Every day is the same. Every meal is the same. Every night is the same.

It was not unusual to stay at Karla's place before, but now, everything feels so distant. I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing. Karla tried putting me to work, but I just can't keep myself paying attention to the dull store she runs. Karla tried to show me new books that came in, but that doesn't matter to me. It never did.

Fairy tales are just fairy tales.

Beyond pretty pictures and beyond the fancy words, they only mean something when someone else tells you them. Understanding them means nothing if you don't care about the experience.

Earlier, I was laying on the bed, no different than now, when Karla walked into the room.

“Hey... Eclaire, would you like to go to the bakery with me? You haven't been there in a while right?”

“Eh.”

I stopped going there since then. What's the point anyways?

Karla can make her own food, and I don't care how it tastes. I can definitely say she cooks better than Emma and Wing, but it tastes worse somehow. It tastes like emptiness.

I wish she would just leave me alone.

I want to go home.

I want to return home, but it's no longer home... It's not even our home anymore. It's just a rundown house with nothing in it.

A dead garden, dusty bookshelves, and a ruined fence.

I'm wearing the only thing that matters, and now it's shrinking. Now it only covers down to my forearm. I can still feel its warmth, but not as much as before. Karla would forcefully take it from me every once and awhile to clean it. I don't care much for when she does it, but at least she returns it to me really soon.

I don't really have many possessions. She keeps bothering me about getting me stuff for the room, but what's the point?

“Umm, so if you don't want anything, that's fine, but you can't keep living like this, Eclaire.”

“Eh.”

I didn't even know she was still here, she usually checks up on me, gives me something to eat, then leaves. She didn't bring any food this time, so what does she want?

“Is there anything else you want?”

“Actually, well... I was wondering if you'd like to eat dinner downstairs together or something?”

“Why?”

“Well, it would be a change of pace, wouldn't it?”

“I don't get it. I don't have a pace that needs to be changed.”

“I see... If that's the case I'll just bring the food as usual today, okay?”

“Okay.”

I see, it's the usual time she comes in to bother me about stuff like that.

Pointless.

She probably got this stuff from some book Wing mentioned that Emma needed. It was something about learning how to communicate effectively or whatever.

Emma didn't really need it though, she would always just reassure us by hugging us, bringing us out, and keeping us safe. She would ruffle my hair like Wing would do, which felt... Reassuring, but if Karla dared doing anything like that, I would hate it. I would hate it a lot.

In fact, I realized I just don't like anything in this town. When I get bored of my thoughts, I would pop out of the sheets and look down the window. All I would see is these people going to where Emma used to work. A lot of people were in green and black uniforms with wolf insignias on them. They would come in groups like that time and they wouldn’t leave for a while.

Why are the people from the Elkysti Army here now?

Useless.

Where were they when we were in the alley? Where were they when we needed them?

Worthless.

Where is anyone when we need them?

Pathetic.

These people in uniform would even step on the shoes of the town's knights who protect this place from monsters. What's more disgusting is, I noticed, they all had that golden bracelet that Emma had. She called it the Edonai, and it was supposed to be special.

It was supposed to be something the Wing would have gotten if he entered Velbus. Yet, these people in uniform just get one. What sense does that even make?

Potential?

Risk?

What does that even mean if they're useless, even with those things?

Once again, Karla walked into this room and asked me if I wanted to eat dinner with her. The frequency is increasing and it's getting more aggregating.

“What do you want out of this?”

“Well... We are living together, so...”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Hey now. I'm letting you stay here without doing anything. So I figured...”

I see, so that's how it is. As expected, she isn't as charitable as she looked when she 'took me in'.

“Wait, that didn't come out as I intended! Eclaire, don't look at me like that!”

Well, whatever the intentions, it doesn't really matter. I would just stay at that place and wait for whatever happens to happen.

This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“I just... When Emma was talking to me before—”

“I don't care. I'm not interested in these stories.”

Irritated, I walked away from Karla. Emma isn't around, anyway. I don't really have any particular place to go so I just decide to leave the store and go to the house.

I wasn't even aware of my surroundings as I just walked outside the town. I didn't even notice leaving the store doors, the central area, or the gates. I was already out and going through the path home.

However, once I was aware of my destination, I felt uneasy. Almost as if my steps didn't close any distance. Did going home always take this long?

The danger of this path doesn't matter to me right now. Why does it feel so... Lonely?

I don't think I have ever walked back alone. On that day, I'm sure Wing would have carried me home and back as well.

Yet... Nothing is the same.

Eventually, I reached the thicket where the house was located, it was difficult at first, since the bushes had overgrown without either Emma or Wing to trim them. It was so our clothes wouldn't snag on the exit.

I entered the area and everything looked as warm as I remembered it. At least, that's what I tell myself. I felt nothing as I saw these things. There were vines hugging the area around Emma's garden. The garden shed she built also tipped over its side and collapsed. She was never a good builder. Emma would be bad at a lot if I think about it.

I forgot the key that opened up the door so I smashed the window and crawled through.

Just as we left it...

The bookshelf was filled with lots of Wing's materials, even notes that he wrote out for a while. Maybe if I could find that book about herbs I could be independent and just leave the bookstore. I saw the desk that Wing was reading at, but the papers were covered in dust and it seemed warped. I suppose we did have leaks around here, but I couldn't even see what he was working on before he left. Well, I wouldn't be able to understand it anyways.

The shared room we had for the three of us still had sheets sprawled out for the night, but none of this makes me feel any better, so I leave.

Once I stepped outside, I decided to test the fences; I never did fix that broken one. While my leg was healing, I was strictly prohibited from leaving the town, which is still valid until this day. Since it's so dangerous, it makes sense. I don't like it though. It's my life. Wing took the knife with him after the incident...

He most likely used himself to get me from getting in trouble. Emma's rapier was used to protect me, but it broke in the process. I only have memories.

“I had the orphanage tell me why Emma had to take you in.”

Suddenly, a familiar voice calls out.

Unexpectedly, it was Karla. She actually followed me here from Fals.

“Karla, you shouldn't walk alone when going here.”

Why bring this up now? I don't even remember anything about my time there at this point. Only that it was a bad experience. People looking past you, pity and sympathy, but no compassion. What use is it, if they're the ones looking after you?

“Wing told me to be careful while you were staying with me.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“He told me that despite everything, you're hurt all the time.”

“Like I said I don't know what you are talking about!”

There isn't any meaning to Karla's words, we can never see eye to eye. She was just the friend of Emma; she was just the boring lady at the bookstore. She was just someone that sold him books. If she really did understand why I got removed from that place then, tell me.

Why was I kept away from the other children?

Why did they make fun of my admiration to those who are just?

Why were they the ones that I had to fight against?

Emma taught me that a home is supposed to be warm, welcoming, and forgiving.

She taught me what family is.

Even when that wolf attacked us. There was no question about the care that was given to me. There was no question that I would be safe. That Wing would protect me.

There was no doubt.

There was only regret.

If Wing didn't need to protect me during the time I encountered those people from the Mysmegal Army, then maybe we would still be together.

I wouldn't be an empty guest room with no warmth in the hottest days, and no refreshing air in the coldest of ones.

There's just nothing.

Karla approached me.

“Eclaire... I know you don't like me, I know you never did, but at least for now... Let's get along. Okay?”

“Why should I? There's nothing beyond that. It's better if I just wait... Once Wing returns everything will be back to normal.”

“Yes, but... If you don't change, then what would he think?”

“He wouldn't think anything about me! You don't know anything!”

“That's the problem! You know him!”

“Tch..!”

No matter how much I wanted to believe otherwise, she was right.

She turned my face towards hers. I tried to look away, but she slapped me across the face. I'm not sure if that was supposed to hurt me, if that was supposed to snap me out of whatever daze I wasn't in, or if it was her frustrations lashing out onto me.

“You know him... If he found out you spent your time laying in your room doing nothing, wasting away, losing time of your life, then what?”

“...?”

“He would blame himself for not being able to be there for you, wouldn't he?!”

I don't like hearing about this...

She's right…

However, if I listen to her, what do I do about the pit in my stomach that I can't figure out? This feeling of anxiety that appears when I look at the people outside. Regardless of what I think about Karla, I don't have that feeling when looking at her. Even if I may not like her, I don't think it's a deep enough feeling compared to when I look at others.

“Karla... If I find something I want to do... would you help me with it?”

“Without question. Even if you're just an illiterate, troubled child... You're still my best friend's daughter. Okay?”

Find something I want to do, huh?

I want to become a person that would surprise my loved ones.

Unfortunately that's not what happened.

Karla helped me look at things differently in a way I understood. She learned my way of doing things, and to an extent we bonded. However, in a lot of ways I think it may have gone even worse than she could have imagined.

The fondness I held in my heart grew for the two that I had lost, but something else was in my heart I couldn't express. Even though I tried to get along with Karla, live a peaceful life and develop as an individual, the pit got worse. The more I remembered, the more pain I felt.

What made it worse is that one day I was walking through the town's bulletin board and I saw what I shouldn't have.

Shenen El’gant's recent new promotion changes the battlefield! New Era of bloodshed begins!!!

It was an opinion piece from a local newspaper that reports ongoing war events.

The pit got worse. The intense feeling of never seeing Wing again overflowed in my heart, but this weird feeling of anxious rage couldn't be settled.

When I tried to sleep I felt that pain when he broke my leg.

I felt the pain of seeing the person I loved the most walk away from me as the doors closed.

I remembered the loneliness of waking up with no one by my side.

I argued with Karla again, but in the end she signed the forms for me to apply for the military.

Eclaire Agelheed.

She said that having a surname would raise my odds of achieving what I wanted to do. I was let in through Karla, showing Emma's Edonai as proof of endorsement. Whatever that meant…

It doesn't matter.

Whatever gets me to Shenen El’gant faster.