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Mad House
Naps, Omnipotence, and Energy Drinks

Naps, Omnipotence, and Energy Drinks

  Standing in the shower, Artemis reflected on what had happened. After travelling fifteen parsecs to see her original home, she arrived to find that her best friend was nothing that she had thought of him. He wasn't the dead man she expected, nor was he the hero that he had dreamed of. Mark had become a villain, or possibly some sort of god. His ability was poorly explained, yet so simple to understand.

  He could do anything, and nobody could stop him.

  Turning off the shower, Artemis stepped up to the mirror and admired herself. It may be vain, but Artemis saw her beautiful body and felt pride that she had kept it so nice. There were tiny scars from her many battles, but they taught physique that she had obtained after constant training was perfect for her. Turning to the side, Artemis admired her curves, the way her plump-

  "Stop looking at yourself in the mirror," came a shout from behind the door.

  "Can you see me?" Artemis demanded angrily.

  "I can see everything," Mark answered, "it's called 'Spacial Awareness', and I can't shut it off."

  "Just go somewhere else!" Artemis shouted at the door.

  "Spacial awareness works even when you're clothed, you know? I saw you naked the moment I got this power, you don't have to be shy about."

  "Then what's the purpose of wearing clothes?"

  "They keep you warm and protect you from other people's vanity," answered Mark placidly. "Now get dressed, I cleaned your suit to the atomic level, it's as clean as it's ever going to get."

  An arm phased through the door like a ghost, holding the suit that Artemis had been wearing. The arm had a long sleeve, obviously belonging to Mark's trench coat. Artemis grabbed the clothing angrily, mad that she had lost an argument.

  "So, where do you want to go?" Mark questioned through the door.

  "Don't you already know?" Artemis asked sourly.

  "I know several thousand answers that you could give me, but the most likely is Paris."

  "Then why even ask?"

  "For the same reason I don't poke my head through the door. Basic decency. I don't want to freak you out too much."

  "You're a bit late for that," Artemis claimed sourly. The superheroine donned her suit, then looked at her reflection one last time. Satisfied with the look, Artemis opened the bathroom door expecting to see Mark in the hallway.

  Instead, she had a lovely view of the Eiffel tower from atop a building. She could see the blue skies, the clear clouds, and the classical second empire architecture of Paris. The sounds of a city bombarded her ears, bringing life to the city of love. Artemis stood bewildered for long enough to remember that her childhood friend could create wormholes without her noticing.

  "Not funny, Mark," she growled to the wind.

  "It was a little funny," Mark answered back, stepping out from his hiding place behind one of the chimnies. "Well, welcome to Paris, France. Bienvenue, mon amour! Where would you like to go first?"

  "I want to see the town from the sky," Artemis said, then floated upwards off of the roof. She was a good distance away when she turned to see if Mark was following her. He was standing on the air, floating upwards with the wind whipping at his trench coat. Artemis waited for him to catch up, then they floated over the city with vibrant life in all of it's glory. "This is amazing," Artemis cried in awe, letting the wind whip her hair around.

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  "Quite," Mark said with a smile. "There's some fine wine all around this city. Want a glass?"

  "Wine's not my thing," Artemis claimed, "do you have anything stronger?"

  "I've got concoctions that could knock you out of the sky," Mark said, "I can get anything you want."

  "How about some Bilshorp?" Artemis challenged, naming a hard liquor from her own planet.

  Mark reached into the inner parts of his jacket, then pulled out a arcane machine that looked like a silver eight ball. There was a pad with alien letters on it, but Mark went through the bewildering process of opening the strange machine. He twisted it, pressed a few numbers, spun it around, cranked a lever, then hit a few more numbers. The ball opened a small spigot that had a tiny button on it. Producing a wine glass from his jacket, Mark dispensed a green liquid from the spigot.

  "One glass of Bilshorp for your pleasure," Mark said as he handed the glass to Artemis.

  The alien girl looked at it with some suspicion, but it did come from a reality bending super freak, so it might be real. Taking an experimental sip, Artemis felt the sour taste tang her tastebuds, tittilating her to the tummy. She was suprised at how hard it was to swallow. Most of the Bilshorp she had drank before was never this sour.

  "How?" was all she asked.

  "I can bend space and time, do you really think that I can't pick up a decent Bilshorp?" Mark questioned laughably. "I just reached into some reserves and pulled out a glass."

  "How did you know which one to grab?"

  "This isn't the first time I've pulled hard liquor from another world. Heck, I've even crossed dimensions for a good drink."

  "Is it really okay to break space and time like that?"

  "I've never met the time and space police. Nobody has authority over all of space, even space itself. Besides, if they want me to stop stealing things from other worlds, then they should let me drag other cultures here."

  There were things that Artemis wanted to know, but she felt it would be safer not to ask. Mark's wanton breaking of the universal laws may come back to bite him later, but she wasn't the enforcer for that sort of thing.

  The day in Paris was lovely, with the two super powers visiting all of the major landmarks while getting royally sloshed. By the end of the day, Artemis was laying on a cloud with a giggly smile on her face while Mark was sitting on a chair he had made from clouds. They looked at the sun setting over the horizon, watching through the Eiffel tower for the perfect day to close with a whisper. Artemis hiccuped, dipping below the clouds for a moment before coming back up with a throaty chuckle.

  "It was a good day," she said with a contented sigh, then more giggling.

  "Not the worst day I ever had," Mark remarked unremarkably.

  "What was the worst day you've ever had?" Artemis wanted to know. Mark sighed deeply, looking at the heavily drunk Artemis with pitying eyes.

  "You first," he said.

  "Fine, my worst day was when the revolution took over the crown city. We had been fighting for years, and the revolution wanted to put me back on the throne to take down the dirty nobles. I fought my way to the city, and took control of the first temple, but the fighting didn't stop. The revolution leader turned on my, saying that he couldn't have me working against him. His words were so sweet, but he turned my friends agaisnt me. I tried to run, but they were just dragging me back into the fight.

  "I didn't even want the stupid crown," Artemis admitted, "I just wanted justice for the people. But my comrades wouldn't listen, not even when I pushed their faces in. I killed my friends that day, controlled by the madman that had once controlled me."

  "I'm sorry," Mark said, even though he knew the emotional turmoil that Artemis carried.

  "You're turn," the wiley girl said, still drunk.

  "December Twenty-Fifth, 2013," Mark answered exactly. "It was the day that I gave up hope."

  "Hope for what?" Artemis questioned.

  "Hope that anyone would save me. When I was captured after the manhunt, my life had less worth than the penny. I was passed from person to person, who poked and prodded me to find out my powers. 'Move this tree, Mark.' 'Make a bridge around the candle, Mark.' 'Mark, can you see me?'.... God, they never stopped with their questions. It was torturous. Besides, ya know, the ACTUAL torture.

  "I sucked it up until I lost track of time, I was dead several times, until one of the researchers figured it out. They realized that i was holding onto hope, because I didn't know. They told me it had been three years, and that today was my third christmas in captivity. Then they gave me fake presents."

  Mark reached into his coat and pulled out a flask with a skull and crossbones on it. He put the tip to his lips and slipped it into his mouth. Mark swallowed twice, then capped the flask and put it back into his jacket. Within moments, the sun turned a bright shade of green and the clouds were a vibrant shade of red. The sky shifted between every color perceptable to Mark's eye, then expanded beyond a singularity.

  Mark burped loudly and reality snapped back into focus the way it was before.

  "What did I just drink?" he asked nobody in particular. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out the flask with the skull on it, then opened it up. He sniffed the contents, looked into the hole, then shrugged his shoulders and took another swig.

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