Brief 2:

Kommandos

Here

Now

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RED FAST. ME RED. ME FAST.

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The world flew by as the Squig padded his way through the brush. Dense foliage fills his world with a kaleidoscope of greens and browns. Like his body through the forest, simple thoughts raced through his mind.

WHEN BOOT. MUS DO GUD. DEN BOOT.

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“EEP!” he screamed as he stumbled over a branch, proving that thinking was too difficult while running.

Being a creature of two legs and questionable balance, the Squig took one loping step, then another. Trying to prevent his fall, the squig stopped moving his feet. In a Squig brain, this corrective action made sense.

NO MUV FOOT, ME NO MUV!

Typically, physics was’t taught on Ork planets. At least, not by the Orkz. Why would a Brain’boy learning "stoopid uman tings," when believing something worked, generally made it work? For example, if you painted your Rukkatrukk Squigbuggy red, then it will "go fasta," because the collective psychic power of the Orkz made it so that “Red ones go fasta!”

To his dismay, the Squig tumbled into the brush. His spherical body did little to prevent him from bouncing off trees and rolling through the mud. Being red had propelled him at such an incredible speed that he could not stop the roll once it had started. So he did as a Squig must do. Wait for the free ride to end.

Mud splattered around him as he came to a stop.

“RIP,” he mumbled as his eye spun.

Stuck on his back, he began to kick his stubby legs to roll himself back to the proper position. Minutes passed as the Squiq rolled in the muk, trying to regain his feet. Through sheer will and a stubbornness born from years of Ork torment, he stood, allowing him to focus on his surroundings.

The lush forest had given way to a clearing filled with ash. Cinders floated in the air as smoke swirled from the husks of burnt trees and underbrush. The forest retreated, leaving a clearing of death.

Slack-jawed, with eyes wide, the Squig stared into the sky. Floating above the ash was a swirl of blue, white, and purple that cut into reality as it radiated power.

SWURL

The Squig stood transfixed on the Rift as its open maw welcomed adventure.

——

“LIEU!” yelled the Big’un, “ WHY MA SQUIGZ DURTY?”

so loud, thought the sleeping Squig.

“Dey Squigz Boss. Dey durty.” Lieu replied with a shrug.

“Why dey all durty? An’ smelly?” Asked the Big’un as he pointed to a mound of sleeping grime-covered Squigz.

Seeing that he couldn’t escape this so easily, Lieu bent down to examine a Squig sleeping closest to the Boss.

First, he sniffed at the residue covering the creature and said, "Dey smelly."

nooooo. let seeep. Thought the Squig.

Next, Lieu leaned in and gave the Squig a long lick across the body, causing the Squig to jump up with a huff and move to the pile of other Squigz. Lieu’s beady eyes squinted as his mental wheels turned.

“Dey tastz like assh.” He said.

“Ha! Dumb Lieu. Kourse dey tastz like ass, dey Squigz. Squigz always tastz like ass.” The Big’un said through squealed laughter.

If it were anyone other than da Boss, Lieu would have given him da choppa. But the Boss was a Nobb, which meant he was larger than the average Ork. So he was obviously in charge.

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“No Boss. Not ass, Dey tastz like assh. Like BOOMA!” Lieu said while making exploding hand gestures.

Lust replaced the joy on the Big’un’z face as he said, “Find ma da booma!”

——

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“SLOW DOWN YA LITTLE’GIT!”

WHYY ORKZ NO LEAVE LONE! Thought the Squig.

The Squig didn’t slow. He couldn’t understand why this Greenskin had followed him all day. No matter what the Squig did, he couldn’t outrun the Ork.

“WHEN I KATCH YA, I‘MA GONNA THUMP YA!”

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The Squig was focused on escape as he followed the well-worn Squig paths that crisscrossed the jungle. It wasn’t until he broke into the clearing that he realized where he was going.

SWIRL!

Lieu, parting the brush that hung over the Squig path, stepped out into the clearing. His eyes widened as he saw eighty Squigz circling a Rift as it spun over their heads.

Next to the Rift was an arrow-shaped sign large enough that an Imperial would call it a billboard. A red glyph on the sign read the Ork symbol for “WAAAGH!!!

Lieu didn’t bother with thumping. He turned and ran back to the tribe.

——

“TODAY IZ DAY FOR BIG HONOR!” Said the Big’un.

A stroke of luck introduced him to the majesty of the ‘SWIRL’; now, a nosey Greenskin has ruined it. What was once a simple clearing of mud and burnt trees has become the center of a war machine preparing to spill WAAAGH! into the galaxy. Leaving the Squigz barely a free moment to stare into the Rift, transfixed as though they have seen the eyes of Gork.

“TODAY IZ DAY FOR WAAAGH!” Boomed the Big’un, leading to cheers from across the camp.

Upon discovering the Rift, the Orkz took the torch and choppa to the jungle. Millions swarmed in the name of Mork for a WAAGH! that had infected hundreds of tribes, bringing them under the banner of Slobb de Nobb, aspiring Warboss.

“HONOR FURST. LEIU! YER FIND RIFT! DIS BIG HONOR.” Big’un said, “YER REWARZ BIG HONORZ!”

Orkz loud. He thought as he wondered why he sat next to Leiu. He would rather be under the Swirl with the other Squig. He wanted to join them at the Swirl, but every time he tried to move, Leiu thumped him to keep him still.

“LEIU, YER NO MOREZ LEIU. YER NOW LEIU T NANT!” The Big’un said to cheers that erupted for miles, ending in a crescendo of brawls. He continued, “WE TAKE FROM STOOPD UMENZ, TAKE FOR LEIU!”

The gestalt psychic field that was an Ork WAAAGH! hit a new level of fervor as the naming was complete, and their brood gained a new full Named. Orkz of the Slicer Clan gained honors when they accomplished great feats. Killing Umanz or killing a Big’un would earn you a first name, but second names were rare. You needed something extraordinary to stand out and earn a second name. Slobb de Nobb, for example, was the largest and meanest Greenskin on this end of the continent. So when he decided Nobb wasn’t just his title, but his name, no one was strong enough to tell him otherwise.

“SHUT IT!” The Big’un boomed, “DERZ MORE HONORZ.”

Slobb de Nobb’s eyes turned to the Squig—the one who had stumbled into this clearing and truly found the WAAGH!

“SQUIG! YER DO MUCH!”

“EEP,” replied the Squig as he tried to make himself small.

This was too many Orkz and beady Ork eyes for a simple Squig.

“MUCH GUD BY FINDEN DIS RIFT. FOR DIS, I GIVE YER TREE TINGZ.” The Big’un said, “FURST, DIS BOOMA STICK.”

Slobb de Nobb pulled out a stick of Grot dynamite with a satchel and strapped it onto the Squig.

BOOOOOOMA! Thought the Squig as he wiggled his new thing around. He had never had a thing before. Maybe these Orkz weren’t all bad!

“YER NOW, BOOMA SQUIG!"

“RIP.” Said the Squiq with a toothy smile.

“NOW YER MUST HAVE NAME!” Said the Big’un.

A hush overtook the horde. Squigz didn’t earn names, but Squigz also didn’t find WAAAGH!

“TODAY YER NOW RI….” Slobb de Nobb started but seemed caught on something,”KIE. Now RI-KIE BOOMA SQUIG!!!!!”

“EEP!” Came a shout from under the Rift.

Then another from deeper in the horde, “EEP!”

This was followed by an avalanche of cheers from the lowly Squigz, who were more used to Bootz than Honorz. But today, they let their joy be known.

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

“EEP!”

The Orkz seemed shocked by the reaction. Squigz typically didn’t have enough mental capacity to understand they were a Squig, yet, during a WAAGH!, apparently understood the honor.

“SHUT IT” said the Big’un as he positioned himself before Ri-KIE, “ONE MORE HONOR. RI-KIE, BOMB SQUIG. YOU GO FIRST!”

Slobb de Nobb, stepped forward and gave the Booma Squig a firm Boot. Sending him sailing into the Rift with joy painted across his stupid face. He had finally gotten DA BOOT!