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Lune Levant
Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Dreadlilocks found the rocking chair to be surprisingly comfortable.

With Jack’s coat wrapped around her, she felt very warm and safe, and somewhat better already. She leaned back, and with a creak, the chair lurched forward.

Her mentor was laying on the floor again, this time on his back, with the infinite book spread over his chest. “…So what’s on your mind?” he asked. “Or maybe you just wanna take a nap without dreaming for a little bit…?”

“I…don’t really feel like sleeping,” Dreadli replied. “But…do we really have time for this right now…?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But I have to…”

“Well, I’m the boss, and I said you don’t.”

“…I know what you’re feeling right now,” he continued. “But if you’re expecting me to lecture you about ‘priorities’ or something, you’re barking up the wrong tree…for all I know, this plan may not even work; I’m not gonna pressure you into it. You’re still free to quit at any time. Just say the word.”

Dreadli pulled the coat over her head. “…I won’t quit,” she said.

“Okay.”

“But…”

“But…?”

“Mr. Jack…do you really think I can do all this stuff you expect me to do?? I mean, do you really, really think I can…?”

“…Does it matter? I thought the important thing was to ‘try’…”

“…I was silly back then.”

“No…”

“Yes, I was! I didn’t understand how scary things could be…especially when you’re alone…”

Dreadli pulled the coat tighter around her. “Ever since I started this journey, I’ve always had someone to help me,” she began. “Even when Gin died, there was the Caramel Odsplut…I always had someone else to show me what to do. But in my dream, for the first time, it was just me…and even though I tried, things didn’t work out right. I made a bad choice; I hurt my friends…and when the Odsplut came, I couldn’t…I couldn’t even try to fight. I was so scared, I couldn’t do anything…I’d never felt that way before.”

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“…It was really horrible, wasn’t it?” said Jack.

“Yes…”

“And you never want to go through it again.”

“Uh-huh…”

“And you’re thinking, maybe…if you aren’t going to successfully save the world, maybe it’s not worth risking more of that kind of pain.”

Dreadlilocks closed the coat over her face, thoroughly ashamed.

“…But— and you said this yourself— you’re not going to quit.”

“…I’m not going to quit,” Dreadli repeated.

“So you’re fine, then.”

“…What?? But I’m not!”

“Well, maybe you don’t feel fine, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Believe it or not, that’s what all brave people do: they feel terrified and nervous and probably think they’re gonna fail, but— they don’t quit.”

She frowned. “…But…I don’t like it…”

“Yeah, it’s no picnic,” Jack replied. “But it’s who you are. Isn’t it?”

Dreadlilocks didn’t respond. She rested her head against the arm of the chair, thinking.

“…You know, don’t take this the wrong way, but I was actually kind of glad when the Odsplut attacked you the way it did,” Jack said, sitting up. “It means you’ve hit a sort of milestone, as an author.”

“You mean, now it sees me as a threat…?” Dreadli asked.

“No, it’s…well, sort of. Basically, you’re interacting with it on a different level now, and it can sense that. And before it will yield to your control, it’s gonna try to…test you, I guess. Every once in a while it’ll lash out at you, just to see what it can get away with…this is its way of adjusting to the birth of a new author.”

“I went through the same thing, when I first started learning to write,” Jack continued, entwining his fingers. “It can be…traumatizing. But you have to remember that the things it says…the threats it makes…they aren’t real. I mean, it can definitely hurt you when it acts like that, but for the most part what it’s doing is just parroting your innermost fears. It’s probing for weaknesses, and fear can easily become a weakness.

“Next time that happens, don’t listen to anything it tells you. Just try to stay safe and re-take control…or ask for help, like you did. And most importantly— and I know this is a lot to ask— try not to think of it as your enemy.”

“Unlike me, or even Gin, you’re a native to LaConte: as fully and completely a character as anything that can exist in this world,” he explained. “By now, you’ve probably learned to see the Odsplut as an entity of its own; someone who works for Mother and ‘wants’ to destroy you…but that’s not really what it is. Like I said before, the Odsplut is everything. It’s already on your side; it’s been present in all the actions you’ve taken so far…and now that you’re an author, your connection to it will eventually grow strong enough to cause it to split— and then, your Odsplut will be born.”

“My…Odsplut,” Dreadlilocks whispered. She looked down at her hands, as if she expected something to appear within them. “When is that going to happen…?” she asked.

“There’s no way to tell,” Jack replied. “But in your case…hopefully soon.”