I have a routine. It’s not complicated, but after a long life, I’ve found that it helps me to stay on track for the day. I wake up, turn on the television, and make myself eggs. Nothing fancy; I like them over-easy with toast. The satellite service being out should’ve been my first clue that today was not going to be a great day. Regardless, I decided to push through that first obstacle, and as I sat down to enjoy my first yolk-dipped bite of toast, I pulled out my phone to see if that had any reception. To my complete lack of surprise, there was absolutely nothing, which, given that I lived in semi-rural Alaska, was entirely what I expected. I moved here for the peace, not the blazing-fast Internet.
What surprised me during my next bite of fried egg was the notification sound my phone made. I dropped my fork back to the plate and grabbed my phone, hoping the outage was over. Instead, I was greeted by the words “EMERGENCY ALERT: TAKE SHELTER IMMEDIATELY. THE MILITARY HAS BEEN DEPLOYED.”
“What the hell?” There was no answer to my confused question, as I lived very alone. My only companion was one of the local birds I had nursed back to health a few years ago. It was some kind of albatross, but I wasn’t quite sure of the exact species. My phone dinged again twice this time. I had two separate messages each from kids, and both said the same thing: “Dad, I love you.” What the hell was going on that enough emergency services had been activated that even my cell phone was now emergency roaming?
If that hadn’t been enough to turn my nagging worry into a full-blown panic, that loud crash that was immediately followed by horrible squawking at my kitchen window was. The bird, who I had nicknamed Big Bird, was screaming for my attention while dodging out of the way of what appeared to be some sort of axe, which managed to find a new target after Big Bird’s dodge in my window. It crashed through, burying itself into my sink. I was finally able to get a glimpse of what was trying to hunt my friend.
I suddenly understood what the messages had to be about. The creature standing outside my window wasn’t remotely human. It stood around seven feet tall and was covered in some sort of armor made of bones. Its face was green with a piglike snout. The only thing I had for any comparison was some sort of a fantasy orc, which I know sounds insane, but considering the rage it appeared to be in, the comparison seemed apt. As it worked to yank the axe free, Big Bird seized on the opportunity to fly through my window, squawking at me as it did so.
“Dammit, don’t come in here, get back out there and run. There’s no reason we both need to die here,” I said, knowing it couldn’t understand me and was just coming to me in a desperate hope I could save its life again. Sadly, considering the texts from my kids, I doubted that that was likely to happen. The moments I had wasted trying to coax the bird to save its own life had been used by the monster in a much more useful manner, at least for it, not so much for me. It had ripped its axe free, completely destroying my sink and countertop below, and it was now flying toward my head.
Somehow, I managed to throw myself to the side, crashing hard into the ground while the axe embedded itself again. This time into my wall. My shoulder was screaming in pain from the impact, reminding me I was not a young man anymore. There was no way I could beat this thing in any direct fight. I needed to get out of the house and as far away from it as I could. I felt my knees pop as I forced myself, far too slowly, back to my feet. In the time it had taken me to regain my footing, the monster had ripped a larger hole in the exterior of my wall and was now climbing through, apparently very intent on both my and the bird’s death.
I grabbed the bird and ran for my front door, managing to get us both outside before the orc thing had managed to catch up to us. That meant we had a chance if I could just get us deeply enough into the woods. I wasn’t remotely dressed for a night in the woods, so this wasn’t much of a chance. Hopefully, I could find some kind of shelter before night fell. Stumbling around in the darkness seemed like a great way to die without the monster’s help.
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Just as I was thinking I might find a way to survive this nightmare, several trees in front of me exploded into a ball of sharp toothpick-sized shrapnel. I felt several embed themselves in my right side. Once again, I crashed to the ground. This time, my shoulder hit something harder and more jagged. I felt both my shirt and flesh tear as the searing pain set in.
I looked over at the bird I had dropped during this. Somehow, he looked free of any wounds. “Sorry, buddy. I think this is the end of the road for us.” As I said this, I understood why my kids had sent their texts. If it was this bad in the middle of nowhere, it must be a nightmare in any major city. So this was how humanity ended: an invasion of orcs. I wondered which author had managed to get that one right as about a dozen of them came into view. They all looked similar to the first but held an array of different weapons. One of them carried something looking like a bazooka, and I guessed that was what had caused the tree explosion.
“Any chance you would be willing to accept my surrender,” I coughed the words out to no response. One of them stepped menacing over me, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to watch the club it was carrying cave in my skull.
After several seconds of no impact, I finally risked opening my eyes. Had something changed? The sight that greeted me certainly meant that, yes, it had, but I didn’t understand what. The creatures were all frozen where they had been moments before. The club was inches away from my face but, for whatever reason, hadn’t crashed down yet. What was happening?
“What the hell is going on now?” I muttered, not expecting any answer.
“You tried to save me, not to mention that you did save me before when I was wounded. So I decided to use what little power I still had available to me to try to save you and your world,” The voice came from Big Bird. I was sure of it, but even considering today's events, I had a hard time believing it. It seemed far more likely I had hit my head in the fall.
“I’m sorry, did you just speak? I understand it’s a weird question to ask considering all of this,” I waved my hand at the scene around us to accentuate the point. “But, what the hell is going on? Did I hit my head? Is any of this real?” I asked these questions, knowing there wasn’t any realistic way the bird could prove the reality of the situation. I supposed that without any way of doing anything about the alternative, it was in my best interest to, for now, work under the idea that this was reality and that my sanity hadn’t cracked.
“I’m sorry, but it is all very real. What I believe is going on is that some Orcish faction has won your world, possibly your universe, as a prize. I don’t know why, though; as far as I can determine, it is entirely without any mana sources. This frozen time used up what little reserves I held within me. It will not last forever, especially if I have to continue to make you exempt from it. So I ask you again, Dave Imogen, my only friend in this universe, do you wish to save it?” Big Bird looked into my eyes as he asked this.
“Yes, if there is a way I can do that, then yes, but I don’t know what you think I can do,” I answered truthfully. I would do whatever I could to save my family. Even had I known what the future entailed, that is something that I can’t imagine I would ever change my mind on.
“Good, I assumed as much. I am going to mark you with my insignia. It will grant you access to the spiral. Take this orb as well. I believe it will be useful.” Big Bird coughed up a glowing purple orb onto my chest before he resumed speaking. “It’s refined experience I was collecting. I had planned to use it for another purpose, perhaps in the far future, but this is as good as anything I’d have done with it. Goodbye, my friend, and good luck.”
Surprising myself, I slid the disgusting orb into my pocket before speaking again. The falls had seriously rattled my brain. “Wait, what do you mean goodbye? I need more information,” Even as I shouted these words, I knew it was too late. I felt my body pulled through something as the world around me seemed to stretch into nothingness. My body still ached. My mind raced. How was I supposed to save the world?