I was out of the hospital after a day of rest and treatment. My homework had built up from all my classes, but my teachers agreed to give me time to finish because of the circumstances. I tried my hardest to focus on the finding this gem that’s so important, but I can’t help but think about how much I screwed up. Claire had tried to get me to talk, but I shot her down completely.

“Kyle, are you going to focus on the task at hand?” an annoyed Ryan asks.

“Sorry, I have a lot to think about.” I say

“That’s no excuse, Beth and I have been in this library since yesterday, and right now you seem more like a distraction than help.” He says coldly.

“You really don’t know how to sugar coat things do you?” I ask.

“I’m only saying this because the problem you’re more focused on has a simple solution.” He says.

“Ryan, don’t be so harsh. We don’t know Kyle’s reasoning for being this way about his past.” Beth says.

I smile, at least Beth gets human emotions for Ryan.” I’ve had some very traumatic experiences in the past, but you know that.” I pause, wondering what to say next. “If I were to talk about it, I’d have to relive those memories, and I don’t think I can bear doing that.”

Ryan shakes his head and says,” That is not how you solve a problem, now if you don’t mind, you should leave and work on other homework.”

I get up and do as he say. I know he cares about me, even if he doesn’t show it. He wants my problems to be fixed, but doesn’t know the complexity of these emotions. I wish I could adopt his simple minded approach to emotions and such.

I pass Claire and Edward on the way back from the library. I should’ve been paying attention, because I could have avoided them, but it was too late. They spotted me. Edward waves at me and I smile and wave back, but Claire gives me the cold shoulder. I don’t blame her, I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about anything from before.

So begins a two week period of avoiding Claire as much as possible, while still trying to keep an eye on her. There were many times where I’d hide behind a group of people, or behind a wall when she approached. It may have been childish, but I really didn’t want to even talk to her right now. I was way too confused on what to do. In a way, it reminded me of a younger me trying to work up the courage to talk to Jessica. On the Friday of the second week, Claire was fed up with me avoiding her. That’s when she got smart and unleashed Smokey from my room. He led her right to me.

I was laying in a bush after hearing the footsteps and heartbeat I remembered was hers. I was so focused on her’s, that I didn’t even hear the one of my own dog. He jumped into the bush and started liking my face asking to play.

“Smokey, what the hell are you doing out?” I ask.

“Ryan let me take him, he said he was annoyed at your lack of courage.” She says coldly.” I am also very annoyed at how childish you’re being.”

I get up and sigh,” Look, I’m sorry, but so many things are happening and I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

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“Too bad, you’re coming with me.” She grabs my arm and forcibly pulls me along. She leads me to an open room that’s filled with all my friends here. Edward was reading his textbook, Beth and Ryan were talking, and someone I didn’t expect was messing with Beth’s tale. Thu’ane was here, but why? He wasn’t supposed to come until tomorrow.

“Thu’ane? What are you doing here so early?” I ask

“Kyle! I arrived early and was going to surprise you! I ran into your roommate after finding out your room number and he explained the situation. I can’t believe you still have a hard time talking to people,  I thought you got past this.” He says embracing me in a hug.

I felt anger and joy about what he did, I didn’t know which one was stronger though.” So what did you tell them?”

“I told them about how you blame yourself for Jessica’s death, about how we could’ve been there quicker without our detour, and some of your more gruesome events in your past.” He says.

“I-I don’t know if I should be mad or happy that you did, but for now, I’ll let it slide.” I say.

“Don’t be like that, if it weren’t for me, you would’ve never got together with Jessica either.” He says.

It’s true, I’m a mess when it comes to these types of things. I prefer not to talk about anything, but Thu’ane will do anything to make me talk. Here, he gave my friends all the info they needed to probe me, and that made me very pissed. I was pissed that he did so without my permission, pissed that he did so nonchalantly, and pissed that he brought up Jessica again. But also, I was happy, a burden was lifted from my shoulders.

“Then I guess I have to apologize to everyone about how I’ve been acting.” I say defeated.

Edward shakes his head,” You have only one person to apologize to.” He points to Claire and my heart drops. One day Edward, I will get you back for all this.

With that everyone leaves and I’m left trying to find words to say. Claire breaks the silence.” I know I shouldn’t have been so forward with you, but seeing you again made me so happy. I wanted that happiness from when we were kids.”

I felt the same thing when I first saw her, all those happy memories flooded back to me when I heard her voice.” I’m sorry for being such an ass about all this, I wish I wasn’t such a mess when it comes to my own problems. I wish I could talk about all my thoughts, but they’re so hard to even think about.”

“I’ll be there for you, when you finally decide to talk about it, please come to me.” She pleads.” I’ve wanted to help you so badly, ever since you lost Jessica, I wanted to be next to you. I want you to lean on me for support.”

I look into her eyes and see tears start to form. I can’t believe how I acted, this girl wanted nothing more than me to feel better. I run my hands through my hair in an attempt to cool my nerves, then take a deep breath.” I accept you plead.” I finally say.

She lights up, wipes the tears from her eyes, and says,” For now, just please talk more about the traumatic events like monster attacks. I’ll let you off the hook about Jessica for now.”

WIth that I told her all about the three events that haunted me. My first event was during my first mission apart of the King’s Shadow. I was hunting a Hydra and I finally caught up to it, only to find a mother looking for her son. After killing the Hydra, I noticed the lump in its body and I ended up throwing up. The other was at a goblin’s hideout, a group of us raided their cave. At the end of the cave, I saw many things, naked women, carved up men, and children’s bones. The last one, was during one of my espionage missions. I was sneaking through a building and was way too careless, I didn’t notice that someone was coming and was spotted by them. I was forced to kill an innocent man for the sake of a mission. All of these gave me night terrors even before the fall of the King’s Shadow, but now I had moved past them a bit.

After explaining all this, Claire just gives me a hug.” You’re an idiot, you shouldn’t carry all these burdens on your own.” She says.

I wrap my arms around her and whisper,” I know, I’m just too stupid to realise I have people who will help me.”

The door opens and Thu’ane enters with a sandwich in hands.” Whoops, I thought y’all were done.”