The next handful of days passed in a blur for Trevor. He was so wrapped up in Marie that he thought about little else. Even when he wasn’t with her, she consumed his thoughts while he worked out and completed his mundane daily tasks. He realized just how wrapped up he was when his phone rang and it was Jesse, asking how his head was feeling. Trevor hadn’t at all missed not hearing from him.

“All is well with me,” Trevor responded to Jesse’s inquiry. “Hasn’t kept me from getting my workouts in, though I’ve toned it down a bit.”

“Good! Glad to hear. Ready to go tonight then?”

Trevor flinched. Damn, he thought to himself. If he had thought this through, he would have told Jesse his head was still bothering him some. He had a date with Marie tonight.

He hesitated for a few seconds and hated himself for it. “Ahhhhh, I don’t know Jesse,” he said. “I think maybe I should take another day or two off. For safety’s sake.”

“For safety’s sake? I thought you just said you were fine?”

“I did. But that doesn’t mean I’m fully healed. If I take another blow to the head like Crusher gave me…”

“You won’t,” Jesse interrupted.

“How do you kn…”

“Because I set that up, remember?” Jesse said, sounding a little exasperated. “Most of the time any hit you take is blind luck at best. Or bad luck for you at worst. So what’s the worry? Now that you’ve lost, the crowd wants to see you avenge yourself. I won’t put you up against Crusher, don’t worry. This worked perfectly, the buzz can’t wait to see you.”

The buzz, as Jesse mentioned it, is the current word going around among the fans. He made it easy on himself by creating an online forum for those who are considered regulars. At least a hundred high rollers in the area that love to watch other people pummel each other. Trevor didn’t doubt Jesse’s scouts were hard at work too. People he employed to listen to conversations in the crowd during matches. And sometimes even when the local elite were out in public places. Say what you want about Jesse, but he knows how to please a crowd. And he expected his well-paid fighters to adhere to his wants and needs, to keep the money flowing as efficiently as possible based on what he heard.

But all that be damned, Trevor was taking a personal day.

“One more night Jesse, that’s all I’m asking. I’ll be ready to roll with the next go round,” Trevor said.

“The next match isn’t for another three or four days Trevor. The time for your return is now. The people want you. Now.”

“I understand that, I really do. And I don’t want to disappoint your fans. But I just think since I got my brains scrambled the way I did I should take it easy for a bit longer. I hear ya, but what if I do have some bad luck?” It was a stretch and he knew it, but Trevor was desperate. He had half expected Jesse to interrupt him again, and was surprised that he didn’t. In fact, he waited to say anything.

And waited.

Finally, just as Trevor thought maybe the call had dropped, Jesse said, “Fine. I realize I can’t force you this time, so I’ll lie off. Know that I’m disappointed though. The fans will be disappointed. We’ll be sure that doesn’t happen again.” And then click. He hung up.

Trevor stood still, a bit stunned. He was slightly horrified by what he had just heard. And even more horrified that he felt bad about being a disappointment to these people.

This time, Trevor thought. Be sure that it doesn’t happen again? Who did this guy think he was?

Even with his success, Trevor had felt before as though he might have gotten in over his head by joining this fight ring. Now came the heart sinking realization that his worry was hardcore fact. His first days working for Jesse were intimidating, sure. But after realizing just how good he was Jesse did everything he could to make sure Trevor was comfortable. Of course he did. And despite watching Jesse’s brashness and occasionally his sizable temper, Trevor worked hard at convincing himself all he had to do was keep things neutral and all would remain well. This was a new level of discomfort though, because for the first time he got a sense of just how far the control and manipulation went.

Jesse, the Puppetmaster. The Master of his Domain. And Trevor was his most prized puppet right now.

Trevor pushed aside doubts of disappointing Jesse. That’s just who he was. He hated disappointing people. Even if he felt like the mouse disappointing the cat. Jesse was probably just used to getting his way. No reason to worry. He’d be back in the pit sooner than later.

A sudden realization hit Trevor. Had Jesse been spying on him? With his goons? Is that how he knew Trevor was ready to fight again? Did he know then that Trevor didn’t want to fight because of a girl and not because of his injury?

He felt another sudden pang of guilt and worry. There was just an unspoken rule that you didn’t miss a fight unless it was dire. Especially not for a date. That, and there was a contract he really didn’t read. This was the moment it dawned on Trevor that the contract wasn’t a legal document. It was a license for Jesse to punish those who don’t listen if he felt he needed to. What, was he going to run to a judge should someone break it? Jesse did his own judging. Trevor cursed himself. How stupid could he be?

Trevor stood frozen, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t his problem. That he was allowed to have a life too. But it wasn’t working.

He didn’t call Jesse back, but the whole scenario made him a little cranky for his date that night. Or it sure didn’t help. On his way out the door to meet with her, he had turned to see his image in a reflective picture on his wall. Maybe it was his dark mood, but all he could see was average. He questioned now why someone as cute as Marie would even act interested in him. If she knew how he’d let Jesse ruin his day simply by being cross with him, would she even want anything to do with him?

His mind was still working overtime as he watched her walk up to the restaurant door with her long dark hair held back away from her picturesque face, eyes a dark pool of brown and a modest floral patterned dress. And of course the self-luminescent pink necklace. His demure resurfaced again at the sight of her and the date started out well.

They got some food, and then went miniature golfing at some outdoor place. But then they went for another walk after that, Marie being a professed lover of nature, and he noticed her topics of conversation bothered him. Maybe he hadn’t realized it before, but he hadn’t had a meaningful conversation with her since they met. She was nice enough to try and get to know him a little, but most topics of conversation were about television shows and gossip at her work. And that necklace. Trevor never imagined how much someone could talk about pieces of jewelry. He also learned this was not the only one she owned, though it was her favorite, and she spent a good amount of time detailing what she had compared to what all of her friends had. And her mother. And her aunts. And eventually even her friend’s mothers and sisters. She spoke of a few men in her life that had them, but they were sort of an aside. No competition there, he assumed.

When they arrived at his place later that night, he tried to engage her in more meaningful conversation, but she would have nothing of it. Not that she was unwilling to listen, but she had nothing to offer in return. The high that he had the first few days was now fading fast for Trevor. And even when she tried to advance on him, obviously wanting some sexual attention, hard as it was, he stopped her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry. I just don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

She slumped back on the couch, confused and disappointed.

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Marie looked at him. She was a little sad at first, then graduating into a little angry and offended. He watched her face change with the emotions.

“OK,” she said. “I’ve been here before. I can tell you I have a really good time with you. And I thought you were having a good time too. But tonight you have seemed kind of distracted. Is there something bothering you about me?”

The look she gave Trevor just then melted his heart. He felt she sincerely liked him. And she impressed him by being so open and honest. So instead of taking the easy path and telling her no, of course not, he decided to do the same.

“It’s not you, per say Marie. It’s that I don’t think we’re the perfect fit. I like to get into world affairs, politics and…”

“I hate politics,” she interrupted.

Trevor laughed before he could catch himself. He had expected nothing less.

“I know,” he said with a smile. “I understand it’s not for everyone.”

“And my friends all say, ‘What does it matter? They don’t care about us anyway so why bother paying attention?’”

“They have a very valid point Marie,” Trevor replied. “But to me that means we ought to pay attention that much closer. Because if we don’t, we’ll be robbed blind while we’re distracted with other things.”

Marie scoffed at that, probably picturing a bunch of old white men with masks, coming to her house to rob her. Not realizing the subtlety in which the same results were occurring, just not in such an obvious and acute way.

But this just reinforced Trevor’s thoughts about her. He wasn’t going to blame her. There was no sense in that because he would just be making himself feel better. He was the one in the minority after all.

“You’re one of those people who worry too much, aren’t you? About those things you can’t change?” she asked. Trevor thought she was speaking facetiously, but when she didn’t smile, he knew differently.

“I suppose I am,” he said, resignedly. Disappointed.

“I suppose I am,” he repeated, mostly to himself this time.

It was true, but not in the sense that Marie implied. He didn’t consider keeping tabs on the suits in Congress as worrying too much, even though he recognized it all as a shell game anyway. So yes, he was concerned, but he wasn’t obsessed. He did worry about other things too much, no doubt about it. Though he often thought the smarter and more aware a person was, the more they worried. It was a relative thing.

“Well, I don’t worry too much about anything,” replied Marie. “I find what makes me happy, and I go with it. Simple enough, right? Don’t you think that’s the way it should be?”

She had a point. Really, she did. Often Trevor had thought how much easier it would be to have that mentality. But it would bear no challenge to him. And would likely bore him to tears. You don’t grow as a person without challenge.

Trevor just realized the conversation he just had in his head was exactly why he was who he was. Good or bad. But it wasn’t a good match for this girl.

“Simple enough, yeah. But not for me, unfortunately,” he said.

“It wouldn’t be simple for you?”

“No, it’s just not for me. That way of life. Sometimes I think it would be nice. But not usually. I like complexity. Intrigue. Mystery. And you don’t often find that watching TV every night, reading about actresses in magazines, or spending long hours on social media.”

“You’re being awful presumptuous of me right now, Trevor,” Marie exclaimed, trying to sound offended. “I’m not an idiot!”

“I didn’t say that, Marie,” he said calmly. Understanding he overstepped the bounds of diplomacy. “Nor do I think it. I don’t necessarily see people who do that as being stupid. I see them as being…mostly afraid I guess.”

“Afraid? What am I afraid of?”

“Truth. Failure. Lots of things.”

“Because I don’t like politics?” she said, sounding incredulous.

“No, because when we are busy reading about other people, and playing games on the computer, we’re not tending to things in our own lives. Things we don’t want to deal with. Things we don’t want to think about. And the stuff we don’t like about ourselves. It’s easier than thinking and learning about things found too difficult. Things you talk yourself out of because you won’t understand it. Or be good at. Why don’t people really figure out how the world works? Who and what is pulling the strings and effecting their day to day? Why not learn things, instead of playing games?”

“Because weeee don’t like those things. We don’t like to think about what people are doing in their fancy suits. We can’t do anything about it anyway, except maybe vote. Math and science are boring, and I don’t like to read about…I don’t know. History! It’s all one-sided anyway!”

“That’s great that you say that, Marie. So why not find out the truth? What is real history then, if not what we’re told?” Trevor asked, gently.

“Because how do we know what’s true, and what isn’t? Don’t they say, ‘History is written by the victors’? What’s the point if we can’t tell? And why should I care, it’s all so damn boring!”

“That’s fear talking. That’s my point. Afraid to look because you either won’t like what you find, or you won’t understand it. The philosophies of the world can be studied for years and it barely scratches the surface.”

“And what about it all being so boring?”

“It’s not. It’s endlessly intriguing, actually. You know the saying ‘Truth is stranger than fiction’? That definitely applies.”

Marie looked at Trevor, obviously unconvinced. He got the feeling this girl was going to want nothing to do with him after tonight. But he wasn’t sad about it. Things weren’t going to work out anyway, so it was good to have this conversation.

Just then, Marie picked up an open magazine on Trevor’s coffee table that was open to an article about meteors seeding life on other planets. She scoffed again and tossed it down.

“So, since we’re being so honest,” Marie said after a few moments of silence, “you said ‘mostly afraid’. What else am I besides afraid?”

Ignoring the sarcasm in her voice, Trevor told her, “Well, I assume easily distracted. Maybe a little lazy. But we’re all lazy, at least every so often I guess.”

“Oh that’s just perfect,” Marie said. “Is there anything you liked about me?”

“It’s not like that Marie, I swear,” Trevor said, knowing he’d said way too much to her. Why did he bring all this up tonight? He would have likely gotten laid. But he pushed that shallow thought out of his head. Tried to anyway.

He continued, “I’m not sitting here trying to place blame and judge. I realize I don’t see things the way most people do. And goodness knows I’m not perfect. So while I don’t agree with it, I don’t think less of anyone because of it and try to accept things for what they are. With ‘it’ being complacency to live in a world where nothing is wrong if it doesn’t seem to affect you directly. That’s just the way it is now. And I hope that changes.”

“I know there’s plenty wrong with the world…”

“But how much about that do you know, specifically? That you don’t read in People magazine every so often?”

Marie smirked at that. An irritated, but still slightly amused smirk. She didn’t say anything.

“Let me ask you Marie…I know I’m being presumptuous, as you say. But in anything that I’ve said, have I gone wrong anywhere?”

“No, you asshole!” Marie yelled, but she laughed as she did. “I don’t agree with you comparing me to an ostrich sticking its head in the sand, but I guess I have to accept it. Jerk.”

Trevor laughed too. “I’m sorry Marie. L-O-L?”

That earned him a smack on the shoulder. One he felt like he deserved.

“Don’t be sorry,” she told him. “I don’t’ think it’s all as bad as that, but I can see what you’re saying. I’ll think about it. I’ll try and not be…A-F-R-A-I-D.”

That made him laugh hard. Harder than he had in a long time. He hadn’t realized until then just how he missed such laughter. It existed in his life. Somewhere. He knew it. But why couldn’t he remember where?

Regardless of all that, it made him appreciate Marie. And respect her. The conversation could have ended much differently. But she took it in stride. Took him in stride.

For a second he felt a twinge of doubt that he wanted to end it with her. But he forgot in that split second that it wasn’t just up to him.

“I guess you’re right. While I adore that face, and find you sexy as hell, maybe we’re too different. I’m not going to give up my People magazine. Not for any guy,” she said, still joking, but not.

“Wouldn’t want you to do that, if it’s what makes you happy,” Trevor said.

A moment of silence passed. It wasn’t awkward at all. He could tell she was contemplating something.

“Endless intrigue, huh?” she eventually asked.

“Endless,” he responded, flashing a big smile. Maybe?

He thought now the silence was her debating on whether or not to delve deeper into what he was implying. But then, at the last second, he could see the thought shift in her mind against any possibility. The steely resolve of that steel wall we create when we’re faced with uncertainty. In this case, her fear was most likely in acting interested, and not being able to shut Trevor up about it. Or just as likely not being able to act interested when she really wasn’t.

It made Trevor a little sad when he realized he may never know.

She got up with a big inhale through her nose, and exhale out of her mouth. Trevor got a big whiff of the spearmint gum she was chewing. And then she stuck out her hand.

Trevor grabbed it and gave it a slight shake. She was adorable in the waning sunlight coming through his living room window. At that moment, his being a little sad turned into an incredibly, overbearing sadness. He didn’t feel like being alone, but he had completely just pushed this girl away. And for what? Because he couldn’t tolerate shallow conversation all the time? Was it better than having no company?

Too late for all that now.

“Well,” Marie said, “thank you for all the walks. And the dinners. You really are a good guy Trevor.”

“And you really are a sweet and good person Marie. I’m sor…”

“No need. Don’t apologize. It just doesn’t always work out. I get it. We can be adults about it, and accept it for what it is.”

Except he didn’t feel like accepting it for what it was just now. But he couldn’t say that. When he didn’t say anything, she started walking to her purse. And then the door.

“Take care of yourself, would you?” She said.

“You too. Please let me kno…”

“I mean it,” she said abruptly, interrupting him again. “I don’t know what it is, but I think you should just….be careful. OK?”

Trevor was more than a little perplexed. But he told her that he would do his best.

As he watched her walk safely to her car, he dwelled on the lesson he learned. Assumptions aren’t just the mother of all fuck ups. They also don’t get you laid.