Darkness, a deep oppressive darkness envelops me. Leaving me unable to feel or see anything but this deep abyss. My limbs refuse my command, my eyes refuse to open. I am trapped, helpless to do anything. Memory fails me as I am unable to remember where I am or how I got here.

The last thing I remember was getting on the bus. There wasn't anything odd. I had gotten off work late as usual. Maybe I died? I didn’t want to think that. But nothing else came to mind. If I died then how? Though I worked late, I wasn't unhealthy or overworked. Wait… was that movement? Where am I? I started getting drowsy, it's becoming hard to focus. It feels like my consciousness is trying to fly away. Is this the end? I'm afraid… I don't want to die…

*****

Thankfully I didn't die. I'm not sure how long I've been trapped. But when I finally get out I have one hell of a novel to write. It's kinda hard to track time when you're unable to see, or hear anything. I tried counting the seconds but when I got up to the six digits it became too hard to remember and I gave up. Plus it didn't help that I would go into periods of deep unconsciousness for unknown lengths of time.

I fended off boredom by creating scenarios in my mind. I've become quite adept at it, though I suppose that's true if you do anything enough. One thing I did notice is there's an occasionally warm feeling that kind of tickles. It comes in an uneven rhythm however and I've only felt it a few times.

I really hope something changes soon however. This darkness and warmth is oppressive and I fear that if I spend too long here I'll go mad. I’d rather not lose my sanity, I enjoy it. I laughed to myself at my dumb joke. I feel another bout of unconsciousness coming on, I've started to welcome them as they are the only break I've had from my thoughts.

Something different happened today. I was finally able to move a leg. At least I think I did. It felt a little weird, like I was pushing against warm jelly. It made me happy, that means I'm not tied up somewhere. I didn't notice it at first but my sense of touch was gone for a while. I'm still wondering where I am and what's happening to me but this is the first different thing to happen. So I couldn't help but feel excited.

Captain's log, I am still in an unfamiliar place. It has been one million six hundred thirty-two thousand seconds since my last log. I am currently in an unknown place, I have lost most of my senses. There is no sign of intelligent life. I hope my crew can locate me soon. Eh… that one wasn't very fun. It would be nice if I can at least move, aside from involuntary twitching, mostly, I still haven't been able to move anything. Oh time for another blackout session.

*****

“But Mr. Blake, the room was locked, and the windows were barred from the inside. How did the murderer get in?” Kelly asked the detective.

“Simply Ms. Donnavin the killer was in the room the whole time. Because this isn't a murder. It was a suicide.”

Everyone gasped at his wild revelation. They all began yammering at the same time.

“As for why. Well, he knew he was sick and would die regardless. He knew his life insurance wouldn’t pay. So he killed himself and made it look like a murder.”

Oh, what was that? Something interrupted my thoughts. A heavy feeling pressed down on me. This feels weird, why am I moving…!?! I don't know what's happening but suddenly I'm being pressed and pushed. Everything is moving and I'm being squeezed against the wall. It hurts, someone please make it stop.

This went on for a few hours but now I know exactly what happened to me. I guess I really did die because I was in my mothers, new mothers(?), womb. Someone I assume the doctor was holding me upside down. Knowing what came next I made myself cry, I really didn't want to be spanked, if they did that. now I’m being held by my mother, I assume it would be weird to give a newborn to someone else. I still can't open my eyes but I am able to move myself. I say move but it's mostly twitching, while my brain remembers how to move, apparently my body needs to figure it out.

I can hear, kinda it's like a muffled voice coming through a radio. I can make out some of the more clear tones but everything else is unclear. I don't recognize the words however, so I'm back to square one. Being swaddled is surprisingly comfortable however and I drift off to sleep pretty quickly.

*****

It’s been a week since I was reborn. I realized that my eyes were open all along, which means that I was born blind. Though I do hold a faint hope that maybe I’ll start seeing soon. I don't know what kind of medical care I can expect here. I just hope they don’t let babies like me die, or worse.

I still don't know why I kept my memories and consciousness but honestly, I'm glad I did, despite my present situation. I was determined to make the most of this life. It was boring while I was inside my mother's womb trapped with only my thoughts. However now that I was born i decided to focus on improving my mobility. First, I had to begin to work on my body, you have to crawl before you can walk they say. Though in my case I couldn't even do that.

Learning to control my newborn body is providing enough of a distraction, my scientific mind simply couldn't pass up this chance for a first-hand account of child development. I can still hear thankfully, it would have sucked to be blind and deaf. Something I've been immensely curious about is where exactly I am. If I'm on earth then I'm not in the American republic anymore. I could be in another country but I kinda don't think I am. I heard someone approaching my crib saying the familiar words that I assume are my name and related to eating. Nursing was weird at first but my body instinctively knew what to do and it quickly became part of my routine.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

This routine lasted for a month, and I finally had full control of my limbs and even could turn my head, I'm pretty sure I'm ahead of development... at least by Earth standards. I'm still far from being able to sit up but thankfully I can look around. Another thing I noticed is that my vision has begun to change. It's still dark but I am starting to be able to make out shapes. They are hazy splotches of light that move around my vision, but one of them, I have been able to figure out, is my caretaker.

I have no idea what this is but I have been taking the opportunity to follow her around the room, which seems to be fairly small, with my eyes. Apparently I worry her, as she frequently looks over to me, but it doesn't feel like she's afraid. More concerned, which I understand since I'm blind, she wants to make sure that I wont hurt myself. Though my room doesn't get many visitors. Normally it's just me and my caretaker, who I think is named Anna, but there's another woman who comes to hold and cradle me, who I assume to be my mother. She usually sings me to sleep. There's two kids, my siblings I assume, one is a boy the other is a girl going by their voices. And one older man, who I assume is my father, as he makes funny noises and touches my belly.

They usually don't stay for long however, and my siblings are not allowed in without either of my parents present. Maybe my parents are worried my siblings might hurt me? I wish they were let in more and I’ve been trying to make it known. I can't talk, and even if I could I wouldn't right now. But I make noises that would be expected of me as a baby. Trying to sound more excited when they were around. I really want to learn to at least understand the language.

*****

It's been just over two months since I was born. Thankfully it seems like my siblings were cleared to visit me more. They brought in a doctor to examine me, I assume he was a doctor at least, that's when I learned that this world has magic. I think. The doctor waved something over my body, it had some kind of white glow around it, which reached out from the device and wrapped around me. After that, he spoke in a concerned voice to my Mother. I really wish I could learn the language already. I did learn however that whatever this light is is tied to people and their mental states. As when she got the news from the doctor her light became disturbed and changed its pattern, becoming sluggish and darker. Normally it's bright and flows freely, seeming in fact to spread out from her. Especially when she's happy and holding me, it's actually warm and what makes me sleepy.

My body also has this light, since I am limited by my body’s natural development I began to focus my attention on that. My experimentation taught me many things. First I can move it around my body, speeding it up or slowing it down. Second, I can condense or expand it at will. And third, I can send it out of my body. However, I haven't been able to do anything with it. If it is magic then there's probably something I don't know yet. Like perhaps an incantation or magic symbol, maybe even hand gestures.

Still, I have nothing else to do so I continued to explore it. I tried sending it all out of my body. This showed that the light, which I should find a better name for though I'm hesitant to call it magic, is tied to my mental state. When I expended nearly all of it I passed out. Being the scientist I am, or rather used to be, I continued to experiment. I would expel the light and try various things. I found I could shape the light and it would hold its form, perhaps that's how it was supposed to be used. As long as the light was connected to my body’s light, or being touched by me. I could manipulate it, but once it drifted away, seemingly randomly, I lost control of it.

My next experiment was to see if I could increase the amount of light. For the next two weeks, I began to constantly expel the light. For the first week, I tried just until I started getting tired. Which showed some increase but I had nothing to compare it to yet. The second week I expelled the light until I lost consciousness, in the same way. After the second week, the difference in the increase was significant. It would seem that I need to expel all the light for the capacity to increase significantly.

I continued to spend my time expelling the light since I didn't have anything else to do. Anna was a constant presence in my life, always hovering nearby. She started to hold me more, I think because I was fussing about my siblings. Her favorite thing to do was read books while I sat on her lap. She didn’t try to show me knowing already that I couldn't see. But it helped me start to learn some words. The language was similar to English it seemed, thankfully having something to compare to I was able to start picking up things. The book she read was some sort of child's book, probably to explain the world because it mentioned things I didn't understand.

“Hello Anna, how is Lilliana?” My mother asked, as she came into the room. The words I didn't know I interpreted or ignored for now.

Anna told her before handing me over. When she took me in her arms she began to expel her light like usual. She didn't seem to be aware of it. I had been testing touching others with mine, and like everyone else, she didn't notice it.

“Hello my … baby … mother loves(?) you.” She said other things I didn't understand. Since I only had Anna for the most part I hadn't been able to verify but with mother here I could verify that my light sight got better. I was now able to make out people's shapes. Though it lacked any color but white I could see facial features, the outline of their bodies, and even what they were wearing.

Mother chatted with Anna more before setting me down in my crib and leaving. I don't know what she did but she seemed to be pretty busy. I saw her every day but only for short periods of time. Things flowed in a pretty similar manner, except now my siblings occasionally visited me and read to me while Anna held me. It was here that I learned their names. My sister was Titalia, and my brother was Andreth. They provided more examples of the language and I picked up a few new words. As well as letting me know I was a girl still.

“It's my turn to read her a book, Lia,” he said petulantly.

“No Andi, you read her a book last time, you read the … of …” she replied.

“Andreth, Titalia is correct you read for her last time,” Anna settled the argument.

“Fine but I want to hold/carry her.”

“I'm sorry master Andreth, but she's still too young/small/weak.” It was getting difficult to interpret some words. Hopefully they figure out how to properly teach me, do they have teaching materials for the blind? I don't know what level of technology exists here. The room seemed to be a consistent temperature, but there was no radio or TV in my room. I had examined every inch of my room and there was a long tube-like object filled with light.

It was above what I assumed were windows. Magical air conditioning maybe? I wanted something new, my training began to become harder. It took nearly the whole day to expend my light now. I wish there was a more efficient way to expend my energy. Wait, Lilliana, you dummy, I lifted my arm into my field of view. Apparently, Anna thought I was reaching for her as she put her finger in my hand which reflexively gripped it.

A giggle escaped my lips which made them all light up, their light flowing faster, though not nearly as much as Mother usually does. I began to condense my light, the light grew brighter as I did. Another thing I noticed is I can force all my light to one spot and be fine but if I released it like that I would instantly lose consciousness. I moved the condensed light out of my body, it took a lot more effort but eventually, it was released. I left it attached outside my body, I was slightly tired but I could still feel the energy, and hadn't lost consciousness yet. With an effort, I constricted the energy and it detached from my body drifting away as I blacked out.