The whole movie broke my heart. I don't know what it was about the movie that touched me so deeply, but I couldn't help but burst into tears because I just wanted to support Alain Delon, not for his crimes, but for the person he is.
"Are you crying?"
"It's no big deal."
I didn't want to be comforted. Because this sadness I'm feeling right now is beautiful and painful enough that I want to hold onto it for a long time, deeper and deeper.
I don't know if it was because I didn't really want to comfort him, but just because I didn't want to be a bad person to him, but he offered me his arms instead of tissues.
It was true that it was cozy and warm. But I didn't want to lose this sensitivity, and in the end I resisted a bit, not completely letting myself be held by his embrace.
I couldn't focus on the emotion, I couldn't focus on the warmth, so my tears stopped. And then, spontaneously, my lips touched his, and I think it was a little heartbreaking because of the movie.
# the child's perspective
I guess I'm used to hiding the things I don't want to see and showing the things I do want to see and feel good about. It was something I had done three years ago, or even before that, and it was the same for you three years ago as it is for you now. What do I mean to you, sleeping soundly in my arms?
It's funny, I wonder what you think of me, but I can't even define how I see you, and I find this irony both frustrating and fascinating.
Sometimes I thought you were just one of the girls, but when I saw you crying, I wanted to hug you. I tried to think of the reason why you were crying, and I missed the smile on your face, so I watered it, but it didn't bloom.
What are you so sad about? I don't want you to be sick, but I feel like I'm making you sicker. I think about a million things in the few breaths you take in your sleep, and I wonder if you do too.
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We felt like we were the closest people in the world and the strangest people in the world. But we will hide our true feelings from each other until the end.
Once you reveal your true feelings, it's only for a moment, and you've crossed a sad but irreversible river.
I wish this night would last forever, but I guess nothing lasts forever.
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# MISTERY
"Check your heart rate."
" It's normal. "
" EEG? "
" Yes, it's coming back. "
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# Basil
Winter 2013.
I came to this school because of the pretty uniforms, but it's really a school with pretty uniforms. The stares and chatter have become part of my daily routine.
This is the school that first taught me how to act nonchalant, as if I'm not trying, even though I'm always subject to the stares and chatter.
It was pretty cool to meet these kids, especially at the end of the year, in the midst of all the mindlessness. It was fun because I felt like I was in an alcove, like I could see through a hole in the wall.
We met in the music club and had a fun and deviant life. I joined the music club because I really like music.
However, I sometimes think that maybe I was following him because of the traces of his past.
At the time, my symptoms were quite severe, so it was a struggle to take classes in the next class. Until he joined the music club, he was an enemy in my world.
Maybe I was more attracted to you because you were the first to break the vividness of another imagination becoming reality.
I had a very difficult time in the class next door, and the song you wrote in my seat is still a fond memory.
It was a meaningless song, but I could feel your heart trying to comfort me. In other words, no one cared about or understood the chattering I was doing to myself, and you were the first person to walk through the gap. I was happy.
I was disappointed that I never had a chance to see you after that, but I was surprised and relieved to see your face when I opened the door to the club room on the first day.
At the time, I thought it was just a natural thing to do, but I guess it was not.
I think it was because I wanted to see you for a long time and I didn't want this relationship to end. You and my friend became lovers, and you and my friend became lovers.
I was sad, but I thought it was the best way to see you for a long time. When you met her, and even after you broke up with her, we talked on the phone almost every day until 5am.
One day you left me, but it didn't feel like it would be the last time, and the inevitability that we would meet again made the first breakup neither overly sad nor painful, and we got back together.
When I first met you, you were in love with the song Basil by Mad Clown.
Basil in those warm and fuzzy days of summer.
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The basil you and I grew was in full bloom.
That summer, when we realized that we had ended our three-year relationship, there were tears on our cheeks...
- Mad Clown. Among the basil... -Mad Clown
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