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Life is but a Dream
Chapter 25: Internal Monologue

Chapter 25: Internal Monologue

I am so glad Yuclaus barely understands how I show my emotions. Often it's annoying, as he thinks I’m being harsh, or perhaps rude, when in reality I am trying to help. I appreciate the Yuclaus backpack carrying method just as much as he does —which means it is extremely awkward. Every time I try to bring it up though, he is either looking around aimlessly, or asks something before I can mention it.

Okay, maybe it is my fault. I could have brought it up, but it is so difficult putting my thoughts into words. I’m used to talking to myself, exactly like right now. If only I could just say it out loud, maybe Yu would be able to understand my actions a little more? We have time, I need to just be myself. Easier to say than to do.

Back to carrying, it's not like I can just make separate vines that will allow him to move through the forest like me. Because of my cultivation, I have taken the properties to make my own vines, but they are still mentally connected to me. They aren’t as smart as my Spore, which already has thousands of vines creating an intricate hive mind. The vines I make are much more like small animals I can vaguely communicate with. I have been slowly working on integrating them as either additional senses or an extension of my mind, but it is much harder to integrate a plant with a being, than a plant with a Spore.

Anyway, it is already difficult for me to properly use my vines… maybe it would be more accurate to call them extensions. Not to mention, it would be useless for anyone else to use as only I could control them. So it would be easier for Yu to ask those salamanders for help than for me to give him some of my vines to travel.

And what was that question! Of course the vines aren't attached to me! That’s just stupid. Does he think I just produce vines from my body? They aren’t like Reform hair that inexplicably grows from their skin. I could see how he would think they did, but still, only full Environs have that much control over their body. I guess Yuclaus wouldn’t know that either.

Ugh! There are so many inconsistencies in his knowledge. I don’t even know where to begin. I need to talk about Start which we vaguely discussed, the Pearl Necklace, the Environs, Reforms, perhaps Orthodox if we run into them. If he asked about the Gardeners I wouldn’t even know where to start.

“...ch vine can take over a plant, allowing you to control a whole forest. On top of that, you can make healing flowers.” Yuclaus interrupted my train of thought. Wait how long has it been since I finished talking? I must’ve been lost in my thoughts for a while. I should really stop doing that. He was summarizing my spore, he probably understands it. I should apologize and ask him to repeat it.

“Mhm.” NO! Why would I just agree? He could be completely wrong for all I know. Why can’t I just say what I want? Is it because I am used to dealing with the stol—my family? I really wish I could have some of that therapy that he had in his world. Imagine having an expert who studied the mind help me speak mine. I think that's how it works. But again, would Reform techniques really help me, an Environ? Granted, now with Yuclaus’ memories and vernacular, I find myself thinking a lot more… Reformed.

Why is Yuclaus not a Reform? In his memories, in his words, everything points to him being a Reform, or “humans'' as they stubbornly call themselves. Please, we all called ourselves that before Start, move on and own your new name. I mean Environ is a splendid name. Granted we express it more in the sense of a forest, but the Reform word for it is quite fitting.

This is all beside the point, Yu should be a Reform, but he’s not. I’m sure Mother would know, she has still been keeping her eyes on us since we left. I’ve been noticing her small saplings as we traveled. I know that if she wanted to she could hide them, so maybe she is trying to give me some sense of security? Either way, we should be reaching the edge of her Spore soon. I am unsure how she has cultivated herself though, so we will see if we can truly escape her sight. It isn't that I have anything to hide, I just wanted this to be more of an adventure. It is hard to enjoy a trip if you are constantly monitored by a doting Mother.

I would like to ask her a question though. Yu has been getting more and more… invisible? At first I thought I was just seeing things, but the more he has taken any form of damage, his body has started to get increasingly transparent. Since he isn’t a Reform, I’m starting to worry. Perhaps he was summoned to this realm by a Reform, and the magic is running out? Reform magic makes no sense. How can water just appear? How can they make plants grow suddenly? I would be lying if I never said I was tempted to steal their system for myself. I mean, I already am a fugitive, would one more system hurt?

“That is incredible. Isencia, teach me your ways.” Yu said. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Yu sometimes did it, and I found it surprisingly worked. I couldn’t dwell on another system, that was more likely than not going to put us both in even more danger —if that was possible. “Wait, so you aren't going to teach me your ways?” Yu misinterpreted my head shaking. I’ll tell him that I was trying to clear my head, I’m sure he will understand.

“Sorry, I was keeping track of something in the forest. I fully intend to assist you Yu.” Ah why do I do this to myself? In my defense he doesn’t make it easy to speak to him. I mean, that one time I joked about knowing that cartoon he was describing, he completely believed me! How am I supposed to be myself if he takes everything seriously. Ok, maybe my jokes went too far like with the salamanders, but I was stressed. Luckily, we seem to have cleared everything up. I feel like Yu is forcing himself to be overly energetic for me though, which is nice of him.

“What were you keeping track of?” Yuclaus asked me. I looked at him, stalling for time. I could just not answer again, for some reason he usually accepted that. No, I got myself into this mess. I have to get myself out. I’ll just tell him I dug myself into a hole, and then explain the truth.

“I was thinking of other creatures to train you against. The use of your Soul Spore is improving, but on your own you are still quite weak. I think I have a solution to that.” I have no solution. How is he supposed to miraculously get stronger? His memory rip thing is pretty nice, but it reveals where we are. If only there was a way we could use it without the consequences. It would be much easier to fight an enemy who didn’t know it was fighting.

“Aren’t we going to continue travelling tomorrow? I feel like looking into creatures seems redundant. Oh, sorry, of course you've thoughts about this.” Yuclaus nodded his head sagely. Please don't Yu, I’m not as competent as you think. Yes, my Soul Spore is “broken” as I believe you would be prone to say, but I generally have no clue what to do for you. You aren't Reform so we can’t improve your body like they do, you aren't Environ so I can't give you resources to cultivate, and I am still trying to figure out the slot podium thing in my mindscape. Granted, I was telling him the truth when I said I had a lead about that. A circular fragment from an enemy we defeated and a circular slot, it is no coincidence.

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He must have seen the slots too, so he must have an idea as well. He said something about “blue screen of doom”, it must be one of his references that he likes to make. I prodded him for more information and he simply said his obelisk was broken. I don’t believe there is any way that is possible. And the gall of him to ask to see my podium! He knows very well that they show various circular slots over a representation of our naked body. I never took Yu for that kind of person, but I guess appearances can be deceiving. He did look confused though, so maybe his is broken? Better to be safe than sorry, “guilty until proven innocent”. Yuclaus had some interesting phrases in his memory.

The curious thing is, even though I have all these exquisite words, Yu and I still share some words. I wonder. Perhaps he has multiple memories of his language? It would make sense, perhaps an event happened where he forced himself to talk like that? That would leave him with a previous copy of the language, and me with the more refined one. I also figure that he doesn’t have another copy like I originally assumed. Otherwise, by now he would have returned to using it. I have also noticed the looks he gives me when I use it. I may not be good at reading Reform emotions, but I know when I see longing.

How can he even pull out memories? It was extremely difficult for me to harvest the memories off of the weird vine salamanders. I don't even remember the name I made up to tell him! I have never seen such interesting creatures before. I was half tempted to use them on my spore, but the speed of which they produced vines was simply too slow. I can already increase the vines of my Spore by simply feeding it any type of organic matter in the Greenhouse.

Back to harvesting the salamander memories though. Originally I thought he was getting revenge for the initial amphibian fiasco, but as I held my hand above the heat-wave like anomaly, I felt something drawing me in. So, I followed it with my hand, and ended up finding myself in a foreign mindscape. I was standing on an intricate ground made completely of vines, except they were all still. I was going to explore more, but suddenly a large amount of memory gems were pushed to the surface. Before I could grab one, I was blinded by a flash, and found myself in front of Yu. I looked inside my mindscape to find a small circular gem which gave me a vague sense of the amphibian. It was right where the purple gem… I do wonder where that purple gem went. I think I got it from Yu, I should find it soon. I would hate to lose something precious to my first real friend. Well, I think of him like that. I’m not sure if he can say the same after what I put him through.

“Hey Sen,” Yu interrupted my train of thought. Oh no, he asked something earlier didn’t he? I get way too focused sometimes. He’s going to think I’m some stuck up Environ at this rate. “I’ve been wondering, we have talked about your Spore, but what’s so wrong with Gourami?” Oh, I never went into thorough detail did I? I think I told him that it was bad, but never why. Let me fix that.

“So Gourami, as you call it, was originally that crystal looking mangrove right?” I asked him.

“Yeah.”

“That was the issue. My brother, Lianfa, had been experimenting on that before for a fair amount of time. I had not discovered it until a few moments before you did, and had planned to destroy it. Unfortunately, you happened upon it right before I used the surrounding wildlife to rip it to shreds. The mangrove was not only an...interesting way to combine flora, but it also was merged with an animal.” I paused for a moment to catch my breath, but as always Yu took advantage of it to pose another question.

“Wait, an animal? Is that why you said it would ‘take control’ of me?” Sometimes I wish he would just wait for me to finish. I was just about to say that. Oh well, I can’t blame him. I often get lost in my thoughts and never answer him. He was probably worried I wouldn’t continue if he didnt ask.

“Mhm. Technically the Earthen Primate Lianfa used was not the most intelligent, but its ability to independently control its limbs —I assume— is why my brother was so fond of it. The fishcatcher, a plant which uses a single vine to catch fish, was the basis for his experiment. I believe Lianfa was looking into developing a fully independent Soul Spore. One which could improve apart from its host. He had planned to make a carnivorous plant which had enough roots to control an area. The plant needed to control those roots, which required a creature who not only had a mind, but was already capable of that. In any case, he combined the mind of the Earthen Primate with an ancient tree in order to create a sentient plant. Had you tried to make only this your Soul Spore, the odds were it would have immediately attacked your soul, taking it over.” Yuclaus paused once I had finished my spiel. He opened his mouth a few seconds later.

“So, Gourami is part Earthen Primate?” He eventually concluded. Of all the things I said, why is he fixated on that? I know he has some trauma, but until he talks about it how am I supposed to help? Did he even hear anything else I said, or just zone out when he heard “Earthen Primate”? Yu took a deep breath before continuing. “I do like Gourami. But he is made up of one of those monkeys? This could ruin our relationship.” Relationship? I am fairly certain Gourami isn’t truly sentient anymore. How could he have a relationship with it? And now I’m calling his Spore by the stupid name he gave it. This is getting better by the day.

“Technically, Gourami is less than twenty-five percent Earthen Primate. There were a plethora of plants used in the initial mangrove, and with the addition of the tumbleweed, your Spore is only using the attributes of the monkeys rather than their minds.” I think. I’m not quite sure in all honesty. My words did not seem to pacify my accomplice. I really do love that concept.

“I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but adding into the fact that Gourami is some sort of inhumane experiment, it is also part Earthen Primate. This is quite disturbing. Would you mind if we take a break from asking questions and discuss my training?” It made me a little sad that we were ending the questions so soon. I enjoyed being able to talk about things that even my family didn’t ask about. Not only that, but I really wanted to understand things from Yu’s perspective. His Spore was rather strange, and he only mentioned two things he gave it. Oh well, best I pick his mind later.

“Mhm.”

“So I was thinking. Right now I am mediocre with Gourami, but what happens if something gets close like the salamanders did?” Did he read my earlier thoughts? There is no way, he hasn't reacted at all before. No, it must be a coincidence. “My greatest strength is my ability to ‘rip memories’, as I like to call it, from creatures.” Just a coincidence. Just a coincidence. Calm down Isencia. If he could read your thoughts, wouldn’t it be a relief? You would easily be able to communicate normally with him.

“Go on.”

“Remember earlier when I mentioned that they already knew we were here? I was thinking we should practice my ability for the next few days. If anything, it will lead our pursuers further from your family, and if I ever need to use it, I will at least have some practice with it.” Why didn’t I think of that? Yuclaus really is smart. If he could master that ability, somehow limiting the “signal” it sent —whatever that was— he would be an incredible fighter. He could theoretically ignore his Spore after that point. Not to mention, if the obelisk in the mindscape turned into something useful, which I am fairly certain of, he could soon rival me. I am still uncertain how he is able to take memories from living creatures though. That seems too convenient.

“I think it's a good idea. We can test it for the next few days, but I still think we should be careful,” I said after a —hopefully— brief pause. As long as mother was still watching, I would let him practice. If she heard this whole conversation, which she undoubtedly did, then she would know exactly where the inquisition would go to. Unless of course, they are only heading towards the first place Yu ripped memories out. That would be worrying to put it mildly.

“Yes!” Yuclaus pumped his fist. He seems a little too excited if you ask me. But, I understand how frustrating it can be to feel weak in a fight.