A short moment after Sir Kalman barreled through the front door of Handface’s lair, a discordant note from Rocker blasted apart the smokescreen- or at least greatly thinned it. That was good enough for us to see a line of green coming for us. And as anyone who lasted in a super profession knew, you dodged lines of green. Also every other color. Never let anything touch you if you didn’t know you wanted it to.

With the smoke thinner we could see that the place immediately split into two rooms. Sir Kalman had angled to the right, and was now facing off against two people who looked like they were about to die. Which was to say, they didn’t have weapons or armor. I did feel some mana from them, though.

On the other side was a guy in a green outfit currently drawing in a massive breath, enough to cause his body to bulge. Which was obviously not normal. “Watch out!” I said. “It’s… Hawk?”

I was reasonable and moved to somewhere he couldn’t see me, thus providing cover. I saw everyone else did that as well.

A spray of green splattered through the door, making pits in the ground beyond. Ah, that was right. Hock. Well, it sounded the same anyway. “Hey, why is supernatural acid green?” I whispered to Acid Man next to me.

“Collective consciousness,” he replied. “Do you know if he’s resistant to acid as well?”

“I do not,” I admitted. “But I do know he can’t change form, so you can just punch him in the face.”

“Great,” he said, shoving off of the wall and causing some of it to crumple. He still chose to step through the proper doorway.

With my improved field of vision I was just in time to see the two people inside punch either side of Sir Kalman’s helmet in perfect sync. No, was it two people? Or one person twice? Maybe twins. The important thing was the mana that flowed from them into him, and the way he froze up.

For about a tenth of a second, before he grunted and slashed his sword horizontally across the chest of the one to his right. To his credit the guy leapt away with great agility, but the amount of blood that was seeping through his clothes a moment later didn’t look great for him. “Should have been smarter than to go for the head!” Sir Kalman roared.

The way they moved was clearly supernatural yet also… flawed? They combined street brawling styles with mana. Which made me think they were local-born portal power monks. They should have probably made better choices with their lives.

A loud crack tempted me to peek around the corner and see how Acid Man was doing, but I suppose I should have been able to intuit that from the way Rocker and Ice Guy were already rushing into the room. Ice Guy pivoted to the right to help Kalman finish off the twins, I supposed they were. Rocker went to the same side as Acid Man and Hawk. Hock.

It had only taken Acid Man a couple seconds to bring the guy down, and Hock was prone on his back. Even so, he didn’t give up but pulled in a deep breath. Acid Man bent over and thrust his hands over the guy’s mouth. Acid sprayed into them, deflecting in an irregular circle around the area. Rocker danced away, and the nice carpet was ruined. On that note, it looked like Hock’s outsides were just slightly less resistant to acid than his insides. Part of his clothes were melted through, and some of his skin was… well, I was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be bubbling.

Acid Man punched the guy in the jaw, then flipped him over onto a clear patch of floor. “That’s your own fault, buddy,” he said. Then he looked at his hands, “Aww man, I liked these gloves.”

The palms were practically gone. Midnight commented, “Good thing you were resistant to this particular acid, yeah?”

“Nah. I spent a couple months dipping my hands into stuff you’re not supposed to get on your skin,” Acid Man said. “I earned this.”

“Oh, sorry,” Midnight said.

Our banter was interrupted by a slew of profanity from Rocker. “Watch out! Lasers and crap!” His public image still needed some fine tuning, but he was trying.

I did indeed ‘watch out’ as another laser bounced off of a mirror on the opposite side of the room- up some stairs on a landing. It clipped me briefly, but my movements meant it didn’t get a sustained beam on me. Francois was still going to be terribly upset at the state of our outfits after this was over, but it’s not like we took damage on purpose.

As it turned out, however, mirrors were not a great way to attack Rocker. He gave a single yell and it shattered, then he rushed over towards the stairs. The instant he poked his head around the corner he predictably got blasted with another laser, which his particular defenses weren’t great at deflecting. He ducked behind corner again and yelled in frustration.

I was pretty sure he shattered the windows in all of the buildings around us. Which was going to get him a stern talking to, no doubt about that. “You got the laser guy?” I called.

“Not at all,” Rocker said.

“Oh. I’m pretty sure we need to go that way. Handface was upstairs.”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“Then let’s go!” Kalman called out, followed closely by Ice Guy.

“Someone should watch the outside,” Ice Guy said. “Rocker, Acid Man. Sweep the outer perimeter.”

Good plan. They were the most bulletproof of us, and the one we really needed to catch was Handface. That left four of us to go upstairs and deal with some sort of laser guy or gal, and Handface. And whoever else they had.

Ice Guy ran up the stairs first, with a nearly transparent shield of ice held in front of him. It seemed quite effective, as instead of lasers he just got sprayed with rainbow light. We couldn’t bet on that holding forever, but we were already charging after him- myself and Midnight behind Sir Kalman, obviously.

When Ice Guy reached the top of the stairs, someone swept out their leg to trip him. And if that had been the end of it, he would have danced over them and probably frozen their face. Instead, I only saw a foot and something like four feet of shin, but no knee. Not a thick, meaty leg of a giant but instead a thin and rubbery leg that rose up at an unnatural angle. So it wasn’t odd that Ice Guy toppled forward. He had a good recovery, though, rolling back into a kneeling position and creating a ring of ice around him.

The ice was thick and opaque, providing a useful barrier for the lasers coming from the left and the gunfire from the right.

“I’ll get the laser guy!” Midnight said, scurrying off my shoulder- while casting Haste on the both of us with about half of his remaining mana.

Sir Kalman immediately swiveled right at the doorway- his sword held down to stop anyone foolish enough to try to trip him. I saw a bit of leg wiggle unnaturally away. So whoever that was had control. Good for them.

I trusted my buddy Midnight to succeed at his self-appointed task, but I also wanted to make sure it went as well as possible. I backed up against the right wall to get an angle looking off to the left, my pistol in hand. I could just make out some guy pointing a metal arm towards Midnight, carving grooves into the floor as Midnight’s catlike body sprinted.

I gave the guy a single shot in the chest. Which was good, because he had some sort of super barrier thing. No, an AEGIS? Should have shot for the waist. But the anti-magic bullet did its job, negating the barrier at least for a moment- though it didn’t keep enough momentum to pierce through the guy’s metallic skin. I heard the bullet plink off of him.

Then I spun around the corner to the right, towards the sound of more gunfire. There were a few guys with handguns much like mine, some weird stretch guy trying to wrap around Sir Kalman, and Handface.

Handface had a bigger gun. And he’d save his shot for me. How nice.

I was knocked back a step as the shot hit my chest. But with the layers of super material, Force Armor, and Stoneskin… I’d still probably have a half dozen broken ribs. Couldn’t let that keep happening.

I steadied myself and shot at Handface. My first shot was a very expensive miss as he ducked behind some shelves in the middle of the room. This place was a mess I wouldn’t want to lair in.

Ice Guy was no longer under fire for a moment, and he tossed a sphere of ice that landed on the ground near Sir Kalman- covering both him and the stretchy guy in a thick layer of ice.

I could hear more shots outside. Maybe there were reinforcements downstairs or from a nearby building. Handface never seemed to run out of thugs willing to work for him, somehow. What was he paying them? Couldn’t be worth it.

I rushed closer to where Handface had gone, only to see a cloud of green gas puff out from behind a couch. Time to test if it was flammable. I shot a Firebolt towards it as I retreated.

The answer was… maybe, but only in a terribly disappointing manner. Perhaps the cloud had pushed away all the oxygen, but ultimately I only made a small hole in the middle through which I vaguely spotted a glint of metal. Haste gave me enough reaction time to determine it was the barrel of a gun.

I ducked down, focusing some of my remaining bits of mana into a Shield spell. I intentionally angled my body so that he wouldn’t hit the same part as before. This time, I felt something enter my gut. But there was nothing immediately fatal around there.

I cast Mage’s Reach as I ran around the cloud of gas. This upper floor was surprisingly open. Maybe to make room for random and now shattered mirrors. The ghostly hand went straight through the cloud as I circled around behind Handface faster than he could draw a bead- though he did take another shot, it went over my shoulder.

My pistol came up, shooting at his gut a couple times. The first one was enough to remove the barrier he had, the second destroyed the device- but sadly seemed to not have enough juice to penetrate his scales.

At that point, Mage’s Reach clicked the safety on his gun. That wouldn’t hold him for long, obviously. But it stopped him from shooting me while at the same time breathing a cloud of gas. I saw his mouth begin to open, and angled my gun.

This guy had good reactions. His mouth snapped shut just in time for my bullet to slam into his mask and the side of his jaw beneath. Not past that into his skull, though. Dragon scales sure were tough, huh?

Some poisonous gasses had still leaked out, and I brought around my staff in the other hand. Dragon breath was magic, and my staff was charged for dispelling still. It came down on his head with as much force as I could manage with my left arm.

The last bit of his mask fell off, and I could see his green scaled face with huge bags under his eyes. And a hand shaped pattern where there were no scales.

“Listen, Handface,” I said, kicking his wrist and knocking the gun out of his hand. “This is all your fault.”

“Pfeh,” He spit blood. “Just what should be expected from a barbaric orc like you.”

I could tell he was trying to get me angry. Probably so he could stab me with the knife he was reaching for. “Your taunts are pathetically outdated. My therapist does great work, and I met an old guy.” I swung my staff- still left handed- towards his arm as he tried to lunge for me. My right hand crackled with Shocking Grasp, using a couple points out of my handful of remaining mana. The knife scattered to the floor.

I had a little bit of Haste left and realized he probably hadn’t heard my words clearly as I grabbed his face. From his reaction, the part without scales seemed to be lacking magic resistance. He crumpled to the floor. I bent down and did it again, leaving only blackness in the shape of my hand. “You should have been happy just trying to kill me,” I said.

Was I supposed to feel good after this? I would have liked to ask Comhghall, but I’d have to settle for Patenaude.

No wait, I had magic for that. I could do both.