The vibrations from the rattling freezer compressor could still be heard from the wide open door somewhere behind Gemmei and Nishioka. Occasionally the clinking of broken kitchenware reverberated out every time another piece fell and hit the tiled kitchen floor. The once pristine smelling surfaces of the cooking area now reeked with the sweat and struggle of the last few minutes. With Nishioka’s wide palm covering her entire face, Gemmei couldn’t even see anything but flashes of visual pain from having the woman’s fingers driven into her eyes.
Nishioka spoke in slow, deliberately unhurried tones, like one might speak to a misbehaving puppy. She wasn’t even bothering to pound Gemmei into submission first. Why bother, when the girl couldn’t even put up an actual fight? “Tell me,” Gemmei tensed up after hearing those specific words. “From the beginning. What is your goal?”
Gemmei’s voice, in response, sounded like someone taking excruciatingly long to let air out of a balloon. “I want to know how Machii bypasses the Houzou Hakkyou.” She raked her bitten fingernails over Nishioka’s calloused skin to no avail. “Warden Keio promised me a reward for it, maybe even a pardon. I’m not gonna die like a slave in a rotten cell like the rest of you scumbags.”
That brought a slight chuckle to Nishioka, who despite everything so far still sounded in good spirits. She shook Gemmei by the head a bit resulting in some frustrated protesting from the girl but which otherwise served no purpose. “I can believe you were a soldier. Your plan makes no sense. Giving Machii food poisoning was somehow supposed to reveal her secrets?”
“No, you nasty cunt.” Try as she might Gemmei couldn’t pry the fingers out from her face, so she gave up and relaxed. “Giving her actual poison would do that. If you think you can just sleep off eating toxic shrooms I got some bad news for you.” Despite her admittedly awful looking situation, another one of those infuriating grins spread on Gemmei’s face. “Only eating a little wouldn’t make you that sick. If Machii ate a lot of it though? She likes to indulge, right?.” Her breathing quickened as if Gemmei was trying to laugh but couldn’t quite afford the energy to do so. “Depending on the toxin she could be dead in...maybe 48 hours, without proper treatment? All those bodyguards sure did her a lot of good, didn’t they?”
“No.” Nishioka again shook Gemmei by the scalp, but this time in a far more threatening manner. “Parasitic rats like you are no threat to Machii. Your plan has failed. Tell me what type of mushroom you used. Then I will notify the infirmary, and let Machii decide how she wants you to suffer.”
Now all that pent up laughter finally did break out of Gemmei, though given her circumstances it came out more like the yipping of a small dog. “I don’t know!” Her answer came back so quickly it caught Nishioka off-guard. As a result she tightened her death grip on Gemmei’s skull, resulting in the girl’s laughter turning into tiny ‘ows’ instead.
“Tell me the truth, Shinshi Gemmei. You cannot lie.”
“I can’t!” Gemmei again began squirming. “And I’m not! Go ahead, ask me as many times as you want. I have no idea what I put in that cookie dough.”
“How can you-”
“Dimwit!” Gemmei moved one of her hands and grabbed onto the satchel dangling from her side. “I knew I might get asked if something went wrong, so I avoided knowing the truth. I grew multiple varieties of toxic mushroom. Then, I blindly picked what would go into the cookie dough. I could sit here and list off the dozen of species I could have used, but I don’t know what the hell Machii stuffed into her face. There’s only one way to know that.”
The full breadth of the plan now dawned on Nishioka, and the realization weakened her grip on Gemmei’s face just enough for her to be able to breathe out of her nose again. “The leftover cookie dough. You came back tonight to steal it, so nobody could figure out what poison was used.”
“Almost!” Gemmei’s nasal wheezing now took on a much more excited energy. “If I deliver this stuff to the warden, she can figure out what toxin Machii might have in her system. Then hopefully they can strike a deal in exchange for the right type of treatment. Otherwise-” Gemmei make a disgusting ‘gack’ sound, as if choking. “Machii might just choke to death on her own vomit. She will be her own hostage.”
For a suffocating minute Nishioka continued to hang onto the dangling Gemmei, who kept her comments to herself. Without being able to see her captor’s face, Gemmei could only guess what expression she wore. When Nishioka did finally speak again, the contempt in her voice gave Gemmei a glimmer of hope. “You’re a disgrace, even for a worthless rat. I should smear you across the wall right here and now.”
“Right!” Gemmei let go of her bag, and pointed aggressively at where she assumed Nishioka’s head was. “Just like the rest of you criminal scumbags. Everyone gets what they deserve in the end.”
“We are not the same.” Nishioka didn’t bring Gemmei any closer, but her volume increased enough to still be unsettling. “I looked into your past, Shinshi Gemmei. You’re a failure of a soldier, and a failure of a human being. Any respectable person would have killed themselves in shame after doing what you did.”
“Oh, sure, like you’re a bloody saint-”
“Don’t talk.” In response to the direct order Gemmei’s teeth clacked together in frustration, unable to continue her taunting. “Do you know why I am here to stop you, Shinshi Gemmei? I used to be a prison guard, but I couldn’t stand seeing festering pieces of garbage like you get away with their evil. I am here because I punished those evildoers in a way the system refuses to.” Her voice dropped to a low roar. “Machii saw my work, respected it- and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I can do more good here popping your eyeballs out than I ever could as a spineless employee for a jailhouse.”
With that she snatched the bag clean off Gemmei’s shoulders, ripping the strap as she pulled it off. Like a limp fish Gemmei just continued to dangle and helplessly hang onto Nishioka’s claw, having apparently all but given up. Nishioka took her attention off Gemmei for a bit just to examine the bag, which looked like the common fabric one used by the laundry staff to collect clothes. It didn’t even have a zipper or latch and the only thing protecting its contents was a simple flap of extra fabric hanging over its lip. For some reason the bottom dripped with liquid but that hardly seemed to matter at that moment. Shaking the bag with one hand Nishioka easily flipped the fabric top off it to see what was inside. A rat like Gemmei was probably concealing more than just cookie dough. The top of the satchel flipped open, and Nishioka raised it closer to her face to see inside as the kitchen’s dim lighting didn’t quite reach inside. What was the miserable brat hiding?
Even in her precarious situation Gemmei could feel the change in the atmosphere as soon as Nishioka looked into bag. Gemmei’s own fingers gripped hard around Nishioka’s, not to pry it loose, but to get the proper leverage. Machii’s top enforcer was no slouch- her intuition that Gemmei was smuggling more than cookie dough proved to be right on the nose. That was her first mistake. The Houzou Hakkyou existed under the pretense that honesty was always a good thing. After all, why wouldn’t you ever want to know everything?
Whoever invented the cursed tattoo clearly never heard any old sayings about curiosity and cats. Gemmei’s lanky legs twisted back and up, smacking the end of the bag and thrusting the contents out towards Nishioka. A smattering of the items laying on top sprayed out: a few rolls of cookie dough, some other foodstuffs Gemmei threw in to sell later, and way, way more ice than expected. Most of the ice had melted, though. That meant the last thing to spring out of the bag was now quite warm, and quite agitated at having been woken up from its nap.
Striking through the air soared a thin, sleek form, still slow from hibernation but still very pissed off at having been moved at all. Instinct overrode reason in the moment and Nishioka dropped both the bag and Gemmei, recoiling from the ambush as it shot past her head. It was a snake! A viper! That crazy asshole Gemmei kept a bloody beast in her back pocket the whole time! There wasn’t any time to really evaluate the threat, and instead Nishioka scrambled away as the snake flopped onto the ground nearby. A completely normal reaction, given the circumstance.
A completely expected reaction, too. Gemmei, not put off in any way by the nasty animal she stuffed in her bag for just this exact occasion, landed softly on her feet and spun around. She snatched her bag and the few loose logs of cookie dough in one swipe, and darted in the opposite direction of Nishioka at the same time. The heavily damaged exit door didn’t even need to be unlocked, as Nishioka’s hurled mixing bowl from before managed to nearly smash the thing right off its hinges. Gemmei flung the door open and with a quick peek back at the recovering Nishioka, let out a tiny burst of giddy excitement. Then, in the next moment, she was gone into the night.
Seconds later Nishioka glared down at the now rather lethargic snake, which seemed still angry but also content just to slither away towards the nearest shadow. With time for her eyes to adjust to the dim light Nishioka identified the species immediately: it was a dumb, harmless garter snake! Of course Gemmei wouldn’t have put something legitimately dangerous on her person, but it was too late to worry about that. Once again recomposed Nishioka took off with loud, thudding footsteps, lunging after the door where Gemmei just slipped out. The brat’s head start meant nothing. As Nishioka ducked under the door frame her eyes shot out across the horizon. First she looked down both paved paths wrapping around the kitchen and saw nothing. She heard nothing either. Certainly Gemmei’s feet would have been pounding into the cement and making some noise. Then she glanced outwards towards the fields. There was nothing out there...but maybe the girl intended to hide the evidence until later. Yes, that sounded exactly like what a rat like her would do.
Again Nishioka set off with pounding footsteps, rocketing off into the night’s darkness. As luck would have it, a bright moon hung overhead that particular evening, so finding the girl wouldn’t be difficult at all. After less than a minute of charging through the well kept grounds of the HCC she saw Gemmei’s twiggy form fussing about, apparently stopped for some reason- no, stopped for the ONLY reason! It was hard to believe how much ground they both covered in such a short span during the chase, but the boundary of the prison lay only a short distance away now. Was Gemmei contemplating a quick death by triggering her Hakkyou’s paralyzing pain, or was this something else?
There was no time to wait for an answer. Within seconds Nishioka was atop Gemmei again, and her large arm swept out to snatch the girl by the neck. It would be trivial to snap it here to prevent another escape, but first she needed to make sure the bag was safe-
It wasn’t in Gemmei’s hands. It wasn’t on her person. Did she hide it? Nishioka looked straight up and into the eyes of Gemmei with a look of intense disgust. She couldn’t feel anger anymore, but there were more than enough other emotions to make up for that. “Where is it?” Nishioka’s words came out in a guttural roar, though not too loud lest they attract attention. “Where’s the bag!”
Gemmei, unable to resist but apparently not even trying to, let out a hacking laugh, and raised one finger to point towards where the tall grass marked off the edge of the safe area within the prison. Nishioka’s eyes spun towards the spot and sure enough there lay Gemmei’s bag, splayed open for all to see, its contents flung out in all directions.
That in and of itself wouldn’t have mattered. Even outside the barrier, the cookie dough could still be retrieved by the guards. What brought terror to Nishioka’s face was what lurked just beyond grass.
Dozens of amorphous shadows emerged from the night like demons crawling from the depths of hell. The shades fell onto the bag and its bounty like an obscuring cloud, quickly tearing the remaining pieces to shreds. From her chokehold Gemmei managed to squeak out the tiniest amount of condescension. “My friends are a bit more reliable than yours, it seems.”
Crows. A whole flock of them. The infernal birds frequented the prison’s garbage dump, but often hung around the kitchen’s trash cans for this exact reason. Nishioka watched as the beasts gleefully pecked off chunks of Gemmei’s cookie dough and swallowed it, eager to stock up on calories before their big migration for the season. Wasting precious seconds Nishioka tried to process it, before throttling Gemmei by the neck again and howling right into her face. “Why?”
“Now nobody will know what Machii ate.” Gemmei, despite turning red in the face, seemed positively radiant. “You wanted justice? Look what you got. Your precious boss is going to die because you cared more about punishing me than protecting her!”
A long, deep hiss fell out of Nishioka. Gemmei watched a wave of different emotions wash over her. Anywhere else the woman’s anger would have resulted in Gemmei’s tiny bones getting crushed, but the magic of the Hakkyou prevented such a rash decision from being made. Nishioka slammed Gemmei into the dirt then turned towards the black mass devouring the last bits of evidence of her mistakes. There was still a way out.
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Nishioka clenched so hard her gums started to bleed. Then she dove past the barrier. At this point Gemmei was more than familiar with how it worked, and the immediate pain shooting through Nishioka’s body became instantly apparent. The absolute unit of a woman collapsed after only a couple steps and couldn’t even keep herself from gasping as she clawed forward, fighting through the tremendous agony the Houzou Hakkyou inflicted. Gemmei threw the bag far, but not that far- pushing with her quivering legs brought Nishioka just close enough to scare away the first group of crows. Her duty would be fulfilled, one way or another.
From the sidelines Gemmei dusted herself off and rose up, eager to watch the proceedings despite the bruises forming around her neck. As Nishioka let out all manner of agonized noises Gemmei felt a familiar joy rise up inside her chest. It had been a long time since the former soldier felt these emotions. This wasn’t just happiness, oh no. This was more sublime, more like an almost religious experience in how it turned her normally dour looking sourpuss face into a beaming smile. Nishioka’s trembling form snatched up a half devoured chunk of dough, then drew it close to her own body to stop the bravest crows from snatching it up. The effort must have been truly unbearable. Gemmei couldn’t have lasted half the time Nishioka was. And the woman still had to make it back!
A choked off, bestial roar ripped from Nishioka’s mouth, surprising even Gemmei. The woman twisted her body around, then pushed herself out with both legs like a bullfrog. The force tore up a chunk of earth as she did so and propelled her body forward in one jerking movement. Of course, given the tremendous mental stress she was under, her form was terrible and there was no precision at all; Nishioka smashed her face into the ground and only rolled forward a little bit from the moment of the leap. Even that wasn’t enough, though, and she landed just short of the final threshold. One of her large hands reached out and grabbed a chunk of grass to try and pull herself back, but all she managed to do was rip out the vegetation. Her eyes fluttered even as she strained to keep them open. Gemmei could taste it, could see the sincere honesty with which this woman was trying to fulfill her mission. Perfect.
Nishioka began to move, but not under her own power. Gemmei held her breath and pulled hard as she gripped onto Nishioka’s large outstretched palm, dragging the mostly limp body back across the invisible wall that triggered the painful reaction. Only the Houzou Hakkyou had to be out of range, so Gemmei stopped and let go once Nishioka’s head was past the safe point. Almost immediately came a sputtering, spittle laden coughing from the woman’s strained lungs. Even pulled out of hell, the effects lingered something awful. It would be unlikely that Nishioka would even be able to stand on two legs again for the rest of the night. There would be no retaliation.
Gemmei made sure to be thorough. Still recovering from her own injuries, Gemmei carefully poked and prodded Nishioka’s wrenched open fist. It was as limp and easy to bend as a dead fish. If she wanted to, Gemmei felt she could have snapped every one of Nishioka’s fingers with minimal effort. Instead, she chose to gloat. “Try choking me now, asshole.”
Nishioka didn’t respond, instead coiling herself around the one thing she risked her life to save. Gemmei made an attempt to reach for it, but Nishioka curled around the cookie dough so tight that prying it out would have been far too much work. Gemmei let out a truly joyous burst of laughter, her spirits nearly at their apex. “How noble of you. Willing to die for your boss, huh? Think that makes you better than me?” Gemmei put a foot on Nishioka’s matted hair. “Absolutely futile. I can push you back across the barrier no problem. Your death will be written off as an escape attempt or just general stupidity- I don’t think the warden will do much of an investigation for someone with your reputation, do you?”
Nothing but heavy breathing came from Nishioka. That wouldn’t do at all. Pushing the woman’s head back with her foot, Gemmei leaned down to stare right into Nishioka’s eyes. The emotions swirling in there couldn’t possibly have been farther than Gemmei’s. Pain, defeat, disgust...the perfect conditions for the Hakkyou to operate in. Clearing her throat Gemmei’s nasal voice barked out her orders. “Tell me, ape. Can you talk?”
A gasping wheeze, unlike anything else Nishioka said that night, passed across her torn lips. “Y...yes.” Gemmei let out a low, excited series of exhaling breaths. Any past injuries seemed like nothing now, with how much euphoria slipped through her veins. This was so much better than anything else she ever experienced! To defeat and humiliate an enemy like this...though this was not Gemmei’s first rodeo, often her pent up anger and instinctual rebelliousness meant she never really got to enjoy the suffering she inflicted. Now that the Hakkyou prevented those troublesome emotions from getting in the way, the raw pleasure of violence hit her like no drug ever could. Victory! Sweet victory!
“Tell me,” she almost laughed while talking, so good the moment felt. “How does Machii bypass her Hakkyou?”
“I don’t know.”
The words came out so fast and with such clarity at once Gemmei thought perhaps in her giddy stupor, she misheard. Again, she leaned down, putting extra pressure on her foot as she did so. “I didn’t catch that. I said, tell me how Machii gets around her Houzou Hakkyou brand. How does she lie? How does she still get angry? How does she ignore direct commands?”
“I told you-” Nishioka spat, still pathetically weak from having passed the barrier but clearly no less full of vitriol. “I don’t know. Nobody knows. Machii has never told anyone.”
For a quiet moment the two just stared into each other’s eyes, while the last of the crows fussed over the remnants of the cookie dough. A chilly wind blew through, reminding Gemmei of just how much sweat was dripping off her body. The smell of cut grass and fresh dirt floated in the air. She took her foot off Nishioka and sighed. “Listen, you giant gorilla. The only hope you have of surviving, and the only hope of keeping that wad of dough you’re holding onto like a life preserver, is telling me Machii’s secret. This ain’t the time to play martyr. You’ve been beaten. I could push you back over the edge and go back to my cell right now. Stop resisting.”
“I’m not...resisting!” Nishioka retched, but kept her eyes locked on Gemmei. “Even...if I knew...I wouldn’t tell you! I’d bite my tongue off! But I don’t have to do that-” she stopped for a moment to hack up a few bloody breaths. “-because I don’t know anything! Machii trusts nobody, for good reason. Your peanut brain will never grasp Machii’s brilliance!”
Again the silence settled. Gemmei’s euphoric trance began to wear off. Although she herself was a terrible judge of character and pretty bad at gauging human emotions, Gemmei could clearly tell now that Nishioka spoke the truth. She didn’t know anything. Machii’s number one most trusted enforcer couldn’t be trusted with her secret. Of course. Of course, right? When everyone was forced to tell the truth, why would you ever divulge your one weakness to anyone? At the very least, it meant that Machii’s mechanism for bypassing the Hakkyou couldn’t be learned or transferred, but...
But that was a small prize for the months of setup this plan had taken. A hungry bitterness gnawed at the edges of Gemmei’s mind. This was her loss, too. Nobody came out on top here.
With a small ‘tch’ she drew her foot back, and leaned in close to whisper something to Nishioka. It wasn’t an order, and it wasn’t a question. Rather, at that moment, all Gemmei wanted to do was inflict pain.
“I’ll tell Machii that you died like a bitch.” Beyond satisfied, Gemmei then punted Nishioka’s head back across the threshold. At once the woman seized up as the invisible signals triggered the Hakkyou, leaving Nishioka completely immobile and in unbelievable agony.
Gemmei, on the other side of the coin, couldn’t have been more pleased, despite the objective failure of the plan.
There wasn’t much else to watch now. Gemmei lingered to keep an eye on Nishioka and ensure there wouldn’t be any witness to rat her out. The other inmates seemed to believe that it took upwards of five to ten minutes before the Hakkyou’s punishing paralysis caused the heart or lungs to stop for good, which meant needing to stick around to verify the deed had indeed been done. Not that Gemmei was complaining, for once! Like a hand wringing gremlin she just squatted nearby and watched the placid scene unfold. The sight was delicious, heavenly even. She couldn’t even break her attention away from the dying Nishioka to think about her next few steps. Why ruin the moment with more devious scheming?
Her dirty fingers wiped away some errant saliva. Maybe this was the same way Nishioka felt, killing those inmates for the first time. Prisoners were okay to kill, right? Of course they were! Nobody would shed any tears over some criminals stabbing each other in the dark. Her whole military career had been nothing but trying to find valid targets, and here, in front of her, was a whole compound full of them. Why did she even want to leave? What really waited for Gemmei out past the prison walls, that she couldn’t find here? Freedom? From what? The thought was intoxicating and Gemmei couldn’t push it out of her head the more she watched Nishioka’s life drain away. Wouldn’t society prefer her in here, rather than out there, anyway? A prison was like a playground for a rotten personality like her own. And this was just a first taste! When she killed the next time-
-the next time-
-the idea rattled in her skull like a pebble. Next time? Wasn’t that backwards? Violence was fun, sure, but it was a means to an end. She shouldn’t look forward to killing for its own sake. Shouldn’t there be some end goal, here?
...or did there need to be? Some people just went hiking for fun, or built bookshelves, or read books. Couldn’t murder just be-
She rubbed her tender eyes as if she could push the thought out, but it kept coming back. The undeniable pleasure coursing through her blood couldn’t be denied. Nothing in her life felt this good, this fulfilling. This moment was why she became a soldier in the first place! The raw emotion of winning a hard fought battle! Seeing her foes crushed beneath her might! In Nishioka’s face Gemmei saw every naysayer, detractor, bully- but she won! This was her right!
But even on her worst days working for the government, Gemmei could always rely on her anger to ground her. There was never any time to dwell on any one job, as another enemy always waited somewhere else. However now the Houzou Hakkyou stripped away any pretense or lie she might have used as an excuse. There was no other enemy. There were no orders from the head brass to use minimal force. There was no anger to supplant the feelings of joy.
Shinshi Gemmei didn’t just enjoy hurting others. She was addicted to it.
In that moment she saw a possible future unfold itself. An endless cycle of prison cells, a roller coaster of highs and lows, an acceptance of her place in the world. Like Nishioka, Gemmei came to the realization that maybe the best outcome for everyone was her being stuck in chains forever. Someone like her couldn’t function in society. She couldn’t ‘be herself’, because ‘herself’ was at that moment gleefully indulging in the brutal slaughter of someone she herself provoked. The Houzou Hakkyou was permanent, as far as she knew- even if by some means Gemmei did gain freedom, no doubt some similar incident would end with her back here anyway, forever chasing a destructive ecstasy that had no other outlet. Gemmei was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. That dawning moment of clarity filtered through the rapid inhales and exhales of excitement as Nishioka continued to die. There wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. There were just two miserable tunnels she could choose to be stuck forever in.
Going in either direction would objectively be worse. This prison was bad but...maybe it was the least bad that someone like Gemmei could ask for. That all made sense, didn’t it? Why not just accept that?
Nishioka’s rolled-back eyes stabilized, their frenzied shuddering coming to a stop. Her muscles still couldn’t move, so shaken and fatigued from their forced seizure after enduring the debilitating effects of the Hakkyou. However once again the specter of punishment left her body- the nerve shocking stimulus removed as somehow, someway, her body again crossed the boundary that separated the prison from the rest of the world.
Wearing an immense scowl as she did so, Gemmei hauled the mammoth sized Nishioka just far enough to keep her from receiving the last fatal dose of punishment from the unseen radio towers. Gone was that bliss from before. Now Gemmei wore her usual face, the one of gloomy loathing and frustration. Shinshi Gemmei liked to cause pain and suffering to everyone, apparently to herself included.
When the deed was done, she bent over carefully and put a palm on Nishioka’s throbbing neck. A little relieved sigh escaped Gemmei’s mouth. The big oaf still had a pulse. She stood up and turned back towards the lights in the distance, where the compound still buzzed with its normal night energy. Before she could start heading back Gemmei heard something like a voice from the grave, a whisper so imperceptible that she almost thought she imagined it.
“I’ll kill you.” Gemmei didn’t look back but stopped walking, to see if there was any more of the message. Sure enough, that airy wheeze had just enough strength to keep going. “I’ll...you won’t...”
“You got played, Nishioka.” Gemmei still didn’t turn around and wasn’t even sure if the woman could hear her, but spoke her hesitant words nonetheless. “I didn’t do squat to the cookie dough. It’s all harmless.”
Nothing but heavy breathing followed, as if either of them were really in any condition to continue the conversation. Still, again, Nishioka summoned the strength from somewhere to push forward. “...you said, you said...”
“I know what I said.” Gemmei tapped her head, which was now beginning to ache after the pain-dulling rapture she was in moments ago was now completely absent. “Nothing I told you was a lie. I just said true statements, and you inferred something happened that hadn’t. Machii will be fine. I only wanted to bait you into telling me her secret.” Gemmei threw up her arms in a half shrug. “When you recover, go ahead and try to kill me. But I’m pretty sure Machii is going to get to me first.”
What sounded like a final gasp came from Nishioka, and no other words followed, but Gemmei could understand the gist of the woman’s message even if it didn’t contain any words. It was a breath of exasperation, of incredulity. In a word, why?
As Gemmei trudged through the HCC’s grounds and back towards her cell block she squinted and tried to blink away the dull aching pains now once again rearing their ugly head. Why indeed? It made plenty of sense to let Nishioka die there- even the most insufferable pacifist in her old MOED unit would have agreed with that assessment. It wasn’t as though Gemmei hadn’t ended her fair share of lives already as well- she was, after all, in prison for just such a thing. But breaking a habit had to start somewhere, and it couldn’t start tomorrow. It had to start today.
Freedom meant not being bound by anything, including addictions. At that moment, to Gemmei, dying trying to be free was preferable to living as a slave. That included being a slave to her own desires. It was a dumb, fruity, pretentious thing to think, but she couldn’t lie to herself about it anymore. Getting out of prison meant nothing if she couldn’t also get out of the pit she dug for herself as well.
If it was any consolation, at least this path of misery would end very abruptly and very violently if she couldn’t pull it off. Just the way she liked it!