Alan had been a construction foreman when this world more closely matched Clay's.

Leading people had been his calling, apparently. His expertise in directing groups during stressful situations translated well when things went to hell. Everyone in the building just sort of knew to fall in line when he began giving orders.

When only the small scraps of news came that there could be some kind of outbreak, he started taking precautionary measures right away. As things got worse, Alan had a headstart on building his credibility by being the only person with a surplus of supplies. He'd even had plenty of guns as well!

Of course, Milly made sure everyone knew that he'd been collecting firearms for a long time. No need to give him too much credit.

Back then, Angie had only been 4 years old.

His son, Cameron, was 17.

Cameron and his father had a lot in common, mostly because Alan made a point to let Cameron in on his interests. Once Cameron was old enough, he responded in kind by excitedly talking about the things he liked. What those things were wasn't anything unusual for a boy his age.

Alan had never been much into comics or video games when he was young, but partook on the surface level to please Cameron. Eventually, it was fair to say that he probably liked video games even more than his son, who was too interested in girls after a certain age to 'waste his time' on those things.

The only thing Alan couldn't really get into that Cameron was big on was painting miniatures. One of the neighbors faintly remembered Cameron complaining about it while giving them something he'd painted for them.

"Old man thinks it's too much trouble to thin his paints," he'd said.

From the way everyone spoke, Clay got the impression that Cameron was an outgoing kid; a little annoying, but overall a decent person. Like Alan.

When people spoke about monsters on the news, it had been Cameron's idea to fortify the building at the very beginning. During a time when nobody could guess that society was going to collapse completely, he was written off.

A week later, they were doing exactly what he said they'd have to do. During a period where there was always a ruckus going on outside, it was the only window where they wouldn't have to worry about all the noise caused by hammers and power tools.

When the time came to make excursions for supplies, it was a much more dangerous prospect back then. People hadn't been earnestly thinning out hordes or acting recklessly to shift their locations with loud noises. The streets directly outside the building were packed with zombies, and this was during a time when they thought all they had to worry about was Crowders.

The upside was that they had more able-bodied men as well. The main group was made up of Alan, Kyle, a man named Leonard, and a man whose name nobody Clay spoke to could remember. The last man died on their first outing and had lived alone.

Alan worked carefully to refine strategies for exploration, while Cameron tried many times to get himself on their outings.

Alan had been adamant about not allowing Cameron to come along, but too much time passed without the government or any other organized group doing anything about the situation. A year went by and Cameron was an adult who was vocal about how he could make his own decisions.

Hearing it secondhand like this made Clay think he was missing out on a lot of the nuance, but he could sense that there'd been a lot of pestering and sideways comments if Cameron were as much like his father as he suspected.

Before much longer, Alan had to allow Cameron to come out with them just to get him to shut up. One of the neighbors, the man in the husband-wife pairing whose name Clay now bothered memorizing (Howard), remembered talking to someone from that group who told him Alan planned on showing Cameron how scary it all was so he'd give up.

It turned out to be one of their best outings yet. Not a lot of danger, plenty of supplies.

By that point, the streets outside cleared enough that they could reliably leave the building, and the rest of them were experienced to the point where they could deal with small gangs of Crowders if they worked together. Maybe all of that had given Cameron a false belief in his abilities?

Possibly, but everyone Clay asked said that Cameron really had the makings of a leader. He took after his father too much for this not to be the case.

Alan's caution gradually gave way to pride. Cameron was looked at almost like a second in command, even if a lot of the older men didn't really take kindly to being bossed around by someone they'd watched grow up and could only see as a little kid. It couldn't be helped; when he gave advice and people followed it, good things happened.

Cameron's uncle, Alan's brother, Kyle didn't really care either way. The blind woman (Jessica, but please call her Jesse) spoke to Kyle on many occasions and got a lot of her information on the situation from him.

He'd told her about how Cameron was practically made for this new world, whereas he'd probably have been lucky to live a life closer to his father's if things stayed the course of normality.

It didn't take long for Alan to start handing more and more responsibility to Cameron. He'd been doing a lot of the administrative tasks himself, alongside being the one to lead the group and figure out which buildings were worth breaking into and which were too dangerous. The only one he'd trusted with any measure of responsibility that wasn't directly under his supervision was Milly, who he left in charge of distributing rations after he calculated who should get what.

During times when not a lot could be given out and some felt cheated, Milly was the cheery, understanding face that could make them feel silly for complaining. Even Calvin remembered when one of his tirades was squashed by his inability to make Milly feel bad, though that might have been for reasons beyond how nice she was.

"Damn succubus, I tell 'ya…"

"Ah."

Clay couldn't relate. He thought Milly was a pleasant enough person to talk to, but…

I'm not into fat chicks.

Cameron was eventually given command of the out-group on days when Alan wasn't feeling well or needed time for other things. Over the course of another year, the ratio of leadership started to favor Cameron.

Just like his father, Cameron almost seemed eager to take on more responsibility. Jesse posited the idea that after being so heavily burdened for a year and a half, Alan was glad to be able to rest.

Of course, the building's population didn't get to be the way it is now because things stayed good.

Alan, for the tenth day in a row, allowed Cameron to lead the charge during an outing while he stayed home. During this outing, an incident took place that ended in Cameron's death.

Everyone who was actually there is either dead or gone, but Jesse heard a lot about it from Kyle after the fact.

They'd been searching one of the closer apartment complexes and managed to acquire a decent haul but got tangled up with another well-dressed survivor. Kyle described the man as emaciated and weak despite his nice clothing, but mad enough from isolation that things became uneasy.

The man raved at their group, calling them rude names and accusing them of stealing his 'fortune'. He got louder and louder.

Kyle attempted to mediate and settle things down before it got out of control, but the man wouldn't stop.

Cameron, who'd been tired and antsy even since the beginning of the day, lost his patience and slammed the man against a nearby car. He'd been rough enough that the man was easily subdued, but also rough enough to activate the car alarm.

The horde was on them in moments and they were forced to leave the man to be eaten alive while he was still recovering.

One of them was caught because they refused to drop the supplies they were carrying, a mistake the rest of them didn't replicate.

Unfortunately, there weren't many avenues of escape and Cameron was forced to take decisive action to save the rest of the group.

Jesse didn't remember specific details, but she knew that Cameron ended up shooting a propane tank and causing an explosion that created the opening they needed to get back home.

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Wait.

"He shot a propane tank and it exploded?" Clay interrupted.

"That's what Kyle told me. I hope he died in the explosion, considering the alternative…"

That sort of thing happening is a myth, though…

"Sorry. Go ahead."

Alan was a complete wreck when he found out. When he wasn't crying, he was dead silent, and that was when anyone could get in to see him. He spent so much time in his and Milly's room that it'd be surprising if anybody but his close family could speak to him more than once a week.

He'd gone from being the one everyone could rely on to being completely absent. Everyone understood and gave him his space, but that all went away when two months went by and nothing had changed and they were going hungry.

With no strong leadership, things were starting to fall apart. More fights broke out between them, more things got stolen, and more people died during outings.

Kyle tried his best to take Alan's place, but he'd also loved Cameron and had always been much more sensitive than his older brother. He'd been a standard businessman who never let go of his hope that the old world would return and so couldn't fully adapt to the way things were. Consequently, despite wanting nothing but to help Alan, all he did was make things worse with his weak leadership.

Milly was the one who showed the most strength. She couldn't help with any supply runs, and Kyle was already trying to organize everyone and maintain the peace, but Milly did literally everything else. She refused to talk about Cameron with anyone except Alan.

"She doesn't want anyone to see her cry," Kyle had said. "God, I feel so useless!"

It was the perfect moment for a perfect stranger.

A man came with a well-organized, well-fed group and offered to take in anyone who wasn't crippled or above a certain age. He'd take whole families, as long as they were all able-bodied enough to help the community.

He came with gifts and cleared away enough zombies that one would only have to deal with Crowders while leaving the building if they were unlucky.

Compared to a washed-up Alan, didn't this guy seem like a safer bet?

Alan was disheveled and had noticeably lost weight, but he was full of energy when a large swath of his people told him they were leaving him behind to go with the stranger. The man had been there as well and apparently threatened Alan with violence if he didn't quietly accept the situation.

He didn't restrain himself from calling them traitors and other such insults. From what Clay could glean, the stranger did end up assaulting Alan before leaving with the new additions to his group.

It went without saying Alan wasn’t going with them and neither was his family.

Whether or not the event acted as some kind of wake-up call, nobody Clay spoke to could guess, but he did eventually get back on his feet with Kyle and Milly's support. He and Kyle had to do the supply runs on their own, but they also had fewer people to take care of. They made do.

Alan seemed like he was back to the way he was before, so there was an unspoken rule to never speak on Cameron or the exodus to keep from sending him into another depression.

When Kyle was gone long enough that they had to assume he was dead, they expected a repeat of those languid days. Instead, he said he'd have to start doing his best on his own and went out the next day like usual.

Clay stood in the hallway outside Jesse's apartment after he pieced everything together. He more or less had all the information he needed now, so what was he going to do with it?

He'd thought the answer would be clear once everything was in front of him, but instead, his motivation to talk to Alan about any of it quickly died. This was all way too heavy for him to handle.

Clay felt like he understood Alan a little better now, though. He'd spent all that time with everything on his back, then things went wrong the moment he relaxed a little bit. It explained why he tried to shoulder every responsibility while acting as if everything was fine. It also explained why he might be quick to attack random strangers he thought could be dangerous.

His anger at the people that used to live here, too. Clay could understand it.

From his perspective, he'd been abandoned at the lowest point of his life.

On the other hand, they were also just people who wanted to survive. Even so…

Clay wasn't there, so he couldn't say whether or not they could have gone about it in a better way, but the whole thing still just felt so…callous.

As a shut-in, and also probably because that was where his loyalties were, Clay felt his sympathies drift closer to Alan. He knew what it was like to want to shut himself away from the world, even pretend that he was alright so as not to worry the people around him. Maybe it would help if he spoke to Alan from that perspective?

Don't get ahead of yourself…

Clay frowned.

Yeah, don't try to turn this into an opportunity to whine about your pathetic life. This is a man who's lived through actual hardship, so don't patronize him by pretending you're anything alike. He's suffered in a way nobody should have to go through. You're just a run-of-the-mill failure.

He scolded himself. This was about Alan, not him.

"What do you think I should do, Kissy?" Clay asked the rat, not actually looking for any sort of answer.

As expected, she didn't even squeak at him from his jacket pocket. For all he knew, she might have been sleeping in there.

After a little more consideration, his next course of action almost felt too obvious.

He stepped back into Alan's apartment.

"Hey there, kid!" Alan exclaimed while handing his daughter a small stack of fake money. "You get lost or something?"

"I bet he got stuck listening to one of Calvin's stupid stories!" Angie answered for him.

Alan laughed. "Angie! Don't be talkin' about people like that!"

"Alan, I want to talk to you about Radman," Clay said quietly.

"Aw, come on! At least wait 'til I'm not playin--" Alan started before Clay cut him off.

"I just want to say we should tell him no."

Alan didn't try to finish his sentence. His eyes widened and his hands stopped reaching for the dice Angie was trying to give him.

"What?"

While Alan was staring at Clay, Angie was trying her best to force the dice into his hands. "I don't get it! Just take your turn, dad!"

"I don't think it's worth the trouble. You obviously hate him, and helping him would get us into conflict with someone we probably can't beat," Clay continued. "It sucks that we won't get our hands on any of those incentives, but we do a good enough job on our own. It's not worth the trouble."

Alan limp-wristedly rolled the dice while he listened to Clay. His bewilderment gave way to curiosity.

"I get where you're comin' from, but maybe the people here won't like what they'd be missing out on if we decide not to."

"Let's just not tell them, then. You're the one in charge of keeping them safe, so if your judgment is that taking a certain course of action would put them in danger, then just remind them of that if they ever find out."

Clay knew this was the way to go. It was true that Alan disliked Radman, but the main reason he didn't want to accept the offer was because of the bad memories it would bring back. He couldn't give that as a reason to Clay, so he was putting it off and spending all this time with Angie until he could think of something better.

"I don't get it. What are you guys talking about? Quit talking about stuff I don't know like I'm not here!" Angie whined.

And maybe it was also because speaking with Radman reminded him of what he still had.

In any case, Clay would give him this out. He wouldn't pressure him into agreement.

"Nothin', honey. Just talkin' about stupid adult stuff." Alan moved his piece. "Stuff we probably still gotta get into with the wife."

Clay smiled. "Definitely. I was just about to say the same thing."

At the end of the day, the three of them were in agreement that they'd decline Radman's proposal. Clay was passively aware that he didn't actually get a say, but he still advised Alan not take the deal and the vibe almost made it feel like his vote mattered.

After the discussion was over, Alan confidently spoke about the building they would be going to for their next supply run after they told Radman to kick rocks. They'd still need to acquire diesel at some point, but it was more important that they get together food and plenty of wood for their makeshift wood stoves as well. The best source for that in the city would be townhouses, places filled with furniture they could easily break down in silence with Clay's powers. The specific area had a moderately safer Crowder count and there'd be less trouble overall transporting broken pieces of furniture without having to worry about cramped apartment hallways.

When Alan went off to bed, Clay was just about to do the same. After standing up, he was stopped by Milly's comment.

"You're sneaky, Clay."

He attempted a casual smile, but it was probably as nervous as he felt. "I am?"

"Yeah, you are." Her smile was a lot more confident, and her tone remained as gentle as usual. "You don't usually talk to anyone, so it's hard to get a read on you. Then you spend most of the day talking to everyone. Pretty weird, huh?"

Clay said nothing.

"You're okay, honey." She waved a hand towards him. "It says a lot when a shy thing like you turns into a door-to-door questionnaire. You must've been really worried about Al."

Clay ran his hand along the back of the chair he'd been sitting on, unable to meet Milly's eyes. "Maybe. I'm probably not as good as you're thinking I am, though…"

"Hmm, and how good do you think I think you are? Even if you ended up going about in consideration of Al, you still asked about things you had no business asking about." Milly's tone overall was the same, but she leaned forward. She was staring up at him, but he couldn't look at her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry…"

"I'm not mad at you. A little annoyed, but not mad. Just tell me why."

Why get out of his comfort zone over something that would have been solved soon anyway?

"I didn't want to act until I had all of the information. I…I was worried if I said something wrong without having the full context, I might accidentally make the situation worse."

In other words.

I thought I could help fix it if you all stopped leaving me out.

It was annoying that the reason why things got to this point was because of his status as a 'player', but he was brushed off when he wanted to be taken into consideration.

"And why do you think I haven't told Alan about what you've gotten up to?"

He wasn't sure at first, but his best guess was…

"You agree with me that it's all too much trouble. More importantly, it could force Alan back into a bad place."

Milly held up a finger. "Well, you're half right. I'm not worried about Al. That man is stronger than a lot of people in this building give him credit for. Stumble once and suddenly everyone thinks you're always on the edge of an episode. I'm more concerned about this 'Radman' and his group."

"Yeah…you're right."

"That sort of sneakiness ain't attractive, but you did what you did and said what you said for Al. I don't think you're good, but you're doing just fine. That's about all anyone can ask with things the way they are."

Clay finally looked at her. "Should I say thanks?"

"Just say 'yes, ma'am' when I tell you not to do it again, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Clay had a harder time than usual getting to sleep that night.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Alan was already eating and fully dressed by the time Clay was waking up. Was he that excited to tell Radman they wouldn't be joining forces? His exuberance over it was enough to make Clay forget about Alan's tragedies and remind him how annoying he could be.

"You gonna tell 'em to fuck off, or should it be me? Can it be me?"

"Maybe it's a good idea if we try not to leave things off on a sour note? If we brush him off too strongly, he might reveal that I'm a player to his group out of spite if they end up catching him."

"Right, right. That makes sense…I think I might still tell him to fuck off, though. Just once."

And when they left the apartment complex to go speak with one man, they instead found ten waiting just outside.