“We only knew them in passing,” Sergeant O’Malley interrupted. “Guard duty for each shelter is drawn from multiple precincts, and ours was chosen to stay behind. What happened is awful, but you need to remember they were doing their duty. They volunteered, knowing the risks and even expecting the outcome. They were heroes, and what happened to them has nothing to do with you.”
His words were strong and resolute, as immutable as a mountain. Some of my guilt melted away, and I gave him a nod. Part of me felt bad that knowing Ji-woo and the other officers hadn’t lost anyone they personally knew made me feel better, but… well, it did help, in the sense that their pain wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
That did leave me confused as to what exactly was causing Ji-woo and Sergeant O’Malley’s haunted, reserved expressions.
“Um… There was something we needed to talk about?” I asked.
“Yes,” Sergeant O’Malley sighed. “Selene informed us of what happened, and we came to some conclusions. I think it might be best if we contacted Guardian Command before we continue. Perhaps Error Machina can provide additional insight and assistance.”
I frowned, doing a quick glance at Selene and Ji-woo. Everyone was being weirdly secretive, and it was starting to scare me. I swallowed down the hesitant, foreboding feeling and simply nodded at them.
“Okay.”
I moved over to the communication console, the officers taking up position behind me as I placed my hand on the appropriate touch screen.
“Mai, I just want you to know,” Ji-woo suddenly said, her words coming out quickly. “That whatever happens, it’s your choice. You’ve done enough, and-”
“Officer Oh,” Sergeant O’Malley’s voice snapped out like a whip, cutting her off.
Before I could ask any questions, the authentication process ended and the screen flickered to show Error Machina in his emerald, futuristic armor. His helmet was already retracted this time, revealing a relieved smile.
“There you are! I was getting worried! Things were taking so long and-”
He stopped in his tracks, eyes widening as he seemed to notice my arm. The smile on his face disintegrated, replaced with an expression of horror.
“My god, what the hell happened?” he trailed off, eyes flicking between my stump and eyes.
“Um…” I struggled to find my words, shifting unconsciously to the side to hide my arm from view. “We… We left for the generator like we planned, but there was a Newborn Arachnomantis in the generator room.”
“You fought a Newborn Arachnomantis!?” Error choked out, eyes bulging. He stopped for a moment, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. “What were you… No… No, I suppose you probably felt like you didn’t have much of a choice. Dammit… What level was it?”
“Twenty-one,” I shrugged, and he let out a bitter bark of laughter.
“Jesu- I mean, dang. You really don’t do things in halves… Okay. So you fought the Arachnomantis and obviously won. To be honest, I’m surprised you only lost an arm and-”
“I didn’t,” I interrupted softly.
He blinked, quickly looking me over again with a confused look.
“What?”
“I only got a few bruises on me from the Arachnomantis. But after… I turned the mana generator on and was running back when a Corpse Blossom attacked me.”
“Shit,” he winced, letting out a slow breath. “That would do it. Those Stalker types… Wait, you said you activated the mana generator? The computer says the shield is still offline, though.”
[We were attacked by the Corpse Blossom on our return,] Selene cut in, [just as the lights for the mall turned back on.]
“That doesn’t make sense,” Error frowned, fingers moving over a holographic keyboard as he glanced to the side.
[No. Not unless you take into account that there was an unidentified magitech box attached to the mana generator.]
Error blinked. His eyes went from confusion and then to realization. Shock flashed across his face only to disappear as rage pulled his features into a tight sneer. His viridian eyes began to glow, hands clenching tightly against the table as he leaned forward, and I took a step back by reflex. Faint emerald light began to radiate off him as his lips curled back in a snarl.
“What?” he hissed.
[It was a magitech device, clearly Guardian bought. With no markings on it, I originally assumed the only logical and reasonable explanation was that the box was some type of booster for the generator. However, if the shield generator hasn’t turned on while the mall’s lights activated…]
There was a tense silence as Error stared at Selene with undisguised fury. Slowly, he leaned back into his chair, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
[The damage to her arm was significant,] Selene said quietly. [It cost a lot of points, and even then… she had to self-amputate.]
The silence became strained, lasting only for another few moments before Error shattered it.
“Fuck!” Error slammed his hand onto the table, and I flinched as my whole body went tight with nervous fear.
Error seemed to catch the motion, eyes snapping to me, and he quickly held up his hands in a calming motion. The green light that had been coming off him disappeared, his glowing eyes dimming.
“Sorry! I just… this is… dang it,” he sighed. “I’m sorry… this never should have happened to you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this… Did you manage to recover your arm?”
[She made her first zero-point purchase,] Selene nodded at him, and he gave a bitter snort.
“Well, welcome to the club, for what it’s worth,” he raised an imaginary glass to me, and I furrowed my brow in confusion.
[It’s considered a rite of passage among higher level Guardians,] Selene explained. [Because most zero-point purchases mean a truly desperate situation, having had to make one is a badge of respect.]
“So at least you have that,” Error spat. “As for the magitech box and lights coming on… I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out before. I never even considered it an option because it’s so freaking insane and stupid. I should have seen it, though, or at least realized it was at least a possibility, but…”
He shook his head. I looked between the grim, angry expressions on the officers’ faces and Error’s before I decided to speak up.
“Um… I don’t really understand. What does that box have to do with the lights?”
Error sighed, rubbing his brow.
“Where to start… Alright, so this whole time, we thought the shield station went down because of some glitch, yeah? That the shelters coming online all at once somehow made the generator think it was compromised because of the sudden draw in power. So it did an emergency shutdown, which caused a burst of mana, and that was what knocked the mall’s power offline. That’s what we thought happened, right?”
He waited for me to give a nod before continuing.
“Well… I assumed this was the case because the other possibility seemed too far-fetched. The possibility that the power supply was tampered with, that some idiot decided to mess with a machine that is literally responsible for keeping thousands of lives safe. Just to confirm my suspicions, when you turned on the generator, what percentage of power draw was displayed?”
[82% was reported as the amount that caused the shutdown,] Selene answered. [At the time, I assumed someone had merely made a mistake setting up the generator because, as you said, the other possibility was too… unlikely.]
Error shook his head, eyes again flashing.
“Insane is the word you are looking for,” he spat. “Kōhai… the reason the lights turned back on was because that mysterious box was leeching power from the mana generator. My guess is it’s a mana converter, turning mana into electricity like the shield station is capable of. In other words, the mall was illegally siphoning power from the mana generator. That’s why the generator went down, and also why the shield station didn’t restart when you turned the generator back on. The shield station has the software and equipment to recognize there actually was tampering, so of course it didn’t automatically restart when you turned the mana generator back on. Of course, because the shield station didn’t begin restarting, it didn’t draw any Anathema, and so the Corpse Blossom was there waiting for you when you tried to run back.”
[It’s also why I saw nothing immediately wrong on the readouts once we activated the generator,] Selene added. [The mana draw was lower than expected because even though the shielding station wasn’t activated, the converter was drawing a large amount to reactivate power in the mall. If we had waited longer at the terminal, we would have seen the mana draw lower considerably and realized something was wrong.]
Error had a sickened expression on his face as he shook his head.
“Some idiot decided to illegally siphon some power, probably to save the mall money on its electricity bill, and everything that has happened has been because of that. All the lives put in danger, the hole in Arcadia’s shield network, all of it. It was all because someone wanted to save some money.”
I stared at the screen in the silence that followed, my heart pounding as I processed all the information.
The shield station… if it hadn’t gone down, I would have been able to make it to the shelter with Brian. I would have been safe, never had my guts sucked on, never would have had to fight against monsters. I would be safe right now, and so would the hundreds of people in the shelter.
And I never would have had to cut off my own arm.
Money.
It was all because of money.
“Oh,” I sighed, somehow relieved by the familiar, sick feeling that settled into my gut. “Okay. So the shelter on the third floor is still in danger, then? Can I make the shield station restart manually if I go there next?”
Error and the officers blinked at that, giving me various shocked expressions.
“Okay?” Ji-woo asked, and I felt myself blush. “That’s… that’s all?”
“Y-yes?” I stuttered, nervously shifting my weight. “I guess… it just makes more sense than this all being caused by an accident, doesn’t it?”
Ji-woo’s face tightened at that, more confusion flashing through her eyes. I felt myself growing increasingly uncomfortable under the worried look she was giving me when Sergeant O’Malley finally cleared his throat, nodding at Error Machina.
“As a point of note, one of the owners of the mall happened to be visiting when the Usurpation started and is in this shelter. He was acting weird from the beginning, trying to put himself in charge of our decision making and only backed off when we threatened to arrest him. When the Familiar was informing us of what happened, we came to the same conclusion you did, so we decided to detain him.”
“Good,” Error’s eyes narrowed, a thin, bitter smile crossing his lips. “It isn’t much, but I can at least promise that I will find the people responsible for this. All of them. And when I do, I assure you they will not be seeing the outside of a prison cell for the rest of their lives. The laws regarding tampering with shielding stations are quite clear on that matter.”
“I’m aware,” Sergeant O’Malley nodded, pausing for a moment. “And I’m also aware that normal attempts to interfere with a mana generator should have been detected. However, if the mana converter was provided and set up by a more legitimate source…”
“I understand what you are implying, Sergeant,” Error nodded. “And I can assure you, no matter the credentials of who provided the converter, they will be punished. You have my word. As for the shield station, it can be restarted if you go there in person, but…”
A dark, gloomy look fell over Error’s face. He opened his mouth to say something, then paused, made an irritated sound and clicked his teeth together. His eyebrows rose slightly, then he let out an annoyed grunt and shook his head. Error’s expressions continued to change at a rapid-fire pace, and it took me a second to realize he must be communicating with his Familiar.
“Is that what I look like when I talk to you?” I whispered to Selene, and Ji-woo let out a huff of laughter beside me.
“No,” she whispered back. “You have a blank, faraway look that grows more thoughtful. It just looks like you’re thinking really hard.”
My cheeks warmed a little, and Error finally let out an exasperated sigh, looking down at the table in front of him. He looked crestfallen as he slowly shook his head.
“What I want to tell you is that you can’t,” his finger started tapping on the table. “But I’m sure your Familiar would tell you the truth. I… Look, our options are limited here. The shield station can be restarted with the proper authorization, which you have as a Magical Girl. The problem is, it requires double confirmation, one to begin the process and one to finalize after checking to make sure all readouts are stable. In other words, once you turned it on, you would have to sit there for the full five minutes it takes to start back up before you manually give a second confirmation command. The problem with that is the shield station will be gathering mana the whole time it’s restarting, drawing all the Anathema in the area. So…”
“So she can’t,” Ji-woo hurriedly interrupted. “It would be too dangerous. But what if we escorted the people from the shelter instead? If we cleared out the Anathema along the path between here and shelter three, could we just bring them here once the doors are forced open?”
“Unfortunately, no,” Error sighed, “not without a lot of them dying, at least. Looking at the map of the mall, there are dozens of passages Anathema could wander in from. Even if you managed to clear the immediate area out, escorting that many people would take a long time, and the chances of an Anathema stumbling into the area or coming in through a rift during that process are almost guaranteed. Even worse, some Anathema have a sort of ‘life force’ sense, letting them find living things from far away. They might not pick up on a a small group, but a few hundred? Anathema with the ability would be able to sense them from the other side of the mall. Hell, I’d be surprised if the Anathema didn’t just open up a rift and spawn a bunch of monsters right on top of them the second they sensed all the people.”
“What about the mana converter?” Ji-woo asked quickly. “What if we disconnected it, would the shield automatically restart then?”
“No. The restart sequence requires double confirmation regardless of the circumstances after detecting an irregularity. Besides, I would not recommend messing with the mana converter. It would take a specialist to safely disconnect it without damaging the generator.”
Error took in a deep breath, his hands clenching into fists.
“I’m sorry, but there’s only one way to save everyone in that shelter.”
“But she can’t do that!” Ji-woo growled. “You said it yourself! She would have to fight off who knows how many Anathema for five entire minutes before starting up the shield. Even if she did, there wouldn’t be any way for her to escape, not with all the Anathema that would be drawn in. It’s a suicide mission.”
“Yes,” Error replied quietly, looking up and meeting my eye. “It is.”
I stared back into his gaze, my pulse spiking into my throat. It was his eyes, I decided, that sold it to me. There was something in them, a haunted, empty look that was too sharp not to come from somewhere deep. He meant what he said because he had experienced something similar to this.
And, I was willing to bet, he was also seeing the same look reflected in my own eyes.
The look of someone resigned to their fate.
Because the fact of the matter was, I was scared. The idea of dying terrified me.
It just didn’t scare me as much as knowing that by not going, others would be dying.
Other people would die, everyone in the third floor’s shelter, all in exchange for my life.
Lily would die so I could live.
I would be killing my only friend.
I decided, and it was easy.
“Okay,” I said, surprised by how collected my voice sounded. “I’ll do it.”
“You can’t-” Ji-woo immediately started.
“I’m the only one who can,” I interrupted quietly. “And… and I’m a Magical Girl. I have a chance.”
“You’re a Magical Girl without access to half of what makes you one,” Error snarled, and I recoiled at the venom in his voice. “You have no idea how screwed this has already been, how much you’ve already had to go through just because…”
He cut himself off, head twitching as his eyes briefly snapped to something I couldn’t see.
“If I don’t go, people will die,” I whispered. “People I know. People I care about.”
I met Error’s stare, and after a minute, he shook his head.
“Officers, I need a moment with my kōhai.”
Sergeant O’Malley nodded, and while Ji-woo looked torn, she relented and followed O’Malley out. Once the door was closed, Error leaned back in his chair and looked at Selene. A silence passed between them before Error gave Selene a nod.
“It’s time,” he said simply.
[It is. It breaks regulation, but the circumstances warrant it. The rules set by the council have doomed her every step, and I won’t have her doing this blind. She at least deserves to know the truth about her Astral Shift.]
Error nodded, face curling with disgust, and I looked between the two of them in confusion.
“What’s going on?” I asked, and Selene turned to face me.
[It’s time I told you about the things I’ve kept from you. About the “Basic” section of your status menu, the reason you can’t use your Astral Shift to transform, and about just how different your fights should have gone. What I say next, I will only transmit to you. All I ask is that you can forgive me, because even though you told me I could keep these things from you, what I’m about to say is going to hurt.]
I felt my breathing pick up a little, and I glanced between the two of them. Error gave a small nod.
“I’ll be here for any questions you might have,” he leaned back, turning to look to the side. “Take all the time you need.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, my heart thumping in my chest.
[It’s time you learned your Origin, the reason you were chosen to become a Magical Girl… and why that very reason has kept you from accessing your Astral Shift.]
I looked between the two of them as my pulse continued to increase. Error wouldn’t quite meet my eyes, and Selene’s tails were limp, lying lifelessly on the table. I swallowed down my anxiety, steeling my nerves.
“Tell me.”