My sister is special.

Ever since I can remember, I knew her to be calm, intelligent and wise. In elementary and middle school she always had perfect scores. I lost track of the amount of awards she won throughout her childhood.

She was different from me. Ordinary and a troublemaker.

Despite only being three year apart, I sometimes feel as if I'm facing an old soul.

When sister started highschool, I felt as if she had become tired. Tired of even trying. She no longer received perfect scores. No longer brought home awards. She always kept busy with her phone, either playing or scrolling.

It didn't help that our parents' relationship became worse over the years. Eventually, they divorced.

"Linhe, who do you want to live with?"

I wanted to stay with her.

"Alright. Then, wait for me. One year, I'll buy a house. Then you can stay with me."

Our parents' business had fallen apart and we were in debt. I didn't know how she could promise me such a thing with ease. It couldn't be that she was ignorant of how complicated the world was, right?

"Don't give me that look. You know I never break my promise with you, right?"

Sister had stopped going to school. Mother had called father, asking if she was staying with us. Apparently, sister had run away from home and couldn't be found.

When I called her, the call was answered.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not doing anything dangerous. Be a good boy and don't flunk your tests."

On my 13th birthday, my sister reappeared.

"Happy birthday, Linhe. Do you still wanna stay with me?"

Sister had bought a house close to my school.

The house wasn't as big as the one we used to live in together. Even so, it was spacious and comfortable for the two of us.

I never asked sister where she was the past year, or how she could afford all this. Deep down, I was afraid to hear the answer.

"It's been a while."

"Huh?"

"Since you've given me that look."

At the same time, I was relieved. Sister was still the same. My big sister who always listened to my requests, who seemed as if she was living simply because she was alive and took care of me because she was my sister.

"Are you going back to school?"

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"Hmm, I wonder. Should I?"

"According to the law, it's only mandatory to attend until middleschool."

"Then I guess I won't."

"What will you do then?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll open up a bakery or a coffee shop. They seem pretty popular these days."

"...you didn't borrow money from loans sharks, did you?"

"Of course not."

"Then, you won the lottery?"

How else would she be able to spend money so easily?"

"Hey, I earned it earnestly. There's also no sugar daddy or whatever it is you're imagining, so stop giving me that look."

Even so, sister never told me where the money came from each week. Even my allowance was generous, something my parents could no longer give.

At some point, I learned that sister had cut ties with our parents. When she had finally legally become of age, sister soared no time and began the renovation of a store front she bought into a modern Café.

Thanks to sister, I was able to focus on my studies and enter the highschool I wanted. It was close to home and where most of my middle school friends went to. Although I spend less time with sister, I could see that she had found something to look forward to each day. Strangely, she never encountered any trouble with running her business. I was seriously suspecting whether she made some strong connections in that year she had disappeared. But well, she she seemed happy working in her cafe.

I turned 18. I was already in my last year of highschool. Life had become more hectic with exams coming up. When I passed by my sister's cafe, something in my chest felt uncomfortable.

The look in sister's eyes was the same as back then. Back when she had stopped getting full marks.

At my graduation ceremony, sister handed me the house keys and her bank account.

"Don't be a miser and use it when you need to, but don't squander it mindlessly. Honestly, I was surprised when you said you wanted to study psychology, but it strangely suits you."

When I asked where she was going, she replied 'I'm going on a trip to see the world.'

Sister left the day after my entrance ceremony with a single suitcase.

I instinctively knew, she would either be gone for a long time, or never come back.

I looked up to my sister. She was my idol, my role model and my closest family.

But at the same time, I never understood my sister. What went through her mind every day to have the look she had? Why did she stop giving her best when she was clearly talented and smart? Why did she have that look in her eyes, as if she saw no point in living?

Even after achieving my master's degree, I could never figure out my sister's thoughts. Thankfully she still kept in touch through calls or video calls.

When sister returned to the country, we crossed paths while I was assisting the police at a crime scene.

Sister had completely changed. She appeared far darker. As if, if the opportunity presented itself, she would not hesitate to commit a crime.

Was I being paranoid?

"Stop. I won't do anything that will bring you harm."

I was the psychologist, yet it felt as if sister could read my thoughts, even though I was famous for being known as a expressionless man.

Sister wrapped her thin arms around me, her head resting on my shoulder. Since when did she feel so small? Despite the silence, it felt as if I could hear a fatigued sigh and feel a slight tremble.

Sister returned to the house, the same house she gave me, and the same house I kept living in. I had kept her room just as she had left it, for when she finally returned home.

She came back, but she hadn't returned home yet.

Sometimes I wondered if there was a man involved that caused all these ripples in sister. If so, we needed to have a serious face to face conversation.

Sister would be turning 30 in a month. I was now seriously worrying for her future. Was there really not a romantic partner in her life??

"What? Do you want me to marry and give you a brother-in-law, nieces and nephews or something?"

No, I was just worried you would die alone when you got old.

I wished I could slap my past self for having thought that.

On the night before Sister's birthday, a criminal suspect of a serial murder case I was in charge of, broke into our house. I was their target, so why? Why did sister have to die?

"I didn't need your protection!"

Even if I screamed my lungs out in front of her grave, sister could no longer reply in reassurance.

Then, one day, I woke up to find myself on the day before my college entrance ceremony, a day before sister left.