“Burger!”

“Burger!”

“One potato basket!”

“Fryin' up tatoes!”

As the orders were shouted, Kyerna snatched up another patty with her trusty tongs and threw a bun onto the griddle. The grill and the fryer sizzled, the sound filling her with this strange and joyous energy. No wonder so many humans did this for a living. This was the most fun Kyerna ever had!

But don't forget the potatoes.

The protrusions atop her head protruded further. What had looked like horns with tiny mittens on the end extended outward. One mitten snatched up a plastic container with diced potato, and the other took hold of a fryer basket. She dumped the potato pieces into the basket, then sent them to their sizzling doom.

Kyerna did this all without looking around. She was built for the job. Her horns – harnds, they were called, in rough translation of her native mindspeak – were the perfect tools for the demanding pace of a short order cook. How did the humans keep up with this using only two appendages? Kyerna considered this, and concluded that humans must be an incredible species.

This was an unnaturally busy day at Topplin' Burger, though not in Kyerna's experience. It did not occur to Kyerna that the humans were coming from all over to see her. She was only vaguely aware that humans had never met a Resbelian before. To Kyerna, a good Topplin' Burger was undoubtedly why the crowds had gathered.

So what's a Resbelian doing working fast food with humans?

There had been the initial mistake:

“Greetings, Earthlings! I come to your planet in peace! And for a vacation!”

It was lame, but Earthlings expected that kind of thing, according to the planetary broadcasts.

There was a lot of fuss over her arrival. After the initial shock, which Kyerna had not expected from her fellow bipedal creatures (“You should see the fifteen arms of the Xakeletianites!”), she finally learned the truth, and both her cardiovascular systems ran cold. This was not Earth.

“But my things are on the sent path to Earth!”

Every scientist on Outpost 7 was appalled. To think, at this very moment, alien technology was heading to Earth! It would be sifted and sorted by other scientists, and Outpost 7 wouldn't learn a thing about any of it for a decade! But everything was fine, because here they had an actual being from an alien race that could divulge the great secrets of an advanced civilization.

Right?

Sinking to her knees and crying, wiping her bawling eyes with both harnds, it became apparent that the desperate pleas from the colony's science community for her interstellar knowledge were going unheard. In an attempt to calm her down, one of the miners brushed the scientists aside and took her by the arm, guiding her to Topplin's. At the very least, a guest should be shown some hospitality.

Her slightly bulging eyes had flickered red and blue with the first bite. Resbelia did not have the animal from which these “hamburgers” were produced. She mindscattered her appreciation, but none of the humans responded. This made Kyerna sad, until she realized why.

Kyerna decided to tell her brother about it as she cooked up a few more orders.

Rapid lovelove, my dearmost Brother! I have met with the Earthlings. They are very nice to me and did not cut me up or make me do tests like in the broadcasts. They cannot mindspeak! Their language is entirely vocalized, andforth that makes difficult the things of my interacting. That is an Earthling phrase which maybe I am not so lovelove correct, usewise. Imagine if we could not mindspeak! I would never leave home if I could not mindspeak my brother. But! It would be thrilling, which means a type of vibration in spinal tensions or perhaps a ghost story. I am loving my part-time Earth job, though I ended up on a colony. Yes, that is lovelove correct! I missed Earth by a margin, casewise here being very wide. I am learning the way of a hamburger and the hamburger friend. The hamburger friend is called a “fry” and it is also a ground plant that is called “potato” but is also fried. I cannot explain fried food very well, but it is delicious and so unhealthy it will make large Earth stomachs, but not like you think. I will send you vision memories when I can concentrate better. There is so much work! But they give me free hamburgers and their friends, and I eat them friend-first. The friends are the fries, not human friends. Lovelove always to my brother.

Kyerna wiped her brow with one harnd and stepped away from the crowd. Break time! The humans had many questions about her personal life...Well, about her species, or space travel, or some mundane mathematical jargon. Kyerna had not yet grasped how much more advanced her people were than the humans, and simply wondered at their need for constant tutelage. She had to keep reminding them that she was here on vacation, and not as an ambassador for her people, and also that they were holding up the line and should order. This made the learned ones very upset, but as they were already very educated, Kyerna did not understand why they were the most eager for her knowledge.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Kyerna stood at the door, beaming, as the assistant manager, a young Earthling named Reg, brought her a tray of her favorite Topplin' cuisine. She squeaked gratefully and took the tray with both harnds, sat at the employee table, opened a salt packet, and proceeded to nibble away.

To Reg, it was like feeding a treat to a puppy.

“Enjoying your time here?”

How could she not? She nodded.

“You know...the scientists are dying to talk to you about...anything, at this point. They're a bit confused.”

“How fso?” said Kyerna, cheeks stuffed with cheeseburger.

Reg scratched his head. “I think they were expecting more from an alien visitor.”

Kyerna gulped her meal down and went green. This was much like a human going pale, and worry flashed red and blue in her eyes. “I'm not doing a good job?”

Reg quickly held up a hand. “No! I mean, yes! You're amazing. It's just that...they want to know why you came here to work fast food.”

“The hamburger is much lovelove, but my homeleap was not for the hamburgers. Happy vacation from mindconnect sent me to Earth. The humans are quietmind, so I can relax. Andforth, I cannot vision them or hear their mindspeak, so I love guessing what humans lovelove. Human heartlove is my puzzletime...Um...I am meaning like my game that I play.”

Kyerna was slowly adapting to what she called Earthian language. Reg had to think a bit before understanding some of the things she said, but he got there.

“The scientists want to know more about technology. By the way, what do you do with your money?”

“The energy transaction! I need core thrust to travel to Earth.”

“If you told the scientists – like, right now – that you wanted to buy fuel to go to Earth, they would give you the fuel and call ahead to make sure you had the best welcome that...transaction...could buy.”

This may not have been true. The scientists here wanted her knowledge. However, Reg suspected they were so fed up that they would gladly pack her off to Earth if they could manage it without seeming rude.

Kyerna held her burger aloft in her harnds while pounding her fist into her palm. “I understand! Humans lovelove happily the visitors!”

Reg blinked. “Um. More or less, yes. In this case, lots of humans lovelove you.”

“Do you lovelove Kyerna and her visits?”

Reg thought that Kyerna must be asking if she was welcome, or if they were friends, or something like that.

“Yes. The Kyerna visits are love...love.”

“Hooray! But I think I will work the burger and transact for my needs.”

Reg sighed. “Well, no argument here. You do the work of two people with those harnds. Do you have a handshake with those? Do Resbelians do that?”

“You mean the lovelove greeting? We butt heads and slap harnds together. It is like the human five going high, only both harnds.”

Kyerna seemed to think deeply for a moment. She took another bite of her cheeseburger, chewed, swallowed, and raised a finger. “I will teach Resbelia the single harnd five of high when I homeflight. It will be a lovelove surprise that I will hide from mindspeak until I am fullpresence.”

Reg nodded. “I think I get that. Have as many burgers as you like. You've earned them.”

“This will please my stomachs. Much lovelove, Reg.”

“Much lovelove.”

Once Kyerna was alone, she removed the little communicator from her pocket and started pressing buttons. She nibbled at her hamburger, a record sloweater even by Resbelian standards, and marveled at the device.

Lovelove again Brother. There is in human handhold a device of broadcasts. This is much great technology! It is how they send speak like the mindspeak, and they see it with fullpresence of eyes and the hearing holes. The manufacture is superlove retro. Retro is to mean old things but they are cool, and cool means pleasantly lovelove. Letter P and letter S, or to clarify, I have an addendum. I have an Earth boyfriend! This is meaning a male mate but not with actual mating. He said I am a lovelove visit! The human are much like us but without harnds, and their eyes do not change colors. Lifemating might be a strangelove thing with a human but he did not promise claim yet so we are not lifemates. I have the headfunny thoughts about Earth boyfriends. I am not lovelove for sure that it could work between us. I must do the dump, which is to make the sad refusal. We will do the friend bond instead. The humans have a zone of friends. That's a lovelove many amount of friends! Much lovelove, Brother.

Kyerna returned to her work just in time to see one of the baskets slip from the hands of Ellis, her coworker. It splashed into the fryer and nearly drenched the poor girl in scalding oil. Kyerna's harnds whipped out just in time and snatched the girl back, into the air as if she weighed no more than a pillow.

Silence filled the restaurant.

Then, everyone cheered.

“That is not the laughing entertainment! Don't do the cheers because Ellis is almost made into pain!”

Ellis cleared her throat, still dangling over Kyerna's head. Kyerna looked up.

“They're not cheering because I nearly got hurt, Kyerna. They're cheering for you.”

“But I did not pain on myself!”

Ellis shook her head, patiently. “No, Kyerna. They're cheering because you rescued me.”

Kyerna's eyes flickered in calculation.

“Ohhhh.”

“Set me down now?”

“Setting.”

And so Kyerna, Ellis, and Reg got back to work. The restaurant stayed busy, for the curious usually came hungry. A group of men in sunglasses always sat at one table in the corner, clearly depressed and bitterly keeping eyes on Kyerna. Eventually, the incredible fact of Kyerna's existence became one of mundane note. New visitors arrived from Earth or other outposts, and when they remarked on the girl with the strange horns and oddly colored eyes, they were treated with, “Oh, her? That's Kyerna. She's an alien from somewhere called Resbelia. Been here a few weeks.”

Life went on, but with a friendly alien girl, fascinated by everything, addicted to hamburgers, and content to work her little job and hang out with some lovelove Earth friends. Everyone was just a little bit happier than before.

Except, of course, the scientists, who threw up their arms and walked away from the whole ordeal.