Around two weeks passed after my conversation with Cap. In a rare turn of events, the time period was somewhat tolerable, and compared to the two weeks preceding them, even enjoyable.

Firstly, for once Cap kept his distance. I wasn’t certain the reasoning, but the confrontation was the last time we had spoken at all, save for greetings or for class groups. In the latter case, neither of us really said anything unless it was necessary. This was a double-edged sword, but one I was happy to wield for now.

In addition, I kept up my meetings with Mr. MacArthur, the same as I had been before his short ‘vacation’. While I was expecting him to forget that he had thought I was more relaxed, according to him it was a consistent change. He also commented that my eyes were slightly less ‘dead’ than before, though part of me wondered if it was the placebo effect working its magic on my red eyes.

Finally, my lunch visits with Iris had continued each day of the stretch. In fact, I found myself longing for them when I wasn’t at school, despite never really caring before whether or not I sat alone at lunch. While at first there wasn’t much in the way of conversation, by this point it wasn’t unusual for us to hold a single conversation through the entirety of lunch.

However, this brief period of consistent peace couldn’t last forever. The world was too unkind to leave any person be for too long. Of course, I understood this, but for some reason I was beginning to hope that it would never end.

It started on the morning of October 29th. At first, it didn’t seem like anything would be any different compared to the last two weeks. Once again, Cap was mostly keeping his distance, and people weren’t harassing me too much. However, after taking a seat for third period, which was math class, I received an unexpected visitor at my desk.

“Hey, Red-Eyes. I need to talk to you.”

I looked up, into the eyes of Judge Adams, the smartest student in the grade.

“How unusual. You normally wouldn’t bother yourself with someone like me,” I commented.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t comment on my snarky response. Instead, he moved on.

“Is it true that you’re the reason Cap’s been depressed recently?”

I looked over to Cap, who looked completely normal from my perspective.

“Has he been? Seems fine to me,” I observed.

“You haven’t had to deal with him during class, have you?” Judge asked.

“I have, once or twice. What of it?”

Judge sighed in exasperation.

“Look, Red-Eyes, he’s been absolutely out of it. It’s been hurting my grade to work with him, and unlike you I have to do so on a regular basis.”

“Is he your lab partner or something?”

Judge nodded.

“Yeah, and I can’t have my reputation sullied by his weakness. If this is your fault, I need you to fix it.”

I shrugged.

“I can’t even be sure it’s my fault,” I replied, “So I can’t help you.”

Judge audibly groaned at this, drawing eyeballs from around the room.

“God, do you think about anyone other than yourself, Red-Eyes?” he almost shouted at me.

“Do you?” I held my glare.

Judge closed his eyes. Perhaps realizing that he couldn’t beat me in a fight, he backed off, though by the time he reached his desk his clenched fist was obviously visible. I had the feeling what I said had gotten to him on a deeper level than I had intended, though with his attitude I still felt no regrets.

I looked down at my desk, thinking about what Judge had said. Even though I had no intention of showing him, what had happened with Cap was beginning to bother me just a little bit. I wasn’t sure if it was just a coincidence, but his decline in attitude definitely mirrored the time I told him to back off. While I definitely wasn’t trying to be nice to people, I didn’t consider myself a bad person, and it did bother me when I needlessly hurt people.

While I didn’t think anyone in class recognized my internal turmoil, it became clear there would be no hiding it from Iris, who I once again decided to sit with at lunch.

“Is something on your mind?” she asked me as I sat down.

I shook my head.

“Not really, why do you ask?”

Iris sighed heavily.

“You don’t need to lie to me,” she reassured, “It’s written all over your face.”

After a brief thought, I decided to fill her in.

“I’m not sure, but it’s possible I’ve hurt someone quite deeply,” I explain, “And I’m not sure if I was justified or not.”

“What do you mean?” she immediately asked.

“There’s this kid in a lot of my classes, his name’s Cap. We’ve known each other for years, but we’ve never been on particularly good terms. He was one of my biggest bullies growing up, never missing the chance to make an example of me because of my eye color.”

“Why did he do that?” she inquired.

“I don’t know, but we never really liked each other,” I answered, “But, all of a sudden, this year he’s been acting like he wants to be my friend.”

“Did he have a change of heart?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t want to give him the chance to take advantage of me, like he has so many times in the past. So I’ve consistently turned him down. But until a few weeks ago, he continuously asked. So, about two weeks ago, I told him to his face that I didn’t want to talk about what happened, and blew him off. Apparently he’s been depressed ever since.”

A short pause followed.

“Are you sure it was your fault?” Iris contemplated, “It’s possible this is a coincidence.”

“I considered that,” I conceded, “But I don’t think so. It makes a bit too much sense, and it lines up a little too well.”

“Why don’t you ask him?” she asked.

“I’ve already decided I want nothing to do with him,” I declined, “There’s no reason for me to ask him now.”

“Isn’t it going to keep bugging you if you don’t make up with him?” Iris challenged, “Are you really sure you don’t want him as a friend?”

This made me stop for a moment. I had never even considered the possibility of being friends with Cap, considering our past. However, I couldn’t deny that having Iris around had changed my mentality to some extent, and my view of friendship had definitely grown a little more favorable. Still, I didn’t think I was ready to seriously consider the idea.

“Honestly, I’m not sure whether it would happen in an ideal world,” I said, “But I think we’re too far past the point of no return. I’m not in any rush to make it happen.”

“If you say so,” Iris commented, though her response was unusually distant.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing. Sorry.”

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After this discussion, we began to eat our food. We didn’t say much more the rest of the lunch hour, both lost in our own heads for the entirety of it. I wasn’t sure what was going on in her head, but I was just trying to distract myself. However, it didn’t work, and by the time lunch ended, I was stuck thinking about the Cap situation again.

“Maybe I’ll ask Mr. MacArthur for advice,” I murmured, hoping Iris didn’t hear me.

Of course, I didn’t get the chance until the end of the day, and by that point I had forgotten a lot of what I spoke about with Iris. Still, I was grateful that Mr. MacArthur was willing to hear me out on what I did remember.

“So, you’re wondering if you should forgive Cap for what he did to you in the past, right?” he clarified.

I nodded.

“It’s not that I intended to, but I think the way I rejected him last time left him a bit unsettled. Judge says he hasn’t been the same way since, and even I was able to notice it from time to time.”

“I’ve seen it a little too,” Mr. MacArthur noted, “So, that was your doing?”

“I’m not completely sure, but it’s very possible.”

Mr. MacArthur took a few moments to think, before answering me with a question.

“Have you given him a chance?”

“Not really, no,” I slowly responded, “By the time I was old enough to consider it, he had already buried my reputation six feet under.”

“Well,” he stroked his chin, “I’m not sure how to help you focus on other things, but maybe you should consider giving him a chance for once. From my perspective, Cap has matured a lot since he started high school. Based on what you’re telling me, I wouldn’t be surprised if his advances were completely genuine.”

I thought about it, but I couldn’t see it.

“In any case,” he moved on, “Don’t lose sleep over it. You’re in a critical part of your life, and social issues come and go as fast as lightning. It will resolve itself to some extent if you give it time.”

I nodded, and stood up. I was grateful for his advice, but I didn’t see much to apply in it. I didn’t really want to give a chance to someone who had, among other things, tried to force me to wear glasses with blue rings in them to disguise my eye color, then laughing at me when I refused to do it.

While I didn’t intend to involve my parents in it, my father was too quick to notice my discomfort during dinner.

“Retter, what’s the matter?” he asked while I was taking a bite of food.

Swallowing, I turned to him.

“Nothing in particular. Just got in a little argument at school that’s been bugging me.”

“What do you mean?” my mother chimed in.

Looking at both of my parents, I could tell they expected answers, so I explained the situation. At the end, both were somewhat surprised.

“Are you sure he’s upset at you?” my father asked, “He must understand what he did to you for all those years.”

“Who else would he be upset with?” I looked him in the eye.

He held my gaze.

“Himself, of course,” he stated, as if it were fact.

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“There’s no way that a young man like that one would get mad at you for two weeks straight,” he explained, “If anything, maybe he’s over it in a few days. It makes much more sense to me that what you said to him hits close to home, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that you’ve said it to his face.”

I considered what my father was saying. I understood the feeling that he was talking about. For many years, I had put up with bullying, and never fought back, because I didn’t think I was strong enough to fight back, or I thought I didn’t deserve to be free because of my eye color. I had bouts of depression that lasted weeks, and it was all aimed at myself. From that perspective, I understood what he meant, but Cap wasn’t me. He lived a good life, and was the powerful one in the relationship. There was no reason for him to hate himself.

When dinner was finished, I paused on my way up the stairs.

“Dad,” I murmured, “Thanks for the talk.”

His eyebrows raised upon hearing my gratitude.

“Of course, Retter,” he gently responded, “Any time.”

I turned my head enough to look him in the eye, not letting my poker face fall. However, I think he got the message that my gratitude was genuine.

The following day, I was beginning to feel a little better. When I got out of bed in the morning, I felt considerably more relaxed than I had the previous few days, and Cap was the last thing on my mind. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders the previous day. Unfortunately, the peace I felt wasn’t destined to last long.

On my way to lunch, I noticed something was off. While it wasn’t unusual for Iris to be there before me, she was sitting on the ground rather than the bench. In addition, she had placed her backpack in the spot on the bench where she normally sat. When I arrived, I made sure to ask her about it.

“Oh, that?” she asked, referring to the backpack, “I’m expecting someone else to join us today. Figured I’d save him a seat.”

“Him?” I repeated, “I didn’t know you knew many other guys.”

She looked away, wearing an embarrassed blush.

“Well, I don’t,” she admitted, “I just met him yesterday.”

“And you already invited him to lunch?” I replied, impressed, “Bold of you.”

We sat for about ten minutes, waiting for our guest to show up, but by that point he was still missing in action. I considered the possibility that he stood her up, or simply missed school that day, but without any confirmation I wasn’t willing to start eating without him.

“Are you sure he’s coming?” I clarify.

“He should be,” Iris replied slowly, “He doesn’t seem like the type to miss appointments.”

“Hey! Sorry to keep you guys waiting!” a voice rang out through the courtyard.

Iris looked up, ready to greet the oncoming visitor. However, I froze upon hearing the voice. It was a voice I knew very well, and one I was not at all happy to hear.

“Cap, it’s good to see you again,” Iris greeted, standing, “What kept you?”

“Sorry, I got held up by some friends in the classroom,” he apologized, “It happens every now and again. Also needed to make sure Miles didn’t follow me here, he doesn’t exactly like your friend over there.”

I felt Iris’ eyes on me, prompting me to look up and face Cap for the first time in weeks.

“What’s going on?” I question bleakly, “Since when did you two know each other?”

“I told you, we met yesterday,” Iris explained, “I talked to him for a bit, and figured it would be nice to invite him to lunch. Especially considering what you told me.”

“I thought I told you, I’m not in any rush,” I muttered, hoping Cap didn’t hear me.

“Please, Ret,” she pleaded with me, “You told me yesterday that it was possible you wouldn’t mind being friends with him.”

“I wasn’t exactly definitive about it,” I kept my voice low, “And things are awkward.”

“Then let’s fix it.”

After that, we both went quiet for a moment. I saw what she was trying to do, and I wasn’t exactly happy that she went behind my back to set up this meeting. It was safe to assume she thought I’d bail if I knew, but now that I was in this position it was difficult to compose any response, not just a negative one.

“Am I interrupting something?” Cap asked, confused, “I can leave if it’s easier.”

Iris immediately turned to him to keep him from leaving, waving her hands wildly.

“No, no, of course not!” she exclaimed, “It’s just that I know things have been tense between you two lately, and I thought this might be a good time to start patching things up.”

Cap, seeing where she was taking this, looked right at me. This, of course, prompted me to drop eye contact almost immediately.

“Ret, I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really want to clear the air,” he explained, “You seem like a good person, even though you’ve gone through as much as you have, and I feel really bad about the person I used to be to you.”

I still didn’t respond. While I was still able to hear what Cap was saying, my thoughts were mostly occupied with something different altogether. At this point, all I could hear were the words my dad had given me the night before. If my dad was right, he was upset with himself for what I said, because I was completely correct.

According to Mr. MacArthur, Cap had matured a lot since high school began. Iris was able to approach him without too much trouble, and convince him to start avoiding me. And, of course, he had become the first person my age to ever approach me with the outward intention of being my friend. Even I couldn’t deny that all the signs pointed to a different Cap than the one I had grown up with. However, there was still something bugging me.

“Cap, I need to ask. Why did you stop?”

“What?” Cap responded, confused.

“For the first month and a half of the school year you approached me almost every day after school. Then, after our last conversation, you abruptly stopped. Why?”

Cap went silent for a moment, looking into the sky. After a minute, he finally responded.

“I did what you asked. You told me to look at it from your perspective. So I did. I pretended to be you in my own head, and saw me trying to take advantage of you. So I figured you had a point, and left you alone.”

Nobody said anything for almost five minutes. It was clear that we all had things going on in our head that we didn’t want to talk about, and so nobody broke the silence.

As for myself, I had to internally debate the idea of Cap joining us for lunch on occasion. I imagined that, if I allowed it, he would return, meaning it was up to me right now to decide whether or not Cap deserved to sit with Iris and myself. I wasn’t sure if I could trust him, after all he’d done to me. While the adults and Iris appear to vouch for him, it could have been the elaborate scheme of a manipulative student. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time I’d fallen into that trap.

However, if he was genuine in his desire to be my friend, was it a good idea to pass up on the opportunity? In the span of two weeks, Iris had gone from a transfer student I’d never seen before to the only friend I’d ever had among my peers. Of course, that was because I could tell she was a good person who didn’t care about my eye color. Would it be safe to extend that same benefit of the doubt to Cap, someone who had led the mockery of my eyes for years?

I was lost in this particular thought loop for several minutes, but something Iris had told me once popped up in my head.

She led a tough life, but never saw it that way.

I never remembered to ask her what she meant, but I was still curious about it. If I ditched Cap here, there was the possibility that I would lose Iris, or she would grow more distant after seeing that side of me. The hardships she had gone through in her life were definitely real, but she didn’t cave to them. Who was I to cave to my own cowardice here?

“Cap, I still don’t really trust you,” I admitted to his face, “But if you want to eat with us, I won’t stop you. I guess I can give you that much of a chance, if you want.”

Cap’s face brightened, and while it could have been my imagination, the world around him lit up as well.

“Of course, Ret! I’ll be here every day for lunch! I’ll prove to you that I’m a changed man, and someone you can count on!”

“Don’t push your luck,” I warned, “And why did you start calling me ‘Ret’?”

Cap laughed.

“I heard Iris calling you that, and I liked it. So I’m going to use it.”

At this point, I was exhausted, and thus didn’t have the willpower to tell him not to. It didn’t seem like it would be too much hassle to put up with him for now anyway.

“Ret,” I heard Iris whisper to me, “I’ll make sure you won’t regret this.”

Even at the low volume she spoke, I could hear the smile on her face.