Standing in Selfia's office, Jack pursed his lips as Selfia held up and dangled a familiar earring that Ada and Kamila had worn at the gala.

Ada was out with Kamila, the two with Leona in a safe house along with Yun, the group with his daughter while Jack had a sit down with the Queen of the Empire.

Across from Jack, Ivan, the man clutching his regenerating arm as Tenno laid splayed out on the floor and Jin and Violet stood guard.

“The Immutable Shield. Beautiful isn't it?” Selfia said, the once luxurious jewel dim with no ounce of its former luster. “People think it's a shield, but really they're sets of earrings. Only five sets were ever made. Crafted after my grandmother's demise, they exhaust years of accumulated mana to protect from one fatal attack. Anti-Army skills, artifacts, tank rounds. The bearer is immediately filled with rejuvenating power as the crystals exude a mana barrier. Sadly, to keep the craftsmanship a secret, my mother had the woman killed but could you imagine if I had more of these?”

Selfia took on a forelong look before her blue eyes shifted to Jack.

“Is there a point you're making?” Jack asked, his arms crossed.

“My point. Is that Ada and Kamila were never in any real danger Jack. You are a valuable asset. I wouldn't run the risk of permanently alienating you if I could help it.”

“And that? You don't think that isn't alienating me?” Jack said, gesturing to the TV screen that displayed the ongoing news from the gala attack and the various attacks occurring across the empire. “Three Hundred dead Selfia. Three hundred lives while this fucker lives.”

“Bit rude bullying the one armed man,” Ivan muttered but quickly shut up as Jack shot him a look.

“You aren't looking at the big picture Jack. Every action I've taken has been to clear the obstacles in the way of democracy. With them gone, a power vacuum has emerged, one that I plan on filling. Additionally, I dealt with a traitor,” Selfia said as various screens lit up displaying charts, photos, and action plans. “As we speak, documents are being leaked, dissidents are being silenced, and everything is being wrapped up into a nice, little fuck you for the High Table.”

“Well good for you. How nice,” Jack said sarcastically.

“Good for everyone,” Selfia said before she sighed, a robotic hand pinching the bridge of her nose. “Look. I get that you're angry. But you have to understand. What was I supposed to do? You would never sign off on this plan.”

“Plan? It’s fucking chaos out there! Hundreds dead! Some of which include bystanders and innocents!”

“I did what needed-”

“NO!” Jack yelled, standing in front of the queen. “Don’t justify this act of murder as something that needed to be done. There was a way, a different way, some other path that didn’t include murdering those uninvolved or putting my baby in danger. What if Ada miscarried? What if something happens to my child because of your actions? Dress it up however you want, it still doesn't hide the fact that you put people in danger.”

Selfia glared silently at Jack for a moment, “Yes. You’re right. I make no excuses for my actions.”

“Tch! Tell me something, who else was roped into this? Anyone else I know consulted besides me?” Jack said, glancing at Tenno.

“No. Tenno was a… recent addition. An unwelcomed tag-along with your friend Kenichi.”

“Kenichi's here?!”

“They arrived last night to pick up the stowaway Ho-sook and discuss trade terms. Leona’s been entertaining them.”

"Great, just one thing after another," Jack frowned, his focus now on Ivan.

What the hell am I supposed to do here?!

Jack clenched his jaw.

“Great. Fucking great. Do you realize Selfia, the position you've put me in?” Jack yelled, slamming his fist on the nearby desk and shaking the holograms. “Ivan killed Kenichi's guardian, MY FRIEND and you-”

Ivan stood up, his one good arm up. “Ok hold up, if you're talking about the sword wielder I didn't kill him. The catborg did that one.”

“You permanently blinded my friend and took his sister's arm and leg,” Jack hissed. “Held a man I regarded as my father by gunpoint! Forced him to commit suicide!”

“Right... Yeah. Ok that one's on me,” Ivan relented, sitting back down.

“The only reason you're alive is because your head belongs to someone else,” Jack said. “But if you open your mouth again in my presence, I'll gouge your fucking eyes out.”

Selfia held a blank expression as Tenno barked out a laugh.

“Just…” Jack sighed. “Tell me, does this help me find my sister? Does this protect those I love?”

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Selfia furrowed her brow before locking eyes with Jack.

“Yes. I swear it,” Selfia lied and of course Jack knew it, sensed it, something more that the queen wasn't telling him.

So thats how it is... Jack said to himself as he made a choice.

“Ok… I've done everything you've asked to this point. Now it's time for me to cash in,” Jack said, standing up. “I want everything. Everything promised. Every guarantee. Give me what was agreed upon or so help me Selfia, there won't be a bunker on this world that you can hide in that will prevent me from reaching you.”

Selfia's jaw clenched, but ultimately, she nodded her head.

“Soldiers. Supplies. Weapons. Whatever you need. I'll have Python deliver everything and get you in the loop.”

“Ok. I'm sure you have a speech to make, more people to lie to,” Jack pointed at Tenno. “Not a word about anything that happened today.”

“Mum's the word. See ya Trigger-finger, bye your Majesty,” Tenno bowed mockingly. “Today was fun.”

Jack glared at Ivan. “You aren’t off the hook.”

As Jack walked out, Ruby stepped from his shadow, the smaller guardian sharing a nod to her sister as they passed.

****

Upon entering his room, Jack let out a sigh as he sat on his bed, his head held in the palms of his head.

Sahaqiel materialized.

“Are you ok Jack?”

“No. I'm not. I…” Jack looked at the nearby TV cabinet, eyeing the game station and video games Celeste had forgotten to put away. “How does she do it?”

“Do what?” Sahaqiel asked, wrapping herself around Jack.

“Turn off her emotions. Turn her heart cold? I… rationally I understand it. I do. I get it. But…”

“Stop being such a bitch,” Lilith quipped much to Sahaqiel’s dismay. “What? This is war. Or have you both forgotten? There's no time to feel self-doubt or pity. Man the hell up Jack.”

“You best watch-” Sahaqiel began but stopped as Jack raised a hand.

“No… she’s right,” Jack said, staring at the palms of his hands as they parted away from his face. “I know she’s right. But… knowing what I know… Every time I kill, every time I see someone die. I feel this weight on my chest like there a truck pressing down on me. Like a tiny sliver of my soul is being carved out of me. And every day, I just… I’m scared. Of losing everything. Of their fates becoming like…”

The image of the wilted nest appeared in Jack’s mind, the horrid voices of millions overlapping one another as Jack connected with it.

All the people at the gala… the scent of burning flesh… All the people sentenced to death by Selfia’s order. If Ada…

A vision of Ada's face contorted into a nest played, forcing Jack to clench his jaw, his hand clamping over his mouth to muffle the hiccup as tears welled.

For Selfia, just another plot, but for Jack. Ada and their unborn child had been placed in danger. Kamila had been in danger. People he cared about had been deliberately placed in harm's way with Yun and Tyrah losing their lives to snuff out a traitor…

"How do I fight death?" Jack whispered.

He sat there for a moment, Sahaqiel doing her best to comfort him.

“It’s ok to be cold Jack,” Sahaqiel offered. “Just not cruel. Remember Jack, remember who and what you’re fighting for. You have purpose. A cause, people you love that are depending on you.”

Jack blinked, his eyes seeming to lose a bit of light within them.

“Right… you're right. Selfia isn’t above damning herself to get what she wants. And neither are my enemies,” Jack let out, his eyes staring at his palms, a still coldness taking him as Lilth smiled from the corner of the room. “So why should I? The Smiling Man. His power. My enemies. Maybe the only way I get what I want is by becoming a monster. To be strong enough to overcome that fate.”

“Thats. That's not what I-”

“If you want. I can help you,” Lilith chimed in.

Jack narrowed his eyes at the specter. “Speak.”

“My, so rough. The problem you have is that you’re too empathetic. Too heart in the heart,” Lilith said, strolling from across the room to crawl onto Jack’s bed, a slender finger poking at Jack’s chest. “But what if we cut out the emotions?”

“What are you talking about?” Jack asked, puzzled.

Sahaqiel hugged Jack, the angel glaring at Lilith. “Hush!”

“What? Don’t you agree? I can suppress your emotional response. Your empathy. Your guilt,” Lilith replied, smiling. “I can make you into a remorseless warrior.”

“You’re talking about altering my personality?”

“Shut up! Jack don’t listen to her!” Sahaqiel barked, glowing gold.

“Not alter, suppress. You can still feel, see, and would act normally, you just won’t be such a bitch about everything. If the problem you’re having is your empathy, let's mute it.” Lilith said with Jack’s brow furrowing before he turned to Sahaqiel.

“Is that… something she can do?”

“I… it is. It’s something I can do too. But Jack it would be like altering-”

“Do it,” Jack said, turning to Lilith.

“JACK!”

“Sara… I can’t… I can’t take the guilt. Every time I close my eyes, all I hear are screams. I hear the voices of the nests. The screams of pain. The images of people I’ve failed. Those I’ve lost. I don’t dream. I can’t sleep! Every night is a new nightmare of horrors, and I…” Jack trailed off, his hand shaking as he grabbed it with his other.

“I can’t let my own issues,” Jack said, his voice a whisper. “My own weaknesses get in the way of what I need to do. I just want this to be over. Please. I’m so goddamn tired.”

“But Jack-”

“Lilith. Do it,” At Jack's command, he felt a sudden weight lift off his heart as his eyes seemed to dim.

Suddenly, a knock on the door echoed, followed by Ada poking her head through to spy on the man sitting blankly in the dark.

“Tanji?” Ada said, walking into the room with a concerned look as she eyed the downtrodden Jack.

“Hey honey.” Jack said, a slight smile as he reached out to Leona carrying Celeste in her arms as Kamila trailed behind.

“Are… are you ok?” Ada asked, standing to the side.

“Yes. I’m fine,” Jack replied, his gaze unfocused. “I’m ok.”