In the midst of the bustling city, there is a mysterious man known as "The Gray Man." He is a shadow that passes by without leaving a trace, as if invisible to the eyes of those around him. However, behind his calm demeanor lies a deep emptiness, a void that is difficult to explain.

The Gray Man leads a solitary life, distancing himself from social interactions and emotional relationships. He feels alienated amidst the crowd, longing for lost meaning in his life. Every step he takes feels like wandering in emptiness, searching for something incomprehensible.

The gray man I refer to is myself. I call myself the gray man because the color of my life is gray. Not white or black, but gray.

Do not misunderstand me, I am just an ordinary human being. But it is true that I am like a shadow. Because I am here but no one pays attention to me.

I am currently in a park, observing a variety of colorful flowers. Bees peacefully collect nectar from the flowers, and they also help the flowers grow lush.

Mutual symbiosis is the interaction between two organisms, whether of the same species or different. In a broad sense, the interaction between bees and flowers can also be categorized as mutual symbiosis, provided that both benefit equally.

Knowing this knowledge makes me realize that I am knowledgeable as a human. But that's just it and nothing more. There is no happiness growing in my heart even when thinking about it. Because it is just something "ordinary" that can be done by others as well.

There is nothing to be proud of in me. Without being different and labeled as "unique". It is fitting for me to call myself "the gray man".

But even so, I do not need pity. Honestly, I do not suffer from feeling this emptiness. I just feel lonely, and loneliness is something common to me, because I am used to it.

"Being used to it is not good! You are just forcing yourself to adapt in a place that is uncomfortable for you!" the most precious woman in the world said to me. Maybe she said that when I was still in elementary school, maybe...

I appreciate those words, but I only appreciate. I am too afraid to speak to others, because I am afraid of hurting someone's feelings.

It could be said that I am a "loser", but I do not mind being called that. If being called a loser keeps me from hurting someone's feelings, that is enough reason for me.

"Meow~..."

I have not introduced this small creature yet. This small creature that often meows all the time. This cat's name is Liam, I took care of him when I saw him almost being swept away by the river.

At that time, no one tried to help him. Everyone felt sorry, looked worried, but did not have the courage to jump into the river.

There were some people who took the initiative but they went down the stairs.

"Even running will not make it in time, stupid! He is almost drowning!" I thought at that time. I wanted to shout like that, but I knew it would only make me hated by others, so i don't do that.

Seeing the cat almost drowning made me not regret what I saw that day. It made me jump right away just to save him, and made myself go home with wet clothes.

"You fool! Why did you jump like that? Do you want to die?" said the most precious woman in my life.

Let me clarify that I mean my own mother. But it is the truth that I consider her like that. There is no doubt in my heart, in fact, I feel like I should hit myself if I doubt that.

In saying that I am stupid because I jumped that day. Maybe she is right, because that day was the middle school festival where I attended school. But my wet clothes and my mother's worry about my condition prevented me from enjoying the festival that day.

But I do not regret doing it. If being called stupid makes me not regret it later, then I proudly say that I am "stupid".

Because regret is more painful than being called stupid. Moreover, there is nothing wrong with being stupid. At first, all humans are stupid. But learning can make you smart. So there is nothing wrong with being stupid.

But if a stupid person does not want to learn to be smart, maybe that person is not stupid, they are just lazy.

Unfortunately, I am not a lazy person. Because being lazy is worse than being stupid.

All of this is just my thoughts, I do not say that everything I think is right, but I consider all my thoughts to be true. Because if I doubt myself, then who else can trust me?

It does not mean I do not have friends, it's just that having "friends" alone does not make my life more colorful. Loneliness and emptiness still haunt me. My fear of the unknown future makes these two feelings stronger.

The stronger these two feelings get, the longer I think alone, and until I reach a point where I have thought, "what is the point of living like this?"

It does not mean I want to commit suicide, it's just that I feel like I have nothing even though my needs are met. Stable family finances, friendly and harmonious family, and a healthy environment.

I have many things that can make me happy. I should feel like that but I do not. I even ask myself.

"Why am I so weird?"

But the answer to that question I have known for a long time, even since the changes in me began to show. It all started when I was little and had an accident.

The injury to my head caused damage to my brain. But the doctor said I was fine. Everyone I knew worried about me and always asked about my actual condition. But I just smiled and said, "yes, i'm fine."

I said that clearly and without doubt. Because I really feel like that.

But slowly that answer became a doubt in me. I realized the change within me.

Before that... the world was full of bright colors. But after that incident, I felt my world became dim. All colors seemed to mix with gray. It was then that I felt there was something strange about me.

"What really happened to me? Is it because of that accident?" I started asking about things that were unclear and unreasonable to myself.

I realize I only made such conclusions just to satisfy myself and not think about it again. But... I just hope that assumption is correct. My disappointment will surely decrease when I know my assumption is correct. So I hope that I really changed because of that accident.

But I do not care anymore about that. Many years have passed and I haven't found the real answer. Also I am not sad or tortured. I just feel empty every moment. And just feel lonely even around many people.

That's right... Just loneliness and emptiness... And I am used to it... So i think that's fine for me... For thinking like this...

I walked with Liam, my little white cat. I didn't understand why my little sister named him Liam.

Now I am on my way home, thinking about the unknown future. Starting next Sunday, I will enter high school and meet new people at the new school.

"Can I make friends this time?" I muttered to myself in the evening.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

I gazed at the orange sky that would soon turn dark. Some people who had just returned from work were heading back to their homes.

I lowered my head to the people I met, assuming they were my neighbors, even though I didn't know them. At least I hoped that they would remember my face and strike up a conversation with me someday.

"Meow~...," Liam looked sleepy.

I started carrying him because he seemed to be dozing off at that moment, making his walk uncertain.

Besides, he was very peculiar. He kept scratching the door of my house just to signal that he wanted to go out. In the end, it was my mother who found Liam like that and asked me to accompany him.

"Take Liam for a walk, you Don't have anything else to do right?" my mother said before I left.

The truth hurts. That's why when I heard that, I felt a bit hurt. But I held it in because she was my mother, and there was no point in hating my own mother just because of her words.

If only everyone in the world were like me and knew that. Maybe I would never be afraid to speak up anytime and anywhere to anyone. But unfortunately, everyone has different thoughts.

Suddenly, someone hugged me from behind and shouted.

"William!" Embracing me from behind and hanging onto me like a monkey, he looked at the sleeping cat I was carrying and said, "woah, Liam is here too! Are you guys going for a walk?"

"Yes, you're right. But right now we want to go home."

She started getting off my back.

"Hmm... So, going for a walk... But why in the evening? It's almost night, you know?"

"Just ask Liam himself."

"Ehh? Can Liam communicate telepathically? I didn't know he was an esper animal."

SHe started trying to talk to Liam. While Liam just responded with his "meow" every now and then.

This silly girl's name is Beatrice, she is my childhood friend since we were babies. That's because our parents are also friends.

I don't mind that, I just hope they don't casually decide our engagement just because they are friends. It would be very disturbing, and I'm sure Beatrice thinks the same way... Maybe...

"Hey Will... Are you lying to me? He doesn't want to talk to me!"

"Maybe he doesn't like you..."

"Huh? Why?"

"Maybe because you always act weird when you greet me everytime."

"Ahaha... Sorry, seeing your back from behind makes me want to startle you, ehehe... It's a habit..."

"You should stop that habit. Besides me, other people will be disturbed and end up hating you for it."

Beatrice's face looked angry, then she pouted and muttered, "that doesn't mean I do it to anyone other than you."

"So, you only act like that in front of me. It seems like I have built trust between us quite well."

Beatrice looked embarrassed as she yelled, "D-did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"N-nothing, just forget it..."

After that, she became quiet. It made me a little curious. Did I do something wrong to her?

It seems like it's because I listened to what she mumbled earlier. Should I pretend not to hear?

This is a lesson for me, thanks Beatrice. But the problem now is not just that. I don't want to lose the relationship we've maintained for years.

Although I know that Beatrice will probably return to normal the next day and start acting like herself again. But I don't want to worry about her all night just because of this. Instead of worrying about her all night, it's better to take action.

That's why I asked her, "hey, do you have any plans tomorrow?"

"Eh? What? Why all of a sudden?"

"Just answer my question."

"I don't have anything, I just have a piano lesson in the evening for 3 hours and then go home. Thinking about it made me realize that I'm a lazy person during this holiday. Ugh... Thinking about it makes me realize that I'm a lazy person."

"You? Lazy? Do you think someone who has piano lessons almost every day is lazy?"

"To be honest, I don't want to have piano lessons. It's just that I don't want to seem lazy. At least I have an activity to use as an excuse for that. Ehehe..."

So, now I understand. Beatrice is lazy, but she is a lazy person who feels ashamed. I think it's not too bad to be lazy if you still feel ashamed. Rather than being a lazy person who has no shame and continues to be lazy without doing anything.

"Hey, Will..." Beatrice suddenly started talking to me.

"What?"

"About what you asked earlier. Why did you ask that?"

"Ah... I almost forgot, sorry..."

"Wait, are you trying to express your feelings to me? Ahaha... Forget what I said."

"Expressing feelings? Maybe you're right."

"Eh? Ehhh?...," Beatrice looked surprised by my answer.

Beatrice stopped walking and stared at me with a strange expression. While I, who still wanted to explain something, also stopped.

"Is something wrong?"

Beatrice looked shy as she said, "I-I think it's too soon for that... Aren't you ashamed?"

"Eh? Why? Since we were born, we've been together, why should I be ashamed when I want to express my desires?"

"But... I... My heart is not ready!" She said, closing her eyes before she seemed to realize something and began to open her eyes, asking, "express your desires?"

"Yeah, you're right, I want to treat you to something sweet tomorrow. Don't you have anything to do other than piano lessons in the evening? In that case, we can go to the cafe you like at 8 pm. How about it? Are you in?"

"Will..."

"What?"

"Didn't you say you wanted to express your feelings?"

"Yes, so what? What's the difference between expressing feelings and desires? Aren't desires also based on feelings? What were you thinking that made you misunderstand? Did you misunderstand?"

She suddenly lowered her head and called my name tremblingly, "Will~..."

"What?"

She cried and said, "you just keep giving me hope over and over again. But... In the end! In the end... Hiks.. hiks..."

"Eh? Wait, why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"

She slapped me and ran away screaming, "you fool! Just die! Bastard!"

I accepted her slap because I knew I had to accept it.

Forgive me, Beatrice... I know you like me. But as long as I am still unsure about my feelings for you, I will continue to act as like i don't know everything like this.

Because by doing so, you will also be unsure about my feelings and be afraid to express your feelings to me for fear of rejection. It is the best way to be foolish in a situation like this.

If that's what it takes to maintain our current relationship, I don't mind being called a fool by you. Because that means I have succeeded in making you think that way.

Beatrice... Forgive me... And if possible, keep liking me... And wait for me until I find the colors in my life again...

Until then... Maybe when that time comes, I will be able to answer your feelings firmly.

Long smooth orange hair and her blue eyes. Those are the characteristics of a girl I know. Her name is Beatrice, a beautiful girl who is popular at school and also my childhood friend.

At first, I felt like she didn't like being around me. Because she seemed scared when she first visited my house and stayed over because her parents were out of this town at that time.

My mother instructed me to play with her for 3 days. However, she was very difficult to approach and didn't speak a word to me. She would run away and hide behind my mother when I tried to get close.

My mother always scolded me and accused me of doing something naughty to Beatrice. But I just stayed silent and didn't try to deny it. Accepting criticism from others is better than trying hard to explain and ending up arguing with others.

I just stayed silent, bowed my head, and tried to show myself as someone who truly felt guilty. It was an easy thing to do, and if it took too long, I just had to pretend to shed tears so my mother would feel sympathy for me and end her scolding.

In the end, my mother said, "Play with Beatrice and don't be naughty with her again! I don't want you to become a naughty child who bullies others!"

I stayed silent and slowly looked towards Beatrice who was hiding behind my mother.

"Maybe she is afraid of my stiff face?" I thought at that moment.

I tried to smile at her, but my smile was very awkward. Beatrice looked even more scared, and my mother scolded me again for it. She scolded me even though she knew that I really couldn't smile.

It was normal, because there was no one else to blame but me in my mother's eyes. Especially since Beatrice was indeed afraid of me, not anyone else.

"But shouldn't she be angry at me just because of that?" I thought at that moment. But in reality, I knew that my mother didn't mean to corner me. She just wanted me to try to change, to try to smile nicely, which was one of the things she wanted me to do. So there was no reason for me to be angry back at her. As long as her intentions towards me were good, I didn't mind it.

From that day on, I distanced myself from Beatrice and tried to practice smiling normally.

"Mom... I don't think Beatrice would want to play with me."

"Why is that?"

"She's afraid of me... Why can't you be the one to accompany her to play for the last 2 days?"

"Hmm... Actually, starting tomorrow, I have to go to the academy."

"Academy? Why?"

"To be an examiner, I was invited there. You're also going to enter junior high school soon, remember that," my mother said with a smile towards me. I knew she was proud of me, but I didn't care too much about it. I was just graduating from school and moving to a new school with a different level of learning. There was nothing to be proud of in that, because anyone else could do it besides me.

I seemed to be a person who never appreciated what I had. Of course, I was not grateful, even though I knew it was bad, but being grateful actually hindered my development. As long as my potential as a human continued to grow because I never appreciated something in myself, I would continue to be like that for the rest of my life.

"So what about Beatrice," I said, waiting for my mother's answer, who seemed to be thinking.

My mother then decided to call some other neighborhood kids to play at our house. For those 2 days, our house was very noisy every day with the loud laughter of the children.

But strangely, Beatrice didn't seem to enjoy playing at all. She smiled, she laughed, she played along, and there was no bullying among them. But when others moved away from her, Beatrice would show a vacant expression.

That's when I realized something. I realized that Beatrice and I were the same kind of human. the kind of human who feels empty even when around other humans.

That's when I started to be interested in her. I started to think that maybe with her, my world would be more colorful. I began to practice smiling while also training other skills just to create a situation where Beatrice could feel comfortable around me.

My feeling at that time was not love, but hope. It didn't mean I expected something from her, but I hoped for something I could get from her. At that time, I really didn't know anything, I thought I could return to normal because I had a friend.

"Mom... What do you think makes a woman interested in a man?"

"Ehhh? Do you already have someone you like at such a young age?"

"No..."

"Ahh... You don't need to lie. So, it seems like my child is growing up."

"Eh? Why do you say that... Answer my question quickly..."

"Ufufu...," for some reason, my mother smiled at me teasingly. She seemed to misunderstand my intention.

But in the end, she still gave me a clue.

"Show your talent to her, maybe if you show yourself as someone great, she will be interested in you."

"How do I do that?"

"Music..."

"Music?"

"Try learning the piano."

"Piano?"

"Yeah, that's right... Piano, maybe she will be interested in you. Especially if you make her listen to you play the piano. Maybe she will fall in love with you right away. and to be honest, mom likes the piano."

"Mom... You misunderstood me, but it seems like it will work. Thank you for the advice, mom."

"Hmm... You're welcome, get the heart of whoever you like!"

"I won't..."

"Even though honestly, I don't mind, why are you so shy in front of your own mother. Look, you're blushing."

"I'm not..."

"Your cheeks are red."

"I'm not..."

"Hmmpph... You're no fun to joke with."

Although my mother sounded very annoying, she still gave me advice. At least I was truly grateful to her deep down in my heart.

I started practicing the piano with a teacher recommended by my mother. I was a little surprised to find out that Beatrice was also one of the students of the teacher who taught me.

But slowly, I realized that music was quite enjoyable. I could feel strange vibrations piercing my heart every time I made music with my fingers. I became interested in other musical instruments and ended up practicing all of them.

In the end, I won many competitions in various types of music I learned just to captivate Beatrice's heart.

I thought I was doing it just to captivate Beatrice's heart. But slowly, I began to enjoy the whole process, and my father, who knew about it, offered me to participate in competitions.

Piano, violin, drums, guitar, flute, and many other instruments. In the end, I won all those competitions and made many other people look at me with hatred and envy.

Maybe this was what they called a talent from birth. But I didn't care too much about that. Because all I wanted was to attract Beatrice's attention and be able to be her friend.

Moreover, when I won the piano competition, I met Beatrice. She seemed to have made it to the finals and competed with several people, including me, and won second place.

That was the first time I shook hands with Beatrice. The other who lost congratulated me as the winner. And Beatrice was one of them, she said the same thing while smiling like Others.

I felt a little happy knowing that Beatrice smiled at me. But for some reason, I felt strange when some people who had previously looked at me with hatred now also smiled and did the same thing on stage in front of everyone watching that day. But I didn't think too much about it, because from the beginning, I never cared about their existence.

All I thought about at that time was to be the best, make my parents proud, and be friends with Beatrice, nothing more.