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Nineteen

I was beat.

I was hungry, got lost, and couldn't even find my phone. It would have come in handy to find a familiar place. Or at least use it to have a shouting match with Mom. I couldn't cry any more. I did that for hours, and had to blame someone... Well, she suggested me to try so many cliches. At least it was my own stupid idea to go maverick this time.

They found me out the worst possible time! When I finally told Mom that I won't take part in her game... And decided that I'll stick with George instead. Now he probably hated me! And since I refused the money, Mom would hate me too... I was completely alone, in every meaning of the word... I couldn't handle it! I mean, I felt like I was alone my whole life.

Left behind, abandoned by everyone... Mom didn't need me until I could serve a purpose... My grandparents acted like they hated me, because of how she behaved... Instead of hating her! The kids in school were vary of me from the start. Once a gossip started to go around about what my Mother did for a living, things got much worse... So being alone, left to my own devices was nothing new. In fact, I preferred that way. Better than being controlled by her. Thrown around between all the Dads...

But now it was different. I got attached to him in too many ways! Felt like my soul could bleed out if we are ripped apart... And of course I was sure that his campaign manager already alerted him too. They will never believe me anymore! At the same time, I betrayed my only family...

So this time, for real. I was completely, utterly alone.

It was odd. Walking away from the town just a single mile, the country changed a lot! It was empty. No sign of humans, other than a few barely used roads. A fence in the distance. But no sound. Some birds and the wind, wherever I went. That was all! At some point, I heard a river too. Water flowing lazily towards the sea... I stumbled upon a small road, that had a tall bridge over it. It seemed an overkill for the little river. I walked towards it, no railings or anything. It was at least thirty feet tall! I sat down on the side, wobbling my feet over the edge. It was rather peaceful. Everything looked so pretty and chill. If only I had my phone with me! I wanted to take a picture of this, but no luck... The sound of the water was calming, but at this moment, it only made me cry once again. My tears running down my face, then dropping into the river, adding some extra salt to the sea. I was so, so lost! Kinda hoping never to be found...

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I don't know how much time I spent sitting there. The next thing I noticed was the Sun going down. I was hungry, although that was the least of my problems. No matter how long I was thinking about what happened, I saw no way out. I failed and betrayed my Mother. Once I served no purpose for her, she'd get rid of me again,without second thoughts.

If George figured out that I was lying to him... I was following instructions to seduce him. He'll never talk to me again! Which was fair. I really did some nasty things... Thinking about them now, I couldn't convince myself, that I did those on my own. I seduced him on my Mom's whim. Falling in love mid way through did not make it acceptable.

I was really thirsty. Sweating and crying all day took it's toll. I thought about drinking from the river, flowing underneath. It seemed pretty clean, and felt like it was calling for me. I stood up, and probably did it too fast. Everything was blurry! I lost my balance for a moment... I felt myself falling in the dark, and something hit me hard!

I was completely out of it! Logically, I'd be on the bottom of that shallow river... But it didn't feel cold or wet. Maybe I was killed by the fall itself... I wasn't even worried about being dead.

Not like I wanted to die. I might have been depressed. Maybe didn't see a way out... But I was never that suicidal type! Like, I could understand people doing it, but I didn't have it in me. Well, falling to my death by accident was a different question... I was okay with that. It wasn't even my first near-death experience this week. That time I was saved by his strong hands... Pushing me against the car's door, to keep me out of harm's way... And he made sure, the car crashed on his side!

The current feeling was similar too. As if I was held in his hands! Held strongly against his chest, and never let go. I could even hear his heart beating... If death was like this, I really didn't mind! It was warm. I no longer felt being alone. Like I was with a loved one!

My eyelids were heavy. I didn't see a point in trying to open them ever again. So it was fine! But other than feeling his heartbeat, now I could even hear his voice... It wasn't an angry voice. It was kind. Maybe worried.

It called my name, and that made me smile. Just a little bit! Then I had this weird thought... If I can already feel his arms around me, and hear his voice... Maybe if I forced my eyes open, I could even see him! For the last time... Then I'd have been fine with anything! So I tried my best. I opened them slowly, expecting a strong light in the heavens... But it was still pretty dark. It didn't matter, because he was there, and close!

"Finally!" He said, and it looked like he also had tears in his eyes. "I thought you'll never wake up! Don't you dare to jump off a bridge on me!"