Novels2Search
Light of Hope
Arc 1: First Confession, Part 3 END

Arc 1: First Confession, Part 3 END

“I want to retire from being an idol.”

The normal Ai the Idol would have playfully laughed at President Ichigo’s jaw dropping and teased him about it. As things were now, Ai didn’t feel like putting in the effort. She was still bedridden at the hospital, bandages on her left side. A similarly dressed Cobalt was sleeping soundly on the bed over to her right. It was like a serene lullaby her baby was singing.

Now wasn’t the time for more lies.

Ichigo had been in the middle of three conversations – first with Ai, another with one of the doctors who had just left, and the last with Miyako over the phone. Miyako was going to bring over Aqua and Ruby from the Saitous’ apartment. It wasn’t too long after the stalker incident now. While Ai and Cobalt were still being tended to at the hospital, Miyako was taking close care of the rest of the children and regularly ferrying them for visits.

With the doctor gone and Miyako confirming she was safely on her way, Ai finally broached the topic she had been ruminating over throughout her recovery.

“After the dome concert,” she amended when Ichigo twitched.

A smartypants businessman that he was, he had managed to strike the right deals with the right people by the skin of his teeth to have the performance at Tokyo Dome delayed instead of canceled. Neither Ai’s nor Cobalt’s wounds were so dire that they required extensive surgery, therapy, or bed rest (though there was still something to be said for Cobalt seeing therapist of some kind, plus regular counseling alongside Aqua and Ruby for the terror they were forced to experience), but there was no chance of Ai recovering fast enough for the concert so soon after being stabbed. Thankfully, President Ichigo and the rest of B-Komachi had given their support wholeheartedly for Ai to take the time needed for her to heal and be with her kids.

The fan backlash had come as predicted. Ichigo must still be dealing with fallout behind-the-scenes. On the plus side, the media played up plenty of sympathy for Ai as the victim of a stalker attack. Inevitable gossip and criticisms were outweighed by the countless cries expressing support for Ai’s return to the spotlight.

The public still didn’t know that it was a child of Ai’s who was cut by the stalker. The official story still followed the documentation of Cobalt, Ruby, and Aqua being members of the Saitou family registry.

A lot of Ai’s fans were liable to change their tune once she came out with her announcements at the dome’s finale.

But she was already committed to this and won’t back down.

If Ai had to guess, Ichigo’s mind first went to the arrangements made contingent on Ai’s future idol work. Then, as the president sucked in a sharp breath, the larger implications and impacts of Ai retiring sped through the floodgates. She probably should have told him this sooner.

“Ai,” he finally spoke, still working through the particulars in his head, “this concert… will be the beginning of everything.”

No, that day when Ichigo had first scouted Ai and offered her to become an idol was the beginning of everything. This concert was just another chapter, one she was completely willing to botch the ending of for certain audiences. Christmas came early for her already, so to speak. She wanted to still do the concert – for B-Komachi, for her children, for her own pride – but she didn’t need it.

“Do you remember why I agreed to become an idol?” she asked. Realization dawned on the president. “I finally found what I was looking for. I don’t need to lie to love anymore.”

“But – But your fans – the real, decent ones – will be disappointed. All of your work, everything we’ve–”

“My fans can still follow me as an actor! I don’t think I’ll stop singing and dancing, either. It’s not like I have any other marketable skills. I’m sure I’ll still find work in show business with you as my agent!”

The flattery didn’t sway him. “Being the star idol has always been your primary draw, Ai.”

“I’m also a mother,” Ai said without shame. A mother who loves her children. “I won’t hide that fact ever again. I can’t help it if that ruins my idol appeal. I’ll gladly give it up if it means my kids don’t have to suffer anymore lies from me.”

“More unstable fans may want to retaliate. Media outlets and gossip rags will give you hell. Other people of influence in the industry might be less inclined to give you opportunities. Especially if we let our promises for projects after the dome fall through.”

All perfectly logical concerns, but Ai knew the president was impulsively reacting, thinking on his feet for every practical counter against Ai’s idol retirement plans. She let him go through the motions some more. He was narrowly fixated on the consequences to the business side of her career until he finally let his words trail off, refocusing and seeing Ai Hosino right in front of him.

“I can handle it,” Ai said with conviction, her tired eyes looking at Cobie. “We’ll persevere. Together.”

She gave it a short while before she looked back at the president. Having seen how she had gazed at her precious son, the success-driven professional in Ichigo finally withdrew. The tired workaholic reached his limit. He dropped into a chair and leaned back, running a hand across his sweaty hair.

“You love your children?” Ichigo asked, the first and final time he’ll ever need to say it aloud.

“I love them.”

Ichigo chuckled. He reached into his pockets to pull out a cigarette and lighter before remembering where he was.

“Thank you, president,” Ai said with as much honesty and gratitude her heart could muster. “I wouldn’t have found the love I have if you hadn’t launched my idol career. I’m sorry I can’t–”

“Don’t apologize,” Ichigo immediately dismissed.

His hands still itched to pull out his favorite vice, so he stood up and started pacing. Not too loudly, conscious of Cobalt.

Ichigo began his own confession. “Miyako and I have talked about having kids, before we met you, and a few times after. We got lost in our work, so we never found the time.” The president didn’t bring up how Miyako ogled and stared at the male stars managed by Strawberry Productions a little too much, so Ai didn’t either. “Then you went and had your own kids. It certainly gave me a few gray hairs, worrying about your health. Not just for the company or your career, but for you, Ai.”

Ai appreciated it. “I owe you a lot. You and Miyako took good care of me and my kids.” Far more than what Ai’s own mother did for her.

A part of Ai had always been afraid of turning out just like that woman. It made Ai all the more grateful that she hadn’t been alone, even if she couldn’t understand how to adequately express it for so long.

“I know Cobalt calls me ‘grandpa’ because that’s just how he sees things,” Ichigo went on, “but I hope you know that I genuinely see you as a daughter more than my employee.”

The thought has crossed her mind.

It had become another lie Ai occasionally told herself. She never had anything else to base what a father’s love could look like, so she sometimes imagined Ichigo playing that role whether he truly felt that way or not. It came easily with Miyako as the maternal figure, especially with them spending so much time with the kids.

Ai was a very good liar. She could tell Ichigo’s words held no lies.

She let the familiar compulsions twist her lips into a radiant smile. Old habits die hard, but if she can love without lying, she can smile without it feeling like a false front, too.

“I expect a raise when I get back to work!” she declared. “Hazard pay!”

Ichigo grinned before letting out a mock groan. “You’re retiring, Ai!”

“Incentive to keep the momentum up in my other jobs!”

His spirits raised, Ichigo and Ai continued with their banter, the president giving unsubtle hints to deals and contracts that would suffer from Ai’s sudden retirement. She remained ever the cheeky optimist.

It wasn’t long until he checked his phone and announced that Miyako had arrived with Cobie’s siblings. He left to retrieve them.

With him gone, and Cobalt still asleep, Ai reached over to the nightstand beside her bed for one of her phones.

There wasn’t enough time to make another call. She was only checking her messages.

The unexpected reunion with Ryosuke had allowed Ai to realize her love for her children was undeniable, but there were still things left unsaid with their father that she couldn’t leave alone.

----------------------------------------

It was on the day of Ai’s and Cobalt’s discharge from the hospital and the return to the Saitous’ apartment when Aqua and his siblings first learned the life-changing news.

Ai was retiring from her idol career.

It seemed that Ichigo and Miyako had already been informed and had come to terms with it.

Cobalt didn’t really understand. He was just happy to be with his family no matter the circumstances.

Naturally, Ruby was devastated.

Hell, Aqua was shocked, too. He wasn’t blasting another wave of tears like his sister, but a deep part of him was still disappointed nonetheless.

Sarina would have been inconsolable…

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

But Ai and Cobalt could have died that day. They bled. If Ai wanted a change, Aqua had no right to object.

He also conceded Ai and the Saitous were prepared to weather the storms to come by going down this path. Objectively, Ai wasn’t wrong about her own performance skills and President Ichigo’s business acumen. Aqua was pretty sure Miyako was picking up more thorough management tips and tricks herself to have a more active role in Strawberry Productions as the Hoshino kids grew more independent. For all the fans who will decry Ai for having children and turning her back to her incredible rise as an idol, there should be plenty of creatives, producers, and other prospective contacts who will want the chance to see the charisma and confidence she exuded as an idol put to use in their own projects.

The highs of the upcoming Tokyo Dome performance will surely be too ingrained in the minds of far too many to be forgotten in the public consciousness. It will be Ai’s last appearance as an idol, so of course it will be a memorable one.

And perform at Tokyo Dome she will. According to the doctors from one of Tokyo's best hospitals, and according to Aqua’s own private examinations, Ai was on the road to a perfectly normal, completely healthy life hardly physically impaired by the stalker’s assault.

Past Aqua’s panic at the time, it seemed that his initial diagnosis of Ai’s and Cobalt’s injuries was fairly accurate. An… uncomfortable amount of blood from them both had spilled out, yet no major arteries were hit. Cobalt liked to play recklessly and restlessly, so Ai’s apartment already had a decent stock of simple but effective first aid supplies which Aqua had used to treat the cuts until the ambulance arrived. Aqua had overheard the term “prodigy” be tossed around by the hospital staff regarding himself, though no one bothered to question him too deeply out of polite consideration for a traumatized little boy worrying about his family.

Speaking of trauma, Cobalt really needed to formally get checked if his body was neurologically unable to fully recognize when he was hurt, or if it was some sort of psychological block in his young mind causing him to rationalize the sensation as something to tolerate instead of something actively harmful. Gorou Amamiya had read about such cases in medical journals but lacked any personal experience with them. Aqua had heard Cobalt chortle in joy during the incident. That wasn’t normal behavior…

Hours after leaving the hospital, and further after Ruby’s tears had finally run out, Ai was now resting in the master bedroom. The size was comparable to Ai’s own bed in her apartment, so there was plenty of space for all three Hoshino siblings to cuddle with her. Emotionally exhausted Ruby was already asleep, on top of Ai’s stomach. Aqua and Cobalt were opposite each other in Ai’s arms. Ai must have sensed that Aqua wasn’t in the mood for much conversation because she only sent loving glances and little caresses on his head without asking him to speak up. She was fine with talking about more random nonsense with Cobalt, who miraculously also recognized Aqua didn’t have any words to contribute.

Silent as can be, Aqua stared at the marks on his family left by the stalker. Ai still had an unpleasant blemish on her shoulder. He supposed they should be grateful for that being the extent of scarring for her. Cobalt was once visually indistinguishable from Aqua, but now he wore a long scar across his face, through the nose and above his left eye. Even if it faded over time, it won’t be something that will ever truly leave him.

Yet still Cobalt smiled. Still the burning stars in his eyes never lost their light.

Gorou had seen such mesmerizing stars fade into darkness once before. Aqua vowed never to see such a horrible scene again.

In those frustrating days of Ai and Cobalt hospitalized, Aqua had nothing but time to entertain fantasies of destroying the stalker who had trespassed on their home.

Except, Aqua would never get the chance. The news hadn’t taken long to spread: Ai the Idol was attacked by a stalker, and the stalker committed suicide before police authorities could apprehend him.

Despite this, even with the Hoshino family reunited and in safe hands, Aqua still had a lot of things to occupy his mind.

Although he hadn’t clearly seen his face at the apartment, the strangled voice Aqua had heard and the headshot shown in the news reports were far too familiar for him to not make the connection.

The stalker was also Gorou Amamiya’s murderer.

The poor excuse for a man had been an unremarkable, slacking university student, according to everything Aqua was able to dig up online. So, Aqua concluded that the stalker must have been given details of Ai’s private life, both during her pregnancy and for the more recent attack, by a third party more appropriately skilled to obtain the information.

The Saitous were impeachable. The girls in B-Komachi were already aware of Ai’s kids, but despite not being otherwise close to Ai, Aqua knew they weren’t so petty or short-sighted to unleash a stalker on her.

The only suspect left by Aqua’s deduction was his biological father.

The father could have identified Ai instantly while she was admitted at the hospital in Miyazaki under a pseudonym. He could have exposed her to the stalker. Then, years later, on the cusp of Ai’s biggest performance ever, the father could have leaked her private information again in a bid to stop her career short before it reached its height. Could Ai have recently contacted the father with their new address? Potentially. Or was the father independently keeping track of her from a distance? Aqua doubted the stalker was capable of putting in the detective work necessary to track Ai down twice with all of the precautions already put in place for her safety. Therefore, he had to have been supported by an unseen benefactor.

That may also mean it was Aqua’s father who had disposed of Gorou Amamiya’s body to prevent news headlines of the doctor’s death. Granted, the stalker may still have physically done that alone. The father may have avoided any direct interaction with the stalker and his activities to deny himself easily traceable links to whatever tragedies the madman may have wrought, but the stalker’s actions back then and recently were fueled more by impulse than precise planning. Plainly asking a doctor in the middle of the night of Ai’s condition, improvising Cobalt as a hostage before running away in hysterics – the stalker needed to have had some accomplice to get as far as he did.

For some sick, unfathomable reason, Aqua’s father didn’t want to allow Ai to shine the world with her light.

Would he instigate another attack? Unlikely, with all the extra security measures Strawberry Productions was going to employ. Aqua had snuck a peak on Miyako’s computer regarding the calculations for offsetting the costs with the concert’s profits in the wake of Ai’s attack. After the concert? Ai would no longer be an idol by then, and she would reveal she had children when she was sixteen. Her star power would shift after the final hurrah. In a sense, every loyal fan would feel a shadow of the “betrayal” felt by the stalker, but killing her at that point wouldn’t have as much value compared to her dying before the concert and revealing the pregnancy scandal in the process.

Because sending a rabid fan after Ai must have been a ploy at capturing the attention of the public masses with a shocking tragedy, albeit without exposing the true perpetrator.

Aqua’s father was most likely someone also in the entertainment industry. Odds were that he was a performer of some kind who had shared a mutual attraction with Ai. A lesser possibility was some producer or an agent other than President Ichigo who could have taken advantage of a younger Ai, but Aqua couldn’t dismiss the prospect entirely without further investigation.

Aqua considered asking Ai directly for the identity of his father.

He reconsidered when Cobalt beat him to the punch while they were all lying in bed together.

“So who is my and Ruby’s and Aqua’s dad, mom?” Aqua’s little brother asked in a conspiratorial whisper, likely not wanting to disturb Ruby’s blissful sleep.

Ai’s grip on both brothers tightened. “He doesn’t matter.”

“Wasn’t he special to you?”

“He was, once. For a little while. Not anymore.”

Aqua didn’t know if he was only imagining the dimming in Cobalt’s eyes. Aqua could just be projecting. “He doesn’t love us?” Cobalt asked.

Poking Cobalt’s cheek, Ai said, “He was a little stupid like me about love. Others lied to him, too. I don’t love him, and he doesn’t love me.”

“Couldn’t he have been a good dad?”

“He didn’t want to be a dad,” Ai said with a sorrowful smile.

“Oh…”

Ai and “sorrowful” weren’t two things Aqua thought he would associate together. Neither was Cobalt and the almost defeated tone he just used. Yet here they were.

“It’s a sad thing,” Ai continued, “and it does hurt, but now I have you, Aqua, and Ruby.” She hugged them closer, Aqua’s arms overlapping with Cobalt as they huddled closer to Ai. Aqua was faintly worried about agitating her shoulder, but the warmth she offered overwhelmed all of his other concerns. “Mom will give you all the love you’ll ever need.”

“Do you really mean it?” Cobalt’s muffled voice murmured.

“Of course…”

Aqua felt a change in the atmosphere, and the warmth became cooler but no less welcoming.

“That is, until you all find your own special someones to give me some grandkids,” Ai teased.

“How are we supposed to do that?”

“You’ll know when you’re older.”

“Ah, phooey…” The snickering between Aqua’s mother and brother was like a symphony of calm reassurance reverberating through Aqua’s heart. It felt right.

“I love you, Cobie.”

“I love you, too, mom!”

Ai jostled Aqua. “I love you, Aquamarine.”

This was going to be a recurring thing for all of them for the foreseeable future, wasn’t it? Aqua accepted his fate. “I love you, too,” he said back. “... mom.”

She squealed but thankfully didn’t smother Aqua to the degree he was expecting. “Don’t forget to say the same to Ruby in the morning, you both!”

“You got it, mom!” Cobalt promised. “I also love you, Aqua.”

“... love you, too, Cobalt.”

Maybe Aqua can ask later, somewhere down the line when Ai felt more amiable to revealing the identity of their father. Maybe he can sort through Ai’s old emails and contacts, through Strawberry Productions’ records and paperwork, to find a hint of who he is.

For now, on this night, in the prelude to the dome concert, and in the immediate days to come after, Aqua doubted he could bring himself to make Ai tell him outright.

It’s not as if Aqua Hoshino the child could do much to retaliate against a grown adult male anyway. Between Gorou’s missing body and the stalker dead, there was a lack of tangible evidence implicating the father of any wrongdoing.

… Director Taishi Gotanda might be a useful resource. He had his own network of contacts in entertainment. If Aqua continued to barter his acting skills, even typecast as a creepy kid for another few years if need be… If Aqua gained a better understanding of the industry, as a participant and not a mere onlooker, grasp the mindsets of the different types of people Ai dealt with on a daily basis when not devoting herself to her children…

Aqua needed to reflect on this more. Do more research. Consider more avenues of investigation, of probable suspects, of viable methods in the short- and long-term to guarantee the good health of his family…

Aqua Hoshino was a good son. He was a good brother.

It was his duty to protect them all, keep them safe, and eviscerate the monster who dared try to destroy them.

----------------------------------------

The girl surrounded by crows watched a fire burn, brightening a small opening in a forest blackened by the night sky. The crackling flames illuminated a small shrine set in front of a cave, the dark tunnel’s entrance almost completely hidden from sight by the facade of the ceremonial site.

It was an old haunt few visited or were familiar with compared to similar shrines in this town, yet this one the girl knew very well.

One of these few was using the blaze for light as he dug out dirt from the ground. This would be the last rudimentary tomb he would make this night, to rid himself of the final remains of a once good doctor now butchered and deformed from their original whole.

His companion, a boy beyond his years, had already done his part in ensuring the pieces he was responsible for had met their end.

The boy admired in his palm the prize for his work. It was the very last salvageable fragment: a keychain with a plastic card depicting a cartoonishly drawn idol smiling at her beholder.

With his other hand, the boy scratched behind the ear of the wolf lying in rest beside him.

The girl with the crows had been hoping for a development like this. For every blessing little Bartholomew benignly provided, he had a counterpart to tempt others down a different path.

This wasn’t the wolf’s usual territory either, but his presence made for an interesting counterbalance to the light from another brought into this realm by the dog.

It was really a shame for the boy, his fingers curled tightly on the keychain. He had already found some eroded, impoverished facsimile of peace long ago, yet his weary soul was ripe for contortion to mee the wolf’s desires. While Bartholomew had entrusted Ai Hoshino a guiding light to help keep steady her and her family along a turbulent road, the wolf had laid the seeds for more obstacles hindering their way before the family found their happy ending.

A shame for the boy, but a boon to the girl watching over them all.

Because if she can’t see the story she had originally hoped for follow the right steps in this world, she can appreciate a new tale forged by interlopers who had great experience in the construction of exhilarating stories in their own foreign lands.

When the fire died out, the wolf raised itself and disappeared into the treeline. The boy was approached by his older companion, the last burial complete, and let himself be pulled up and pushed back down the dirt path.

The wolf observed their departure with a fervor in his red eyes.

And the girl watched on with a smile.