My sleep was rudely interrupted when someone kicked me. I woke with a groan, only to be greeted face to, butt, with the greenest hairless ass I’ve ever seen. Instinct took over, and I did the first thing that came to mind. I reared back and kicked the offending body part as hard as I could.

A couple of things happened as soon as foot connected to ass. Firstly, I realized that my foot, and the leg connected to it were equally as green as the butt, and that I was equally naked. Secondly, as the offending green butt was sent literally flying away, I recognized I was a lot stronger than I should have been. Thirdly, the raucous laughter around me informed me that I wasn’t alone. Turning my head, I saw what I can only describe as. . . orcs?

Thick green bodies, large incisors, red eyes, bulging muscles, heads more on the front of the neck than the top; yeah that has to be an orc. I’ve seen them in different media before like Lord of the Rings and pretty much every fantasy story, but the obvious guns on their waists and backs tells me these orcs are different.

“Oy, nice kick,” one of the orcs laughed, though that wasn’t exactly what had come out of his mouth. It sounded like he’d grunted, but I understood what he said perfectly. “Ya really got da boot in on ‘im. But dat’s enough skivvin around!”

Okay, scratch that. I understood what he said, but. . . that wasn’t exactly American southern. He sounded kind of british, but not one I’d heard before. Before I could process through my thoughts more, the leader lashed out and punched me in the head with a grunt.

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“Oy, you ‘erein me ya grot?” he shouted. “I said stop skivvin around and git up! We’z gots ta go!”

“Where we goin?” I asked dumbly, blinking as I realized and answered in the same strange language, with the same translated accent.

“Where da ya think?” The leader asked, looking down at me like I was an idiot. “We’z got to go join up wit da boss and get fightin! Dere’s lootin to be done, ain’t dat right boyz?”

The small group with the leader let out howls and cheers, raising all kinds of swords and axes while firing their guns in the air.

“Uh,” was all I could say. It was then that I realized I wasn’t the only naked greenskin on the ground. Correction, on the dense, multi-colored ground. All around me were other naked green orcs slowly rousing from sleep. Wondering where they, and I suppose, had come from, my hand absentmindedly rubbed the ground and came up, sticky?

‘The ground wasn’t multi colored naturally,’ I realized.

It looked like something had smashed into the ground, like a dropped fruit. With that in mind, I looked up.

‘Yup, definitely fruit,’ I thought as I realized what was seeing above me. ‘Those are trees, with fruit, with orc shaped bodies inside. So, orcs are fruit here?’

Before I could properly comprehend this revelation, it appeared I had worn out my moment of reflection as several green arms reached down and yanked me up, before tossing me forward.

“Hurry and git a move on ya gitz!” the lead orc called out, himself also yanking up other orcs and pushing them forward. “Time for fightin, time for lootin, time for warrin!”

All around, both the clothed and naked orcs began to let out cheers of ‘Waarrrr’. A strange feeling bloomed within me upon hearing the cheers, and I too couldn’t help but join in the calls. I took a dep breath, pushed down into my gut, and let it loose with all my might.

“WWaaaaarrrrr!” I roared out, arms raised up in a fit of agitated excitement.