It had been years since she knew she was a girl. Unfortunately, it seemed that the rest of the world was not on the same page.

The word "boy" followed her wherever she went, and there was not a moment of the day that she was not aware of it. The clothes, the hair, the height, even the tips of her fingers reminded her of it. Still, her problem now was different: the secret was getting too big to keep.

She had done well so far. A few smiles and little silences had been enough to silence it, but it was starting to get louder and louder as the days went by. What would she do now? She was too scared to bring it out. There were too many variables, too many things that could go wrong. What would her parents say about now having a daughter? Her friends? Her teachers? Her future bosses, future landlords, future neighbors? Anxiety about what they would say and do terrified her. And yet, remaining still and unchanged terrified her just as much.

She spent a season like this, being tossed between one fear and another. In her chest she felt a slight but constant pain, which sometimes prevented her from breathing. At other times, she could almost swear she had gotten used to it. However, why should she get used to it? Why couldn't she say it out loud like others? But when she took a step forward, something or someone would always make her go back, and then she would go back to the beginning. She couldn't move forward with confidence without knowing what lay ahead.

It was on a bad day that she came across the little shadow. It was raining, and someone had given her a comment along the lines of “You're a boy after all” as a form of compliment, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. Sitting at the bus stop waiting for the rain to pass, she took advantage of the fact that no one was there to cry and let off some steam, when she felt a tingling in her hand that scared her. She thought it was an insect, but as she got closer, she noticed that it didn't move like one. It was a dark speck that trembled as if it were a cold animal due to the rain, but it was definitely not alive.

With the tip of her finger, she touched it. It was warm, which brought her some comfort from the cold inside and outside. As she took it in her hand, the image of her hugging her family after telling them the truth suddenly flashed in her mind. Vivid and almost palpable, she surprised herself that she could imagine such a future. The unexpected event, and the singular energy that she now felt running through her body, was what made her finally decide to take a leap of faith. A week later, the secret went out from her lips, and just as she had imagined, her family hugged her and accepted. It was so similar that the moment felt like a slight déjà vu.

In her mind she thanked her good luck charm, her little shadow, and decided to squeeze it in her hands again when she decided to tell her friends the secret. She imagined again that everything was going well, and when the time came, it did. It was as if she was suddenly breathing again. As if for the first time she was out for a walk in the sun, now showing herself to the world exactly as she was. Slowly but steadily the fear disappeared, as did the anxiety. Everywhere she carried her little shadow and kept noticing the good luck it gave her. She sensed when a food accident was about to happen, she could guess the day's weather without looking at the forecast, and sometimes she was even able to tell what someone was going to say before they spoke.

But one day, seemingly out of nowhere, she started having headaches. She squeezed the shadow in her hand, as if it were able to chase away the pain, but it only made it worse. She got ready and went to school, and was surprised to see that she was about to have a test in one of her classes. Since she didn't know, she hadn't studied, and she answered as best as she could. When she finished, a headache so bad it made her close her eyes assailed her, and when she opened them, she was in her home again.

Confused, she dressed the same as before and went to class, but no one could answer her question about what had happened to the test. This one, after all, would not happen for another week and when the awaited day arrived, she found that the questions were exactly the same as she had seen them before. Similar events began to happen, with increasing frequency. She confused the day, thinking it was Friday instead of Monday. She knew that two friends would break up before they themselves knew. She thought she had gone to a restaurant that wouldn't open for another month. And the headaches were now beginning to mix with chills and nausea.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Still, she didn't get rid of her little shadow. No matter what was happening to her, she knew that the object would protect her.

One morning, she got really scared to wake up and find herself in bed with a girl friend. Unable to remember how she got there, she demanded answers, and her friend replied that they had been a couple for a month. She checked her phone, but the date didn't match what she remembered. She leaned out of the window and didn't recognize the place either. And when she looked in the mirror, she discovered that she had a scar on her face that wasn't there before. Confusion turned to fear, and fear to panic. She felt a headache capable of making her kneel. By the time she opened her eyes again, she was in the bathroom at home, and the date was the correct one.

She had no idea what was happening. Discreetly, she began to drift away from that friend, unable to understand what that vision had been, and even more confused about how she felt about it. Migraines were so common now that she started missing school. Nausea made mealtimes a misery. And the little shadow tickled her hand, like the tingling one feels in the body from lack of oxygen. Due to her increasingly alarming state of health, her friends would visit her when she stayed home. On one of those occasions, she received a visit from the friend from whom she had distanced herself, and she discovered in her face so much concern and affection like she had never seen before. Her heart, which was beginning to jump unexpectedly at the tenderness she saw in her friend, made noise in her chest. When they said goodbye, she felt lighter, as if she had just received a sweet remedy.

But the pain soon returned, and the next day she was just as bad as before. Then she received a visit from a guy friend, one who had been visiting her every day for a week. She invited him in, served him water and invited him cookies. She tried to talk to him, but the nausea returned, and she ran to lock herself in the bathroom. She leaned against the sink, waiting to vomit, when she felt her head split in two from headaches. She closed her eyes tight. The little shadow trembled in her hand.

When she opened her eyes, she was no longer in the bathroom, but in her room. She was standing by the door. The curtains were closed. And, on the bed, she saw herself, tied from hands and feet, blindfolded and gagged, naked, and with blood coming from every orifice of her body. Next to her, sitting on the bed, was her naked friend, who was wiping the blood from his hands with clothes the same as the ones she was wearing at that moment, and leaning over her once more to start the second round.

She shuddered. Threw up. Fell to her knees, unable to look back. She covered her ears, seeking to drown out the sounds that came from the bed in front of her, and tried to get out of that place, when the headache returned, one capable of making her skull explode into thousands of pieces. She hit herself with the wall once, twice... and suddenly, she was back in the bathroom. The vomit produced a horrible odor on the tiled floor.

Thousands of questions accompanied the headache and made it worse. Those strange visions, déjà vu experiences, false memories… It all started with the little shadow. Could it be possible that they were not her imagination? She watched it in her hand, while it shook as if dancing. If her amulet gave more than good luck, if she was really seeing the future, it could mean that something terrible was about to happen to her.

A knock on the door startled her. His friend was asking if she was okay. In a panic, she searched the bathroom for something to defend herself with, and found an empty spray bottle that she filled with alcohol. Carefully, she opened the door halfway, not letting him in. Between words of concern, dilated pupils and a false smile, she saw the edge of a razor hidden behind his back. She was afraid, but she did not hesitate. She would change the future.

She flung open the door and sprayed alcohol in his face. The man cried out in pain and closed his eyes, stinging from the liquid, swinging the razor blindly in front of him. She did not manage to dodge and it cut her right cheek. Adrenaline coursing through his body, she pushed the other aside and ran. She grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen, and before he could regain his sight, she hit him over the head with all her might. The man fell to the ground unconscious, and after a few minutes, small red drops began to trickle down from his forehead. But he was alive. And she was too.

As she could, she dragged him into the bathroom and locked the door. Trembling, with her legs about to give out, she called the police. She felt something run in her hand and noticed the small shadow again, which kept moving as if it were alive.

Now she had another secret. The memory of the mild but constant pain that came with trying not to let it out came back to her. But this time, she was sure there was no one she could trust... Or, perhaps, there was. She remembered her then. Someone with whom she had seen herself, in some future, sharing something more than just friendship. If there was anyone she could trust, it was probably her. Before the police arrived, she decided to call her and squeezed the little shadow tightly.

She didn't notice the dark figure that was watching her from outside her window, but she did notice the headache that was threatening to return.