Akkari was more than a little bit uncomfortable with his current situation. He supposed anyone would be if suffering from amnesia, and thrust into an unfamiliar situation to boot, but his lack of memories was only part of the problem.

No, what really bothered Akkari was the sudden, clean solution to his problems that had just landed in his lap. He had just begun to get his bearings when the young mage — Katya, she had said her name was — arrived and offered what sounded like no-strings-attached aid.

She could have been honest with her declaration, but she could also have been buttering him up in order to better manipulate him. And Akkari had no way to tell at the moment.

But manipulate me for what purpose? I don’t exactly bring anything to the table right now. But this talk of her “big-shot master” could just as well be an attempt to get him to trust her. Or it could be the truth. Abyss take it.

Akkari had agonized over all this when he’d made his decision to accept her help. She had seemed earnest, but her youthful innocence could have just as well been another act.

Well, he had made his bed so now he would just lie in it. Whether he liked it or not, he truly was lost, and having her as a guide would be invaluable. At the same time, he resolved to never let his guard down around the woman.

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t pass through Willowcreek on your way here,” Katya began, after Akkari asked how to best approach backtracking his own trail. “It’s not a very popular stopover, plus it doesn’t have an Adventurers’ Guild branch. More importantly, it’s small and the townfolk love gossiping about any passer through, and there haven’t been any as of late, which makes sense given the time of the year.

“Y’see, the Wyrdwood is pretty tame most of the time, at least towards folks. But right now, we’re in the middle of a Surge season — that means the beasties are much rowdier and territorial than usual. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t already get pounced on, you’re crazy lucky.”

“I did, actually,” interjected Akkari, gesturing towards the treeline where the rest of the carcass remained. “Jumped me during the night while I was sleeping.”

“Wait, and you survived?” Katya’s eyes widened in surprise as she inspected the Silverwolf from a distance. “Don’t get me wrong, Silverwolves aren’t very high level but they’re still very dangerous if they get the drop on you, doubly so during the Surge. And no offense, but your aura feels pretty low level right now.”

Akkari paused for a moment, then replied. “I am level 3.”

“Oh crap, that means you must not remember anything anything. I’m sorry, I had thought you were exaggerating.” After Akkari’s tilted his head in confusion, she elaborated. “See here, System experience and like, life experience go basically hand in hand. The System gives you experience for everything you, well, experience. That means that on average, any kid will get just under a single level per year, and then reach level 10 and pick their class around puberty.

“Various degrees of amnesia are pretty common, especially given head injuries, so they are well documented. In short, if you lose memories, the System also takes back the experience or skills it granted you based on those memories. So, losing a couple of levels is common. Being blasted into early childhood is decidedly not.

“Actually, that’s such a strange predicament you’re in it might really be unique. I’ve certainly never heard of an adult not having reached level 10. There are tips and tricks to level faster once you’ve acquired your class, but nothing at all for the single digits.”

Akkari mulled over her words. Despite what the System thought, he definitely felt more experienced than an actual child. At the very least, his subconscious prompts so far had proven more or less accurate.

"I'm not sure that applies to me, honestly. I gained 2 levels from the fight with the Silverwolf. But I also recovered a memory at the same time, so it could have been that instead." Sensing her bewilderment, he continued. "Something tells me this isn't normal, but I have this skill called Anamnesis that's supposed to help me recover memories and rewards me with experience and skills levels when I do."

Hearing this, Katya just stared.

"That… Wow, that's definitely not usual." Her expression then brightened, and she clapped her hands excitedly. "We could test it out! Find another monster to kill, and see if you can trigger another memory! Worst case scenario, we get to see how much experience you get from kills."

"Worst case scenario, I die," Akkari grumbled, not feeling up to repeating the previous night's experience.

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"Pff, I'll be here to back you up, don't be a coward—"

The scene changes. Akkari is floating in a void, curled up in a fetal position, arms covering up his head. From his closed eyes, tears are streaming down his face.

Surrounding him is a tapestry of brightly glowing spheres of a myriad colors, connected by pulsating threads. The pulses feel oddly organic.

A translucid woman, her hair made of starlight, approaches with unrestrained fury.

"This all is your fault. All that time ago, you could have simply taken responsibility for your fucking mistakes," her voice echoes in his head as she unleashes her anger on Akkari. "All these people are dead — my sister is dead — because you couldn't own up. Half measures after half measures. And in the end, the oceans of blood on your hands you could have avoided if you had had just a tiny bit of spine.

"You coward."

The void glows crimson as a blast of force erupts from Akkari. The woman crumples as the weight of his aura settles on her. He straightens up, towering over the now kneeling woman.

“You will be silent. You have no idea of what you speak.” The woman chokes under the pressure, but Akkari continues. “I was faced with only bad choices and I chose what I thought was best from the knowledge I had.”

He pretends he’s trying to convince the woman, but he knows he’s only trying to convince himself. It’s not working.

The pulsation of the tapestry grows more and more frenetic. Should one look closely, they would see it beat in rhythm with Akkari’s heart.

The woman smiles, then speaks through gritted teeth. “You can keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you’ll actually believe it, too.”

Akkari’s fury is like hot cinders on an open wound.

“Coward.”

Like ice, the woman shatters into a million pieces. The pulsing of the tapestry abates.

Akkari weeps in solitude.

[Anamnesis] By recovering one of your lost memories, you have re-acquired forgotten skills!

Soul Magic now level 5!

Material Magic is now level 5!

Level up! You are now level 4!

Level up! You are now level 5!

Level up! You are now level 6!

Level up! You are now level 7!

Level up! You are now level 8!

Level up! You are now level 9!

Returning to the present was like a splash of cold water. Akkari had felt his previous self’s emotions with an indescribable intensity, and it had left behind a raw wound in his mind. He sat down in a rush, trying to compose himself, but the feelings would not—

“Akkari? Are you alright?” A concerned voice broke him from his reverie. “Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to fight again if you don’t want to. I didn’t realize it affected you like that, I’m sorry.”

“ — not a —rd,“ he mumbled through his hands.

“Sorry?”

“I’m not a coward,” he repeated, unsure of himself.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize that was a sore spot for you,” she apologized again, voice suffused with empathy. Katya put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

“It’s not that— what you said, it triggered a memory. It was… rough. I’m sorry, I need a few minutes to recollect myself.”

Katya’s eyes brightened as she heard of the new memory, but she nodded and backed off to give Akkari some space. There would be time later to study the phenomenon.

Meanwhile, Akkari was finding it hard to come to terms with what he’d seen. He had already had a sinking feeling that he’d done something terrible in his past life, but this new memory all but confirmed it. His past self’s behavior also bothered him. The woman — whatever kind of being she was he had no idea, he’d have to ask Katya if she knew of any species of translucent people — had come to goad him, angry at whatever he’d done, and Akkari had just lost his temper and killed her.

With the return of the two new magics, he now knew he had used Matter to freeze her solid and then a bare hint of Force to rip the living statue apart. But he could not find it in himself to care about this new ability when he’d seen himself use it on an innocent person out of malice.

Then there was the second thing, the tapestry of lights — of souls, he now knew. It had resonated with him, and he knew that he had created the construct, somehow. What its purpose was or even where he could find it was still a mystery, however.

He was fairly certain he did not like that version of himself. And as much as he wanted to resolve himself to never become as heartless as the incarnation he’d just seen, a growing horror told him that the choice might be out of his hands entirely.

Will I become that person again, if I continue to remember? Is it, then, predetermined?

Can I even fight it? Maybe if I keep myself from remembering—

“Coward.”

The word blitzed through his being like lightning. He could not, would not leave his past self’s mistakes unanswered.

Free will or not, he would remember and he would atone, and Abyss take any who would get in his way.