The ride back home is sturdy and warm. I’ve awakened on the burly back of Father, my arms wrapped securely around his shoulders. I keep my lips and my eyes sealed in false sleep. I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to say to my parents and I don’t know if they’ll even listen. I put their lives at stake for my own rash decisions. I feel my heart twist and my body tremble once again. I’m really useless, aren’t I? I couldn’t last one second outside of my parent's sight. I couldn’t get them a decent gift, and I almost got myself killed. I am just a good-for-nothing. In both this life and the last one, I’ve been nothing but dead weight. My reincarnation was a mistake. I-

“Eva my love, we are here,” Father says tenderly.

My thoughts abruptly stop as I hear Father’s voice. I lie still to feign sleep, but my father reaches his arms behind his back and lifts me.

“Eva, I know you are awake.” A small chuckle leaves his mouth.

I open my eyes as I’m lowered to my father’s face. I meet his gaze; his eye is a radiant brown that compliments his snowy white hair. Subtle wrinkles wrap around his face as he forms a tender smile. I wanted to explain to Father what I was doing out in the woods, but he shook his head as soon as I opened my mouth. He plops me on the floor and gives me a tight hug.

“Go to your mother Eva.”

I follow his sight to the area behind me. To my surprise, we are not home, but near a hilltop by our house. Mother is a few steps away, standing underneath a towering tree with purple petals. I take careful steps not to disturb her. I stand next to her and look at the view she’s fixated on. A soft, tender glow appears on the horizon.

“When your Father and I stopped working, we were so set on living in the city,” Mother says, her eyes still gazing at the horizon. It was near all of our friends, by our favorite restaurants. It was perfect. But then one of our friends took us to this place. It was a calm, serene, and secluded forest; nothing like the bustling city I spent my entire life in. I wasn’t sold on the idea until I sat with your father. ”

I scoot closer to Mother, my ears perking up as I listen keenly to her story.

“It was early morning and your father pleaded for me to go with him. I couldn’t say no, especially since he packed a whole picnic feast for us. ”

Mother scoffs and a small smile grows on her face.

“The towering buildings and walls in the city made it near impossible to see the sunrise, so it was my first time. At first, I thought nothing much of it. What’s the point of looking at the sun and burning up your eyeballs?”

I snorted a little bit. Mother gave a little glance at me and her complexion softened.

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“But for a moment, before the sun fully reveals itself, you could see it. It covers the world in an orange glow, and the warmth it gives makes you feel safe. I haven’t felt safe in a long time. That day was the greatest gift your father has given me.”

Mother’s hand slowly raises to her face. Her tender fingers graze the numerous scars that plague her.

“I wanted to give you that same gift Eva. I wanted to give you something safe, tender, and warm. If I couldn’t give you a beautiful mother, I could at least give you a beautiful home.”

Mother covers her eyes, pools of tears falling onto the cold grass.

“But it seems I failed at that too.”

Mother turns to me and kneels with her head hanging low.

“Can you forgive us for being broken?”

I raise my hands and reach out to Mother’s face. I feel the smooth bumps that follow along her cheek. She radiates a gentle warmth that comforts my grasp. She raises her head and leans into my small hands. For my entire life, I’ve been afraid to meet the gaze of my mother. I was scared of the face that abandoned, hurt, and killed me. I was so focused on seeing the dark I didn’t know those days were already over.

For the first time, I meet Mother’s eyes. They are bright brown; soft and serene. I can see my mother’s face without fear; the wretched, distorted figure that haunted me for so long has been cut off. I can finally embrace the face of my mother, and she is beautiful.

My body trembles at Mother’s words. I want to tell her that she needs no forgiveness, that she is everything I’ve ever wanted from a mother. She is kind, warm, and gentle. I want to tell her that she’s not to blame; the demons of my past still haunt me. I want to tell her that I’m sorry she was given a broken daughter. But I know she’s only ever wanted to hear a few words.

“Momma,” I say, choking on the tears in my eyes and throat, “I love you, and I’m sorry.”

Her arm reaches around me and pulls me close. I wrap my arms around her and I cry on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry Momma, please don’t cry.”

There is so much that has followed me in this life. I still remember the pain of dying, the feeling of loss and regret. The past has been cruel to me, but none of that matters now. In this life, I’m loved.

Mother whispers in my ear, trembling through her lips as I feel her tears roll down my shoulders.

“Will you stay?”

I break down and nod, I can no longer string together any words. No mother should have to say that to their child.

“Thank you, my love,” Mother whispers as she hugs me tighter. As we embrace our shared love, two burly arms wrap around us and almost lift us off our feet.

“Did you two forget about me?” Father says squeezing us together. I see a giant grin on his face; it seems he has been listening the whole time. Mother and Father laugh and I do too, sharing in their bubble of joy.

“I love you too Papa,” I say as he gives me and mother a small kiss on the forehead.

We all sit together and watch the sun slowly rise, its rays enveloping the forest below the hill.

I lean against Mother her arm wrapped around my waist.

“Eva, that day on the hill with your father was the greatest gift, but it’s been replaced.”

“Hmmm?” I look up to see Mother, her face beaming with joy.

“You, Eva. My greatest gift, my lovely daughter, my little sun.” She kisses me on the forehead as I shed small tears.

My father brings us closer together, his sturdy chest used as a wall for Mother and me to lean on. This feeling of family and closeness is unfamiliar, but I embrace it all the same. As we bask in the sun as a family, I feel a heavy weight leave my chest. It took me two lifetimes to realize that the world can be beautiful.