Okay, so Lilith, as the books will tell you, was made from the same clay as Adam, and she abandoned Heaven when she was asked to lay as Adam’s inferior. She later uttered God’s name, which granted her powers and allowed her to abandon heaven and arrive safely on Earth. The power also made her a seductress or, as most refer to her – a succubus – who preyed on men and gave birth to all monsters.

What a load of crap.

First off, Lilith wasn’t made from the same pile of mud as that dumbass Adam was. I mean, seriously, do you have any idea how much mud is needed to make just ONE human? Tons! And the plants in Eden would have grown all over Lilith if her pile of mud was put aside while God shaped Adam. No, God created one pile of mud, made Adam, then he created another pile of mud and made Lilith. End of story…

Or at least it would have been if Adam and Lilith hadn’t fought like toddlers who have had too much sugar in the morning.

Their fights were so bad and so frequent that Lilith repeatedly asked God if she could go to Earth. Lilith said that God granted her the permission after she asked the 7th time, but knowing how annoying Lilith can be, I’m sure that God was so just annoyed that He uttered sentences like, “Okay, fine, just fuck off!” or “Whatever, woman, just shut up!” or some variation of it, and Lilith took it for real.

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Lilith enjoyed life on Earth for a while with all that nature offered. There was no Wi-Fi or gaming consoles at the time so Lilith passed most of her time experimenting with the mud under her feet. She tried to create humans all on her own, and she created such a big mess that God went, “Holy mother of Me! You destroyed 50% of the Earth’s soil for some failed experiments? Here, take this recipe for creating humans.”

I’m pretty sure that’s why when the time came, God had to extract one of Adam’s ribs to make Eve.

Anyway, Lilith is not nearly as powerful and intelligent as God so the ‘humans’ she created were… well, they are practically disabled. They run slow, they grow old… hell, they can’t even change the pigments in their hair by will. They’re basically what Adam and Eve became after they had eaten the Forbidden Fruit which, I guess, worked out well because if Lilith hadn’t created those poor excuses for ‘humans’ earlier, Adam and Eve’s sons – Cain and Abel – would have no one to marry… Well, no one except me but I would have killed myself before I marry either of those idiots.

You see, unlike Lilith’s creations or the cursed sons of Adam and daughters of Eve, God took special care of me and put my soul directly into Lilith’s body then had her give birth to me naturally. That made me almost as powerful and as perfect as Lilith which I am grateful for so no, God and I have no quarrel either.