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Lust is Grey
Stained Love

Stained Love

January 1

“I’m late… I’m late… I’m late…” Red chanted underneath his breath as he dodged, ducked, and dove through the churning sea of people on the streets.

Yet, in the background of skyscrapers contoured by the on-going holiday’s decorations, the enthusiastic jingle of the New Year songs blasted. It coalesced with the crowd’s clamour into a tune indifferent to Red’s plight.

His nose was cold and numb, just like the rest of his body. And this was despite of the coat that touched the tip of his toes, clad in three inch heels. Not to mention, the waist-length platinum blonde wig he desperately assembled on his head was now cruelly tangled with his scarf. Beneath the coat, Red wore a blue sequin dress which groped his lean build to the point that it appeared to shrink in size.

‘This dress doesn’t really offer much protection,’ he grimaced.

It has been exactly a day since Red was hired into the field. Within that time, he rushed the creation of his persona to a mere two hours, but that was a big mistake. The management he worked for treated a drag queen’s persona as their edict and saviour.

Once Red submitted his soon-to-be-accepted-proposal, he was stuck with the dress until he has enough money to pay off the rent and buy some other blue clothing.

“This is my first client as Violet and I’m already late. What I’m wearing can’t be helped; I’ve already decided to do it anyway. I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t deduct any from my payment.”

...

Raphael sighed, a deep-seated frown on his forehead. It has been two days since Emily dumped him; still, he wondered. The pen on his hands gently danced on the paper as he wrote,

It’s all for our future, isn’t it?

In thirteen days, I will leave for Geavv.

I would work there for a few years, and when I have enough money,

Emily and I would get married.

Of course, I would visit her from time to time! Did she think I would cheat on her?

On the last line, his expression darkened, and he vigorously scratched his scalp. Then, the coquettish voice of a woman came from behind him, “Are you busy?”

“No, Madam.” A smile bloomed from his face. “How can I help you?”

The woman, dressed extravagantly, purred. “I would like to learn more about the statues. Would you care to escort me?”

...

“Good work, Raphael.” Cat said as her worried face peeked from the door. “Get well soon.”

She had rushed to the staff room after they were informed that Raphael was sick. Questionably, she wore an animal suit at work but, somehow, had never gotten a complaint for it.

“Un. I’ll be heading out first then.” Raphael replied. He stood up from the couch and strode out of the museum. Meanwhile, Cat’s paws gestured for a thumbs up before she went back to work.

‘Tch,’ Raphael clicked his tongue. ‘That woman actually tried to flirt with me. She doesn’t even sound or look like Emily.’

Outside, the sun glared at him as if unaccustomed to his early departure, yet, the air around him remained frigid. Along with his previous thoughts, it reminded him of the day that Emily talked to him over the phone, after work.

At that time, her voice trembled. It was as if she had been crying just seconds ago before she made the call.

“Raphael,” She said. “I’m… really sorry but… I… want to… break up… with you.”

Thereupon, his heartbeat skipped a beat which he desperately tried to retrieve. He didn’t talk. He stopped walking towards his house. He did nothing.

Then, he heard the call –

Thud, Raphael felt his body collide with someone else’s. It jolted him out of the memory as he felt the guilt due to his inattention.

He was about to apologize but every muscle in his body tightened and his eyes dilated.

“Emily?” His voice strained in disbelief.

However, he knew. He knew that it wasn’t her. Emily would never wear blue.

...

Red felt a burning gaze on his skin and looked up. A man in his late twenties stared back at him, at the hem of the sequin dress that showed through the coat riding up his legs.

In the span of a second, a multitude of emotions flashed through the man’s face; confusion, longing, hatred, realisation. But ultimately, it ended with an emotion that Red couldn’t put his finger to.

He walked up to Red and asked, “How much is your current client paying?”

“I’m not allowed to…” Red raised his hands, bewildered.

“Right,” he laughed, as if he found what Red said hilarious. “Then let’s make this easier. Escort me instead, and I’ll pay you a thousand dollars.”

“N-“ Red stuttered, his mouth bobbing. “A thousand dollars?”

“You don’t believe me?” He fished through his wallet and pulled out the cash. “Here.”

The man shoved the cash into Red’s coat pocket while he dragged him by the wrist.

...

“What’s your name?” The shower door opened.

“Violet.” Red replied, his voice muffled by the pillow. He laid face down on the bed, embarrassed, and unable to get up.

His wig was barely intact, while the makeup he wore dribbled down his face with sweat.

“Your real name.” The man insisted as his footsteps drew nearer.

“Red,” He tilted his head in the opposite direction. “Yours?”

“Raphael.” The man climbed on the bed again, and his figure loomed over Red’s. While a calloused finger traced Red’s jawline, he breathed. “Can I ask for you again?”

“There’s…” Red hesitated, “a call card on the coat.”

Raphael grabbed the coat from the mesh of clothes on the floor, found the card within, and looked towards Red one last time.

“You should stay here,” He said. “I’ll pay for the room before I leave.

...

January 2

Red returned home at noon. His hips still throbbed, but it was slightly bearable compared to yesterday. As soon as he hit the bed, a knock sounded from his door.

“Red, I just saw you enter! When are you going to pay your rent?” The landlady shouted.

Red’s lids fluttered, “How much was it again?”

“You don’t even know how much you owe? Its six hundred dollars, you dim wit!”

He groggily got up and took out the money he had received from Raphael. When he opened the door, the stout landlady fumed at him.

“I have a thousand dollars with me,” Red frowned, displaying the money before him. “How much is that?”

She let out a demeaning laugh as she snatched the cash from Red’s hands, “Only a thousand dollars, do you even want to stay here anymore?”

“It’s been ten years, Red.” She exasperated, her eyes narrowing into slits. “You’ve already turned seventeen three days ago but you still can’t pay the full amount?”

Then, with a harrumph, she trotted down the stairs.

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

...

January 3

Beep, beep, beep.

Red’s phone beeped furiously, waking him up from his sleep. The Caller ID on the screen displayed ‘Bunny’.

“He-“

“- You have a client starting from 9 am till the rest of the day.” Bunny interrupted. “The details are Raphael, the name, at 67s Morrow Street, the address. Got it, newbie?”

Red’s eyes widened. “How much is the rate?”

“Per hour. The amount, he said he was willing to pay a large sum if you can satisfy him.”

“I’m going to get ready.” Red ended the call with a grin. “Per hour! I should be able to pay off the rent soon.”

...

January 4

At the stroke of midnight, they were in the same position as last time. Red was on the bed while Raphael sat beside him. However, his next words gave a feeling considerably different to the uncertainty Red initially felt.

“Say Red, would you quit your job?” Red stilled, and he felt Raphael’s palm on his shoulder. Nonetheless, he kept his mouth shut.

When the silence in the room yawned, Raphael continued. “Of course, I would take care of you…”

At this point, Raphael’s hands gently swivelled around Red’s back while he spoke.

“… It’s just that,” He paused. “I can’t stand the thought of you with other men! So will you please go out with me?”

Red was unsure of what to say, but the prospect of him being taken care of rapidly took its appeal.

“Yes?” For some reason, blood rushed to Red’s ears and the skin above his chest rose in temperature.

...

It was some time after he had accepted Raphael’s feelings that they ordered pizza from the nearest food chain. Nonetheless, when the delivery man arrived, both of them wore matching t-shirts over their sweat-drenched bodies.

As Red remembered their love-making, his thoughts naturally drifted to the first time they met.

“What were you doing outside the Art Museum?” Red shifted his gaze towards Raphael who ate right beside him.

“Mm,” Raphael grabbed another slice. “I work there.”

“Oh,” Red’s voice was inaudible. “I’ve never been to a museum.”

“Actually, we should go there tomorrow.” Raphael nonchalantly replied.

Red, who felt like he had been caught red-handed, desperately tried to change the subject.

His eyes flickered all over the room and it landed on one of the photos of Raphael with a girl, beside a notebook. “Who’s Emily?”

Raphael stopped chewing.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

...

“What’s so good about these statues anyway?” Red raised his voice, attracting the attention of the other visitors.

He was currently dressed as Violet, nonetheless, he and Raphael were in a heated argument. Ever since Red visited the museum, Raphael has been giving off-handed remarks about the natural coloration of the statues.

“Unless you haven’t noticed, they lack the vibrancy provided by synthetic colour. In other words, they’re boring!” As he said the last word, Red’s intonation changed to that of a spoilt brat. He even twirled a strand of the wig’s hair in his finger to compliment the pout on his lips.

Much to Red’s surprise, Raphael drew a hand around his waist while the other grabbed his twirling arm before leaning next to his slender neck.

He whispered, “Then what about the synthetic colours smeared across your face when we do it? It sure looked lively and interesting.”

When Raphael broke away, Red’s head was lowered to hide his face aflame with shame. After a while, he glared at Raphael who had started attending to the female customers.

...

“Hey, Violet! Slow down!” Raphael shouted, rushing after Red. “I said I’m sorry.”

Red rushed towards Raphael’s house and slammed the front door behind him which Raphael barely caught with his shoe before it shut fully.

“I said –“ He started to speak as he came into the room, only to be stopped by Red’s aggressive kiss.

...

January 5

He observed Raphael’s sleeping figure next to him and whispered, “You’re beautiful just like those statues. No matter how many times they’re painted, they will always remain the same colour on the inside.”

Then, he brought his face close to Raphael’s as his eyes drifted to sleep.

“I love you too.”

...

Red’s phone vibrated.

Raphael

Let’s go on a date today. Lunch @ Orchid Park.

See you there Violet.

...

“We just went out yesterday,” Red complained. “Are you sure this is okay?”

“It’s fine.” Raphael looked ahead.

“If you say so...” Red reluctantly gave up. “I just don’t want you spending any more than you already have.”

“What’s with that?” Raphael displayed an incredulous look on his face. However, his hands travelled up along Red’s back, leading him deeper into the park.

In his peripheral vision, Red caught sight of a bed of flowers. He stopped and walked towards it while Raphael followed closely.

The colours of the flowers on this bed were varied; purple, blue, red, white. But farther north, beside the stream, Red’s gaze landed on a stone and a red flower.

He opened his mouth, –

- “Raphael?”

...

It is the day.

I still have all those texts she sent;

where she has been, what she was doing.

It was always the same.

...

Red felt the girl, Emily’s gaze focused on him but his eyes never left Raphael. And similarly, Raphael’s eyes never left Emily.

...

Raphael intently watched Emily’s reaction.

And as soon as Emily’s face scrunched up,

And tears cascaded down her rosy cheeks,

And she ran the opposite direction,

Raphael’s heart leapt.

She still loved him.

Therefore, he ran after her.

And they got back together.

...

January 14

Red dialled Raphael’s phone number, digit by digit, with an apprehension-leaden heart.

He pressed call, and put the phone next to his ear.

“The number you have reached, 0012345679, has been changed to a non-published number.”

...

February 14

I broke up with Emily.

It all came to me too late. I should have known.

I took a flight back to the city yesterday where we first met, and by the luck of the draw, I saw him and he saw me.

But something, no, everything was different.

The expression on his face, the way he acted, and how he was loose around me.

Then, I realised.

I shouldn’t have stained him.

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