“Ruith… Ruith! Where are you? you, silly little girl, hehe…” As I was hiding under mother’s study desk, containing my giggle so she wouldn’t know of where I was, she kept searching for me in this room playfully.

“Ruith! Amadela is going to be lonely you know!” I could feel from her voice that she was getting near to where I am.

“When I find you… you’re going to be in so much trouble! I’ll double your studies! Hehe…” Her voice became more louder because she was so close to me and…

“Found you, you little rascal!!” As she found me, I screamed a bit in joy.

“Come here… we need to finish your studies! after that… you can play in my study room all you want!” she extended her arm waiting for me to grab it and hearing that deal, I extend mine as well, grabbing hers but… when my hand was about to touch hers, she fades, and reality swept back to me.

I was there, laying in my bed and two of my hands extended up, trying to grab something…. something…

As I rose from my bed, change to a more modest attire and was about to head downstairs for breakfast, mother came to me in my head.

Did you dream about something dear?

She probably noticed me extending my arms outward in the air.

No… nothing out of the ordinary…

I lied to her.

Ohh… well… do your best for today honey!

Yeah, sure mother…

* * *

Arriving at the dining room, I saw brother was quiet as usual, only talking to our castellan, Durell and uncle Maurice who just arrived yesterday.

They were inspecting the usual morning report, varying reports like rations quantities, paid taxes from our vassals and subjects, and currently this time, the new dead body that just hit the streets.

Also a new letter from Amadela, given to of course by Durell.

It said that they’ve already pass the Oer Forest and was about to arrive somewhere near dawn, in it as well was another story of her adventure with the second heroes.

The first message she sent, was about the Lobos and how one of the second heroes was kidnap by them.

The second message she sent was about their raid against the Rider Cultist, she was actually a bit passionate in this one, as she told me about how our Lord Protector used a cunning tactic to lowered the cultist guard.

She also told me that one of the second heroes, Lady Eleanna, single handily took down all of the rider cultist just by using a simple blast of water… it was puzzling, yet hilarious nonetheless.

The third letter that’s now in my hand was kind of sweet, though they first were ambushed in the Oer Forest, they were saved by a lumberjack and his family.

It was somewhat shocking that the lumberjack was revealed to be a night monster, well a self-aware one that wasn’t filled with rage and thirst of blood because, like what Amadela recounted to me, he just sat there near a cliff with his wife, waiting for dawn to crack.

It was quite sweet…

But when Amedela suddenly mentioned Sir Aedhyn le Sireadh, THE Sir Aedhyn that taught me on biology, was the one behind the sad circumstances of their saviour, give quite the shock, yet… I kind of expected that from him.

He was unorthodox from how he taught me to everything really, but then again, that’s what those mages dedicated themselves for.

Understanding the world that our Lord Lux made, in every way possible.

Did you call me Ruith?

speak of the devil, or... god.

No, I didn’t! Now get out of my head, I am trying to enjoy my breakfast here!

I tried to shoo him away.

Honey… mind your words please! It’s the Lord you’re talking to!

Mother came in, only to be another spoiler for my breakfast.

It’s okay Catrin… enjoy your breakfast Ruith!

He then went off from my head and back to Paradis like he usually does.

Yeah, sure…

After breakfast was almost spoiled, I went back to my room to be properly attired by my maids first before going to mother’s study room or… actually, my study room now, to do my usual morning routine.

So, what you got for me today shiny?

RUITH! How many times, have I said to mind your tongue young lady!!

Mother scolded me like usual when I tried talking casually with god.

Haha, it’s okay Catrin and truth be told, I’ve been meaning to tell you that this change of pace, is actually quite nice!

He, defended me… I mean usually he just laughed awkwardly a bit before getting to business, but… yeah this is new… maybe because I called him shiny?

But…

Hey, he’s fine with it! So, why the enfer not? Our family has been speaking with him for generations after all!

I agree with Ruith, as truth be told, no offense of course to all of you ladies, especially you Ceri, because when it was your turn, all of it just went boorish.

There were no malice in his words, but there was relieve to say the least, though… for the others in my head, mother especially, everyone was a bit on the down low. But again, as annoying he can be, he’ll never mean any harm to us.

After that was settled. I can finally go down to business as usual with shiny here and as like any other day… it was pretty usual.

Harvest predictions, who’s the unexpected guest at Geamradh, and other boring stuff that wasn’t really of interest. The interesting things were given letter and because it was interesting, he gave it cryptically because it’s more ‘fun’ he said.

The first one was about the murders, he said that the tenth will be when the killer’s luck run out and where a golden she-snake arise.

The golden she-snake part was quite intriguing, is he implying that the killer is a woman? or is the birthing a metaphorical one? Well… either way it’s worth to keep a close eye in.

The second one was about a crack at a pillar, he said that Albion’s pillars will crumble in a good way and that change start from a man who wants to end ‘a nonsense’.

I… couldn’t really get this one, he said that the pillars of this kingdom were going to crumble, but in a good way…? It’s not good if it meant the destruction of Albion… it’s not good too if this kingdom turned to anarchy.

So… yeah, I am kind of lost with this one, but like the golden she-snake, I am quite interested at the man who wants to end ‘a nonsense’.

The third was about Geamradh, it’s actually quite simple, he said that Geamradh will be an ironic name next year… and, yeah that’s where the simplicity stop.

This is the north, how would it exactly not be cold? I mean, what? Is he going to make the sun closer to Lumenter? Yeah, I don’t think so…

The fourth and last one was about Albion again, this time was pretty serious.

He told of two sons, sons of Albion that will fight with each other, with the reason of hatred, that was actually a lie. And from that a winner will emerge, but not from the two sons, no… an outsider will be the winner.

I could already tell that this was about an upcoming civil war, but… why? The realm is quite peaceful, no… peaceful is an underestimation, everyone is content! From the commoners to the nobility, why would someone break this peace?

I asked him if the problem was influenced by an external force, but… no, he said that it’s going to be from the inside… and... why is the winner an outsider? Are we going to be conquered? Or what?

Ughh…. I hate it when he gives very serious predictions but isn’t straightforward about it.

As all the interesting and serious predictions are laid out, I went to the second part of my routine.

It was somewhat like an open court, but honestly it’s more like fortune telling. As merchants, nobles, and even commoners, asked me about their future trade, future trials, and even future love that one time from a merchant boy.

I contractually can only say it cryptically, made and enforced of course by shiny himself. But he was actually quite lenient on me than mother and the previous seeresses, as I was allowed to give two straight forward answers for anyone I am predicting once a season.

With all the important stuff out of the way and the sharing of future predictions to the mass was over for the day as well, I… am actually free to do anything really.

I mean… yeah this is pretty much what I do, I talk to God at eight, asking him what’s going to happen in the future, if it was interesting he’ll said it cryptically, if it was mundane he’ll say it mundanely, then do my ‘seeress’ part at nine till eleven or twelve to the mass, except if Tuath or Albion in some sort of crisis, like… a war or a plague… I’ll probably talk to him all day.

And… yeah… I am free for the next six hours… or so I thought.

I am not lying that I have a lot free time, as I reached 18 years of age, I was pretty much the one who made my own schedules… the problem is that it needs to be approved by the old Seeresses and even if they approved it, I was still needed to be supervised by one of them, usually by mother, but sometimes with grandaunt or one of them.

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I didn’t mind it at first, I’ve lived my life with eyes constantly monitoring me, but… unlike those eyes in my youth, these eyes badgered me nonstop.

Mother other especially, always reminding me about proper etiquettes in the public that I already remembered ad nauseam, judging and even criticizing the tiny things that they don’t want to see, and… now this… an aphrodisiac and a fertility enhancer potion…

She… the first seeress had plan this for more than a millennia to get the seed… she wanted me to be impregnated by one of the second heroes that is a man.

I don’t really want to do it, it’s still my body! but… it’s useless really to defy her, she’s just going to hijack my body and do the deed herself if I don’t comply.

And to be honest too... I have seen her wrath… it’s… something that I don’t want to see ever again.

* * *

Noon has pass and the sun was about to set… they’ve already arrived and were currently having dinner with brother and uncle Maurice, while I… holed up in my room, sitting at my bed, dressed quite immodestly with the milk tea I got from Durell, already spiked with the two potions on top of the table.

The target, was the Lord Protector. Shiny said that he is going to go out for a bathroom break before going to bed and I already instructed one of the maid, Ailee, that’s going to be their attendant, to send him to my room discreetly.

And when I heard a footstep in front of my door, I knew it was him… I stood up with the gathered courage I had and opened it.

The first thing that I notice from him was his hair, Amadela really wasn’t kidding on our Lord Protector’s very unique hair color, it was white like a milk. Then the second thing was his eyes… unique also, with quite the alluring color, violet… and seeing him full view… was like seeing a unicorn, rare and really, really, exotic.

The start was quite interesting, the milk tea that shiny suggested was actually a perfect hit for him and the man himself… was quite polite really and surprisingly a bit fun to talk too.

When I asked about his time on the Lobo forest and his brief berserk, he down-played it at first but I saw a pause that was quite funny to look at, it’s like he just remembered it and was a bit embarrassed by it, he then accept it and eased his flustered heart by sipping the tea I poured for him.

You too girl! drink it!!

The first seeress pushed me.

Yeah, fine…

I then sipped mine as well.

We then change the subject from his adventure to the tea and what he said about the ingredient was quite on point from what shiny instructed me to add, heck the arrangement was even the same, a hint of chamomile, rosemary, and-

“Lemon zest….” My brain must have farted because I suddenly let out what I was thinking.

After hearing that he slurped again the tea and I followed suite as well.

The last subject we talked was about my room, I know that he probably wanted to be nice about it, but his delivery was just… awkward, but nonetheless I followed up and just shared a bit of what I want to do with this room.

It was old, really juvenile for my taste now and it needed some change, but brother… he can sometimes be overbearing, but at least he knows when to stop… unlike these women in my head.

At the end of our conversation, he let out something interesting… he… actually flirted with me, though I realized from the pause that it was accidental and… was the potions talking.

He actually has some consciousness left and was about to left, I stopped him by trying to grab his arm but the moment I grabbed it, a surge of weird feelings came, it was definitely the potions and I tried to suppress it by controlling my breath, but I still couldn’t handle it.

It was… damn overwhelming really, my body was hot, I could felt my breast perking up, and down there, it felt really, really wet… I couldn’t help it and threw myself at him after.

But there was a pause, he held me back, he… held me back…

Though my head is really fuzzy now, his actions made me realize… realize that, I don’t want to this, I don’t want to be pregnant with some stranger! I don’t… want this!

I knew you were weak… step aside!

But… well, I knew right away this would happen. I lost control of my body, she took over and continued where I left off.

He then do things… things that I only want people who are special to me to do… and she… she let him do that. But the fact that this was still my body, I can still feel it, I can feel his every lick, his callous hands, caressing my body, my bottom… my privates… I… I… am being deflowered while she kept indulging it…

At that point I can’t take it anymore, I cried myself to a corner while he picked me up to my bed and proceeded to shove his rod up to my privates and she… even moved my hips shamelessly.

Why… why do I have to endure this… mother never said anything about this! she always said that being a seeress was about uncovering the future with God but… we are no more than her puppets!

I… I remembered that mother used to be so open, so close, she used to defend me against the world… she used to be MY MOTHER DAMN IT!

But now… she’s just like them all, contently being played, being abused around like a lifeless doll… doing things with no hint of questioning the logic behind it and now!

Now… they are just staring at my body, used by some unknown hero from another world like a cheap whore… I hate them, I hate that controlling bitch.

I hate mother…

* * *

As the sun was falling, the snow outside was raging aggressively with a thick mist following the storm, it was so thick that I can’t even see the wall and the guards at the outside of my window.

I am also… very concern of the Lord Protector’s well-being now, it’s been three hours since he departed, and he hasn’t come back…

The journey to go there and back should’ve only lasted for two hours… if only she didn’t scare him away… but… I am actually really curious too at what he will find, even if he won’t find what the first Seeress’ name is... there still one bird that I hope will bring something fruitful.

While I was sitting there at the chair, tapping the wooden floor with my foot multiple times and tapping my desk with my index finger restlessly, she came back to my head.

Remember girl, you still need to sleep with that boy Arthur! And once you are impregnated with two of their seed… haha…

She chuckled a bit.

A child of his blood will be under my control!

I still don’t get it, who is this he? Why are you so obsessed with the first heroes?

Already restless and her demanding me to whore myself out again, made me frustrated at her.

Obsessed? I am not obsessed! It’s his promise that he will give me his seed to me, I just didn’t expect it to be this complicated… and he? hahaha…

She degradingly laughed at me.

Your mother was a fool to think she can unbind me from you and as well not raising you as a proper Seeress! If she had, you would already know who he is.

What? What do you mean mother didn’t raised me as a proper Seere-

BRAK!!!

My telepathic conversation with that bitch was cut short by the Lord Protector, who barged in here like a madman, still covered with his fur cloak that was dirtied by the snow storm.

He came forward at me and… pulled out his sword, pointing it’s tip towards me, I was… honestly quite scared, I don’t know what he found from the Tyluns.

“Ruith, no... who am I talking to?” His voice, his tone, his… eyes, his deep violet eyes, it was filled with such… determination, it’s looking at brother.

“Ruith! you are talking to Ruith! So please sheathe your sword Lord Protector!!” I hastily answered his question.

He then sheathed back his sword and grabbed one of the chairs near the door and proceeded to sit right in front of my desk.

He stared at me with suspicion still in the horizon, before grabbing something from his saddle and showed me a leather journal… and a couple of papers, I assumed from the jagged sides that it was ripped out from a book or that leather journal.

“Do you know these?” He asked me.

“No… I- YES!!” My body got hijacked, though not by that controlling bitch, but by one of the old seeress.

“You! You must have met with Falpus, how is he?!” this seeress asked quite demandingly.

“You must be Lady Siobhan! Falpus is doing well for an old bird.” The Lord Protector cracked a bit of smile at this Seeress, Lady Siobhan.

“Ohh thank god… so… that means you’ve come here to save us!” When… she said that my mind was beyond bewildered.

“Hmm… bring Lady Ruith back first Lady Siobhan, because that’s up to her!” Though she was reluctant, she gave control back to my body.

As I was in control again, the Lord Protector eased face turn tense again, he then explains everything about what he found at the Tyluns and after reading Lady Siobhan’s completed journal thoroughly, he felt an old fire inside him was burning again and said it was up to me if it should fizzle out or be fed to burned more brighter.

“What are you implying here Lord Protector?” I didn’t fully understand his metaphor.

“What I am implying is, do you want to be saved?” That question caught me off guard.

I scoffed his generosity. I then asked him why would I need to be saved like a damsel in distress sarcastically, but… his face wasn't deterred by this, it’s still that determinate face…

He then changes the subject by telling a story of his two friends, two of them were born in a world of expectations, their parents were remarkable people and hold prestigious trades.

But they were raised differently, the first one was cared and wasn’t instilled with high expectations from his parent, the other one though was raised to follow on her parents’ footsteps.

Though they both have different upbringings, their day to day life was quite similar. People who knew their parents praised them for being their parents’ child, they were held to a pedestal with expectations that they will be like their parents.

But that expectations burden them a lot to the point it changes them, not their personality, but their expectations, as they become numb to the weight and even convinced themselves they could tolerate and endure it.

“Which what you just displayed before! And to be honest… they and you, Ruith, are stupid to think you can live on with that kind of burden!”

I took a huge breath, what he said irked me the wrong way. But I already know that this was just a petty remark, I know that he is trying to get a rise out of me.

But I just can’t help it… hearing it made me want to lash out at him, I was even about to but… our surrounding suddenly change, snow came in barging from the window, breaking the glass and filling up the room with snow, changing it too that place.

It was the barren island that was covered by the snow… and all of them, I mean all the previous Seeress was surrounding us, heck even mother was in the fray and... they looked pissed.

They were staring at the Lord Protector with death glares and he… was actually quite calm in this situation.

“Ahh, so my story resonated with you ladies huh? Well, you’re all dead wrong if you all think bringing me to your realm will spook me into retracting what I said to the two of my friends and Ruith!!” I don’t know what’s going on with that overconfident brain of his, but… he just agitated all of the Seeress, including me, even more.

“Ohhh you’re not scared enough?” Lady Siobhan came to him fully with violent intentions.

Though I wanted to join in this buffet of beating the enfer out of the Lord Protector, I still know that he, the second hero of this world, must not be put in harm.

“Okay that’s enough Lord Protector! What are you trying to get at from all of us?” I asked him, still agitated of course.

“What I said to you previously! You’re all stupid to think that you can endure it! I mean imagine, generations after generations, thinking they can endure this burden, this weight, this false hope!” He took a breather. “If you all think I’ve come here to save you, then you’re dead wrong as well, I am not a white knight that fights for justice fairly nor a black knight that fights for justice unfairly, I am not even a knight! But what I am is a helping hand! a hand that will move at your command to achieve your freedom from her!” He pointed at the first seeress. “But y’all don’t have that right to use me as a helping hand, you’ve lived and died with that burden, but there’s a reason why I said it’s up to her!” He then pointed at me.

At that point my head was not filled with rage anymore, but puzzled feelings of where this all going, where this speech is going, but when he pointed at me… I realized what his intention was.

I looked at them, looked at their realized face, at the fact that they could be free… I saw regret, I saw shock, and I saw… what they all truly deserve. The power was in my hands, all of this is in my hands… the fact that I could be free is in my hands, but… that means… they’ll be free too…

They who watch me be used like a whore, they who never once considered my feelings, my thoughts, my worth as an individual, as person! They…

“So, what’s your answer Ruith?” He asked me.

“No… I don’t need your help, let all of them suffer I don’t give a flying fuck about them!” I said the cold hard truth of what all of them truly deserves.

“Ohh… so you’re condemning yourself too?” the Lord Protector asked for reassurance.

“Yes, I hate them all and I care more seeing them dread!” I assured him.

“Is… that how you feel about us, about me Ruith?” Mother came out of the fray.

“YES!! I hate them, I hate that bitch, and especially YOU! You who joined with them, burdening me with illogical weight after weight, making me do things that I don’t want to, shackling me like a slave, WATCHING my body being used like a whore by him! I hate you, I hate you all!”

“Ohh… I… I am sorry Ruith…” And as she said that… rage came back into mind, but this was stronger, much more stronger than the rage I had against the Lord Protector, it was too out of control that I…

SLAP!!!

“DON’T YOU DARE SAY SORRY, YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR MY FORGIVENESS!!!” I couldn’t take it anymore and unleashed this pent-up rage I had towards mother.

“I am sorry, Ruith…” She said it again and I could only gift her the same thing.

SLAP!!!

“I… am sorry, Ruith…” She still insisted on saying that word.

SLAP!!!

“I… am… sorry, Ruith…” Why won’t she stop? That hit even made her fall to the snowy ground…

SLAP!!!

“I… am… sorry… Ruith…” Why… is she still getting back up?!

SLAP!!!

“You know Ruith, I too as well don’t give a flying fuck about you! You’re just an acquaintance after all and the reason why I tried lending my hand as a helping tool was only to sate my hate against people like that bitch.” He reveals his motives to me. “But… I’ll ask this again Ruith! Do you still want to be her slave, forced to do things you don’t want! Or do you want to be free? free to see this world and enjoy every second of it?”

Hearing his question… I already know what I want, I want to be free damn it!! I want to enjoy what this world has to offer, I want to make decision through my own accord, I want… I want…

Even if I answered him what I want, I don’t want to see what I want. No one will be there for me, Father and uncle Alaxandair are already gone, brother and uncle Maurice won’t understand me fully, and mother, mother... she has already abandoned me.

I don’t see me being happy with that freedom, I only see a me whose to pained, to numb, to dead to even enjoy life itself…

“Ruith… I know that you think that I have abandoned you, that I have forsaken you… and you are not wrong, I… can’t call myself your mother for what you had to endure even though I am still here and still could’ve helped you lift some of your burden, I won’t excuse myself saying that I am scared or afraid of her… but… I do am sorry Ruith, I regret everything…” Hearing her saying that word again… I thought that I would slap her again, my hand was even in the air… but…

As my hand was about to strike her again… it just… stopped near her cheek… I just… stopped and tears started pouring from my two eyes.

“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE ABANDONED ME! YOU… YOU, YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME, SHIELDING ME FROM HARM, PICKING ME UP WHEN I FELL!!! YOU WERE MY MOTHER!!!!!” As I yelled at her, my eyes were pouring tears nonstop.

“I KNOW… I know… I failed you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness nor your second chance… but… I want to Ruith, I want to be there again for you!” She… cried too while saying what she thought, what she wants…

And hearing her wanting to be my mother again… I just immediately reached my limit, broke down to the snowy ground, crying… and as she saw me fully broken down, crying, she… embraced me, I… I missed her hug… I missed that warmness… I missed my mom…

“Do you know why I named you Ruith? Because I thought you could run from them, from her… but I was a fool for thinking that and it only caused more harm to you… but... will you forgive me please? I love you my little rascal…” She looked at my tear messed face while calling my old nickname.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I forgive you! I forgive you mom.... I really, really miss you!” Hugging her tightly and not wanting her to let me go again, I instantly forgive her.

"I miss you too hun..." She said to me, all teary in the eyes as well, and kisses my one of my cheeks while hugging me.

I felt a bit more refresh, after unbottling everything, everything I have kept… I feel over the moon.

And I remembered his question, his story… I know what to answer, but I need to know what happen to his friends, I want to know what… I could have become.

“I know now what I want, but before I said it, can you tell me what happen to your friends Lord Protector?” Still clinging and near mother, I asked the Lord Protector.

“Them? The first one became a glory hound, he revels in the glory he accumulated and seeks more fame that he can mark as his own”

“And the other?”

“She… she is dead, she wanted to paint and draw things for all of her life and her paintings were all goddamn good, but… she couldn’t carry all those burdens from her mother anymore and could only drown with that burden in the end.”

Knowing now what happen to them… knowing now what I could have become, I know now that my answer is not wrong.

“Then… save us Lord Protector! Save us from her! please...” As he heard this he gave us a brief sweet smile, and nodded.