Janet awoke late at night thanks to a nightmare. She had started getting them after seeing the illusion at the Gilded Glade. Thankfully, her new pet, Maddock, usually calmed her down. Maddock was still too young to even survive on his own, so Janet usually spent her free time taking care of him.

However, tonight was a little different. She couldn’t calm down, because the storm outside was too loud, and she had difficulty with the loud crashes of thunder. Winter was still going on, but thanks to the area being further south, most rain would still be wet. However, it would be a biting cold that practically ripped people to shreds if the wind was fast enough.

So, with the rain pelting the window and the occasional crack from the clouds, Janet softly cuddled Maddock to her chest before putting on her slippers and walking down the hall. She eventually found herself in front of Ivan’s study, Maddock quietly sleeping in her arms. She saw that a light was still on and knocked.

“Hm.”

Ivan’s grunt came from the inside, so she entered slowly. There he was, slumped over in his chair and staring at the fire, a bottle in his hand. His skin looked really yellow in the light from the fire and his hair looked darker thanks to the shadows. However, his eyes still had a sharpness to them. It was evident by the constant gaze she received as she walked in.

She took a seat on the floor, just like she was used to, but Ivan raised his hand, causing one of the large chairs to float over. He patted it and sat up straight. He turned the chair to face outside so he could gaze at the storm.

“The storm wake you up?”

Janet was startled at Ivan’s abrupt question, but she shook her head in reply.

“I see. You had a nightmare as well?”

Janet was confused, but she nodded silently, stroking Maddock’s soft body to calm herself down. She saw those faces and dark events so clearly, as if she was reliving them each and every time.

“Tell me about it.”

However, Janet continued to remain silent.

“Fine, then let me tell you mine.”

Ivan placed the bottle onto the desk and turned back around to face Janet, the storm to his back.

“It was before the winter, but it was a windy day like this. The scent of our enemies was constantly coming from every direction, so we assumed the wind was just being difficult. However, my men and I were completely surrounded by the time we entered the forest.”

Janet tried to not shiver, as she knew what to expect. She had heard this story before, in a different place.

“They were my men. I brought them in from my region, training them with my methods. I raised several troops of men from when they were practically your age. Of course, thankfully, they weren’t combat ready by the time we were sent to the border. However, I took their parents and brothers. They were my age, so I treated them like my brothers, like uncles, and like old grandpas.”

It was true, the region Ivan was previously in charge of, the Fulter Region, still held a highly militaristic viewpoint, they were just under someone else’s charge now. And the name Fulter was stripped from him, just as it was awarded to him.

Now, he picked up the bottle once more and started to slosh the contents around while lazily looking through the bottle to the candle’s fire.

“But I led nearly 10,000 men to their deaths that day. Three armies surrounded us. While we were fighting the one in front, the one we were chasing, the other two performed a pincer attack and destroyed us. However, it wasn’t 10,000 men versus 100,000. They only consisted of 3,000 men. Just three troops took down an entire regiment of soldiers. I solely focused on the strength of my men, and not the strategy. We failed.”

Yes, it was the stain of the entire kingdom. To be completely defeated by the enemy when your numbers were over three times stronger was a failure in everyone’s books.

Sure, the three troops were also destroyed, but 3,000 losses wasn’t the same as 10,000 strong soldiers.

“I did my best, but I saw my friends and brothers die, over and over. I rushed to help, but the large numbers of men and the constricting environment limited my speed and power. Otherwise, I would have gone all out from the very beginning.”

By now, Maddock had woken up and was yipping for a drink. Thankfully, a maid was close enough and was paying attention. Abigail walked in in embarrassment like she heard something she shouldn’t have. However, if Ivan didn’t want her to hear it, she wouldn’t have been able to. She passed a cloth and the bottle over to Janet and stood by the door silently.

“While I tried to save every man in trouble, I had already failed as a leader. I should have focused on one side and forced a way out for the surviving men, but I wanted to save everyone. And because of that, I saved no one. That is why I say it is my fault I killed those men. I was given the title of General only because of my strength, not because of my leadership abilities. So now, I work on obtaining those qualities.”

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Janet sat in silence as she contemplated why Ivan told her this. He would have wanted to keep it a secret, but something seems to have changed. Before she could voice her thougts, Abigail spoke with slurred words. It was clear she was a little tipsy.

“You…don’t think this forgives you for giving Janet bad dreams. It was your fault since you let her see terrifying things in that Gilded Glade! I knew she shouldn’t have gone in there!”

“Hah?!”

Ivan was not hammered, but he was a little buzzed. He stood up abruptly, skidding the chair across the floor. Maddock jumped in surprise, but Janet managed to calm him down. Abigail shuddered, but she had some alcohol to drink as well, so she felt inhibited to stand up to him. Apparently, she too had a bad dream.

“Because of your selfish actions of wanting to be a General again, you drug poor Janet into your mess and since I have to watch over her, I got separated from my family once again!”

However, unlike Ivan, she was not in her right mind. She wasn’t in complete control of her body. So, she took it out on Ivan. All of it.

“You force Janet into such a world that she doesn’t belong to and include everyone else! These poor veterans probably want nothing to do with war anymore and want normal lives! They want to see their family and be safe! Even Janet wants a family! Yet you wanted her to take over this forsaken place?! Are you mad?! No, you have to be!”

Ivan stormed across the room to Abigail and stood right in front of her face.

“Look here, woman. I was ready to just go off and die. However, because a friend of mine asked, I came here. And I am not the one who made Janet make that decision, she had already made it herself at the funeral! Do you not listen to her? Are you not the one who wants her to be happy?! You ignore her wants and desires and project yourself onto her! You want to go home, fine! You want to be safe? Fine! Don’t stay here and get in the way all the time!”

In her drunken madness, Abigail leaned forward, bumping her forehead accidently onto Ivan’s. However, she just stood there like that, glaring into Ivan’s face. Their eyes were inches apart and it looked like sparks were about to fly.

However, to an outsider…

Ivan was the first to move away. His face was red, but it could have been due to the alcohol…but probably not. He coughed slightly and turned back around to see Abigail tottering slightly after Ivan moved away. She stabilized herself against the wall and started breathing heavily. She looked a little clearer, but she was still drunk.

“Maid!”

Another maid came in and retrieved the foolish young woman before bowing and leaving again.

Janet was stifling a giggle, but she was still concerned. Would Abigail be alright after this encounter? Would Ivan act out?

However, he sighed and plopped down into his chair before downing the last of the alcohol in his bottle.

“Ah, she’s sort of right. Though, only about treating you better. You did want this, right?”

Janet brushed the tuft of fur on Maddock's head and nodded.

“It’s a little late to ask, but yes. I want this.”

Ivan sighed again, but it sounded more like relief than exhaustion.

“You’re right, I am sorry. At first, I was against coming here, but after trying to implement new ideas, I got invested and wanted to do better than last time. So…forgive me.”

“It’s okay, Captain Ivan. I trust you. I want you to be that kind of person that wants to save everyone. Next time, we will implement tactics into our military.”

Janet didn't seem upset, as she gave words of encouragement and kept smiling.

“Ah, yes.”

Ivan looked a little deflated, but he had a slight smile on his face now, too.

“I guess it is my turn…”

Ivan looked over with a sort of surprised expression, but he put down the empty bottle and sat up straight. He planned on listening intently.

“I…dreamt of killing my family.”

Ivan’s expression didn’t change in the slightest and she sighed a little.

“So you already knew.”

Ivan sat back and pointed a finger to the ceiling.

“Of course. Everything in this place was scoured by me. My first plan was to find the assassin. However, you didn’t do a good job of cleaning up after yourself. I could smell the blood practically wherever you went. So, I finished the job.”

Janet nodded weakly, but was starting to shake all over. A load had been taken off of her shoulders, but she was now more worried than before.

“Don’t worry. No one else knows. Plus, I am blocking this conversation from the outside.”

Janet nodded again and clutched Maddock closely. In reaction, he yipped and licked her face, calming her down.

“They had done terrible things and…and it needed to stop. But I didn’t want to die…”

“So you were the selfish one. If you had wanted them to get in trouble, you could have told someone. However, then you would have faced death with the rest of the family.”

“Yes. So I used father’s sleeping pills and then…then I…”

“That is far enough. So you saw their faces back at the Gilded Glade?”

Janet nodded, as she couldn’t speak through her tears. Ivan ran his hand through his hair and then rubbed his stubble. He nodded and scooted his chair over in front of Janet. He looked her right in the eyes, his gaze practically boring into her soul. However, she wasn't frightened. She gulped and blushed a little.

“Look. As someone who has killed people before, I wish I could say that you get used to it. However, I taught my men that they weren’t allowed to be used to it. Life was…is precious. Now then, you ended your family’s lives to save everyone else’s, correct? Or was it just yours?”

After hesitating, Janet gave an answer as she looked down in dissapointment.

“…both.”

But instead of admonishing her, Ivan nodded and leaned back in his chair.

“Good. Thank you for being honest.”

Janet had curled up into a ball on the chair, holding Maddock to her chest. His tail had yet to grow feathers, so it looked like a lizard’s as it wagged like a dog’s.

Ivan reached over and tousled Janet’s hair before he stood up and picked her up by her knees and shoulders. He carried her like a princess back to her room and tucked her in. She hadn’t even known the storm had abated, but with the exhaustion from tonight and coming to terms with herself, she ended up going back to sleep. However, Ivan remained by her side all night, holding her hand. That way, she had a sound sleep.

“Good night, little brat.”

A forlorn Ivan calmly kept a silent watch over Janet that night, and didn’t sleep until she had awoken the next day.