“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY LASAGNA!!!” I scream at the pulsing orb in front of me. Hazy flashes of memory remind me how close I had come to consuming the succulent, six layer nine cheese lasagna. “TWO HOURS. TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS I WAITED!” Spit flys out of my mouth. The orbs semi liquid state ripples slightly at my auditory assault. “I told you already, the planet you know as earth has been virtualized in accordance to Galactic Law 40.762473.9738 NW, your ‘lasagna’. “ the orbs deep monotone voice seems to somehow still carry a hint of disdain at the mention of the word. “No longer exist.”
I reign in my emotions by repeatedly counting numbers in my head. 12345 the orb ripples provocatively at me 87... my voice comes out slowly “You mean to tell me, that you chose the exact time in which I had sat down fork in hand, ready to eat my lasagna to ‘virtualize’ earth?” The orb stays silent for a moment testing my already stretched mental state. “Yes, it would appear so.”
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“Okay.” I sit down. “So what exactly is Galactic Law 40.762... 2” my voice leaves me as I remember my brains distinct inability to recant long strands of digits. The orb shrinks, returning to its professional demeanor. “Galactic Law 40.762473.9738 NW states that ‘Any new sentient life form found in the vast reaches of space is to be instantly virtualized and integrated into the SYSTEM.’ ” Seems simple enough. “What exactly is vir-” my question is cut short “Virtualization is the process, in which the host consciousness is directly transferred into the SYSTEM” the orb pauses “I-” am cut off “After a brief probation period your conscious will be placed in a virtual world in which you can do... whatever it is you humans do to stay entertained.” Once again there is a silence, I give the orb my best deadpan look. Fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice? The silence continues...
“So-“ bastard “in the meantime you are permitted to ask me questions relating to the SYSTEM.” Any questions? “Any questions?” The orb speaks. “Yes.” I give myself a moment to collect my thoughts “My lasagna... where is it?