"Such a nice day, don't you think?" Sammir said airily as he lifted a hand up and allowed the cool wind to blow between his fingers. The waitress brought out steaming cups of coffee.

Seated across from him Lexi nodded as she picked up her cup and took a small sip. "It's getting cold."

"It is," Sammir said. "Soon we won't be able to sit outside like this."

"Makina would disagree.”

Sammir laughed. "I'm afraid I am not as well suited as an ice mage."

Lexi smiled and took another sip. She had found it easier to tell Sammir that Makina was an ice mage rather than to explain everything to do with the Spirit Gods. The story was so ridiculous she would have had trouble believing it if she hadn't been there to experience it firsthand, she didn't expect anyone else would. At least, not without a demonstration and that was something that Lexi would rather avoid. Who knew just how destructive Makina could actually be if she tried?

"We don't get much snow in my city," Sammir said. "Does it snow here?"

"Most years it does, Yes."

"I am very much looking forward to that, then. I've never walked with a beautiful woman in the snow before." Sammir smiled before letting out a soft chuckle. "Well, I suppose that is presumptuous of me, isn't it?"

"Maybe not so much." Lexi smiled behind her cup.

"Excuse me, Madame, Sir Wasim. May a have a moment?"

Sammir glanced to the side, spying the courier who was politely standing a few paces away. With a curious look, Sammir raised his hand and beckoned the man closer.

"A message, sir," the courier removed a letter from a pack that was strapped to his lower back. Holding the gilded envelope with both hands he bowed and extended his arms towards Sammir.

"From who?" Sammir said as he accepted the package.

"Your Brother, sir." The courier gave another deep bow. "I will take my leave. Good day to both of you."

"Yes, yes, thank you.” He turned the envelope over and over in his hands before shrugging and tearing the corner open. He gave Lexi an apologetic look as he pulled the letter free. "I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not.”

"Thank you." Sammir gave her a small smile before he ran his eyes over the letter. The longer he read, the thinner his smile became until finally fading away as he gave a small nod and folded the letter back up and returned it to the envelope. He placed it lightly on the table and picked up his coffee.

"Is something wrong?" Lexi eyed the paper curiously. In the two months she had spent with Sammir it was a rare occurrence to see him without a smile. Worry coiled up in her stomach, but she quashed it down.

Sammir’s smile quickly returned and he gave her a cheery shake of his head. “It is nothing to be worried about. Now, shall we continue enjoying our day?”

Lexi hesitated for a moment, her eyes lingering on the letter, before she allowed herself to give into Sammir’s smile.

“Yes, let’s do that.”

xXx

True to their word, the pair spent a pleasant, if uneventful day doing nothing more than walking the streets, occasionally ducking into one shop or another to look at the wares and trinkets. However, no matter how many jokes he cracked, or gentle smiles he gave her, it was clear that something was weighing on Sammir’s mind.

Lexi tried as she might, but as they came to the edge of the pier and stared out over the ocean, the cold winds of the coming winter blowing through the air, she finally voiced the question.

“What is wrong?”

Sammir did not answer immediately. He stared far off into the distance with a small smile on his face. When he finally turned to Lexi, his gaze was soft.

“If I asked you to leave with me, would you?” Lexi went still, her eyes widening. Sammir only smiled in response, shaking his head and turning back towards the sea. “I suppose the true question isn’t would you, rather, could you?”

“Sammir…”

“There has been a development. There is a small island off the Southwestern coast of Torian. They rarely participate in trade with outsiders.” Sammir’s words came out short and even. His hands gripped the railing of the pier tightly for a moment. “They have agreed to participate in talks with me, and I am confident we will be able to come to an agreement.”

“I…” Lexi was unsure of what to say. “That is wonderful news.”

“It is. Or rather, it should be.” Sammir let out a deep sigh. “It will require extensive oversight on my part. In our initial planning stages, we were able to tentatively estimate that it would require me to stay there for at least a year. It would likely be longer.”

“Oh…” The pieces slowly fell into place and Lexi soon found herself staring out towards the sea as well. “Then… You’re leaving.”

“…Yes.”

His hands were suddenly holding hers, his touch gentle. “I know it is sudden. I fully understand that it is asking far too much of you, but if there is any chance, any chance at all, I must take it. So, I have to ask again. Alexis Shadowhart, could you come with me?”

“I can’t.” The answer left Lexi’s lips before she could even process Sammir’s question. She felt his fingers go limp in hers and she shook her head rapidly, a burning beginning behind her eyes. “I care for you, so much. More than I can express, but I cannot leave. My Guild, my team. I could never leave them.”

Sammir smiled at her. A soft, pained smile. “I already knew the answer, I’m sure. You cannot leave any more than I can stay. We simply are who we are.”

“I’m sorry, Sammir.” She gripped his hands tight.

“As am I.” He let out a soft breath. “I suppose this is the end of our date.”

“…Yes.” Lexi swallowed down the lump in her throat. “I… I enjoyed our time together.”

“As did I.” Sammir leaned down and kissed her gently on the cheek. “Shall I walk you home?”

Lexi shook her head as her fingers slipped from his. “No… I... No…”

“I see.” Sammir’s hand came up and hastily wiped at his misting eyes. He held out his hand. “Then, goodbye, Lexi.”

Lexi took his hand. Her fingers trembled in his, but she met his eye. “Good bye, Sammir.”

Her hand dropping heavily to her side, Lexi gave a short nod before slowly turning away. With heavy footsteps she walked away.

xXx

Lexi didn't know how long she walked. Day seemingly faded into night and it wasn't until the final streaks of sunlight burned out across the horizon and the streetlights lit up that Lexi realized how late it had become.

With a soft 'oh' she came to a stop at a cross section.

She knew exactly where she was. Many years ago, she had memorized every street, alley, and building in the city. It had started off as a game and quickly grown into a training exercise. Even blindfolded she was sure she could find her way through the city.

Knowing where she was did very little when she did not know where she was going.

Since joining the guild, Lexi had been shot, stabbed, burned, maimed, and broken. Every time she had experienced pain; she had grabbed hold of it. That is what she had been taught by her mother. Never run from pain. Embrace it. Feed from it. Use it. Grow angry. Scream. Fight and claw at it until the pain was nothing more than another conquered foe under her boot.

But the pain that she felt in this moment. The pain that seemed to cling to her very heart and hold her rooted in place. She had no idea how to deal with this pain.

She wanted to cry. To scream. To do something. Her mouth opened but no sound came out. Her fingers balled to fists and she stumbled back until her shoulders hit cold, hard brick. Slowly, she slid down until she was sitting on the ground with her head resting on her knees.

This novel's true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.

"This is ridiculous," she breathed as she pressed her forehead harder against her knee. "This is… this is…"

She shook her head and slowly returned to her feet. She dusted off the back of her skirt and felt a small tear in the fabric from where it had caught against the wall.

She scoffed and tugged at the edge of the offending garment, feeling the delicate fabric run against her fingertips. She almost never wore skirts for this very reason. Pants suited her work far better and she didn't have to worry about them snagging or tearing.

She shook her head and looked to her left. That way would lead her to the guild. To the right would take her to the train station.

She took a half-hearted step to the right. She could always go home. But she couldn't be sure anyone would be home. The thought of going to an empty home was almost enough to make her sick. Though, going to the guild did not seem like a much better option.

She wavered.

Stuck in place.

Completely unsure of what to do or where to go.

xXx

"You're still out here?" Romeo called to Cross as he came down the stairs with a damp towel hanging across his broad shoulder. "It's been hours man. How much can you really do to those bracers?"

Cross held up the bracer. "I've been thinking about adding a way to use a clip. Having to reload after every shot can cause problems."

"Ah, smart.” He looked down at the tools and equipment spread out across the table. A good portion of it belong to him. He reached out and picked up a glass sphere that crackled with energy. "You look at these at all?"

"Nope. Looked dangerous," Cross said without looking up.

"Dangerous?" Romeo looked aghast. "These beauties are completely safe. You know, so long as you don't accidentally break the glass." Romeo tossed the ball up in the air and caught it behind his back. The sphere of yellow magic inside jolted dangerously. Romeo paid it no mind and looked at Cross. "Hey, since we're here I've got something I've been meaning to ask you about."

"Hmmmm?" Cross replied. He activated the bracers cartridge eject and caught the empty round as it popped out. He nodded, pleased with the smooth action.

"You know how you found Makina?" Romeo said. "You jumped off a train, right?"

"Yes." While that wasn’t exactly true, it was far easier than explaining that he had been pushed off by Kosu, who was… Actually, Cross wasn’t actually sure he could adequately explain who or what Kosu was.

"Well, why?"

Cross thought about his ransacked room and sighed. "Because I made a mistake."

"Ah, don't be like that." Romeo grinned. "I mean why did you jump off a train. I mean, you do some weird shit sometimes but…"

“Is it really that important?”

“I mean, I’m interested at the very least.”

Cross stopped working and put down his tool and thought for a moment about how to explain. "Because I was forced."

Romeo stopped tossing the bomb. "Forced?”

Cross nodded slowly. “Call it the whim of the Void. Sometimes, things are just going to happen to me.”

Whim of the Void. That was a good way to describe Kosu.

"That's never happened to me, I don't think." Romeo mused. He rolled the bomb precariously along his fingers.

"I don't think it happens to other people,” Cross said ruefully. At least he hoped it didn’t.

"Interesting." Romeo nodded sagely before producing another glass ball, this one glowing an ominous red. "Now I have something else to ask you. What do you think would happen if I put fire magic and lightning magic into one bomb?"

Cross pressed his foot against the table and pushed out, sliding his chair back several feet.

"Oh, come on! It probably won't blow up… that badly!" Romeo protested.

"Romeo, I don't know what you are doing but do not do it!" Servilia's voice carried through the guild.

"Everyone is a critic." Romeo muttered as he put the bombs down.

The doors to the guild creaked open and Lexi slipped in between them. With near silent footsteps she made her way through the guild and towards the stairs.

"Hey!" Romeo called out. "You're back late."

Lexi stopped and slowly lifted her heavy eyes to the boy's table but did not speak.

"Where is Sammir?" Romeo’s brow furrowed.

"Sammir… Sammir is leaving," Lexi said quietly.

"What?” Romeo said. He glanced down to Cross who was staring at Lexi with a small frown.

"He has work to attend to. He is-” Lexi’s voice cracked and she went silent for a long moment. “He has to leave.”

“He’s just leaving, like that? Like he hasn’t… Like you two haven’t…?” Sparks crackled around Romeo’s fingers and he rose from his seat. “I’ll kill him. I’ll fucking kill him.”

"Romeo." Lexi shook her head.

"No. He's going to pay for this. He can't just-"

"Romeo," Lexi said with more force. "Honestly, it is fine."

"It's fine? How is this… Cross, come on, right?" Romeo looked down to Cross for support. The Clairvoyant gave no response. "You both have to be fucking kidding me. This is not okay."

"Yes, it is. I promise," Lexi said. "Please. Don't waste any more time or energy on this."

"But… but…" Romeo's hands curled into fists.

"Romeo, as your Leader I am giving you an order. Let this go.”

Romeo ground his teeth. "Fine. But I swear to the Gods if he shows his stupid face here, I'm going to break his legs at least."

With that Romeo stormed up the stairs, cursing the entire way.

Lexi felt Cross's eyes on her and she slowly turned to look at him. For a long time, they stared at each other in silence before Lexi smiled at him. It came nowhere close to meeting her painfully dull eyes.

"I'm okay," Lexi's voice wavered and she looked away. "I'm okay."

Cross watched her silently trudge up the stairs. He let out a heavy sigh and set down his work before heading after her. He found her standing in the hallway between their rooms. Her hand hung lightly on the doorknob to her room, but she made no motion to enter her room. Cross stopped behind her.

"Lex…"

"I'm okay," Lexi said. Her hand tightened around the doorknob. "I'm okay. I'm okay."

The dim lights of the hallway began to flicker.

Cross reached out his hand and gently touched her on the arm.

"You're not okay.”

Lexi slowly turned to face him. Her eyes shined with unshed tears and her hands were balled into tight fists.

"I…I…I'm not okay," Lexi's voice cracked and she fell against Cross, burying her face in his chest. "I'm not okay at all."

"Yeah." Cross sighed into her hair. He wrapped his arms around her thin frame as the lights in the hallway went out completely and Lexi let out a muted sob. "I know."

He navigated them into her room and gently sat them onto Lexi's bed. Not an easy task with Lexi clinging to him. He said nothing as Lexi's frame shook and sobs escaped her lips, hot tears of agony staining his shirt. In the silence he gently stroked her back and waited for her to settle.

"It hurts," Lexi said when she finally calmed down enough to speak.

"I know."

"I'm so angry," Lexi whispered. Her fingers found purchase in his shirt and she twisted the fabric tight. She trembled in his arms. "I don't know what to do, Cross. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to care. I don't want to feel. I want it to stop.”

"I know," Cross said, his voice matching the softness of hers.

"I feel so stupid. This shouldn't be important" Lexi choked out. "This isn’t real. It’s nothing. This should be nothing. There’s no wound. There’s no blood. But still… but still it hurts, Cross. It hurts so bad and I feel so weak.”

"If it didn’t hurt, you wouldn’t be you, Lex." Cross reached up and ruffled her hair. "Doesn't matter how strong you are, either. This isn’t a weakness. It’s just part of being alive.”

"I know." Lexi sucked in a shuddering breath and went silent for a long time. From the way her breathing evened out, Cross thought she might have fallen asleep when she tightened her grip on him. "I should have let Romeo kill him."

"No killing," Cross chided gently.

"Then I should have at least broken his jaw."

"You wouldn’t have felt any better.”

"… I know."

"Waste of your punching talent, anyway. Save your hands for something more important." Cross shifted into a more comfortable position as Lexi stretched out along the bed and loosened her grip on him. He glanced down at her and gave a gentle smile. "It'll be okay, you know. Everyone's first love ends badly."

"I know," Lexi's tear stained face looked up at him and she returned him the barest hint of a smile. "And he wasn't my first love."

"Oh really?" Cross raised an eyebrow. "Who was then?"

"That's a secret." Lexi's eyes lit up with that familiar twinkle before she closed her eyes and let out a long breath. Cross felt her go limp against him, completely worn out from the day.

"Want me to go so you can get some sleep?"

Lexi faltered. "Could you stay? Just for a bit?"

"Well, I guess it is my turn. I'm pretty sure you watched over me while I slept last time I got hurt."

"Last two times," Lexi corrected. "More if you want to get technical about it. You didn't wake up for several days, remember?"

"Considering I was unconscious, that would be difficult."

"Well I did," Lexi said with a soft sigh.

"Fair enough.”

Exhausted, it didn't take long for Lexi to fall asleep. Still Cross waited almost a full hour before he carefully slipped from the bed. He gave Lexi one last look before heading downstairs.

xXx

Sammir stared vacantly ahead as he waited for the train. He traveled lightly, all of his future necessities already well on their way to his destination. Letting out a sigh, he fell back deeper into his chair. He barely glanced up as someone vaguely familiar took the seat across from him.

“Hello, Cross.”

“Sammir.”

“Not here to kill me, are you?” Sammir gave him a weak smile. “You’re the only one who didn’t threaten me, you know.”

“It’s hard to do that when Lexi’s already the most threatening person I know.”

“Fair answer.” Sammir pushed himself into a more dignified position. “This has been quite a dream for me, you know. I thought it was reality, I really did. I thought I could grasp it and never let it go… But I was being foolish.”

“There’s no way you can stay?” Cross leaned forward.

Sammir regarded him for a moment. “You really came here just to ask that?”

Cross nodded.

“You are a good friend, Cross.”

“No one else can go in your place?” Cross asked pointedly.

“No. No one else.” Sammir let out a hollow laugh. “It’s funny, in a way. Because I am irreplaceable to the process, I am in quite a position of power, but I also cannot delegate to anyone else.”

“. . .” Cross let out a soft breath. “It doesn’t have to be the end.”

“Ah…” Sammir glanced at him. A smile came to his lips, but it didn’t quite make it all the way before fading back into nothing. “You already know, but she’s so special, Lexi. She’s beautiful, without a doubt. One of the most beautiful women I have seen in my entire life, but she’s so much more than that. She’s fierce and sharp. Her wit is seemingly endless, yet despite that harsh outer shell, she’s so genuinely soft. I have met so many people. So many nobles and politicians and merchants. Too many to count. But somehow, somehow, I have never met anyone quite like her… I doubt I will ever meet another.”

“Then-“

“That’s why I could never do that. But you understand that, don’t you?”

Cross stared at Sammir at length and sighed deeply. “Fuck, you’re a good guy, you know that? This would be a lot easier if you were an asshole.”

That got a genuine laugh from Sammir. “It would, wouldn’t it? Though that would be quite the cliché, wouldn’t it? No doubt you’d punch me right in the face.”

“That would be a start. Too bad you’re kind of a nice guy”

“I’ll be sure to work on that.”

A whistle off in the distance announced the nearing arrival of the train. Cross stared out towards it for a moment, watching as it slowly pulled into the station with a puff of fresh smoke.

“Will you come back?” Cross said quietly as Sammir stood.

“I can say yes, but would it mean anything?” Sammir shook his head. “Time has a way of making fools of all of us, I believe. I would rather not make a promise I cannot be absolutely sure I could keep. Besides…” Sammir looked upwards, the next words weighing heavily on his tongue. “I am not quite sure if I could stand what I am sure to see.”

“What’s that?”

Sammir only shook his head and smiled as he made his way towards the train. Stepping through the opening door, he threw one last glance towards Cross.

“Take care of her, Cross.”

And he was gone.