Why do my hands keep shaking? It's becoming a motif at this point.

I've never had to strain my magic to such a level before. Looking around, that does not seem to be the norm. Then again, what was I expecting? There is no way to find out what Liken Academy teaches and tests, but you can always just train the base. Once you have a strong base, you can adapt from there.

I stand up and raise my arms up again. No point in trying to quit now. I got this far.

Granted, I'm not that far yet but...still.

I concentrate and let the black smoke seep out of my upper limbs. As soon as the black cloud gets close, the poly orb immediately starts its suction, pulling the dark magic into itself. My hands immediately start shaking again from the stress.

It...It's so painful. The orb is not merely sucking in the surrounding magic but tracing it to the source. I can feel it tearing my magic away from me, pulling at my muscles and stretching my soul. My nerves are shrieking at me hysterically but I can't find the strength to stop. The pain goes so deep.

This...I...I can't. This must be what he felt...Fuck...

My arms give up on me once again as a fall to my hands and knees. As long as I don't know how to direct my magic properly, I'm not getting anywhere. I've never even seen poly orbs used this way. I was raised to be afraid of them. Their soft purr as they hover never meant anything good. Whenever the police carried them, someone dangerous is nearby. Although, I learned the hard way that if the police carried them, it meant they were not giving any chances.

"Ritz. I'll give you one more try before we move on."

One more chance. I stand up and raise my hands in front of me once again.

<...............>

Taking a walk of shame to the infirmary was not how I wanted to start my first day. My arms at my side are slightly numb but otherwise are in searing pain. I only have about twenty minutes before my next lesson, which would be magical theory. From what I could gather, past the burning feeling in my arms is that the first year is almost entirely about getting in control of your magic and basic combat techniques.

I need to formulate a proper plan. Judging by the first test alone, I will not be able to survive with my current skills. I managed to get a good look at the other students but taking in their movements proved to be a lot more complicated with my arms metaphysically being fucking shredded to ribbons.

Why does this hurt so badly...you can kiss my ass with that non-lethal bullshit...I

Needless to say, I do not feel so excited about school anymore.

Next lesson is on magic theory...

I sigh at the futility of my situation and relent to push open the weirdly active infirmary. I peek inside and see it swarming with White Wings, all buzzing with activity. Surprisingly, there were at least four or five more people here.

Is everyone in this school just taller than me...

I walk further in and take a look at my surroundings. Quite a clean area with an actual cheery atmosphere, most in part to the White Wings. It's quite refreshing actually, to walk into a more positive attitude than the thick animosity between the people of 1-A. Besides...

Is that Emmi?

Bingo. A familiar tuft of silver hair underneath a cute little cap and the orange armband. Alright, straighten back. Sharpen smile. I walk up to her and try to start up a conversation.

"Excuse me, can I get a bit of help?"

"Hm? Oh hey! It's you again. Coming so soon?" she replies with an intoxicating smile.

She's definitely got a lot of charisma as a medical worker.

"Yeah, It's my arms again. I need some medical attention."

"Oh, of course. Why else would you be here? Come follow me."

I follow Emmi to an empty bed and take a seat. She takes a seat across from me and slowly caresses the length of arms again.

"Ooh...that's pretty bad. You shouldn't push yourself so much. If you can't handle it, you should stop."

That's...not the best advice for me right now. I must have let my discomfort show because I look up to see that Emmi's expression has soured. I can't even fully tell what her expression is supposed to mean. Is she worried for me or is she angry that I wasn't listening? Did she also think I did not belong? I try to defuse the situation with a smile.

"Yeah...maybe. Oh, I have to go to class in about ten minutes. No pressure."

"Right, right, of course," she replies with a roll of her eyes.

I release a held breath as her light magic relaxes my muscles and clears my mind. I could really get addicted to this feeling. People have. Though, I don't mind coming to Emmi for that. I let Emmi finish her procedure before I quickly stand up and rush out, disregarding any other comments made by Emmi. I don't have much time before the next class starts. I run over to the giant gate and-

I don't know where to go from here.

Five giant doors and I only know where two lead. The doors never reveal what's inside. It just looks like a black void until we finally enter. Other dumb concepts include everyone from the inside being able to see you. Now I'm stuck. I try the uppermost door due to it being adjacent to the combat area door and-

What are you doing here?

Hm? I-

You're supposed to be in class, Dravus.

I recognise this magic.

Of course, you do.

I can't control my legs. Where are they bringing me?

You're supposed to be in class 

I walk through the big door-

Gate.

Gate. I'm going through the big gate obviously to meet my favourite member of staff, Mr Liken here. My legs continue to push me further down the corridors. There's an overwhelming presence at the end of the hall. It's...quite a majestic presence. What an astounding aura of purple. Are those red eyes? Beautiful red eyes.

Do you think this is fun?

No. No. Not at all.

Never have I felt so exposed.

"Get used to it. I see, everything."

Noted.

"You're supposed to be in class."

I don't even know where to-

"You're lost huh?"

The directions to my class suddenly pop into my head. I feel a slight tingling in my limbs as the directions get implanted into my muscle memory. The long labyrinthine halls of the school flash through my head. Class after class are being presented to me, most of which have already started. The images stop at a particular class. Female teacher. Familiar faces in the seats. The class has started and-

"You're late."

I know where to go.

"Then go."

Yes. Yes, of course. Turn and-

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Run

Yes, run. I hurriedly close the gate behind me and sprint over to class, not wanting to be late too late for my first class. Past all the teacher's offices and straight into the main hall. Upper left gate lead to the classrooms. My legs rush me over to my class. Down the twisting corridors and past the active classrooms. I'm almost there. I see it now. I hope I didn't miss much. I burst through the door and-

All eyes are on me. Shit. Judging by the board at the front of the class, I've missed quite a bit too. I quickly scan as much as I can before the piercing look from the teacher penetrates my skin and leaves a scar.

It might very well be possible.

I rush up the stairs to the seating area and try to find a seat that won't leave me open to get maimed by the rest of my classmates. I see Malik open up a scoot to the side and open up a spot next to him which I sit at against my better judgement. All the other students slowly start to avert their eyes and the teacher relents to continuing the lesson. It seems like the alpha has made a decision in their eyes.

"You've missed quite a bit," Malik informs me.

"Yeah...I should be fine." I reply with a smile. I can feel my soul slowly starting to leave my body but I inhale it back in and focus. The teacher continues to write and explain topics I know nothing about at breakneck speed. No book, no pen, I might as well try to burn everything to memory.

<...............>

Too much. Of course, there was too much information for me to absorb.  Dinner now. Free time afterwards. I'm struggling to contain all the information relayed to me during class. The levels of knowledge I have to absorb plus the number of preparations I have to make for future lessons is threatening to crack a hole in my skull. At least, it feels like that. Mumbling the information under my breath is not going to last very long. 

Since the dawn of time. Yauler studies established...126 years ago. Magic connected to...ameforce..Control is key. Magic limb. Magic... 

Mumbling the information under my breath is not going to last very long. No....no not long at long.

Don't lose it. Don't lose it. Don't lose it.

I take a piece of bread and stuff it in my mouth. No time to eat anymore. I need to record down today's studies and then move to physical improvement. The usual exercises are all out the fucking window. There's a more pressing enemy to be conquered now and it's a fucking magic ball.

I make my way to my room and quickly take in today's lesson in bullet points because at this point, its all I can remember. Two pages of messy notes scribbled on a notebook I brought from home. I'm done with that Quickly now, exercises. Test poly orbs are available in the dojo. Top right gate, three doors in.

Two hours till closing.

I briskly walk out of my room to prevent any more of a ruckus and hurriedly move to the dojo. I have to try to control my magic to surround the poly orb and not get sucked in. I can't push myself too far either because that will cause more problems for tomorrow. There's only so far I can go before either I succeed or lose both my arms.

Moving into the dojo, I see other students already present. Whether proficient or not, they're all here, fine-tuning their magic. I cannot fall behind. I grab an orb off the floor and press the button to activate it. Surrendering my body and soul to magic, I try again. I let my dark magic seep out as gas and direct it towards the orb only for it to seize my magic again. 

I need to last long enough to try and move.

I shouldn't be looking at this as an endurance battle. I know I shouldn't but I have no other choice. I'm too weak. Too inexperienced with proper magic control. Too stupid to figure it out on my own. My only choice now is to push forward. My only choice now is to push as hard as I can.

I see it working. It's working-

"Argh!"

A small groan of pain escapes my lips as my arms shut down and flop to my sides.

Fuck man...Not so soon.

I have to retire for today. I can't stop now but if I don't, I might not be able to go through class tomorrow. I have I look up at the clock. Three hours to lights out. So much time, wasted. I grip my thighs to stop my hands from shaking.

It's...It's only day one Ritz. You can recover. Build yourself up from here.

How difficult will that be?

<...............>

My back hits the floor with a loud thud, like a sack of rocks dropping off a cliff and onto the hard floor below. Landing on the hard mat back first really puts into perspective how far I would be willing to go for such an unrealistic goal with...with...

Everything hurts. Why is it so hard to breathe.

"You're done for today, Ritz. Someone help him up."

Like usual, everyone hesitates, waddling around uncomfortably before I slowly, eventually, pry myself off the floor. The steps of someone getting closer, however, puts a tiny inkling of hope in me. It might be Malik but I doubt it. He's been keeping me close, putting up his smiles and laughs but nothing of substance. Nothing too personal.

The footsteps stop and I open my eyes to see an extended hand from...Leyna. I take her hand and she unceremoniously pulls me up, completely ignoring the amount of pain I'm going through. No words were said between to two of us as she left immediately.

...What's with that? What's different now. Why did she....

Well, if anything in the past two weeks has shown me, Leyna hasn't been included in most things either. Leyna's case, however, feels more like choice compared to the condemnation I've been facing. I've tried to reach out to her multiple times but she actively avoids me at this point.

I try to give in to my curiosity but my own difficulty breathing brings my attention back to myself. Took a full concussive blast of solid light to the chest. My breathing is laboured and-

"Ritz. Do you need another infirmary visit?"

Yeah, I must look terrible. It's almost routine for me to go to the infirmary at this point. At this point, Mr Ruikan asks me after every practical lesson. Then again, going to the infirmary is not always a bad thing. 

"Yeah. I'll head over there myself. Thanks for the lesson." I reply. Mr Ruikan nods his head as I make my trek over to the-

"Oh, and Ritz. I need to speak to you. Come to my office after the break."

That can't be good. My heart starts pumping quicker than during the actual battle I had earlier.

Steady your hands Ritz. Your fear is showing again. Can't give these guys more reason to avoid me.

A little of Emmi's magic will help. I've been meeting Emmi more often due to my visits. She always manages to brighten up a shitty day with her mere presence alone. I try to hide my growing crush on her but my emotions are not always the most controlled. If anything, her magic is having an effect on me. I keep wanting to go back for more. I had to stop myself from going to the infirmary out of fear that I would get addicted. Light magic withdrawal seems to be a common occurrence in the richer areas of Raekoft.

I struggle my way to the infirmary and peek through the door to find my favourite healthcare professional. Sure enough, I find her usual bubbly self laughing away while talking a...taller, more handsome man. It's the older White Wing from two weeks ago, looking a lot cheerier than when we last met. I walk further in an approach the two of them.

They look so engrossed in their conversation as if the world around them had no meaning. As if they weren't surrounded by the sick and injured. Why is he here now?

I walk up and try to surrender some control of the situation.

"Hello Em. I'm back here again." I say with a smile. Emmi turns to look at me with and rolls her eyes endearingly.

"Third time this week, Ritz. Are you even listening to me?"

"Well, I-"

"Oh wow, someone who actually doesn't listen to you." cuts in the older White Wing.

"Shut up, Landen!" retorts Emmi with a laugh. She playfully shoves Landen and they both laugh together. So happily in sync. This atmosphere is...disconcerting. What is their relationship?

"Oh yeah, Ritz, this is Landen. He's my White Wing senior."

"Aww, that's it?" Landen chirps. My eyes shift to their individual movements. Landen is close, leaning into her while Emmi seems to encourage it, reciprocating the gesture. They have similar- no, the same ear studs on and they can't pry their eyes off of each other. My heart sinks even lower than before. Why am I being tortured like this.

"I'm finally on the same shift as you and this is what you do to me, hm?" Landen says, lifting Emmi's chin up by his long, snake-like fingers. Emmi seems entranced for a moment before vigorously shaking her head and turning her attention back to me.

"What's the problem today, Ritz?" were the words that came out of her mouth. I think I'm losing focus. I don't know. I smile and mumble out a reply.

"Just a little trouble breathing."

Emmi moves on with her process and I find myself struggling to relax as easily anymore. Her magic forces my body to relax and I take this time to properly gather my feelings.

I should have seen this coming. Emmi's a beautiful girl with a great personality. What's there not to love? I know I did.

There's nothing I can do about this now. Better to move on. I look up at Landen and see his vicious eyes staring me down as Emmi has her hands on my chest. I do the most civilised thing and muster up a smile. A most civilised smirk is his reply.

I...I didn't lose Emmi. She's still here. So what if she's attached. I...I can move on from this. It's not like the only person nice to me is...

"Ritz? Is there something wrong?"

There's...there's nothing I can do now. Nothing. I've been losing ever since I started school here. I can't keep up with my studies. There's so much information I have no basis on. Everything is so new. It's so unfair. Then, comes practical studies. I can beat up left and right. I can't even manage the poly orbs right. It's always too much. I can never handle it. 'Ritz, do you want to go to the infirmary?' again and again and again. It's unfair. It's so unfair. I can't have one damn thing in this school.

"Ritz?"

"I'm good. I have a meeting to attend"

I stand up and refuse to listen to Emmi's comments. I know I'm being selfish. What's so wrong with that? I've had enough.

<...............>

I walk out of the infirmary with my head held low. Next is the stupid bloody meeting with Mr Ruikan.  I walk through the uppermost gate and head over to Mr Ruikan's office. It wasn't particularly hard to find, he was standing outside, waiting for me.

"Get in here Ritz, I have something important to tell you."

What now? Why now does he want to talk to me? I didn't do anything wrong. I did everything to this school's stupid fucking standards. Is Leon behind this? He's been giving me crap for the past two weeks. Pushing me around, verbally assaulting me when the time is convenient for him. He's even hanging around Yuri and the other two fuckheads. Who knows how many connections these people have. I could be framed and kicked out of here. Wouldn't that be the perfect end to a perfect day?

I walk into the office and Mr Ruikan gestures for me to sit at the chair across from him. I comply and steady myself for the oncoming assault.

"Ritz, I'm just going to be frank. Your current performance is not up to standard. You are just barely hanging on for your theory studies and your practical skills are severely lacking."

I know this. Why is he telling me this?

"I've given you the best I can but, two weeks into school and you show no signs of constant and significant improvement. You're going to be expelled."

What?

"I've seen the effort you're putting in but it's not enough. The standard of this school might just be too much for you."

Seven years...down the drain.

"Since you haven't quit on your own accord, tradition dictates that you will be given one final aptitude test for both your theory and practical. These tests will be next week. Your theory test will be on Kulsday while the practical test will be on Jinsday. Please prepare for them accordingly."

I...

I nod. Ruikan dismisses me. I leave.