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14 - Life Goes On?

Dear, Quartz, Chad, Selena, and Mallory.

I am safe, if somewhat scared and confused, with Wizard Mulberry. Do not worry for me. I hope you all got out of the encounter with the shadowmen without injury. Sorry for the brief letter. I will write again when I can.

-Jet

“...” Quartz thought as he read Jet’s short letter for the hundredth time, “...” Finally a single word broke through: “Nothing.” That one word summed up how he felt, what he wanted to do, what he could bring himself to think about, what he had eaten today. “Nothing,” he thought once more before giving up on thought, because even that was too hard.

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Chad stood in the doorway looking at Quartz sitting on his bed. Chad was starting to get worried. It had been a week since Jet disappeared and three days since they got the letter. Quartz hadn’t left their room during that time. He hadn’t gone to the tower to pick classes and he definitely hadn’t gone to any classes. Chad had hoped that the letter would help Quartz get moving again, but even the assurance that Jet was safe did not pick him up in the slightest.

They had been assigned two apprentices as roommates at the beginning of the quarter, Tom and Hanson. Tom had only stayed two nights before Quartz had creeped him out and he asked to stay elsewhere. Hanson was still technically their roommate, but avoided their room like the plague except to sleep. Chad could understand why. Quartz’s depression was getting to him as well, especially since he himself had been devastated by what happened on the Solstice.

Chad entered the room and placed the small lunch he had brought with him on Quartz’s desk. “You really need to eat more,” he said. Just like he had for the last week. Quartz didn’t respond. Chad left and met Mallory outside where he had left her while he took the food in to Quartz.

“How is he doing?” she asked.

Chad’s head drooped in response.

“So...still the same?” she asked next.

“Yep,” Chad said idly. What else was there to say?

“Well, I need to get to my next class,” Mallory said, trying not to sound depressed. “I guess I will see you later.”

“Yeah, see you later,” Chad replied, attempting a smile but failing.

As Chad went to his classes that afternoon, he felt like he was experiencing a dream of what life used to be like before Jet left. Everybody around him didn't notice her absence. They continued on with their lives as they always had, while he was left alone to miss his friend. Yes, they all knew about the incident. It was the center of most gossip circles for almost a week, but it had already been pushed aside to make room for the latest rumor.

When Chad was done with his classes for the day, he went to the sparring grounds to try and work out some of the stress and depression he felt and to try to figure out what to do with Quartz. He pushed himself hard, and Master Henry and Master Starling even humored him with a spar each. He headed back to his dorm later than usual feeling the same as when he started, except now he was exhausted.

As he was nearing the dorm, he saw Selena entering with a young man he did not recognize. While it was allowed for abecedarians to enter the dorm of the opposite gender, it rarely happened and he had never seen Selena come any closer to the dorm than the dining commons. He picked up his pace hoping to catch up to them and find out what was going on. He found them outside of his room as Selena was letting the young man into it. The young man went in while Selena stayed in the hall. Chad was about to ask what was going on but stopped short when he heard what was being said in the room.

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“...more about what happened to Jet just to be told that you have shut yourself in your room and won’t eat or go to classes? Do you know how ashamed I am to call you my brother right now? After all of the hard work and rough times you and Jet went through for you to be able to study here and you are just sitting in your room? What would Jet think?...”

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Quartz did nothing as Justin lectured. That was all he could do: nothing. Then Justin asked what Jet would think. That made Quartz think about Jet, but that hurt. He didn’t want to hurt,. He didn’t want anything. He wanted to return to “nothing.” Justin kept lecturing. He kept mentioning Jet. Quartz kept hurting. Every time he hurt, it was harder to return to “nothing.” Emotions that he had buried under “nothing” for the last week were starting to surface. He scrambled to return to “nothing,” to bury everything again, but instead he was being buried in emotion. Pure raw emotion. He needed it to stop. He needed an escape. Why wouldn’t Justin stop talking about Jet? It was all Justin’s fault. He just needed to stop Justin and he could go back to “nothing.”

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Chad watched with Selena as the young man, apparently Quartz’s brother, railed into the motionless form of Quartz. Chad was trying to decide if he should step in when Quartz suddenly jumped out of his chair and, with a scream, took a swing at his brother’s head. His brother tried to dodge and block at the same time and ended up taking the blow on his forearm which, in turn, hit his head. As his brother recoiled from the blow, Quartz’s scream became a flurry of words.

“STOP! STOP IT! Stop talking about Jet! Don’t you get it? She’s GONE. What does it matter what she would think or do? She can’t think or do anything because SHE IS GONE!” Quartz tried to punctuate this with another punch. However because his brother was ready this time, he dodged the emotional attempt with ease. “Since when do you care about us?! We haven’t had as much as a letter from you since we came. Why should you get to ask what Jet would think when you weren’t even here for her? I WAS here! I SAW her being attacked! I SAW her get taken by the wizard!”

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Quartz froze. He had spoken to try and stop Justin from talking about Jet. He had wanted to return to “nothing.” But in his rage he had gotten carried away; he went too far. He had said the very thing that had made him search for “nothing” in the first place. He had been there, he had seen Jet being attacked, he had seen her being taken away, and there had been NOTHING he could do to stop any of it. He was supposed to be the talented one. He was supposed to be able to protect her, but he couldn’t, he hadn’t, and now she was gone. And it was his fault that she was gone.

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Quartz had just stopped. He was in the middle of his rant and then he just stopped. His brother was still a few meters away and looking wary, but Quartz didn’t move. Until he did, by collapsing onto his knees on the floor. “I couldn’t protect her,” he whispered after a few minutes. “I was right there and I couldn’t protect her. I’m so sorry Justin, I couldn’t keep my promise.” He buried his face in his hands and wept.

Quartz’s brother, Justin, slowly made his way over to him, sat down, and put his arms around him, “I know. It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Chad felt awkward and that it was time to be someplace else. As he turned to leave, he remembered that Selena was also there. He looked back at her and saw that she probably felt as awkward as he did. She met his eyes and he saw tears welling in them. “I couldn’t do anything either,” she whispered.

“None of us could.” Chad whispered back, though he wasn’t sure if the statement had been meant for him. After a short pause he added: “Come on, let’s go get dinner.” What else was there to say or do?

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When Chad got back to the dorm that night, Quartz was already asleep, the tray of food from lunch was empty, and Justin was nowhere to be seen. The next morning Quartz actually got out of bed and got himself dressed.

“Hey,” Chad said, “welcome back. How ya’ feeling?”

“Terrible,” Quartz said, “but life goes on. My brother came yesterday. That was the last thing he said to me as he was leaving. He said ‘you two both made it out of this alive; that means you can see each other again. Next time you decide to be a statue for a week, remember, life goes on and where there is life, there is a reason to keep living.’ So, life goes on.”

“Yeah,” Chad replied, “life goes on.”