I never expected to be invited into the rebel base. I was sure that my new partner - my wife, as she tells me - would choose to start anew in town, or even a different town, or anywhere that might be an adequate compromise between the two extremes. I had no expectation that she would come to live with me.
But I accept the blindfold her driver, that familiar human beloved of my dearest friend, ties around my eyes. The only thing I bring with me on our first trip together are the clothes upon my back. July promises that we’ll come back. I just need to meet my new mother-in-law.
If I didn’t trust her so much this would be terrifying.
It’s a long ride, but not nearly as long as I expected. Despite knowing that July was not so far away that she couldn’t visit the town to pick up my letters regularly I still really did expect that their base wouldn’t be just within a few hours away by road.
At one point the driver takes a series of very sharp turns and drives in what feels like circles. And then we enter a space that echoes like we have descended into a tunnel. It explains easily why they have been so hard for the drones to locate all the time. They’ve been underground. I imagine that the exits to this location must be very well hidden indeed.
Inside the tunnel I feel the man at my side stir.
“Are we there yet,” he mumbles. “I’ve got to pee.”
There’s shouts when he spots me and the jeep stops for the three humans to have a very noisy argument just outside the door. Between the echoes and the speed at which they talk with raised voices I have no clue what passes between them. But when the jeep’s doors close again it’s a slam and I am once again not alone in the back seat. The person next to me buckles a seatbelt and then places a very gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Not long now,” July says in a low voice close to my ear. And she’s correct. The jeep rumbles to a halt in a space that sounds much more empty and large. The door opens and July’s gentle touch guides me out of the vehicle and through the space.
I’m thoroughly disoriented when quickly shuffled into another tunnel. I know this one is narrow for I brush against its walls with my tail. Still blindfolded, I’m brought through a dark labyrinth to a warm and humid chamber where the sound of my claws on stone does not echo.
July tugs the blindfold off of my face and gently smooths the feathers there. I would look around the room, but I am captivated by her face instead. In this warm, dim light her features soften. She kisses the crown of my head gently.
“I’m sorry I kidnapped you,” she says quietly. “We’re safe here for now. And alone.”
I get where she’s going but I really do not know the logistics of it at all. I’ve never even seen a photo of a human woman without clothing on. I definitely did not think this through enough.
“I’m sorry I surprised you with a permanent vow and legal contract,” I counter. “It’s usually something people discuss in advance.”
Her face reddens and I hesitantly reach out and place a gentle claw on that fragile skin. It is so warm to the touch. The internal fire of a creature in control of its own body temperature greets my hand and leaves me in want of more.
“I don’t regret it.” July looks down and then steps slowly away from me. The distance between us allows me to observe the rest of the room.
There are weapons here, and they sit on a large rack mounted to the wall, but every other surface in the entire room has been covered with cloth. Even the low ceiling has thick velvet fabric draped across it. While none of the fabric looks new - I spot many patches and worn spots - it is all very brightly colored. My partner’s bower is not unlike the inside of a pocket, complete with fuzzy bits of lint where the rug has been worn away by her combat boots.
July sits on what I take to be her nest and begins to remove her boots. The soft looking pile of blankets and pillows looks inviting, but I am more terrified than ever of what expectations may lie within. I kneel slowly next to this bed and begin to carefully unbutton my own foot coverings.
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She giggles.
I steal a nervous glance in her direction and catch her doing the same to me.
My tail thumps against the floor and I habitually snap its fan closed again before remembering who I’m with. This is my partner. I am allowed to show emotion to her.
Still not knowing at all what to expect, I reach out and place a hand on her knee. While I have seen plenty of humans, I have never before been able to observe one so closely. And her legs seem so slender and delicate up close.
“May I?” I touch one of her feet with a careful claw. They are so different from mine, and I want to savor the experience of each tiny mundane novelty while we can. I do not know how soon we will have to leave this place.
She nods, still looking incredibly nervous.
I remove her socks. She takes advantage of the proximity to unbutton my collar.
“Are there feathers everywhere?” July reveals her experience to be every bit as minimal as my own.
“Mostly yes.” I can feel my display feathers shivering in anticipation, but I know not of what. “And you only have hair on your head?”
She pauses and pulls an elastic band out of her hair, releasing it from confinement. I had not realized how long it was or how curly. She shakes her head and the curls bounce around her like a mane on a terrestrial lion.
“There’s hair everywhere,” she explains vaguely.
“May I?” At the request, I see her toes wriggle before she nods.
“May I?” Echoing my question, she touches the buttons of my shirt. My tail feathers fan again outward and I do not try to control them. It is safe to feel here. This is someone I can trust. She will not hurt me.
She unbuttons my shirt, exposing the brighter blue feathers of my chest. With soft and gentle fingers she traces the direction that they lay. I did not expect the gentle touch to send a reflexive spasm over my skin, but I do not try to stop them from fluttering either.
“I had no idea they could move so much!” July’s eyes widen with what appears to be fascination. She lays her palm against my ribs and then quickly looks up to meet my eyes. “Does that tickle?”
“It feels different,” I tell her in all honesty. “Your hands have no claws.” That causes her to quickly look down at her own hands.
Her shirt has no buttons. I tug at it and she slowly peels it off over her head in a maneuver that would be the height of contortionist excess if I were to make an attempt. I would have to do unnatural things with my neck to make it fit.
My unbuttoned shirt falls to the ground and I realize she has unbuttoned her own pants before starting on mine. Like the shirt, I have many more buttons. There are additional ones at the back to close the tail gap that she has no need of.
We undress each other with gentle curiosity. Each glancing touch of her soft hands against my feathers sends shivers through me. I can see that tiny hairs I did not even know existed prickle her skin not unlike how my flesh would appear if I were to pluck myself as bald as she.
In hesitant silence we stare through the dim light at each others naked bodies. Neither of us knows what to do with each other.
“With all honesty and respect,” July’s voice shakes about as much as she does. “You are a male, right?”
My heart drops.
I have been crushed. Wounded. The knife was never so sharp as that wielded by those simple words. My feathers flatten tight to my skin and I turn from her in utmost shame.
“Yes?” If my response sounds like a question it’s only because I don’t know how she would fail to recognize all of the outward signs and have managed to get this far with any room for misconception.
But conception is not something we will ever be privileged to attempt.
And then I realize that she really is as ignorant of my flesh as I am of hers. We are here in a position to engage in a physical relationship and neither of us knows what that means for the other. Here I was assuming that our expectations were the same for pair bonding activities, but it seems that she expects immediate intercourse rather than anything could not risk triggering her to lay. And oh how I really should have done research on the human body before I ended up here, with a live specimen in front of me and performance expectations that I do not know if I can meet.
She wants to know if I am male. I feel so foolish for having thought that this relationship could physically work.
My shameful spiral of thoughts are interrupted by her hands on my tail ridge.
Now that drives a spike of excitement straight through all doubts. She works her soft fingers between the feathers there and finds the gap between the spinal ridge bones. So sensitive, that spot sends delicious thrills through every inch of my body. My tail fan opens again.
She murmurs apologies, and I do not even hear them.
She wants to know if I’m male. I can show her how male I am.