"Brother A.I. being a baby sucks"

"I feel ya man"

"Itachi-kun come here say aaaah"

The bitch said while trying to get some putrid food to my mouth. she was Mikoto Uchiha. the wife of the head of the Uchiha clan and my damn mother. i mean my parents were nice people and all. but forcing someone whos 75 years old in an infants body shit to his mouth was just plain bullying man. anyways somehow i and my good brother ended by fucking up the magic somehow into a complete different universe which i absolutely have no idea where this is. and i ended up waking my consciousness when i was in the damn womb man and lemme tell ya. i dont want to experience getting out of my moms pussy like ever again

"Brother A.I have you finished calculating how the energy of this world works?" i said mentally while eating a spoonful of shit

"Yeah somehow this shit is really special dude. its like something happened to this worlds ancestor body and mutated turning it into one capable of using this energy and passed down to their descendants. it kinda works like yin-yang energy from the chinese culture where you have to mix both spiritual and physical together and form something called chakra that i heard from your parents. however thing is. your clans nervous system has been influenced by this chakra thing which caused them to have some kind of special eyes called the sharingan. that according to my calculation will put strain to your vision the longer you use it however i think that you dont have to worry about that since i can fix this problem. however the best thing that ive discovered is that the chakra thing is really easy to manipulate compared to the previous energy that we have dealt with before. and theres possibly limitless usages for it. other than that i have also discovered that theres small amounts of qi here thats especially concentrated on the natural areas yet its a bit groggier and harder to manipulate than the normal version but its also very rich and stronger as well"

"I see. chakra huh... well design something for me so that i can start practicing this energy and send it to my memories"

"Mkay" A.I said then immediatly information regarding the chakra and its structure were in my brain. it was literally more information about than even my ancestor had probably known.

"Alright play a rock album while youre at it dude"

After mom finally decided to put me down. i immediately began to work on channeling it through my whole body then attempting to materialize it. that was my only routine apart from entertaining myself with movies and music sometimes for the next 5 years. apart from considering myself a grandmaster chakra manipulator right now with no rivals. i also managed to secretly unlock my mangekyo sharingan (althrough i never showed more than a 2 tomoe for now). secretly learned a lot of ninjutsus from the uchiha library and even the forbidden scrolls that i found while sneaking to the deeper parts with nobody realising it. however shit is disappointing man. all ninjutsus rely on 2 things according to the genius shinobi that created them

1) Talent and upringing (people from famous clan have more chakra. more nature transformations etc...)

2) Imagination

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

And dont get me started on those damn handseals dude. like you have to waste 3 seconds. if youve done some stupid shit like that in my previous life in a battle that wouldve been pretty much the end of your life since some freaks could literally move at Mach 50 speed. Thats ninjutsu for ya. no theory no shit. just pump some chakra and move your fingers stupidly then youre all set

Anyways. it seems that some kind of big world war is going on right now in the elemental nations. therefore my father came up with such a genius idea to send me to watch the battle and gore so i can "See the truth of the shinobi world".

Seriously dude. is this how parents raise their little brats nowadays? if i wasnt an adult in a kid form i wouldve probably broken down (like any normal kid would obviously). aside from that. nothing major has happened to me aside from my parents having given birth to new kid called sasuke and working on how to improve ninjutsu. but it seems that next year im going to have to go the ninja kindergarten (the academy) even though everyone knows that there is absolutely no need for me to. since ive had absolutely no social skills. its been decided that i will enroll to make "friends" they said...

Another year passed. i went to the academy and aced all of the exams with no problems that the chunin teachers became afraid of my capabilities. and FINALLY after they knew that i really had nothing to learn in the kindergarten. i graduated and became genin at the age of 6.

"Yo itachi. chilling in the sun?"

"Hn" i. like a healthy good ol uchiha. answered with our ultimate secret technique. the grunt

"Hey wanna train?"

"Sure"

By the way you might be shocked and ask me how the hell did i befriend someone? i dont know either. but this guy shisui was one of the few people that i truly enjoyed being around with althrough he may be only 3 years older than me. yet he was honestly such a mature good person that i very rarely encountered someone like him. it was very crazy to think that such a person came from my stupid clan of proud ducklings with red eyes. he was very talented too

"Would you look at that. its itachi -kun and shisui-kun together. theyre so cool KYAAA" all the girls turned around and looked at us while blushing or mumbling between each other. Huhuh praise me more little generic females from the shinobi world. i mean all of the supposed female "ninjas" are just supposed to be pregnancy machines in the end. they were thought that they should always follow strong people with good genes. so it was only normal that we were getting flocked by fangurls. and i certainly aint gonna waste this chance when i grow up for some good ol one night stands with those cute kunoichis hehehe...

"Itachi are you thinking of something perverted again?" as expected of my tomodachi. he can even somehow read my thoughts

"Well im just thinking that when we grow up well get lots of pus... sorry i mean have a lot of women falling in love with us dont you think" i almost said what i was thinking about shit

Shisui went red. and then he mechanically answered "y-yeah man. we are uchiha elites after all"

So you understand me my friend! "shisui. here. these are the basics for you to become a gentleman" my comrade grabbed the book and said

"Whats this?" "nakama. this is a limited deluxe edition of the newest icha icha version made by the greatest sannin. Jiraiya-sama! it is a precious book that contains all the secrets of men and make them soar like dragons!"

"Huuh" shisui said. sounding both amazed and bored. however when he started reading he went like a ripe tomato again "H-HEY WHAT THE HELL IS THIS" then dropped it

Picking it up again somewhat disappointedly. i replied

"Are you a maiden? you need to learn how to appreciate women man. it is our duty as the uchiha elite to conquer women beneath our feet man! we will make our names in history as people who owned the shinobi world! do you understand my friend?" enthusiastically. i gave him this moving speech while he was staring at me wide eyed. after a whole five minutes of thinking he finally said "understood itachi-san. please show me the way of true men!" he bowed.

MUAHAHAHA shisui. i am going to properly brainwash you as a child and make you into a true player. the world will know about us...