Loop 4972

I don’t know how I managed to get this far without going insane. Or maybe I am insane, a few hundred loops I ago I went to a psychiatrist and they sent me to a mental asylum, that was pretty neat.

It’s currently December 31st 2018, I can hear the firecrackers outside the window. In just five minutes the whole world will move on to a new year, my world won’t. In four minutes, I’ll be back on January 1st 2018 with the only reminder of the time loops I’ve been through is this journal.

The funny thing is, no matter how many times I loop I never get bored. If you have a whole year to yourself where you know if you do something stupid or wrong you won’t suffer any consequences, that when you die or the year ends everything will go back to January 1st well, you can do whatever the hell you want.

But that’s the thing that drives you insane, right? The power.

Or maybe we’re all just insane to begin with.

60 seconds left, if I don’t get this journal on my bed it won’t be with me when I get up. See you all in my next loop.

Loop 4975

I sometimes write this down as a reminder of who I was.

My name was Will Martin. I was 24 before this happened and on my way to some great things. I had just finished my degree at MIT and landed myself a killer job with good hours. I had a girlfriend, Sarah Jennings who I met when college started and was just about ready to settle down with. Life was good.

I decided to sleep on New Year’s Eve of ’24. That day had me spent, I slept and when I woke up I was 17 again.

Funny, right. I thought it was just a really long dream. But then the days past, and then the months and I realised I wasn’t dreaming no more.

At first I thought this was some kind of test, you know? Like in those movies where you go back in time to fix the things you regretted in high school but the funny thing was, I didn’t regret anything. I was the top of my class, I had plenty of friends, even had a girlfriend I had to break it off with because things weren’t working. I knew that I wanted to be an engineer, I didn’t have any other passions I regret not following through. I thought this was a lesson in being kind to the people around you and let’s face it, I was a bit of an asshole in high school. We all were.

I thought that I should be nice to my mum and dad, to my girlfriend and the people I called friends and I was. My parents loved me and I learned things from them I didn’t even know about even at 24. Went on a lot more fishing trips with my dad than I did back when I was 18, and my mum bought me ice cream when she saw I was stressing about this whole-time loop business (she thought it was my finals).

But then you try being nice to teenagers and you will be gobbled up. For one thing, I couldn’t believe the friends I had back then. They were all assholes and I wasn’t wrong in cutting off my friendships with them in the first place. And what about the odd gem, you know? The friends you kept around since high school and keep in contact with? Well, here’s the funny thing, the thing that’ll probably drive you insane the most. They’re not the same people. Old Georgie boy who’s the rock of my life and used to take me out for coffee when college exams were too stressful or relationship trouble? Well scratch that cause the Georgie you know in High School’s an idiot who would do anything to get laid or get popular or both. Sam, who cracks you up with a joke? Well, he’s so caught up in his own bullshit that he’s about as funny as a rock. And Jack? Okay Jack’s still cool.

And my girlfriend. Amy who I broke up with because of her vibes or whatever reason my 18-year-old brain could conjure up? Yeah, she broke up with me first. She said I was too emotionally unavailable. Well sorry for being unavailable Amy, I’m stuck in a fucking time loop.

At the end of the year, after trying to make amends and doing the best I could with the assholes I knew, I slept in my bed hoping I’d be back in 2024 with my girlfriend, my degree and the job offers I had lined up. I wondered how I’d explain to Sarah how I was still together with my high school sweetheart. I closed my eyes, hoping I’d wake up in the future.

But the loop didn’t work that way. No, I was back in January 1st like nothing had changed.

I thought maybe I did something wrong. For the next few loops, I was the most romantic, friendliest and obedient person I could be. I even got 100% in all my exams but whatever I did, I always came back to January 1.

And then the mental breakdowns started. I started going out in public naked, threw my desk out of the window, punched my teacher in the face (even though he was a pretty nice dude). I remember I spent one whole school day crying in a toilet stall. The only person who noticed was Jack.

At the 13th loop, it got to the point where I was so frustrated with repeating the same damn year I went up to the roof after a maths lesson and jumped down.

And I was back in January 1st 2018. And here we are now.

Loop 4983

This loop was different.

Call it a feeling but something felt off. Throughout the beginning of the year, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different and it was a difference I wasn’t used to. I only found out what was different when school started.

Amy my high school sweetheart brought me aside during lunch time with an uncharacteristic smug look on her face and said something I didn’t expect her to say.

“I’m breaking up with you, asshole!” she said, grinning.

I stared at her blankly.

There was a clear look of excitement on her face. “Oh god, can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner. The misery you caused me.”

I blinked. I was wondering what I did. The beginning of the year played out the same with the usual texts. I did the rounds, went on the trips and parties I usually attended on New Year’s. What was different this time…

“Oh, that’s it,” I said. “I didn’t text you.”

Amy scoffed. “Oh my god. How self-centred can you be? You think I’m making this decision because you didn’t text me. No, I’m doing it because of what you… or rather what you will do.”

I was confused. “Huh?”

“Can’t believe I was worked up over a loser like you,” Amy said with a grin before stomping off into the snow.

“What the hell was that?” I muttered to myself.

…

It didn’t take me long to figure out what was up.

You see, Amy wasn’t the smartest when it came to school things not because she didn’t try. Just because of the stress. Her marks were average, especially so after I decide to break up with her. However, now she was acing exams left and right, slowly becoming a teacher’s pet. It was almost as if she knew what was going to happen during the papers and how to answer them (without even knowing that the more an average student improves, the harder the papers get.)

But that wasn’t what gave it away to me. No. It was the fact that she was cutting out people in her life left and right, people in previous loops she was so desperate to please. Oh, but not only that. For some reason she was starting to take art classes and talking to a bunch of cute guys that…

“When are you going to stop stalking me?”

I stumbled down the tree as the branches cracked around me.

“How long have you known?” I said, dusting myself off and ignoring the pain in my body.

“Been a few months now,” Amy said shrugging. “At first I really enjoyed it, gave me something to gloat about but now it’s getting kinda…”

“You’re in a time loop,” I said.

“What?” Amy said.

“You’re in a time loop.”

“Did you hit your head?” Amy said. “What’s up with you?”

“Do you think about your High school life a lot?”

“Where are these questions coming from?” Amy said. “You’re really starting to creep me out.”

“You didn’t really do well in your finals did you?” I said. “Buncha C’s, one B and an F. I really don’t know what happened to you but I do know Stephanie is a toxic ass bitch and one of your closest friends. Maybe something happened with you after high school and… I dated her in one of the loops. Dated her while dating you in another and…”

“Dear god I get it,” Amy said, her face was red and flustered. “You’re from the future too aren’t you? Can you just… I don’t know shut up and stop bringing up things up?”

“God, you’re such an asshole,” she whispered underneath her breath.

“You know,” I said. “I didn’t know you were an artist. I really liked that drawing of yours with the farmer.”

“You didn’t know I was an artist because you didn’t ask,” Amy said. “You were such a self-involved jerk I’m surprised you’re talking to me right now.”

I shrugged and walked towards her even though my bruises from falling off a 3-meter-long tree started to act flare up.

“Ouch,” I said. “Yeah, I guess I was. My girlfriend would beg to differ but I still have to meet her 3 years from now.”

“That explains it,” Amy said.

“Explains what?”

“You’ve been missing for what, 4 years now?” Amy said. “I saw it in a newspaper or something.”

Hearing that felt like a gut punch. “What? Four years… damn.”

Amy had a brief look of concern on her face. “Hey what’s up?”

I chuckled. “Four years huh? I… I had a job lined up for me. I…”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Did… did Sarah find the ring? Dad was starting to get a little sick, is… is he okay?”

 There was an emptiness in my heart, an emptiness that threatened to overwhelm me. Which was funny because it had been a very, very long time since I had felt any sort of sadness. Four years of my life had passed by while I was stuck in these… these time loops with frozen statues in the shape of the people I knew. 

“Look, I wasn’t stalking you so I don’t know anything about your personal life,” Amy said. “And quite frankly I don’t care. Sort yourself out. It’s your problem, not mine.”

Amy chuckled. “That’s exactly what you said to me after I begged you to come back. Funny how karma works.”

She started to walk away. Swirling thoughts started spinning in my brain, about Sarah, about dad and mum, the friends I left behind. How are they? How are they coping? And whether it was the fact that I was angry and hurt or just grieving a life I’d never had to live, the words that came out of my mouth I said to Amy were harsher than they had any right to me.

“Your shitty life isn’t going to get fixed,” I said. “You’re not going back with a magical lease on your life. You’re stuck here. Forever.”

Amy was hesitant but she stared at me with smug satisfaction. “Maybe you wouldn’t be stuck here if you weren’t such an asshole.”

“Oh, and you think being a saint will get you out?” I said with a laugh. “It wasn’t because you weren’t nice enough to everyone else that your life turned to shit. It was because of you.”

Amy’s face burned an angry red. She clenched her fist. “You really are a fucking asshole, aren’t you?”

“At least I’m not fucking delusional.”

She ignored me and headed on. “I’m glad I broke up with you.”

I smiled. “In most of the loops I was the one who broke up with you first.”

Amy walked away, leaving me behind to fester in my anger and the grief of the life that I had left behind.

…

It was the end of the year. School was just ending and everyone was anxious, they had just finished finals and would now have to wait a whole month before they could get their results. There was an air of dread and excitement hanging in the air. The only people who were relatively unfazed were me and Amy. Me with my usual indifference and Amy with a huge grin on her face, she knew what was coming in the exams and with that knowledge in mind, she knew she aced her exams.

I walked over to her, giving her a light wave. We were both unnecessarily harsh to each other and if I was going to be stuck here for another 4000 loops I might as well be stuck with a friend than someone who wants to strangle me. Amy smiled at her group of friends and walked over to me.

“What?” Amy asked. “Here to gloat again.”

“No, I’m here to apologise,” I said. “We were both harsh to each other and if I’m going to be stuck here with someone…”

Amy groaned. “Here you go again.”

I sighed. “Look I’ve been here 4000 times and I know for a fact that…”

“You never stopped being stubborn huh?” Amy said. “Look I’m sure you’re just exaggerating but if you’re not lying, maybe you were doing something wrong those 4000 times.”

I stared at her dumbfounded, my eyebrows twitched.

“Maybe if you stop being a stubborn, selfish jackass,” Amy said. “Maybe you’ll get out of here.”

I smiled at her. “Yeah, maybe you’re right Amy. I’ll be sure to change my approach and suck everybody’s dick from now on.”

“See, you’re being an asshole again,” Amy said. “You really need to work on yourself.”

I smiled and nodded. “You’re right Amy. See you next year.”

“Yep, see you next year.”

That night I decided to go to the same New Year’s Party Amy was attending, I drank, got wasted out of my mind and drunkenly mumbled the New Year countdown with everybody else.

“5,” everybody exclaimed.

“4”

“3”

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“2”

Loop 4984

Well, I guess they were a second late. 

 I took my phone from my dressing table, my drunkenness completely evaporating out of my body as if the previous night and the previous year ceased to exist. I picked up my phone and texted Amy.

Hey 😉

I waited five seconds and…

This account has blocked you.

I smiled.

…

I met Amy at lunch when school started.

“I’m not going to hear an I told you so,” Amy said.

I grinned at her. “I…”

“No, no,” Amy said. “I’m not going to hear it.”

She covered her ears. I laughed at her.

“Maybe if I stop being a stubborn, selfish jackass I’ll get out of here,” I said in a mocking voice.

“Shurrup shurrup shurrup.”

“I really need to work on myself,” I said. “Then maybe I’ll get out of here.”

Amy stamped a foot down. “I’m not going to take your insults. Maybe I did something wrong this time around. I was too slow. Yeah, that’s it. I need to start doing things faster. Be more honest and upfront about what I need.”

“Denial is the first stage of grief,” I said.

“You shut up and watch me,” Amy said, walking off into the distance. “I’ll show you and wipe that smug ass grin right off your face.”

…

Amy was a bit more upfront this time. She dropped the toxic people in her life with more gusto and passion, she raised her hands a lot more in class and even got into an art competition instead of just improving her skills. She applied to an art university, got great grades and at the end of the year she gave me a call.

“See you next year,” Amy said. “Not.”

She burst into a fit of laughter. I hung up and waited for the clock to strike 12 and…

Loop 4985

Hey, I texted, this time with a kiss emoji.

This account has blocked you.

“You know what,” Amy said at lunch that day. “I’m going to get an art scholarship THIS YEAR. Fuck school. I’m going to Glasgow.”

She got herself an art scholarship.

“See you in Glasgow,” I said on the last day of school.

“You admit I’m right this time around…” Amy said and then she saw the look on my face. She waved her hand over my face. “Wipe that shit eating grin off your face, asshole. Wipe it!”

Amy had a big going away party at the top of some big building in the city. She had invited me just to gloat. There was a big countdown and in between the hustle and bustle of the packed rooftop I managed to make eye contact with Amy. I smiled at her, with my palm held wide open.

Five, I put my thumb down.

Four, index.

Three, middle.

Two, ring.

One.

Loop 4985

I got a text first thing at midnight.

I’m not giving up yet, bastard!

We met at lunch, first day of school.

“What’s your game plan this time?” I asked, munching on my sandwich.

“Instead of changing myself,” Amy said. “I’ll try and change everybody else!”

I almost choked on my sandwich.

…

Amy somehow managed to change the people around her, some of them at least.

This time around at the end of the year, Amy was just sitting in my car, over the hill as we waited for the new year to start.

“I got some beer,” I said. “Want some?”

Her hair was a tangled messed, her eyes were drooping and she looked like she was one wrong word away from going insane.

“No, no,” Amy said. Her phone started to vibrate. “God I don’t want to reply but if I don’t I’ll be stuck here.”

“Suit yourself,” I said, taking a sip.

“I tried changing everybody,” Amy said in a shrill voice. “EVERYBODY. But nobody changed. Only a few did and… and… YOU...”

She jabbed a finger at me. “You never change. Look at you, sipping on your beer so nonchalantly. Don’t you want to get out of here? Do you really want to be stuck here forever?”

“New Years is starting in a few,” I said. “You sure you don’t want even a little sip?”

“I made a promise with Jeff that I won’t drink,” Amy said. “He has an alcohol problem.”

I scoffed. “His problem isn’t your own,” I muttered.

“Well unlike you I’m actually trying to get out of here,” Amy said.

“And I’m telling you,” I said. “There is no es…”

Loop 4986

“How did you do it?” Amy asked. “How are you so nonchalant about everything?”

“I…” I said. “I don’t know.”

We sat on the lunch table. “You what?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I really don’t. I just got tired of trying to change things. I tried everything I possibly could but nothing changed. I’ve been stuck here for almost 5000 loops.”

Amy’s hands flopped on her sides as if they were jelly. “No.”

When I saw the look in her eyes, my stomach turned. Her eyes were wide open in shock and her body was starting to shake as if it was buckling under the weight of the despair that threatened to take over her body.

“No, no, no,” Amy said, she sounded as if she was on the verge of tears.

“Amy, are you alright?” I said, reaching out but she shook me off.

“I can’t be stuck here,” Amy said. “I can’t be. I don’t want to be stuck here.”

“Amy,” I said softly. I walked over to her but she recoiled.

Tears started to form in her eyes. “I can’t be stuck here. I can’t…”

“I get it…”

“YOU DON’T GET ANYTHING,” she screamed causing everybody to turn their eyes towards us. “You never got anything!”

She got off her chair and stormed off.

“Amy wait!” I called out. But she ignored me and went on ahead.

I tried following her but by the time I left the cafeteria she was nowhere to be seen.

…

Amy didn’t come to school for the rest of the year, not even for her exams. I tried calling her, I tried texting her but I got no response.

I messaged her, asking if she was okay half an hour before the loop ended.

She didn’t reply.

Loop 4987

I tried messaging her once the loop began, no response.

She never attended school, apparently she had transferred out to a new school. I went to that new school and she wasn’t there.

The Loop ended without her.

Loop 4990

I didn’t know why I treated everything as a joke, I should’ve seen from how passionate she was about things that she wasn’t a lost cause like I was. I should have figured that something was up.

Loop 4993

I don’t really like regretting things very much. I find regrets a massive waste of time. But when each consecutive loop ends with you steadily losing your sanity, you tend to appreciate whatever company you get. When that company is ripped away from you, you finally slow down and realise how lonely you’ve been for almost 5000 years.

Loop 4995

I tried visiting her house. Her mum said she didn’t want to see me. I understood and left her alone.

Loop 5000

I realised I couldn’t stand being alone. I took out a bunch of clothes from my closet and made my plan to leave the house without alerting my parents when I heard something knock against my window.

I walked over to it and saw Amy standing by my window wearing a long trench coat, a red scarf tied haphazardly around her neck and a very old looking beanie. I opened my window, and using my blanket as a rope pulled her up.

Her face was right by my window, she pulled herself through it, slipping on the snow and knocking over some books and pencils that was on the desk to her side and making a big noise.

I hurried to my room door, placing an ear on the door to make sure my parents weren’t up. When they weren’t I turned to Amy who slammed the window shut.

I sighed. “You really can’t keep quiet, huh?”

Amy let out an exasperated sigh as she crashed onto my bed.

“You wanna start or should I?” she said, staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, scratching my chin. “I should’ve known that being here… Before you figured out you were stuck, I mean. I should’ve known how much it meant to you.”

Amy nodded. “Yeah and I shouldn’t have acted all high and mighty. The things I said… they were mean. I didn’t know you’d been stuck here for that long.”

We both paused. Taking in the silence for a bit.

“How’d you do it?” Amy said. “How’d you manage 4000 years?”

I chuckled. I sat on the other side of my bed. “I don’t know, I really don’t. I don’t even remember the first few loops all that much, I just remembered being stuck here and going insane. If it wasn’t for the journal and some loops dedicated to learning a new skill I’d have probably gone insane. Honestly with how nonchalant I feel about everything, maybe I am a little bit crazy.”

Amy smiled. “We’re all a little bit crazy.” She shifted on the bed, getting up. “New skill. What type of new skills?”

“I know how to pickpocket,” I said. “Carry out a heist, pilot a plane, race a car, disassemble and assemble 13 different types of guns. I know the laws of around 27 countries, know how to build a top tier gaming PC. Electrical engineering though that was guaranteed from my previous life, mechanical engineering, psychology, sociology, a bit of philosophy and how to make balloon animals.”

“How do you make balloon animals?”

I shrugged. “You just… twist them. I don’t know. Being stuck with the people you know but not really, it kinda takes a toll on you if I’m being honest.”

“I get you,” Amy said. “There were some people I talked to where I was like ‘how didn’t I see the signs?’ and the rest… they’re just burdened with this… I don’t know self-consciousness.”  I snapped my fingers and she looked at me. “You know what I mean?”

“It’s like being trapped in ice,” I said. “People change over time but right now they’re like fossils. It’s gonna take a lot to change them.”

Amy chuckled. “It’s funny. The people I knew as nice were assholes, the people I knew were assholes were the nicest people I ever met. The friendliest person was the one sitting in the back all alone and the serious responsible guy was once a clown. Goes to show, huh? How much you think you know about yourself at 18 versus how much you actually know?”

I smiled. “Or how little you know about yourself now.”

Amy looked at me. I saw a tinge of sadness in her eyes.

“You have a lot of regrets?”

Amy’s chuckle was self-depreciating. “Understatement of the century.”

“Millennium,” I corrected. “Understatement of the millennium.”

“You know how I didn’t do so well in my exams, right?” Amy said.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Well, my train of bad luck didn’t stop there,” Amy said. “I had to go to this shitty college. My parents were poor and could barely afford the fees so I had to take a lotta shitty jobs to compensate. It was stressful and then my parents passed away and…”

Amy started to sob.

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to,” I said.

“No,” Amy said. “No, I’m good. All the people who I thought would be there left me alone and the genuine people, the ones I left behind like an idiot were there for me but there was only so much they could do. Later I got into a relationship with a guy who…”

I placed a hand on her shoulder.

“When I finally got the courage to break things off with him… well, he was rich, he had a lot of contacts,” Amy said. “I was left alone, homeless with no money or contacts. When I got into my first time loop I was in the hospital, inches away from dying of starvation.”

She sighed.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s not your fault,” she said. “What felt like paradise for a while was slowly starting to become hell when I… you know?”

I smiled. “Figured out the things that I did.”

“Yeah,” Amy said, smiling back.

“I used to think my problems all came back to this year,” Amy said, staring at the bedsheets. “From my bad results, to the break up. From the company I chose and the people left behind but…” Amy sighed. “It wasn’t because of any of that. It wasn’t because of the past or the decisions I made back then but the decisions I made in the present. It was my…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said firmly, placing a hand on hers. “It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes things just happen. Life just changes without you knowing. I…”

I smiled. “My girlfriend, Sarah. She was the greatest, funniest person I know. In one Loop I was tired of things remaining the same. I wanted some of my old life back so I found her and…” I chuckled. “She wasn’t the person I fell in love with. She was so self-conscious, so… obnoxious. I fell in love her because she had nothing to prove to anybody but herself but now she was trying to prove herself to everybody. Needless to say, I got out of there quick.”

Amy laughed, I laughed too. After a while we sat there in silence, watching the snow stick itself to my window.

“Being stuck here,” I said, Amy looked at me. “It’s hell, yeah but it made me realise things. Made me realise that there’s a reason we meet people at certain points in life, there’s a reason people come and go. That as you grow the things that gave you a headache back then look so petty right now.”

I turned to face her. “You won’t believe how many friends I lost in different Loops because I didn’t want to get caught up in their bullshit. It was so… so childish.” I laughed. “And I’m also glad.”

“Glad?” Amy said. “What makes you so glad?”

“That I get the opportunity to spend more time with my dad,” I said. “You know, before the cancer hit. Before the only image I had of him in my head was him attached to wires, dying in a hospital bed but still finding the time to smile at me.”

I stared out into the distance, a tear silently falling down my cheek. Amy pressed my shoulder gently.

“I get you,” Amy said. “I’m glad I got to spend more time with my parents before the accident. They were so good to me and I was so caught up with teenage bullshit that I didn’t realise how much they… loved me.”

I smiled. “I guess being stuck in a loop reminds us of the things that make our life worth living huh?”

Amy giggled. She rested her head on my shoulder. “I guess it does.”

We were in that position the whole night, watching the snow settle on my window. I didn’t know when I fell off to sleep until my dad barged into my room screaming…

“HAPPY NEW YEARS KIDDO!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, causing me to hit my head against the bedframe and wake up Amy. “WHAT’S KEEPING YOU IN BED SO…”

And then he noticed Amy who was just as startled as I was.

“OH,” Dad said, his voice losing its volume. “Oh!” He winked at me. “Nice going Champ! Just be sure to introduce her to your mum later.”

Sure, I thought. When both our ears stop ringing.

Loop 5010

We spent the last few Loops doing things we weren’t able to do. I taught Amy how to carry out a heist, program a drone, the lottery numbers for each month whenever you feel like making a getaway and how to make balloon animals and Amy taught me how to draw. We got to see a whole lot of exotic sites and saw almost everything the world had to offer (I still don’t want to go anywhere near Snake Island).

Life was great, but one morning at my place Amy told me something.

“I found a way we can leave this hellhole.”

I was ready to role my eyes and dismiss her but I decided I’d give her a shot. “What? And don’t tell me I have to do something selfless or I will…”

“Lief Einstein,” Amy said. “He’s a guy studying tachyon particles, time dilations and time loops.”

“He’s a nutcase,” I said. “I saw him on TV, he claimed they transferred Albert Einstein’s brain into his head when he was a baby. How the hell does that work?”

“Quirks aside…”

“Quirks? They seem like red flags to me,” I said.

“He’s research has been improved by actual scientific boards,” Amy said. “He may be crazy but I think he’s onto something and his next paper…”

Amy pulled up a newspaper article.

MAD SCIENTIST LIEF EINSTEIN INVESTIGATING TIME LOOPS.

“It’s on Time Loops,” Amy said.

“Even if he does help us,” I said. “Instead of thinking we’re… you know crazy? Research like this takes years and every year we Loop. How will we make any progress?”

“We remember the Loops, don’t we?” Amy said. “Whenever we Loop we tell him our findings and hope he’s crazy enough to believe us and judging by the fact that he thinks he has Einstein’s brain. I kinda think he is.”

I sighed. “Oh well, what do we have to lose?”

Loop 5020

Old Einstein was crazy enough to believe us. The first time around the crazy git was sceptical but once we explained what happens to him in the future (and also some details we got from a previous Loop that weren’t on his Wikipedia page) he believed us.

Soon he got to working on a time capsule that would presumably get us back to our original time. Every time we looped back, Amy and I would memorise the details of the time machine from a previous Loop and give it to him in the next. Slowly but surely in each Loop, getting him to believe us was much easier and work on the Time Machine was much faster. All we had to do was give it one more Loop and then we’d be back in our original years.

As Lief got working on the machine, Amy and I stood on the walkway staring down at him as he made some touches on the machine (a shiny white capsule shaped like an egg). Lief refused to work with other people, saying the scientific community would make a huge scandal about it. He got his funding from Amy and I memorising lottery numbers making him able to work on the machine in peace.

“Do you think we’ll finally go home?” I asked. “Do you think I’ll finally be able to see my parents, my friends?”

Amy shrugged. “Well, we never know until we try.”

 “But what if we don’t go back to the right times?” I asked. “You told me I’d been missing for four years? What happens when I’m in 2024 and you’re in 28? I won’t be talking to the same Amy I know now.”

Amy chuckled. “Oh wow, it almost sounds like you’ll miss me.”

I stared into her eyes. “I will.”

 “You have a girlfriend,” Amy said bluntly. “God you really are an asshole.”

I realised I had forgotten about Sarah. “Shit,” I said, face-palming. “Yeah I am so sorry about that. God I made things awkward.”

We sat there in silence. “But I am worried about you. Didn’t you tell me you were in a hospital? What happens when we return and…”

“It’ll be fine,” Amy said though she didn’t sound too sure. “Anything beats having to live in this endless hell where we can’t move forward.”

“Yeah that’s true,” I said. I felt a smile form on my face. “But it was fun, wasn’t it?”

Amy chuckled. “Yeah, tell me about it. Bank heists, winning lotteries. It was nice doing those things without worrying about the consequences. It was… freeing. It was great. I felt like I was living life at it’s fullest.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “We were making the most out of a shitty situation.”

It was quiet for a while.

“What if we’re stuck here forever?” Amy asked. “What if it doesn’t work. What if we’re really stuck…”

I held her hand. “Don’t worry. Things will work. I hope they will otherwise well…”

I smiled. “We’ll make the most out of the things like we’ve always been doing.”

Loop 5021

“This is the nexus point,” Lief said. “Once the year ends you revert back to the beginning of the year. The process has to happen one second before the clock strikes 12 so you better hurry.”

It was 12:50, Amy and I cast a nervous look at each other.

“I’ll find you, right?” I said. “We’ll see each other again.”

Amy smiled. “Well, you are kind of an asshole so I’m not so sure.”

We stepped up the stairs, Lief switched on the power. The capsule started to rumble. An orange glow basked our faces.

“So, this is it, huh?” Amy said.

“Yep.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Amy said nervously. “What if we’re stuck here forever?”

“We went over this…”

“I know but it’s a very unreliable science,” Amy said. “What if it does work but we’re thrown one year in the future or a hundred years. What if…?”

I grabbed Amy’s hand. “Look, whatever happens we’ll make the most out of it. That’s what we’ve been doing remember.”

Amy nodded but her face was still pale.

“Hurry up!” Lief yelled at us.

I let go of Amy’s hand but she pulled me back. I turned to her. She was holding my hand tightly, almost popping my knuckles. I understood she was scared; I was scared too. We gave each other a nod and stepped into the machine.

 It was pretty cosy. There was an orange light washing over us which made me feel as if I was in an oven. The constant rumbling made it hard for us to keep our balance. As the door hissed shut behind us, we started the countdown.

”5,” I started.

“4,” Amy said with a shaking voice.

“3,” I said with a deep sigh.

“2,” Amy said, holding onto my hand tighter.

Suddenly everything went white.

Loop 5022

It didn’t work. After everything it didn’t work.

I rushed to Amy’s house the following morning but much to my surprise she wasn’t there. Neither were her parents. I called her on everything, texted her but she didn’t reply. I even tried her worldwide numbers but it didn’t go through.

It didn’t work.

And I was all alone.

School started and sure enough she wasn’t there either. The days passed by as they usually did, with the same people saying the same things at the same time doing the same things breathing at the same times. Same same same just with an Amy shaped void that could never be filled.

I was trapped in ice again. Trapped with fossils.

Until one morning, a car blared its horns. In front of the school gate was a bright red Ferrari and sitting in the car was…

“Amy!” I exclaimed. I ran out of school, passed the gawking students and hopped into the Ferrari.

“Where the hell were you?” I said. “I was so worried… I thought…”

At that moment she did something unexpected, she kissed me on the lips.

“I have a girlfriend,” I said after she pulled away.

“I don’t care,” Amy said with a grin. “We don’t care, remember?”

“But what about the Loop?” I asked. “What about escaping? Are you really okay with being stuck here?”

People started surrounding the car and taking pictures.

“If I’m being honest, no,” Amy said. “But if we ever get bored all we have to do is called Lief. We still have plenty to do till then without worrying about what happens next. So, until we get bored…”

“Let’s make the most of it,” I said.

Amy smiled. “Yep.”

Amy revved up the Ferrari and drove we drove off into the known, predictable adventures awaiting us.

The End.