“Applicant Agrosh Nubbles, applying for the position of Overlord Hand,” Agrosh muttered nervously to himself, wringing his hands as he waited in line. Well, it had been a line. Now it was just him.

He was the last one left.

“NEXT,” bellowed the large Orcish gatekeeper, and pointed directly at him.

Agrosh lunged forward quickly, all but sprinting through the dark, cavernous doorway that the gatekeeper held open for him. He was afraid if he went any slower, he’d bolt in the opposite direction. He couldn’t help but note that none of the applicants before him had come back out.

There… there must be a back door.

Right.

Just past the doorway, he jerked to a stop.

Agrosh had never seen a Dark Overlord in person before. There were stories, of course, which said you couldn’t mistake them for anything else — and Dark Overlord Ambervel was everything the stories said an Overlord should be. Even sitting behind a large, slab desk, he was tall and foreboding. He wore a dark cloak with a high neck, a rich patriarch purple doublet, and Agrosh felt extremely grubby in his cleanest tunic and least-patched pair of pants.

The Dark Overlord looked up from his desk to level his gaze at Agrosh.

Agrosh gulped.

“You are?” called the Overlord, looking down at him, his face blank and bored.

Don’t be nervous. Just say it like you practised. Applicant Agrosh Nubbles.

“Ah-” he stuttered, “A-appl…”

“Apple,” said Overlord Ambervel, and it looked like he was writing it down on a parchment in front of him. Agrosh just gulped and nodded stupidly.

One didn’t correct Dark Overlords. It just… wasn’t done.

“Tell me,” continued the Overlord, “what makes you a good candidate for Overlord Hand?”

This is it, thought Agrosh.

“S-sir, I am a self-motivated hard worker,” he began, voice quavering, “A-and a sworn Minion under your D-dark Command. Um. I-I am fluent in C-common and Goblin, c-conversational in Orcish and Gn-nomish. S-submitted a sample of mywritingalongwithmyapplication,” he added in a rush, and then paused in distress. His mind had gone blank.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Experience?” prompted the Overlord.

“Y-yes!” he squeaked, “For the last three years, I have been in charge of scheduling the B-blood Frenzy for the Goblin Hordes! T-traditionally an annual event, um, I have m-made it a bi-annual event t-that allows for the entire p-population to both participate and sp-spectate, and is less disruptive to our duties as M-minions.”

“That’s the big Goblin festival, yes?”

“Y-yes, my Lord, b-but it’s more than a cultural event, sir.” He took a deep breath, warming to his topic. “It- it’s the only event that brings all the Tribes together, it’s good for morale, and an important part of Goblin health. The blood frenzy is good for our metabolism, and it is unhealthy for a Goblin to go too long without one! It also allows Tribes to showcase their unique martial skills and share that knowledge with the other Tribes.”

“I am not terribly familiar with the individual Goblin Tribes. How many are there?”

“You have six Tribes under your command, s-sir! Gnobs, Hobs, Gobbos, Groks, Gorgs, and Gibs. A v-very diverse Army. Sir.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Interesting,” the Overlord said, finally. “You seem very knowledgeable on the topic. Any other notable experience?”

Agrosh wilted. “I-I also manage the kitchen schedules, my lord,” he said, glumly. It sounded lame, even to him. “But I find I am m-most suited to the task, and I think I would do well m-managing a more complex schedule of events.”

“Hm,” was the response. “And what would you be looking for in compensation?”

“To be frank, m-my Lord, I have no- I mean, little idea of what an appropriate wage for the p-position is. And. Um. Th-there are few opportunities for me that w-would utilize what I c-consider my strengths, and I- I know I lack experience. But I am a quick s-study!” he burst out.

The Overlord frowned.

“Are you saying you’ll accept any terms I offer?”

“V-very likely, sir.”

The Dark Overlord gazed at him steadily, before moving his gaze to the doorway behind him.

“Klagash!” he called, and the Orcish gatekeeper appeared in the doorway. “How many more applicants?”

“None,” grunted Klagash.

“You are dismissed,” the Overlord said, with a wave of his hand. His gaze dropped to the parchment in front of him.

“Apple. I am offering you a part-time position as my Hand for a period of six months. You will be in charge of scheduling my public appearances and personal meetings, and other odd tasks as they arise. Compensation will be monthly one gold-”

Agrosh inhaled sharply, eyes widening. An entire gold!

“And we will have a review in six months, where we will further discuss your performance, potential duties, and compensation. The position starts immediately, and standard hours will begin at dawn and end at sunrise, every other day. Do you find these terms agreeable?”

“Yes,” breathed Agrosh. “Sir, yes, I won’t disappoint you-”

“That’s what they all say. See that you make it true.” Overlord Ambervel stood, and motioned for Agrosh to follow him. “I will give you a tour of Eastern Keep, and introduce you to the Silent Servants. I spend most of my time in my Tower, but I shall emerge to meet with you in your office on the Keep’s third floor…”

He strode off smoothly, and Agrosh - now Apple - lunged forward to follow.