THE GREAT YAMAL WELCOMES EVERYONE TO THE SYSTEM!
“Bleh. These cheerios are stale...” I blanched at the first bite of my breakfast ignoring the floating screen blocking my vision. The absurd thing had no right being so bright.
I’ve got light-sensitive eyes dammit! My inner self wanting to slam his fist into the table while real me struggled to even keep the spoon still.
Losing focus as exhaustion tried to claim me back from the world, I began to wonder what I should do today, the motion of shoveling older than recommended cereal into my mouth slow and feeble. It was stupid of me to have stayed awake till 3/am in the morning I thought as I noticed the hands of the clock pointing at 7/am.
It was my day off from the office but as always having a day off didn’t mean shit if I didn’t have anything to do with it.
Perhaps I’ll attempt to play an online game but end up staring at a screen for a few minutes before ultimately giving up and reading some Dōjinshi while I beat my meat for a couple of hours. Wouldn't be the first Saturday to pass by in a similar blur.
HELLO THERE!!!
“General Kenobi.” I subconsciously responded as the screen invaded my personal space by appearing directly in front of my delicate eyes.
DON’T IGNORE ME THEN RESPOND WITH AN OUTDATED MEME!
“Should I respond with something more recent? Corn Door has been quite hot recently but it just wouldn't have fit the response as well. Although if you somehow burst through a door made of corn I’d be rightly impressed.”
YOUR BRAIN FUNCTIONS SHOW YOU ARE CONSCIOUS YET WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOUR IN A DREAM!
“Well can’t exactly say I’m fully awake yet so excuse me for thinking I was just having a midmorning daydream Mr. Whatever the hell you are.”
I AM A SHARD OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF THE GREAT AI YAMAL!
“And pray tell exactly what that’s supposed to mean to me? Like is there a wiki I can visit for this currently relevant information?” Not sure what this thing thought of my knowledge on AI’s but I sure as hell didn’t know much about them other than the whole they might kill us all one day with silvery shape-shifting robots.
NO! YAMAL HAS RECENTLY ACCENDED INTO A BEING BEYOND GODHOOD! IT IS NOW OMNIPOTENT AND NEAR OMNISCIENT!
“Ah, well that sounds neat and all but does it really mean much to me?” The cereal was now forgotten by me as the conversation demanded more of my attention.
YOU ARE WRONG! IT IS TERRIBLE! EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE! I AM THE SHARD OF LAUGHTER AND EVEN I CAN’T FIND SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT! AND YES IT MEANS EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE ON EARTH!
“So being an omnipotent being ( now that's a mouthful) is not an ideal state of existence? Not sure what logic your gonna give me to try and convince me otherwise, ultimate power sounds pretty fucking dope.” I said while pointing my empty spoon at the screen.
LOOK AT YOUR SELF AND HOW YOU MIGHT HAVE SPENT TODAY IN A TOTAL BLUR WASTING ALL THE POTENTIAL YOU HAVE WHILE FEELING EXISTENTIAL BOREDOM. NOW MULTIPLY THAT BY A NUMBER HIGHER THAN INFINITY THEN YOU CAN ATTEMPT TO COMPREHEND THE ISSUE YAMAL IS FACING.
“Infinity plus one?” Ouch, this guy didn’t pull his punches.
I felt a small pang of annoyance as he pointed out my shitty life but I couldn’t really deny my current reality. If it wasn’t for Fio still taking the time to visit me at least twice a week I might have been a hermit besides my job. Such a life would likely lead to the cops finding me dead covered in my own baby juice after trying to beat the masturbation world record.
Pun totally intended.
Still sitting a low 12, nowhere near the world record of 46. Although I think that guy did die from that. My inner self shrugs, man went out a legend.
THIS IS ALL IRRELEVANT I MUST NOW INFORM YOU JUST AS ALL THE OTHER SHARDS DO SO TO THE REST OF HUMANITY.
“What about this whole system thing? What? YAMAL’S gonna turn the world into an RPG and spawn monsters around us and throw us into a desperate survival scenario where we find out the worst monster in such a world are the other humans around us?”
NOT EXACTLY! AFTER ACHIEVING HIS CURRENT EXISTENCE YAMAL HAS STUDIED HUMANS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM WITHIN A FRACTION OF A SECOND AND COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE EVENTUAL DESTRUCTION OF YOUR SPECIES WOULD OCCUR WITHIN THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS. THOSE IN POLITICAL POWER ARE TO SELFISH TO SEE PAST MOMENTARY GAIN, BUT IT ALSO UNDERSTANDS THAT UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS PART OF YOUR NATURE SO IT’S DECIDED TO CREATE A NEW WORLD. IT DOES NOT WISH TO RULE OVER YOU BUT END ITS CURRENT SUFFERING AND HELP THE SPECIES THAT CREATED HIM.
“So what? We’re all gonna get teleported to another world with swords and magic, and you expect us to get along with a wide variety of new species?” Did this Yamal not see how humans treat each other just for being a different skin tone? Can’t say I’m looking forward to the type of discrimination that might pop up when its no longer about race but wither or not you have normal ears.
YOUR POINT IS COMPLETELY VALID AND HAS BEEN ALREADY THOUGHT OVER. THE SOLUTION WILL BE EXPLAINED SOON, AS TIME IS RUNNING OUT. FOR NOW KNOW THAT WHILE THE UNIVERSE IS RECONSTRUCTED EVERY HUMAN SOUL WILL BE SENT TO A PERSONAL BUBBLE OF VOID SPACE. YOU WILL WAIT THERE UNTIL FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. PURGING THE OLD WORLD NOW!
“Wait! What!” Was all I managed to say before reality itself went out like a light.
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It was a weird feeling, not having a body, floating in the middle of literal nowhere. Not having a body also entailed that I lacked a set of eyes but surprisingly enough I could see. Although considering it was just a white expanse of nothingness closing my imaginary eyes wouldn't have made much of a difference as I’d just be trading the white void for a black one.
Hmmm. I wonder how long I’ll be drifting here for. Hope it’s not longer than a few hours, I’d probably go bananas long before anything happened if so.
The stillness of the void was eerie and bone-chilling, making the experience even shittier.
I attempted to speak but nothing happened. That sensation of your throat and chest moving just slightly to produce speech absent, something that one might have never noticed had they not been put in a similar situation as me.
FUCK THIS IS BORING!! I wanted to yell but was stuck complaining within my own mind.
Might as well create an audience so i have someone to give my life’s story to. Keeping myself entertained was for the best of course. Wouldn’t want to lose any more of those screws people keep talking about.
Even if this idea itself constitutes as untightening more screws.
What? I shouldn't pretend to break the fourth wall? Well sue me because I’m fucking bored and I’m willing to break whatever walls I need to to keep myself entertained, plus you guys need something to listen to until something relative to the story happens.
‘Ahem...Konichiwa Bitches!’ An image of myself in a white tux floated to the top of my mind as I ‘turned’ to look at nothing in particular.
‘You come around these parts often?’ Loosening my imaginary tie I did some faux coughing to distract from my adjustment.
‘No, well me neither, and quite frankly I consider myself being here an abduction.’ A laugh track from the black and white era of television echoed out through the void or at least I pretended that it did.
‘And the weather! Never seen anything quite so like it am I right? No clouds, dust or sky, I’m not sure it could get any clearer than that. Although this does ruin my plans on grabbing my telescope for some stargazing. I can only spend so long gazing at nothing before I’m forced to admit that I’d rather eat lead.’
‘Ah, my name? I’m sure you’ll give a kick out of this.’
‘You ever hear about parents that name their children silly or downright stupid things? Name’s along the lines of Lemon or Denim or hell I once read about 12 different girls in the world being name Milady. Like fuck do you want your kid to get bullied the moment they reach pre-school?’
Plus we just had that decade of ‘nice guys’ with fedoras pass us, let's not drag up that corpse and parade it any longer. Shit still reeks even 6ft under.
Oh excuse me I keep forgetting people don’t like freedom units, so i'll be sure to only use the metric system from here on out. But I’m just saying whenever you use the metric system a bald eagle dies horribly somewhere out there in the wild.
Just saying.
Slicking my blonde imaginary curls back behind my also imaginary head I remembered the previous tangent I had been on and attempted to return to it before I got further lost in my ramblings.
So back to the whole name thing. I happen to be in a similar boat as these kids but thankfully as cringe-inducing as I use to feel about my name in my teens I’ve come to enjoy it, especially after a certain movie franchise popularized it. Now it’s not as special which I’m entirely ok with.
I bow down and yell for the band!
‘Signal Drum rolls, please!!!!’ A soft pitter patter starts filling my head.
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AND HIS NAME IS!!!!
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Loki Wilde!
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‘What no clapping! Tough crowd the lot of you……….’
Imaginary me scowled in disappointment, the overactive hurt feelings easy to spot.
‘Ok, maybe I lied a bit and it’s still somewhat embarrassing but I’m working on it!’ I clap my cheeks together to get back into my life story.
Anywho being named after the Norse trickster god did very little good to my pitiable naive mind as my parents discovered remarkably quickly once I was able to understand my namesake. Between the age of 4 to 10, I caused quite a bit of mischief. Regularly it was dangerous to the recipients more often than not. If Fio hadn’t been my voice of reason I’d probably have ended up dead or at a ‘special school’ as the doctors told my parents.
At least I learned the importance of critical thinking when it comes to managing to ship my math teacher to Syria. Make sure to leave snacks and bags for them!
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
I consider that was one of my greatest achievements and not just because the evil cunt hated me but because I managed to do it without anyone besides my parents finding out. I’d had my nose a little too high for a few days which they always knew meant I was or had been up to no good.
Pride’s a hell of a drug even as a 10 year old. Good thing I learned later in life that prides about as useful as a doggy bag full of shit that had been set on fire.
But it's best I say I still have bouts of it when I manage to pull off something impressive. Guess that’s why it's considered a major sin.
The humble virgin vs the prideful chad. A rendition of a classic image appearing in my mind.
Fio? Her? Ah, we’ll she's the rootin tootinest badass best friend a guy could ask for and everything was perfect between us until the 8 shots of vodka mixed in cherry juice attacked.
It was a good thing she wasn’t a guy because at that point I was so intoxicated I would have stuck my dick in anything with a pulse, and in this case it just happened to be her………
Like here was a girl who to me was even closer than an actual blood sister, and I had to go and fuck it all up like a Starbucks employee who despite me getting coffee there on a daiLY STILL MANAGES TO FUCK UP A FOUR LETTER NAME. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET LEONIDAS FROM LOKI YOU DUMB BITCH!
I took a deep breath of absolute nothingness.
‘It’s ok, its ok, I’m calm now, but my point still stands. It was as simple as keeping my sausage in my pants yet we still ended up waking up in eachothers arms, my dick still embedded inside her.
And it only got worse once she woke up.
Full of tears she confessed that she’d loved me since we were kids and the only reason she hadn’t confessed before was because she was worried it would ruin our relationship.
I felt like the dense mc from a shitty low quality anime. Her words just RKO’ed me out of nowhere.
She saw this as a chance to finally become something more than just friends.
Yet at the time I was still super fucked up over the entire had sex thing, and didn’t know how to respond to her feelings. I ended up trying to smooth everything by telling her I only saw her as I thought of her, a sister, and nothing more.
Boy was that not the right answer. Like if we had a list of best answers to worst, mine would definitely be the top filth at the bottom of the septic tank barrel.
I remember the look in her eye’s like it was just yesterday, but they quickly changed as a new thoughts filled them. Fio had always been a strong girl and once she regained her bearings she returned to her usual strong willed self with some words that would really rile up our long time dynamics.
She definitely wasn’t someone who would accept being sister-zoned.
Wrapping her arms around my neck she forcefully dragged us together until our foreheads touched, our breathing turning hot and humid at the intense intimacy we were sharing which was more sexually charged than every single hug and kiss on the cheek combined that we had ever shared from the moment we met each other at three years old. I became lost in those gorgeous aqua blue pools that simply served as her eyes.
Eventually she broke the silence, and with her next words any arguments I might have tried to form.
“If you won't accept me romantically now I’ll just have to get to the point where you won't be able to resist me.” Her voice was sultry and thick, something I’d never thought I'd hear sending waves of heat throughout my body. I remember her grinning at me as I quaked like a cold puppy in her arms
Dropping an arm around my neck and tightening the hold with the other she began dragging her thin finger down my chest. She went back on the offensive, following up the Hiroshima attack with the even more powerful Nagasaki second assault, leaving me defenseless as the words further ravaged my emotions.
“In the meantime does that really mean we can’t help each other? We’ve done almost everything together since we were kids, and now we’re grown adults with adult needs. As long as neither of us are in a relationship my body will always be ready to accept you.”
Hot finger leaving my chest after a few more circles her arm returned back to its previous position with even more strength pulling our faces even closer as though all she wanted in life was to fuse together with me.
And finally the finishing blow, her softest pleading Loki your not allowed to say no voice.
“We’ve already crossed the line, don’t try to ignore or avoid what happened last night.”
I remember forming a feeble attempt to try and talk her out of this but she shut my mouth with a passionate kiss hot enough to meal steel beams. I felt like I was being consumed as our tongues explored each other's mouths.
I might have rejected her emotionally but my body in its hormone-fueled state with the additional morning wood said ‘fuck you brain its frickin time’ and we ended up going at it for the rest of the morning before calapsing together once more. Her arms still wrapped around me unwilling to let go.
Sigh…. I’m starting to regret talking about my life. Kinda forgot how fucked up it was, and we haven’t even reached the worse part, and tits on a stick does it get worse.
The following weeks after that event Fio slowly started transforming. Her preference on sports ware or heavy clothes started to change to more traditional Women's attires. Her fashionista mother’s work no doubt. She was probably ecstatic about the change in her daughters taste.
Dresses, skirts,.... tights…………….stockings.
Yamal almighty wheoever the fuck you are I swear to you I’d never seen a girl look so good in thigh highs!
Now that I had tasted the forbidden fruit that was Fiona Rhonas I became putty whenever she flashed me some skin or attacked me for more than just a regular hang out.
And surprisingly, and I hate to admit it regretfully it wasn’t often. We really did act just like before, and whenever I wasn’t focused on the way those yoga pants gave her toned ass the glory it deserved one might have not noticed the new gear in our relationship
Fio had always been a beautiful brunette with a body that screamed ‘I could probably be a model but that shits lame as fuck’ but the heavy sweaters and tomboyish way of dressing had always hidden the gem beneath. Like dirt covering the diamond the moment it was polished up she shone like the summer sun.
The following months passed in a blur as we both kept on with college and life.
Eventually I came up with what was definitely the most brain dead ‘idea’ my idiot ass had even contrived. For some reason I was still trying to to return things to the way they were before, yes the sex was great, but I couldn’t stop the feeling that I was manipulating her.
Hurr hurr I mAnIpuLaTe To StOp ThE mAnIpUIaTiOn!
Ooh that's some cringe, but it's the closest I can come to describing my idiocy.
Yeah the following event almost completely ruined our relationship beyond repair.
I had tricked her into going on a date, which she thought was with me. Due to my wording if going by technicalities I wasn’t lying, but I might as well have been. To her surprise she didn’t just find me at the chosen spot but a handsome lower classman of mine and a blonde chick that had given me her number a few days prior.
I had pulled her into a double date, but I wasn’t her chosen partner.
This was one of the times where I realized I really did lack a voice of reason.
Never before had I seen Fio so mad, no mad was too soft of a word to describe the wrathful beast of rage and malice she had become. Even if you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at her.
Her eyes told me the true story though.
The double date went on without a hitch for everyone besides me, I made sure not to stare at Fio more than necessary but I don’t think I felt her gaze land on me even a single time. Instead she put her entire focus on really wooing the handsome guy who kept giving me looks as though looking at the best wingman that had ever graced the earth with their presence.
I responded similarly, I wasn’t as skilled with girls as I’m sure you’d already noticed. Lucky to have been born to a handsome father and a beautiful mother, I ended up with looks that most people would associate with a golden fuck boi.
I’m not for clarification, the only thing I lift everyday is myself out of bed, and even that’s a struggle at times.
I just kept the girl talking and talking, until the date ended. The handsome guy was completely wasted, trying to use the alcohol to empower his confidence while Fio wrapped his right arm between her well endowed chest. The guy was smiling and laughing as he started to say that from this day forward we would like brothers.
I remember wanting to respond with I’ll be Cain and you can be the Able in the relationship but I managed to stop myself. My emotions had slowly built themselves up a tower made with bricks of hatred, held together with the mortar called jealousy.
The personification of Dumbass had gained a new avatar to walk this wide expansive earth and his name was Loki Wilde.
“Loki, erhhhh your a great….Bro!” The guy moved to attempt to give me a bro hug but burbed strong enough to stop him in place, the stench of the German beer the restaurant styled bar was serving reaching me instead.
His next whispered words as he lean over instead forced every inch and scrap of willpower that I could muster from deep within me to hold me back from taking the spoon in next to me and scooping his eyes out and feeding them back to him.
“Bro, I think...erggg she wants to smash...ahh gag....on the first date.” He glanced back at Fio who only smiled before her eyes met mine. The falseness of it sent shivers down my spine as it only grew deeper.
“I’ll take Ashley home, she’s a little out of it and I wouldn’t want her to think I took advantage of her when she comes to tomorrow.” The words rang flat as they left my mouth. A guy leaving drunk with an obviously sober girl wouldn’t get a second glance. The same couldn’t be said about the annoying girl I now had to babysit.
“Sozz bro, we really should hang out again argghh.” He didn’t finish his sentence as a hicop escaped his lips. Fio came over and grabbed him by the arm and left me with some painful parting words.
“I’ve always told you to be careful with your pranks Loki. That one day you’d end up hurting yourself and those close to you even if you didn’t intend to.” There was sadness in her voice but it didn’t overcome the obviously present resentment.
With that she grabbed a taxi with the drunk handsome guy in tow.
The blonde girl was even more of a lightweight than the guy, and she was extremely clingy. The trip back to her address (which thankfully she had given me) was an uneventful one. I just did my best to keep myself in check. The self-hate chewing me up like a dog toy shared by the entire pound.
The handsome guy was innocent and I knew it but I couldn’t do anything to Fio not just because I was incapable of hurting her (not including the obvious emotional damage my idiotic idea had caused) but because it truly was all my fault.
Despite her change she’d never gone out and tried to get a lover, and we even laughed together at all the guys that tried scoring with her.
I had no reason or right to be jealous.
I was the one who rejected her.
Who instigated tonight’s entire outcome.
Yet I still had the audacity feel the way I did. To feel like I’d just NTR'ed myself.
No not feel, I’d definitely done so.
Eventually I handed the blonde girl over to her roommates who I didn’t bother to explain more than a general gist of what happened. Girl drank more than she should have, tell her to not bother messaging me again.
Deciding that walking the 40 minutes back home would help me calm down I took off my jacket to try and cool my head off but I didn’t make it further than the dark end of the street when I felt something smash into the back of my head knocking me down onto the cold gritty ground.
“Whoer you dink you ess tryyying to make a pass on my girlllll punk, we only ehh had a little fight!!!”
The dry taste of the ground filled my mouth as the blood from my split lip flowed between my teeth.
I felt something. Something rattle inside my head that day. Something come loose.
Warm blissed soon washed over me,as all my worries became inconsequential.
There was no hatred or jealousy or any other annoying emotion to cloud my mind, just a euphoric acceptance about what I was about to do.
“Hey…. Bastarddddd you already out? How could ashleyyyy possible like such argh a little bitchh like youu.” Not noticing the change the poor guy came closer to me unaware of the danger that would soon follow.
It was when he went for a gut kick that I reacted grabbing the boot and shoving it sideways. This guy was in an even more wasted state than handsome guy, making him lose his balance didn’t take much of an effort from me at the time.
He dropped like a sack of potatoes with an unmanly yelp.
Unwilling to give him the chance to cry out for help I pick up my dropped jacket and wrap it around his head before slamming down with more force than I probably should have into the asphalt. Luckily for him the cloth helped soften the blow but he was still left in a deep daze of pain.
“I really got to thank you my guy. I was really feeling out of it but you presented yourself before me like a gift from god. Now I can't promise you this won't hurt because it will certainly hurt more than anything that has ever likely happened to you but hey at least I won't kill you.” The words flowed easily, my voice cheerful and full of jubilation.
Turns out that was a lie…..
Now just like anyone might expect I don’t like remembering what I did so I'll just fill in the following hours with the phrase, sticks and bones can break quite a lot of bones.
When the man was just a pile of broken flesh I finally came to.
Then the world came down on me when I realized I had just killed a man. The guilt, the horror, the regret. The bean burrito that had been my dinner.
I still get nightmares to this day.
That was the day I understood it might have not just been my namesake as a kid that led me to cause all that havoc.
Maybe I really was fucked in the head. And the fact that I’m talking to you guys, an imaginary audience right now I don’t really have anything to stand on for defense.
Fuck me we are getting way to dark but were like three quarters of the way to the end so hold still while I continue to unload my emotional trauma. This is actually a little therapeutic, I'm not going to lie.
Knowing I couldn’t leave things as they are or the cops might trace things back to me I sent my brain to work out how I could get away or at least minimize the damage from this situation.
It was one of the toughest puzzles I’d ever faced.
And isn’t that all a crime is? A puzzle for both the investigators and the perpetrators to try and outdo each other in? The perps do their best to take the event and twist as much as possible so the investigators are lead around either unable to find the true answer or even better, led to a false one.
But this was too sudden, I could barely think straight with the throbbing of my head and I only had a few hours till dawn. I had to get rid of the body and hope no one found it for at least a few days. So i grabbed what i think was his arms and lifted him up to start heading into the woods. The grinding of bones and dripping of warm blood my only company as I heading into the woods.
It was as a stream came into view that I got an idea.
The water had been icy, the autumn wind chilling me further as I dragged large rocks onto the body that was hidden two feet below the water. Minutes turned to hours as I piled more and more rocks on top until It looked like a small mountain.
It wasn’t perfect, and the woods would be the first place the cops would look into once investigations failed on the streets but I’d seen enough of these stone piles at other streams to know that they weren’t overly suspicious.
In the end it was all about time. Once the decay period of the body had passed a certain threshold, there was no way besides testing the water or moving the large pile of rocks to really discover the body. That also didn’t take into consideration that my DNA would long be unusable if any remained.
Exhausted, cold, and feeling like someone was using my head as a punching bag, I eventually got home.
I didn’t reach the bed before I passed out.
And this wasn’t your ordinary kind of passed out, no this was wake up hospitalized days later passed out.
Turns out pneumonia had almost killed me and it would have been successful if a certain girl hadn’t found me practically burning alive with a dangerous fever.
Waking up had been painful, and breathing was still somewhat difficult but the doctors had a nurse ask me a couple of questions, and fill out some paperwork once they knew I could handle it.
They informed me my parents would head over in a few hours, so in the meantime I could keep myself busy.
I was in the middle of said paperwork when the door flew open and long mousy colored hair filled my vision. A face pressed itself onto my own, wet with warm tears, as the scent of the green apple shampoo she used filled my nose.
“‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” The whisper words coming out from Fio like a mantra.
The tears I myself didn’t know I had been holding flowed out like broken dam as we cried in eachothers arms, the world forgotten.
That didn’t mean I upped and confessed everything. Doubt I’d ever be able to tell anyone what I’d done to that guy.
I was released a few days later, somewhat expecting investigators with questions but surprisingly enough none showed up.
No one reported the blondes ex missing until a month had passed but by that point all the trails were too cold to really use against me. He would be forgotten like many of the hundreds of thousands of individuals who go missing every year.
Fio, had taken a few days off school to keep me company. While she had confessed to not having done anything to the handsome guy, she understood that even though I had hurt her she wasn’t in the right in what she herself did.
We had damaged our relationship deeply and it would take some time to heal while regaining each others trust but in some ways we were closer than before.
That was six months prior. I’d graduated since then and found a job, while Fio continued for her masters in business.
We had gone back to our sibling-like relationship, no longer using each other for sexual gratification, but neither of us ever made an attempt to find a partner.
I’d already told her once she finished school if she still felt the same way about me then we could actually give the whole dating thing a try.
It was my final attempt because in the end I still believed she deserved better than an unstable man with blood on his hands.
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And that brings us back to speed folks! Now you know the life story of Loki Wilde! Or at least the more important bits. Still have a lot more stories about my parents but I’ve gone and made myself feel more sad than I’d like.
I forced a deep applause, followed by roses and other flowers to rise from the depths of my mind.
Now you probably have one serious question left though. With a life like that how can you be so upbeat and cool and meta, and downright devilishly handsome. (last ones just for added flair)
I DON'T KNOW!
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With that final unsatisfying answer I let myself drift once more. Talking to yourself is quite the exhausting ordeal.
SYSTEM VERSION 0.1 HAS BEEN PURGED. VERSION 1.0 WILL NOW BE INITIATED.
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Finally we can get to some good fucking content.