"Don't worry I'll let you keep the cat."
... Huh?
"I said you can keep the cat, it's the least I can do."
Yep, it's official I, Patrick Weaver have gone completely insane.
A large expensive looking rug is talking to me, did someone drug me in my sleep again?
"um, hi talking rug... could you er, explain to me what's happening right now?"
I think the rug is pissed, its edges curled up and it is shaking intensely like a Chihuahua on speed.
"RUG?! I AM NO DAMN RUG BRAT! I AM THE TAPESTRY OF FATE, MY VERY EXISTENCE GUIDES THE LIVES OF EVERY SINGLE MORTAL INSIDE THE MULTIVERSE! I AM NO DAMN RUG!??!!"
Oh, it's Lefty looks like she realy did come with me wherever this is, now that I'm not looking at the massive wall rug I can see a vast array of stars and celestial bodies floating by at high speeds...
"HOLY, WHEN DID I GO TO SPACE!? HOW IS MY CAT HERE!? WHY AM I TALKING TO A RUG!??!"
These very important questions seemed to spurt directly from me, before I realized I just pissed of the rug again... Ahh Fuck, I'm sorry?
"I TOLD YOU I'M NOT A RUG, THAT'S IT.... there see this is karma, piss of the guy who decides fate and this is what you get BUDDY!"
Halfway through the rugs sentence two threads one light green the other a dim grey, inside the massive depiction of what seems to be endless concentric circles superimposed over one another in a garish and eye-jarring assortment of colours woven seemingly without care for or regard of clashing or conflicting colours, all while giving a maddening sense of chaos given direction.
That threads pulled itself from its circle and began to wriggle its way into another, while this was taking place all I could think while a crushing feeling enveloped me was that if I died from this who would feed Lefty?
"ah, shit I did it again, mum's going to be pissed... Damn mortal making my job harder."
The crushing feeling faded away as the threads settled into place inside the tapestry, seeing lefty looking around scared letting out small mewling noises seemed to re-invite that crushing feeling back before I swept her up and held her against my chest...
Wait a minute when did lefty get so freaking huge, and why is there a weird glow surrounding us, OK now I know someone slipped me a rightous fucktonne of acid, my skin now looks and feels like a fine cloth.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
"Well, anyway better now then never, alright so I'll make this quick seeing as we have almost arrived.
You died, I kinda-sorta messed with your fate and now you are a twenty centimetre tall living plush toy.
Now do you want the good news or the bad news?"
I'm a plush toy... Fuck me, right?
*sigh*
"Some good news please..."
"Well, first and foremost, You are now an Immortal congratulations...
*Cough* You'renowalsoafemale *COUGH*"
That last bit was a little suspicious but, I'm more concerned about being a FREAKING IMMORTAL PLUSH TOY!?
How is THIS considered good news?!
"Now you are probably wondering what the bad news is, well in my haste of reweaving you and your cats fates I kinda sorta... Damgaed your souls and if you die before they are fully healed, you will be ejected from the karmic cycle and be destroyed for good, any questions?"
I feel like I've just been told that spiders have laid eggs inside me and that I have a week before they hatch...
Lefty seems to be chewing on my head, ah yes you are soo adorable!
Wait what was I thinking I feel like I've forgotten something important... oh, right.
"So um, how long before our souls are healed?"
Why does the rug look like its avoiding eye contact, it seems very shifty all of a sudden...
"One to two hurdred years, give or take a decade or two..."
"Ohh, well thats just great... soo where are we going, Japan?"
"Close, but no you're being taken to what we call the second layer, all souls from the first layer go there.
Should they achieve a certain level of enlightenment they proceed to the third layer... although most people regress back to the first layer, something about memory loss or something, anyway this is it I'll probably never see you again so good luck brat!"
Two hundred years, well if I'm an immortal then I suppose I can just wait out the time... but what about lefty?
NO LEFTY STOP, DONT PULL ON MY LOOSE STRINGS!
No, no matter how you stare at me like that you're not allowed to pull me apart... This is a seriously destructive weapon, I compromised by letting her chew on my head which doesn't hurt funnily enough.
Well looks like it might not be so easy after all.
The streams of light and passing solar systems have slowed to a less nauseating blur and have me centered up about to head into a large green and blue planet, It's not earth but thats all I can figure out...
Somehow I have a bad feeling about this whole thing, I hope I can keep us alive.
Famous last words, HAH!