So much for tomorrow haha. Honesty has never been my forte and I don’t believe it ever will. These past few days have been mundane. I could explain them to you and I even have a funny story or two I could tell. However my suffering has led me back to my desire to create.

I believe I have finally found what I desire most. It is to reveal all the ugly I hide from the world. Then once revealed to be embraced and accepted. I wonder what you desire most. Do you share my hideous soul or is yours made out of the purest white ivory? Haha I wonder if you really understand what I was asking.

I wonder if some of us were born to suffer. I know I was. That is my sole purpose decreed upon me by what repulsive entity you call god. I’m sorry if I bore you with all my rambling about myself but it is the one and only thing I know. I would love to talk about people and the way they act and think. However I don’t believe we act in a regular pattern. Yes at times our understanding and experiences will align but on the whole any generalized statement will leave the people like me bewildered. For this reason I hate the school of psychology.

The ridiculous attempt to understand people and how they will react. For every example of a situation and how a person would normally react what I would do as an individual was never represented. I could accept that I was simply a freak of nature. And yes this could be true. Rather I understood it as the understanding itself was flawed.

Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

I am a person who if I see something wrong or something I disagree with I will throw out everything and start again. For example I could never be part of a religion if I could find even one thing that was wrong or that I disagreed with. In truth if I was part of a religion where this was the case and stayed I would have to acknowledge and label myself a hypocrite.

I wonder why people stay members of religions. Are they too dumb to understand their own hypocrisy or rather have no problem following what they are told rather than what they know and understand? That has never been something I have been able to do. I have never rebelled just to rebel but I have also never done something just because I was told. I don’t understand how someone could do either one of these things.

How can a person live and not be true to themselves? I mean because when the night comes and we are all alone it is only you who is left tormented by your own thoughts and memories. For me I have to live a life I am proud and happy with. Otherwise I would never be able to eat or sleep haha. But then again who am I to talk. I’m lying awake late at night writing this because I’m afraid to fall asleep and deal with my own ghosts.

Then again the only people in life worth listening to are hypocrites. They understand what should be done but simply lack the strength to do it.